woo! me and michael just broke the wishbone and i barely got the longer half. yay! and no i didn't wish for boys and crap. i always wish for shit like that. but not this time!

yeah i realize my stubborness totally got the best of me last night. man. someone should have been here to tell me that i'm retarded! whatever. i bet i'll never get with josh now. it's too late. i ruined it! sad. moving on...

man. i'm sooo tired. i can't sleep for shit. and i royally fucked myself over. it's the bad karma i tell ya. the bad fucking karma!

around 6am i sorta fell asleep and that is when i realized i made a really foolish mistake. again, the bad karma here. if i'm not mistaken, josh works like every day til around 11pm. hence not technically being able to call me til after that when he gets home. hence not getting online til around midnight. hence me fucking up. hence ugh!!!

fuck!

"murder on the dancefloor" came on my playlist of mp3s and i couldn't help but start moving in my own fucking bed. god i have too much energy. and i have to keep getting up to type this shit. i should have a keyboard in my bed. man that would rock. but then i'd never leave mu fucking bed! haha oh man. jen is a mess tonight. a total fucking mess! haha =O

fuck. i have way too much energy. i'm listening to loud music and it's only fostering the agitation. i want to throw rocks. or break glass. or punch a wall. or run around the house a million times. something. anything. i can't just stand here. fuckin eh. i'm even typing really fast. omg. such a bad idea to drink so much coffee. i'm gonna be tripping at like 5am. fuck! i'm so screwed. i should have just sucked it up and talked to josh online instead of fucking off and leaving. then i wouldnt be in this position. he would be here and i wouldn't be strung out on coffee. but no. jen is totally stubborn. damned taurus in me. ugh. fuckin eh! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah. i can't fuckin sleep. this is going to be a long nite small posts. i just realized that i left mr. vaughn a 30.7% tip! it couldn't be helped really. my bill was $4.59. so if i gave just $5 that would totally be shortchanging him to an 8.9% tip. and that's not cool. i had no change so i had to just spring for a whole nother dollar. oh well. whatever. $6 is like nothing. granted i didn't really eat much but i paid $6 for the experience. not the food really. that's how i saw it. i was buying an experience.

more moments of self-reflection. tends to happen when you're totally caffeinated at 3am and have no idea when you'll be ready for bed. man. i'm such a flake. and my flakiness is definitely coming back to haunt me. sad. whatever. i don't give a fuck. it's not like it would really make a difference. i think when i go places i have this horrible look on my face that just screams, "don't get near me. i'm not a nice person." cuz no one really ever just starts talking to me anywhere. and yet i always see other ppl striking up convos with random people. maybe i need to take some action and start trying to chat with folks. i doubt i have the gumption to do that tho. i just can't see it. my self-esteem is way too low for that. sad. i love stream of consciousness writing. it's great. it leads u on so many paths. i just reread what i wrote tonight at the diner. total stream of consciousness. it was crazy. i wrote more tonight than i have in a really long time. 14 sides of a page. prolly cuz i was all alone for over an hour. good stuff tho man. good stuff. who needs a guy to makeout with when u have your trusty journal to reflect in? haha whatever. just trying to justify myself here. i totally could have gone somewhere with josh tonight since i didn't leave til after he appeared online. but it was the fucking principle of it all. he should have called sooner. who the fuck waits til midnight to get ahold of someone? someone who really doesn't give a shit or is just fucking stupid. but i don't think josh is stupid. so i'll go with the former. whatever. fuck this shit. i think the coffee is tearing the lining of my stomach. it's sorta hurting. fuckin eh! oh well. c'est la vie. i bet if i tried to go to sleep now it wouldn't work. i'd just lay there and twitch. first of all i have been sleeping practically all day. second of all, i had so much coffee! man o man. i'm fucked. haha not literally of course. cuz hell, there ain't no man here in my room!

i just got back about 5 min ago. i was out for about 2 hrs and yet it felt like 10 min. good experience. i wrote a lot in my journal. my server looked like vince vaughn vaguely. i ordered fries and coffee. had two cups. i'm totally jittery now. i should do this more often. considering i'm one of the single few left. i think i might just like go out every weekend at midnight to some random 24 hour place. order some fries and coffee and write in my journal for awhile. then come back. sounds like a fun thing to do for a single girl like me. haha josh did in fact message me at 12:25am. of course i was already waiting for mr. vaughn to take my order at that point. josh was just too late. he said he'd call and he didn't. i can't wait forever for that fucker. haha. so alas. no making out for me tonight and no being in synch with emily. but hell, what was i thinking? it's me and emily. we're NEVER in synch. what made me think tonight would be any different?

ha! josh just came online. whatever. fuck that. i'm going to fred 62. alone.

i just made a bunch of x-mas cards. made isn't really the word though cuz i didn't cut and paste really. i shant explain cuz then where's the surprise in that? right? i made 22 of them. do i need 22 x-mas cards? i can't even think who i want to give them too! it's now 11:15pm. at midnight i'm going to leave the house. i have chosen my destination too. and no i'm not running off to oregon again. altho that always sounds like such a good idea. (yeah i really need out of LA!) i will be going to fred 62. a 24 hr diner on vermont street. up on the los feliz area. actually just one block away from the dresden room where jessica, rick, and his two friends went tonight. apparently this fred 62 place is a good place to people watch. the food is mediocre and the soggy french fries come in an origami folded paper bag. yep, we all know what jen will be ordering. yes i am going alone. and i might even bring my camera. i think it could be interesting. i'll prolly bring something to write on as well in case i feel like recording some thoughts. the caffeine is definitely kicking in right now. i'm feeling the buzz. wee! welcome to the single life of jen.

i have done nothing productive today! =( i just ate and slept, ate and slept. i felt really gross earlier as a result. i just went to starbucks to get some coffee. woo! william was working. i love william. he's so funny. i just injested 3 shots of espresso. wee! sooner or later i'll be totally buzzed. as u may have gathered, josh did not call me. hence i shall not be making history with emily. sad. oh well. i said earlier that i wanted to date a boy in a band to see what it would be like and while me and josh are not dating in the slightest, just knowing him and daniel and making "plans" with them and having them flake on those plans, shows me what it would be like to date someone in a band. maybe my thoughts of doing this were dumb. haha or maybe it's just my bad karma considering i essentially flaked on nick today. altho i did call him. but by the time i called it was sorta too late. and i tentatively said i'd hang out with tyler this week and yet i haven't done that. so sounds like my horrible karma is biting me in the ass. haha oh well. whatever. it's raining outside. i dont feel like leaving anyway. it's just a shame that me and emily couldn't have been in synch! =(

yay! thanksgiving was a success here at orange:house. we had LOTS of food thanks to all our guests and it was just a lovely feast. here's who came and what they contributed:

deidre - mashed potatoes
emily - cornbread
ian - corn
james - drinks, plates, utensils
jamie - strawberry cake
kari - stuffing with cranberries
liv - candied yams
tim - cranberry relish
rick's 2 friends (pat and daniel) - 2 pumpkin pies and 1 sweet potato pie

and of course...
rick - 2 ice cream pies
michael - turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, squash w/brown sugar
me - strawberry & peach pie made from scratch that looked like pie soup! (see below)

apolka and dwayne came as well. apolka didn't bring anything because she had eaten beforehand, and dwayne came so late that he was just here for some dessert. it was really good times here tho. we just ate and then sat around and talked for hours on end. there are lots of photos from the night in my photos section as usual. too bad lo and ky couldn't have been here. that would have been awesome. but i'm sure they had great dinners at their own houses. =)

today me and emily are gonna try to achieve something we don't think we ever have done before. hook up with different guys on the same night. but not in a drunken state. in a planned state. it almost happened the other night except that josh decided to have a conscience and bring travis along. but tonight he said we would do something together without travis! and emily is going to see a movie with her boy adam. so.....there is a chance! woo! synchronicity. =)

oh boy. what a tangled web we weave....

considering it's 3am and i am here writing in my blog, tells you that as i predicted, nothing happened with josh. here's what went down. first of all, like i said, daniel got all bent out of shape when he found out that me and josh were gonna hang out. probably partially out of jealousy cuz apparently josh gets his fair share of women. which i now know is true. i'll get to that. anyway so then daniel was supposed to hang out with me after class yesterday but he fucking forgot about going to the movies with jeremy and thusly ruining the plans. whatever. his loss. he's the one who basically wanted to get to me before josh. how lame. but he fucked it up, not me. i called him. not my fault. so today rolls around. daniel is now at his parent's for thanksgiving and me and josh have these plans to go out tonight. the plan was to meet at canter's at midnight and then go from there. but first i had to call him at work to make sure all was well. so i did. i called and he told me that travis was coming. so immediately i'm thinking, "well there goes any shot at anything." and i was totally right! i got to canter's at midnight and josh was outside. i finally got to see what he really looks like. and he's very much so my type. tall. skinny as all hell. not really hairy. wears decent clothes. ie, jeans, tshirt, beanie, etc. has tats on his arms. tongue ring. slightly enlarged pericings in his ears. plays guitar in a band. his downfalls would be that he's got scraggly longish hair, some facial hair, and his teeth aren't so great. oh and his hands were dirty. i'm not sure if that's always like that tho. so from first appearances i'm like, hmm he's my type. in that total grungey rock look kind of way. so we stand outside and wait for travis. a few minutes later travis rolls up. and as we make our way in the door of canters travis says, "no sex!" and there, my friends, is the biggest cock block i've ever been involved in. josh says, "what?" and travis says, "that's why i'm here. so you two can't have sex." something along those lines. it was actually quite funny but at the same time sad. haha not that i want to be having sex with josh. but the whole principle.

so we sit down and me and josh sit across from each other. leaving travis to decide where to sit. so he flips a coin or something and sits next to me. now, even tho i'm not considered to be a shy person by other people's standards, i felt that way tonight. only because i don't assimilate well in a group where the rest know each other and i barely know the group. so josh and travis would talk a lot about stuff that i didn't know and it was hard for me. i enjoyed listening cuz i can be quite good at sorta just sitting there and listening to other people's stories. but it's hard. really hard. lots of things came up including the whole me, josh, daniel thing. that was funny. and learning about both boys' sexual pasts in general terms. and now i see that dominic has some competition. basically josh is right on par with dom in terms of numbers and a starting point and whatnot. yeeeah.... hehe i'd still makeout with josh. i don't care. he's cute and i like his personality. anyway, so we stayed at canter's for like 2 hours at least! in the end josh paid for us both cuz he wouldn't let me pay and travis didn't have any money. so that was cool for me. free food is always good! =) so then we stood outside wondering what to do for at least 30 min. i know that if it was just me and josh i'd have invited him back here and we'd prolly be making out right now. cuz i'm talking to him online and we both know that travis was the only barrier really. sad. very sad.

steady progress on the this engine burns site has been made. i only have a few more sections to go. it's a bit hard when i don't exactly know what to put in these sections. i'm looking at the content of the old site for direction but even that i don't care for and wish to scrap. all these boys (except mykee who of course is upset that i am redoing their site and not him) are sorta internet illiterate about this stuff. and have given me free range to do whatever basically. i just wish i had a bit more guidance. i scrapped the frames for navigation idea. the page is still built with frames to give it that nestled look within the browser, but i opted for the main frame and navigation to be in one frame with a layer on top to create the scrollbar effect. anyway, it's coming along. i want to think of something cooler for the opening page but right now i can't think of anything. if only i could figure out flash fast enough. oh well. daniel just messaged me a little while ago in the middle of his band practice. he got my message as he was off to the movies with his roommate and he knew that he messed up. he felt bad about essentially bailing on me. eh. whatever. boys are dumb. they forget things and basically u can't expect much more from them except living and breathing. and even then u have to wonder. haha i'm super tired and hence off to bed. wee! goodnight cruel world. goodnight.

i'll never understand boys. NEVER! whatever. i suppose it doesn't matter. last night i was talking to daniel and his bandmate josh and basically there seemed to be some sort of stupidness and jealousy. the long and short of it is that i'm going to meet up with josh tomorrow around midnight for a late night jaunt. daniel was bent out of shape about the idea. of course he has no right cuz he never made a move on me ever. so then he all of a sudden wanted to hang out at like 3am! but it was so late i couldn't do anything so then he wanted to do something today. but then i called him and his fone was off. and then he messaged me saying he was going to a movie with his roommate. so now i feel like i'm stuck in the middle of some stupid crap where yes i did want daniel but at the same time i'm really starting think josh is cool. daniel made no moves yet seems to have "claimed" me which makes no sense and is unfair to me cuz what if i did like josh and then does that mean i couldn't do anything? ugh whatever. stupid stupid stupid. i'll save you the thought of even wondering what will happen and just tell u right now. NOTHING! cuz nothing ever happens with me. i'll meet josh. regardless of whether we hit it off in the slightest, nothing will happen cuz of daniel. and then with daniel, nothing will happen cuz he's lame about that. and i'll be right where i am now. at groundzero complaining about this in my blog! haha

uh oh. possible mess with the boys in the band. eesh. i shant detail if nothing happens. but yeah. i haven't done anything and already i can see a mess arising. sad. =( other than that, this same bitchy woman came into starbucks and went over the line and made a mess of our cups and all this shit. i don't feel like ranting about it but basically she was a total bitch and called us bitches and yeah. what a fucking mess!

i thought of another place to potentially get my tattoo. first idea is on the inside of my ankle. second idea is below my stomach off to one side of my vaginal area near that bone that is above my hip. potentially problems with this area are that it will probably hurt a lot more to get it there and i can't show people that easily. but at the same time, it's less visible than my ankle. i have been drawing on myself with black pen in the various spots and i honestly like the way it looks down below my stomach. i think it's a better spot than my ankle. but the pain? and not easily being able to show people. hmm...decisions, decisions.

today has been great! i slept like ALL day til i had to go to work at 5pm. i like woke up at noon. ate some good. went back to sleep. woke up for a bit. went back to sleep. just over and over until it was 5pm. then i went to starbucks and i had a great time. i drank 5 shots of espresso in total and i was totally all giddy and shit. i still am! i even stayed longer than my shift. and then i even stayed after i punched out and just talked to mario. then i went back to turn some paperwork in and talked some more! i can't quit starbucks. i love it there too much. i'd miss my crew. =( and now i have another website project lined up. wee! man i'll have a little portfolio before i even get out of SC. cuz i've got my brandon boyd site which i don't work on anymore but whatever. it ran it's course. it has over 124,000 hits! that's rad. and then i have my orange:house site which will end once we leave here but it's still a site i made. then i've got this blog here. and now i'll have the site for daniel's band, this engine burns as well as a new one. cuz when i went to save tommy night, i got this free demo from this one man band named damin adell. i thought it was good so i emailed him just to say i liked it. and then he emailed me back and messaged me online and he wants me to redo his site. so i'd have another band site. so hells bells, i've got shit to do over the break. and it's great cuz i'll have some experience with sites even before i go to art school. rad. i guess this is how freelancing begins! anyway, perhaps i will come back to LA even sooner so i can work more on this shit on this computer where all the files will be and better internet access and shit. plus, i want to get my barcode tattoo and my parents will freak out and all. and you see, i want the barcode numbers to mean something. the first set to be the date i get the tattoo and the second set to be my birthday. and wouldn't it be tight to have the first set be 010203? but that means getting the tattoo on jan 2nd. and that means coming back to LA even sooner. hmm... decisions decisions. why a barcode u may ask? cuz i like numbers and lines and all. and i think a barcode tattoo would be rad. will i like it when i'm old? who knows. but whatever. it will most likely be on the inside of my ankle. not a place that really matters too much. i can't think of another place on my body to put it. cuz u never want a tattoo where you might gain weight. and i wouldn't want it on my neck or my arm really. i thought about my shoulder blade. but if you wear a tank top u can see it. and i think i wear tank tops more so than skirts or shorts. but if anyone has suggestions on places to put my barcode tattoo where i most likely won't gain weight, do chime in. cuz maybe i just haven't thought of something that you guys have! here is what the tattoo would look like:

i watched vanilla sky last night with kyla. we didn't go out. i just never feel in the mood to go out and drink and party. it all seems useless. the parties are totally weak and i've exhausted the SC guy pool. it's sad really. whatever. so we watched the film. it was ok. jason lee was in it and i absolutely LOVE jason lee! LOVE him to death. he may be hairy and all but i could totally overlook that. i LOVE him! aside from him, i had issues with some of the stuff in the film and so did kyla. i thought it was shot and edited really nicely. the colors were pretty and the music went well with it. leave it to cameron crowe to do a good job with the music! one of the songs in it is this one below by spiritualized. it's such a lovely song. really nice and dreamy sounding. and i think it fits me well:

ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space
- spiritualized

all i want in life's a little bit of love
to take the pain away
getting strong today
a giant step each day
all i want in life's a little bit of love
to take the pain away
getting strong today
a giant step each day
i've been told
only fools rush in
only fools rush in
but i don't believe
i don't believe
i could still fall in love with you

i will love you till i die
and i will love you all the time
so please put your sweet hand in mine
and float in space and drift in time
all the time until i die
we'll float in space, just you and i
and i will love you till i die
and i will love you all the time
so please put your sweet hand in mine
and float in space and drift in time
all the time until i die
we'll float in space, just you and i

baby i love you today
i guess that's what you want
and i don't know where we are all going
life don't get stranger than this
it is what it is
and i don't know where we are all going

i will love you till i die
and i will love you all the time
everything happens today
and we're out here in space
and i don't know where we are all going
baby i love you today
i guess that's what you want
and i don't know where we are all going

WE WON!!! we beat the bruins. woooo!! and it was a great game. 52-21 final score. woo! and i just heard that UW beat WSU. congrats to your school sarah. but more importantly, there is a chance we could get to the rose bowl or something. that would be awesome. i would love to go to the rose bowl. i would drive back here from san fran just for it. oh man. that would be good! after the game some of us went for sushi and sake bombing. then me and kyla decided that we could totally do sake bombing at our house. cuz here we all panicking about how can we get our friends all out to a sake place but not make anyone drive. we can just have it here! so we are gonna do that. we'll only invite a select amt of people so it doesn't get too out of hand. we'll provide the sake, cups, sake glasses (me and ky will have fun shopping for those), and chopsticks. the guests will have to provide the beer. and we don't want cheap beer here. at least decent american beer. preferably japanese beer. anyway, that could be really fun. we are thinking dec 7th, the day AFTER the potluck. could be good finals fun! and here is the fortune i got from the fortune cookie tonight. what could it mean???

one thing i forgot to mention about last night. perhaps i blocked it out of my memory. haha dylan. i was thinking about how i never talk to him anymore or see him or anything. then last night we ran into him. of course! haha it was too apropos. me, emily, and ky were walking to save tommy night and off in the distance i saw it was him. i haven't seen or talked to him since i deleted him from my life and wrote about it in my blog! so we stopped and he says "hugs all around" and hugs kyla. no hug for me or emily. ha. whatever! we exchange a few words about partying and then go on our own ways. how weird was that. haha whatever. anyway, today is the BIG football game against the bruins. we MUST beat them!! go trojans!!!

wow. i haven't had alcohol or been to a party in like a month i think! it's crazy. i just got back from one and it was not the usual cup of tea. all new faces. cuz it was a euro party. but it wasn't so great. i thought it would be cool cuz they would all be europeans and different. that is true, yes, but basically they are like the typical europeans. all aggressive, smelly, and not that attractive. sad. it was partially in tim's apt though so that was cool cuz i chilled in his room most of the time with my friends. got buzzed off of one whiskey sour. yeah, my tolerance dropped from the lack of alcohol intake recently. crazy! anyway, i went to save tommy night before that and i FINALLY saw shaun's band, pants optional, play live. i haven't seen them since save tommy night LAST year. it's cuz i always seemed to miss them somehow and i felt bad. they are sounding quite good. much better than before. i got some random free cd from this guy and it turns out to be pretty good. it's this one man band called damin adell. he plays all the instruments and it's decent sounding. sorta in that power pop vain. anyway, gotta sleep and wake up for the UCLA game. we MUST beat the bruins. we just have to!! then that'll be 4 years in a row. but most importantly, the 4 years i attended usc. oh man, the pressure is on. haha oh yeah, robbie williams' cd is out so i ordered it online. wee! i love him!! and i LOVE my new sweater so much too. it's just so cute. i wish i could wear it all the time. it rocks my socks. =)

robbie williams is touring in europe next summer and tickets are going on sale already!!! dear god! i want to see him soooo badly in concert. he's like one of my guilty pleasures. sure he's totally over the top and all that. sure he's a pop music icon. sure he's full of himself. but i love it. i love it all. i wish i could see him!! even if i did go to england next summer for a couple weeks with jason, i wouldn't know for sure. so how would i ever be able to buy a ticket to see robbie THAT far in advance. i have a feeling it's not meant to be. =( sad. anyway, today was the last day of business law class. sorta sad cuz i like my professor. he's really funny. and he seems like a nice, kooky, old man. u know how teachers always say their parting words at the end of the semester, well he said his to us. and it was funny. one thing he said is that when he comes to class every week he walks down the isles and says to himself "it's showtime." cuz he thinks of the class as like a show and he's performing in front of us and all. he also said he's not gonna tell us to succeed and make money and all that which most business professors say. he said to play more often, travel, have fun, and have sex. haha anyway, so it really made me get the sense that the semester is truly winding down. how sad. =( one more semester left and then i'm outta here. aww....sad.

don't you ever just get the urge to throw away crap? well i have that urge right now and i picked out some stuff to trash. i put it all in a box in case anyone wants it. it's just really random crap. a few clothing items as well. i do that a lot. i go through my clothes and i find things i never wear anymore. then i give them to good will. i figure it's better to give them away than just let them sit there rotting in my closet. and i don't mean clothes that i just sometimes wear. we're talking about clothes that i realize i haven't worn in at least a year! sometimes i even chuck shoes! cuz i know i have too many and i tend to wear the same couple of pairs over and over. oh man. when i move out of here, there is so much shit i'm gonna just toss. at least i think. cuz i can't imagine moving ALL this shit to my new place, wherever that will be. it just seems like too much crap. things will have to go. plain and simple. sad but true. oh yeah. with all that free time i have during the finals period, i think in addition to shopping, making xmas cards, and working on web stuff, i will also work on my scrapbooks and watch all my dvds. and of course sleep! but yeah. cuz i have my dvd collection that i am building and i have yet to watch at least half of them and their special features. so i think i'll do that. watch my dvds. do that at night. do the other stuff during the day. it'll be good times. and the dvds i don't get to, i'll bring them home and watch them over the winter break back in san fran. dad will watch them with me. good ole dad!

i just ordered 2 more dvd's with my tip money from starbucks. i got pulp fiction and reservoir dogs, both of which are special edition copies. yay! i love those movies. oh and i figured out what i really want for xmas. cuz that other list i made was a total wishlist. the reality is that i want the following:

- fresh styles for web designers: eye candy from the underground by curt cloninger
- personal web sites: top designers push the boundaries with experimental design and graphics by joe shepter
- diesel dz2056 watch OR this puma watch i saw at urban outfitters but can't find on the puma site or the urban site or any other site!
- the following dvds: being john malkovich // chasing amy // fargo // fight club (special edition) // in the company of men // jerry maguire (special edition) // lock, stock, and two smoking barrels // my best friend's wedding (special edition) // trainspotting // 12 monkeys // usual suspects (special edition)

i love shopping! i just wish it didn't cost anything. haha me and ky went to the promenade so i could get nick a bday gift. i found it and in the process found two tops and a sweater. i took a photo of the sweater cuz it's so damned cute. here it is:

see, isn't it cute? total old school style. yeah!! anyway, so the holidays are coming and i have to get a million and a half gifts it seems. some people are having bdays too. so that's two gifts. or one that's twice the price. dear me. this is going to intense. plus i want to make xmas cards for people too. jen style. so i better get cracking on this stuff! however, it finally dawned on me that all but one of my finals are going to take place before the actual finals weeks! so december 6th is my last final until i take the straggler final on the 18th. good god that's a lot of free time in between. so guess what. jen gets to go shopping then and make xmas cards and work on web stuff. wee! =) remember, jen is single. she doesn't have anyone to tend to. even if she wishes she did. haha

holieeee crappola! i just talked to daniel's bandmate, josh, for a long fuckin time! he's an interesting and very skinny character. haha 24. lots of tats. straightedge. funky looking to say the least. interesting.

i just found my perfect coffee drink for when i NEED caffeine. cuz really i don't like coffee. i just want to stay awake. so i want it to taste good and work well. i met this new intern guy at vagrant today named joey and he used to work at starbucks. he recommended drinking 2 shots of espresso with a pump of white mocha syrup. so then i thought, gosh that would work well for me. so i went to starbucks and got 2 shots of espresso with 2 pumps of white mocha and a bit of whipped cream for effect. it was quite yummy. and quick to drink. no hassling with all that milk and stuff. fuck it. just drink the espresso with some added flavor. so from now on, that's what i'm drinking. espresso with white mocha. equal ratios of each. quite yummy. anyway, the semester is basically over. just a couple weeks and then finals. wee! i can't wait to just sleep and sleep. that will be heaven. =) oh yeah. i got my hair streaked today to put red in it and i realized that i think i prefer it totally black. cuz now i miss it! sad. it will come back soon i believe. perhaps next month. definitely by the start of the next school year.

there is a pro and con to everything i suppose. let me list a recent few. pro -- did a great job with brian on our marketing presentation. people liked it and our professor thought it was very creative. con -- got a bad score on my last 311 quiz which probably removed me from the A category down to a B. with just 4 silly points, i probably dropped a whole letter grade. go fucking figure! oh well. pro -- having dinner tonight with rick so we can spend some good quality time together. not that we don't already since we live together. but still. con -- totally flaking on nick's birthday which is this friday and i can't spend time with him cuz i already told shaun i would NOT miss his band's show since i've missed every other show. not to mention i haven't gotten a gift for nick either! pro -- daniel said he would make out with me. we agreed that we'd like making out with each other and cuddling and such things of that nature. as long as it didn't make things weird between us as friends. con -- he doesn't want an actual relationship cuz he's not in the mindset for one now.

here we go! the loooooong sad days are about to begin. nevermind the fact that i have a presentation in 10 hours. that's irrelevant to the greater issue at hand -- being single all alone. let me list all the people i know who are no longer single. kyla, rick, and michael. that's 3/5 of my house. brian, justin and dom. plus 3 others in the skatebot house that i don't know as well. jessica, of course, cuz she's with rick! emily made out with that guy and they are now talking. so that will pan out. basically all my close partners in crime will not be single and i'll be just sitting here, all alone. a big "way to go!" to everyone who hooked up so quickly. it's great. i love it. i just wish i was one of them. i don't know if i'd necessarily want to randomly find someone to hookup with. it would just be nice not to be single when everyone else is. cuz then i'll be really lonely if EVERYONE is attached. emily, make me that appt. i'm ready and waiting! haha

wow. working during the day at starbucks is weird. i went in late and they knew i should have been there sooner but whatever. i don't care. it worked out fine. it was slow today anyway. it was just strange cuz i saw all different people and i even saw brad! he was like "hey. how are you? i never see you here anymore." and i said it was because i don't work the mornings anymore. i close the store. but yeah. he was always one of my fave regulars. and he still gets the same thing. grande iced americano in a venti cup! and nick came in right before him. so i got to see nick who's bday is this friday and i haven't gotten his gift or anything!!! eeesh!! anyway, now i have to work with brian on this damed presentation some more. =( i'm so tired!! i think i'll take a quick nap at some point while he's meeting with his other group. oh, and my diana camera came today. yay!! now i get fiddle. fun stuff.

this week is gonna be a little messy. well, not really. but i've got a presentation on tuesday, hair appt on wednesday, and quiz on friday. and instead of working tomorrow night and closing, i switched shifts to work from 11:30am - 6pm. but i have a phone appt with the girl from AI san francisco at 11:30. so i'm just gonna go into work late and pretend like the guy told me his shift hours wrong. fuck it. i don't care. i'm considering quitting starbucks anyway. cuz next semester i want to have more free time for myself. but then i was working tonight and i thought about how if i quit i would really miss working there with my great closing crew. i love mario and william. they are so fun. and if i quit i would miss them! =( i dunno. i'm torn. i might work there just one day a week if i can. i dunno!!

oh and since enough people tried to guess who the guy was and stuff but didn't really give me what i wanted to hear, i shall tell you. his name is rhett miller and i guess he's sorta emo. i'm not entirely sure. i have heard of him but never seen him til last night on conan. i thought he looked sorta cute on tv but he looked SUPER young! so i decided to look him up. turns out he's from the band old 97's which i guess broke up at some point. this i was unaware of. cuz i really never listened to them. but then i was thinking, "ok so if he was in that band and that band has been around awhile, how can he be only like 19?" so i looked it up. he's 32!!!! good fucking god! that's why i posted it. i wanted to see how old people thought he was. and most of you seemed to indirectly think he was young. so i guess that's a good enough answer for me.

what a looooong day. i woke up early to go to the fucking starbucks meeting. ugh! i don't really want to work there anymore. cuz next semester i have to intern and crap and i'd rather just not have the burden of starbucks. i'd be more free and then i could be like less stressed for my LAST *sigh* semester of college. ugh. i dunno what to do! anyway, so i then came back and worked on my project with brian for a long ass time. but we got some good shit done. so that was good. but that took til like 9pm and i was supposed to have dinner with dan. so finally i got over to his place and we went to the cheesecake factory in old town pas. the wait was really long. like nearly an hour. but old town pas was totally buzzing with all theses people of all ages, and so it's not like we could really go elsewhere. not to mention we were both building it up in our heads to get the spinach dip! so we stood outside for an hour just talking. it was nice. i was really enjoying myself. just as our stomachs were about to eat themselves, they called our name and we got our table. we ordered the avacado eggrolls, spinach dip, an entree for each of us, and drinks. by the time we got through the spinach dip we were full! we hadn't even really touched the eggrolls. only one apiece. and we still had entrees. so then they came and we barely touched those. then i of course ordered a piece of cheesecake. the man asks if we want it to go and i said, "well yeah. basically i'm gonna take like one or two bites and then want it to go." so he put it in a to go box and me and dan nibbled. it was yummy! then we made our way home. of course we hit some sort of strange standstill traffic jam on the 110 at like 1am!! good fucking god. i don't know what happened but we were totally stopped. so we searched AM stations to find a traffic report and in the process dan made me skip the station that was playing this song that i liked but he thought was like too old or sappy or something. i dunno. =P finally the traffic got going and we went home. but yes. it was quite a nice night with dan. perhaps the best night post-breakup yet. cuz usually i'm all pissy internally about how i want to get back with him or something or that sort. and then i get all emotional afterward. but tonight i just had a geniunely good time. he said i looked nice tonight. (i thought i looked like shit personally!) and i didn't correct his statement about him having a big head. haha good times. =) perhaps i am finally over dan?!?! nah. haha i mean, i think i am basically over him for now only cuz i'm sorta stuck on this daniel kid. but fuck. if dan wanted to hook up or get back together, i'm sure i'd do it. cuz it's dan. and it's me. and we all know how that cookie crumbles. haha but i am happy that i had a good time tonight. for real. no strings attached.

weird. i was just chatting online and jeff said "sweet dreams" to me as he signed off. and i just realized that whenever someone says that to me in person or on AIM, i get this mental image of the time tyson said that to me. i went to look in my journal to see if i had made note of it at the time, and i did. it was the night that i liked to call "double the fun" only because i went to two clubs in one night and because me and jason were both ranting about how we thought that dom and tyson were both hot and we'd have a threesome with them. it was also the night dom slept over at my place. anyway, so after i was hanging out with them in the kitchen, they were going to their room and tyson says to me "sweet dreams jen" and points to his "only in dreams" tattoo on his chest. and now i get that image in my head when people say "sweet dreams" to me. it's strange. that was also the night that i really got the inkling that tyson might like me. so this might all have played in, but yeah. i think it's cuz i never had an image to that phrase before and then i did. and now i finally realized that it comes to me about 75% of the time when people say it. weird huh?

so the runs are still here and there. isn't that nasty? i think so. haha totally prevented me from leaving my fucking house tonight. how sad. apparently emily made out with a hot guy at the bar. way to go emily! see, the things i miss cuz of my damned gas! =( anyway, so i haven't really done much. worked on the marketing project with brian a little bit. we'll be doing that ALL fucking weekend. boo fucking hoo. anyway, i don't have much to say really. but i'll leave you with this photo. do you know who he is? i think he's cute but not really in this photo. how old is he? can anyone take a stab?

i feel a lot better. not 100% but now like complete shit like i did last night. that was pure hell!! i stayed home all day and didn't go to my classes. i felt bad cuz i really should have gone but earlier today i felt awful still. it really was like the 24 hour flu cuz it's been 24 hours and i feel a lot better. damned illnesses!! i went to daniel's tonight to get the files off his computer to make their website and i got to meet another band member, travis. he seems nice but we didn't really chat. i felt shitty. i was basically just laying there as the files transferred and daniel could tell i wasn't feeling well. he got travis to bring me some 7-up to ease my stomach. that was nice of him. i didn't stay that long cuz i just wanted to get home and chill with the roommates. did a couple practice quizzes for 311 and now i think i'm good to go. daniel's band, this engine burns, is touring this weekend in vegas and arizona or soemthing like that. i wonder when i'll see him next since there really is no occasion to see him. maybe he'll come with me to see hey mercedes in december since he likes that band and i'll prolly get free tickets from vagrant. eh. who knows. it's silly anyway cuz i know he doesn't want a gf yet i still want to hang out with him. i do that with all the boys i like it seems. how lame. that's why i have so many guy friends! sheesh. anyway, this weekend will be hell cuz of the marketing project. me and brian will be living and breathing netflix for the next few days. but then once it's over we can sit back and relax. and frankly i don't give a shit about it that much so i'm not too worried. my marketing class is a total joke. complete waste of time. i haven't learned anything all semester!! the only classes i've learned anything are business law and HTML. the rest are complete bullshit. just like my whole major for the most part. how sad huh? accounting i learned stuff but it was boring. but at least i learned. oh well. whatever. enough bitching. it's time to sleep!

i think i jinxed myself last week. i was talking to rick and jessica about how i bought a bunch of medicine cuz i thought that this winter was gonna be a sickly one for me considering i had gotten sick once already. and i mentiond how it sucks when u don't have medicine on hand for when the illness suddenly strikes. case in point, last summer when i got the runs and had no medicine which then was followed by the case of a 24 hour flu. well ladies and gentlemen, last night i was stuck with this one more. yesterday i woke up feeling completely achy all over so i decided to not go into vagrant. as the day went on i then felt sorta sick but i went to my night class anyway cuz i had to. 2 absences equals failure. i've been absent once already! so i went and as the speaker droned on, i could feel my stomach starting to hurt and i needed to go to the bathroom. so during the break i did but then when i returned from the break it got worse. i waited it out until the speaker finished and then hightailed it over to the bathroom only to find that i indeed had the runs and furthermore i puked up that morning's breakfast. i thought that might be the end of it til i got home and things just got worse from there. more runs to the bathroom. more puking. at one point it was coming out both ends at the same time. yes, that *is* very gross. =( but BIG THANKS TO RICK for taking care of me. he went and got me ginger ale at the store and brought me crackers and such. the sleep was long and restless and now i still feel icky but not nearly as bad. BUT, tomorrow i have a quiz that i have yet to study for. i have to take my comforter to the laudramat cuz they have bigger washers. i have to go to daniel's quickly and get the files from his computer. and worst of all, brian just told me that we are presenting out marketing thing next TUESDAY!!! so this weekend is gonna be hell. i think i'm gonna skip out on the football game and also try to get someone to cover my monday night shift. with all that time, we should be able to get the presentation done. but man, what bad timing for all this shit to go down. =( life truly blows sometimes.

ugh. i think the past few days have taken their toll. i feel all icky. i'm not sick but my muscles ache and such. i have no idea why except that it might be my premature period. why though? i'm on the fucking pill! ugh. i don't know. whatever. i decided i'm not going to vagrant today. i need to rest. yesterday i woke up way too early cuz i had to go to that adobe thing. it went well. sorta boring but alright. i have enough resources to fudge my thing. chiat day was rad looking. went with brian. i love when he drives! then i skipped 311 class cuz i was already gonna be late to it on account of chiat day. so me and brian got lunch. i went to HTML class which was quite imformative. we did layers and timelines. that helped me get a better handle on what the hell to do with flash too. i worked on daniel's band's site a smidge. i need to get more files from him first. concepts for pages are hard. especially when there are things i'd like to do but don't know how with flash and such. oh well. in time. oh and i bought the diana camera on ebay. it was definitely more than a dollar but within my price range. so it's fine. i can't wait to fiddle. =) ian's art show was cool. i always love his stuff. and i saw ellen there. i never see her anymore! =( dan also told me he was feeling really sick so i got him some tea and a cookie from starbucks. i stuck them in a bag along with a pack of tissue and some cough drops i have bought recently for when i figured *i* would get sick later this year. i tried to take them to his place last night but he wasn't there. so i just left them on the door. ran into eric on the way out. how funny! i'll be having dinner with dan on saturday at the cheesecake factory in old town pas cuz 1) i haven't been to the cheesecake factory in a long time, and 2) i have never been to old town pas. so yea. hopefully there's no traffic!

tired. must sleep. starbucks was busy tonight. made a lot of drinks! nearly fell and most likely would have broken something. i'm such a frail old thang. haha went to the superhappybunny company. strange meeting. i met bart and edwin. edwin teaches graphic design at USC and bart TA's for a mechanical engineering class. sorta strange fellas. i don't want to intern there but they did give me good insight into the graphics world. make me second guess going to school for web design as opposed to the broader topic of graphics design. i now must explore this further. i think i'll just stay at vagrant next semester and intern there and get my hours fudged. that way i'll still get free shit and into free shows that i like. unless some other better internship comes along. oh yeah, either bart or edwin had bad B.O.!! but they paid for my lunch. that was rad. anyway, i then spent a good portion of the afternoon with brian to rethink our marketing project since we were gonna do hershey's but then i just found out that the campaign we wanted to design they just launched last month. those fuckers! at least we are smart kids who thought of what the "pros" are thinking. right? we *finally* decided on marketing netflix since more people don't know about it and we think it's a good service. hopefully the class and our professor will too! it's now just past 2am and i have to wake up in about 5 hours to go to the adobe event in santa monica that will bore me to tears. hopefully i can fit in decently and fulfill my cinema class assignment of crashing an event you don't belong at. if something goes wrong, i'm royally screwed. i suppose i could always write about how i got screwed. who knows. let's just pray all goes well and i don't fall asleep! i then i have to rush off to chiat day for my marketing field trip there. i hope i make it in time. i'll have 30 minutes to get there. with a lot of luck, this will work out. then i rush back to campus to go to my 2pm class. most surely i will be late because our professor is only alotting about 30 minutes to get back to school. but that's drive back home, park my car, then walk to class. most assuredly i will be late. sad. then i have my HTML class from 5-6:20pm which i did not do the assignment for. no worries cuz i'm auditing the class, but still. i'll complete it tomorrow night unless i pass out from exhaustion. cuz after the HTML class then i'm going over to the fine arts building to see ian's art show. i went to shaun's tonight and it was cool. after i see ian's show i'll prolly go to ralphs to get food cuz i'm running out. then i'll eat dinner and try to do some homework and study for my 311 quiz this friday. cuz thursday night i'm going to daniel's house to get the files to make his band's website. i have decided that it will be a good project to work on. my first band website! more to add to my resume/portfolio of websites. so yeah. in less than 5 hours, the hell begins!! =( i'm not looking forward to it.

oh man. i'm tired yet twitchy. i had 4 shots of espresso at work tonight. my eye is in its random spasm stage. who knows how long this will last! i saw rules of attraction today and i have to say, i have mixed feelings on this film. it's very dark and very depressing. cynical look on college life. my friends didn't really like it yet i sorta did. i think it's cuz i have a sort of bitter, cynical look on college life. at least the social aspect of it. the whole hooking up thing. and the unrequited loves and whatnot. this is no happy go lucky movie. the people don't get what they want in the end and lot of people get screwed along the way. it's gritty. i sorta like it like that tho. i dunno. i can't really recommend it, but i also didn't dislike it. the jury's out on this one.

same bat time, same bat channel. haha yes, me and emily were once again together on a saturday night with everyone else preoccupied. so we had to find something to do just like last week. instead of mel's we opted to go much further. we went back to the vietnamese sandwich place in garden grove that we went to before with tyler's brother. yes, we drove nearly 30 minutes each way. but hell, we had time to kill. and no one to come back to. so we went there. got sandwiches and a damned good honey dew slushy/smoothie. we ate in the car and then came back. good times for us single gals. of course we complained more about being single and how there isn't much out there for us anyway. the only boy she's remotely interested in she barely knows and doesn't know how to get to know him. i like daniel but he's totally consumed with his band so it won't happen. hell, i even chatted with his bandmate, josh, just now. and josh said how he won't commit to a girl unless she's "the right girl" because it wouldn't be fair to her since he's in a band and is practicing and touring so much. so basically daniel is in the same boat and i therefore am once again not "the right girl." eh. whatever. the singleness continues. it gives me more time to work on my webpages. i think i'm gonna redesign one for daniel's band. that'll be fun. my very first band website. wee! i'm gonna try to teach myself flash as well. see. how would i have time for this if i had a bf? haha oh, but i would MAKE time! if he was "the right one." haha =(

i'm going mad for this photoblog stuff. i found another site called the mirror project which has different people submitting photos taken with reflections and whatnot. i really like it. and i went through the archives of halftone* and they were cool. i dig it. i also found in the process a camera called the diana camera. it's this old plastic toy camera that works. it takes square photos on 120mm film. u can only get them either on ebay, in thrift stores, or flea markets. they take crappy photos cuz they have light leaks and such but now i really want one. to go out and shoot random b&w photos. so i'm amending the gift list down below to include that camera since i really want one of those.

realization: daniel and i love music, but not the same music. he took me to a concert last week which i didn't like all that much, and i took him to a concert this week which he didn't like all that much.

actualization: turning on a blow dryer to dry off your shoes will make the LOUD music stop in the other room. hehe i'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. no loud music = easier time to sleep. but it also leaves the potential to hear noises.

aww...i just turned on my fone and got a message from darren. =)

so i just read brian's blog and he made a gift wishlist. i would make one too like he did and put it on a separate page for people to refer to, but xmas is really the only major gift receiving event for me coming up and most people i know don't give expensive xmas gifts. brian's got xmas and a birthday in january. so he's got a combo thing going on that warrants more expensive gifts. nevertheless, i shall make a gift list. that way you can save it and refer to it later if u wish. it will incorporate EVERYTHING i currently want, no matter what the price is. and the list is ordered most wanted to least wanted.

1. a boyfriend - preferably a boy in a band - specifically daniel dod =)
2. power mac g4 - 1 ghz processor - 512 mb ram - 80 gb hard drive - w/17"flat screen monitor
3. adobe web design collection for a mac
4. macromedia studio for a mac
5. mini s cooper (automatic) - dark blue with white top
6. diana camera
7. cute inflatable robot on wheels that is sold at the random euro style store on the promenade
8. the following dvds: being john malkovich // chasing amy // fargo // fight club (special edition) // in the company of men // jerry maguire (special edition) // lock, stock, and two smoking barrels // my best friend's wedding (special edition) // pulp fiction (special edition) // reservoir dogs (special edition - mr. pink) // trainspotting // 12 monkeys // usual suspects (special edition)
9. molds to whiten my teeth

hmm... that's it. basically its a fantasy giftlist. cuz 1, 2, 5, and 8 are pretty much things that none of my friends would ever be able to give me. 6, 7, and 8 are reasonable i suppose. dvds don't cost much and the robot or the diana camera could be split by a few people. oh well. whatever. i never really want much. much that is reasonable that is. i always have fantasy gifts. cuz that's my life. a fantasy. i am talking to emily online who says that my wish to date a boy in a band is a total fantasy. that i'm living in a fantasy world. perhaps this is true. altho there are soooo many boys in bands. it's just a matter of finding them. and then of course, then liking me. most guys that go to the shows i go to are in bands. of course they either have gfs or never approach me. i talked to jeff about this a bit and he said that typically people at shows aren't there to hook up and/or meet people. which is true. you're there to rock out to some good music. i agree. but he also said that if some girl came up to him he would ditch his friends to talk to the girl. and i said that while that statement is true, it definitely must be qualified with the fact that the girl must be cute. if she's not even attractive it won't work. i feel like i'm totally unapproachable looking or something. no one ever comes up to me at shows or parties. i think it's cuz i'm not cute enough. he thinks it could be cuz i project the whole lack of self-esteem vibe. cuz he said that he thinks i'm cute from a "friend standpoint and not a guy who is just complimenting me to get in my pants." haha i just always have a hard time believing that anyone can find me attractive cuz i've been single for so long. i mean, i know i'm not butt ugly, but i always feel like i'm just not up to par with the rest of the girls out there. the ones that get the boys. i'm always just "the friend." the girl who is easy to talk to and stuff but not good enough to be a gf. cuz guys that are looking for girls never approach me. and guys that say they don't have time for a girl know in their hearts that if the "right" girl came along they'd make time. and i guess i'm never the "right" girl. bleh. i don't want to drone on about this anymore. it just sounds depressing in the end.

eeeew. i could hear one of my roommates having sex. i hear that a lot lately. btwn my immediate roommate and my upstairs roommate, that's just too much sex hearing in the past few days. bleh. anyway, i just got back from the anniversary show. it was alright. daniel came with me which was very nice of him so i wouldn't have to go alone. i was pretty sure he didn't like the anniversary but i asked him anyway since i knew no one else would want to go really and well, it's daniel. haha i didn't think he'd go but he did. i went to his apt at like 9:30. then we took separate cars to the show cuz he had to leave early for his band practice. we got to the troubadour and all the vagrant people were standing outside. everytime i'm on the guestlist for vagrant i get scared they are gonna fuck up and i won't be on it. but i was. so me and daniel got our tickets and these passes to go to the VIP upstairs lounge. whatever. like i'm gonna go up there. he already had one of those from some other show he went to where he knew someone in the band or something. anyway, so we got inside and it was pretty crowded. we had poor timing cuz there was still one more opener before the anniversary. they were called the burning brides and they sucked major ass. omg, it was horrible. we should have just waited outside! they played for about 30+ minutes and then once their set was over, me and daniel went outside for some fresh air. that's when he told me that he only likes one song by the anniversary. so now i feel bad cuz he's totally not gonna like their set. but anyway, we chilled outside and saw the lead singer of the former band rage against the machine. how random is that. he was just kickin it outside. finally the anniversary went on at like 11:15 so we went inside to watch. and i could tell daniel wasn't having a great time. but he had to leave at about 11:45 anyway to go to his band practice. so he stayed til then, and then we hugged goodbye and he left. so then i was all alone. i walked to the back and watched the rest of the show with rob and jeremy from vagrant. they are two of my buddies there. only cuz jeremy is young and fun and silly. and rob...well he's just nice to me. he's the one i get a vibe from. the one who wants to go drinking with me. so when i went over to him, he gave me a hug. the anniversary was alright. they weren't as good as i had hoped. a bit boring. they are all 70's out which is cool to me cuz i dig the 70's and the style. but the lead singer acts and dresses like an ass. like he's better than the rest of his band. whatever! once the show ended and the audience clapped for an encore, they came back out and the ass guy says "keep clapping! just cuz we came back to the stage doesn't mean you should stop clapping." so the audience claps some more. then they stop and he goes, "keep clapping! i want to hear you clapping til i plug in my guitar." what a dick? anyway, they played a few more songs and then i made my way out. the vagrant crew was sorta just chillin and so i waved goodbye to rob and jeremy and rob literally like waves and walks over to me in the crowd of people and gives me a hug goodbye. this time it was a full on hug as opposed to the half hug i got when i first saw him earlier in the night. see...the vibe. too bad he's like 28 and not attractive. anyway, so then i called kyla to talk to someone as i walked to my car alone. she said that her, dom, rick, jessica, and lo were just chillin and drinking. so when i got home i expected to see them. but as i approached the door i realized that rick's room light was off and so was kyla's. so then i knew...they had all retired to their rooms to make out and have sex. sad. so i went upstairs and talked to lo for a bit. and now here i am. recounting the night. in my room. alone. poop. what a blah weekend. people gone for the weekender. no parties. rain.

oh man. i got this link off of the minor 9th blog i read. it's a thing called photoblogs.org. basically they list a bunch of photoblogs out there on the net. i found some pretty cool ones. i think i will be going to look at halftone*, a photo a day, pogoyoyo on a regular basis. i like their layout and photographs in the archives. oh man. i love photos. especially b&w ones. i wonder if i should make a photoblog. hmm...

the randomness continues. ok so i was on AIM when someone from KSCR messages me. sort of a spam to the list saying if you call you can get 10 free cds. so i'm like, alright i'll call. what the hell! so i call and of course i get thru right away. so i proceed to talk to billy and some DJ guy. apparently they are both juniors. the DJ guy is a cinema major and billy is a philosophy major. ok, this is officially the 3rd junior majoring in philosophy i have met. if i went out on a date with him, i would have gone on at least dates with all 3. haha anyway, we had a nice little chat about random shit. they are in some punk band called deviant something. i can't recall. it was just totally random. how funny. i'm totally not going down to the station to get some cds in the rain. hell fucking no. but it was funny.

what a random night. me and kyla decided to go and get sushi. i remembered that daniel used to work at this place across from the beverly center and that one of his band members still does work there. so we decided to go there and check it out cuz it was near borders and i wanted to get a tofu cookbook. anyway, so we went there. the place is called mika sushi. it was small and no one was really there. immediately i heard a voice that sounded like it would be the guy. then when i went to the counter he was there. and i could totally tell that it was him. here was this young guy with enlarged piercings and lots of tattoos set against some asian dudes making sushi. so we ordered and then i said "you know daniel right?" and he was like "yeah, he's in my band. you know him? what's your name." and of course my name doesn't ring a bell with him cuz i just met daniel online not long ago. but nevertheless, the namedrop scored us some free mochi ice cream balls. weeee! anyway, after that i got a vegetarian cookbook at borders. not cuz i'm going veg but just cuz i wanted a cookbook and generally i don't eat meat when i cook. so i figured this made sense. then we went to this restaurant that kyla wanted to check out the prices of to take dom to. so i double parked and she ran in. and now we're home and i'm about to finally do my 311 hw.

man. i'm such a procrastinator! i went to vagrant today and did the usual stuff. this time i stuffed bags for face to face handouts. i also snagged a promo copy of the dvd they are putting out soon. it's got all the recent vagrant music videos. good stuff. i came home and ate. then went to class. stopped at starbucks on the way home and talked to steven for like an hour! hehe then i went over to the skatebot house to come up with the idea for our marketing project. we thought about virgin mobile but in the end decided on hershey's chocolate. yum yum. we'll be passing out candy for sure. anyway, then i came back here and ever since i have procrastinated on my 311 hw! ugh. i am so gonna be cramming that shit tomorrow night. fuck me! instead i worked on another mini website. just one page. here it is. it's really self-indulgent but fuck. i'm trying new things. little mini-sites with random crap in different formats. all of this will help me with my final project in my html class which is the redesign of the orange:house site. i'm considering this particular thumbnail/photo layout for it. we'll see.

oh i want to eat here so badly! look at this place. isn't it fucking gorgeous?? it's cuz it's at the pacific design center. the one bad thing is that it's only open weekdays for lunch. oh man, i gotta go. =O

i can't focus!!! ugh. fuckin eh. i have this nagging 311 hw that is due thurs by 11pm. i sooooo don't want to do it. but i know i must. i just hate that class. it's not really hard except that u must be perfect, or close to perfect to get an A. i'm 2.5 points off of perfection. i'm getting a little scared. there are still 2 more quizzes, 2 more hws, and the final. perfection must be had on the quizzes and the hws. if so, then when it comes to the final i can breathe slightly but not much. there is no partial credit on the final so i can't make a single calculation error like i did on the midterm. if not for those DUMB mistakes, i could be just 1 point off perfection right now. UGH!! oh well. anyway, i had a really good HTML class today. i felt like i learned something. we talked about ccs's which are cascading style sheets. they help make coding websites easier. next week is layers. i'm excited. that should be a good lecture as well. =) yes yes. i'm becoming a web design nerd. i don't care. i really like web design and stuff like that. i wish i could do that all day instead of stupid 311 hw and listening to dumb marketing lectures that i don't give two shits about. bleh. i can't wait to see the anniversary on friday. i love their album. i prolly won't ask anyone to go with me unless daniel wants to go. cuz of course i still dig daniel. hehe i thought about asking dom because i noticed he has an anniversary cd, but he's going to see austin powers with kyla i'm sure. there's always brian to ask. or devin. or any of those boys i know who are into emo. but i'm thinking that flying solo is just easier. no mess in planning shit. just go. see the ann, and leave. besides, i don't even know if brian or devin like the ann.

yay! i called the guy at superhappybunny and he sounded all young and stuff. they are an interesting bunch over there. some of them live there right above the office. how strange. anyway, i'm going in to talk with two of the guys -- bart and edwin -- next monday. he said we'll have lunch and chat for about an hour. sounds good to me! these guys also teach at USC apparently. engineering and design. how fun.

my back hurts. if i'm gonna be a web designer, i definitely need a better chair. anyway, i had this dumb assignment for my web design class to make a webpage with all these javascript functions. i decided to make a page for the funky buddha lounge in brighton, uk. the page blows though because we had to make pop ups and wav file links and resizing images. it was just lame. the page i made doesn't even make any sense as a site but whatever. marisa from vagrant just emailed and said i'm on the guest list for the anniversary show on friday at the troubadour. i have two tickets so i guess i'll just ask someone if they want to go. it's not a big deal if i go alone cuz i really only want to see the anniversary. i doubt daniel will want to go. i don't think he likes them. too pansy/hippie sounding for him. haha

it's late and the night was unfulfilled. me and emily went to see saves the day and ash at the palace. but the show ended at like 10pm so the night was still young. we got some dinner and then headed back here. by then it was about 11 and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. michael was out filming with walter. lawrence had gone to westwood. rick and jessica were here doing nothing. and kyla was watching almost famous with dom. so emily and i futzed around online for a bit. we were frustrated with our lack of man situation and eventually decided we needed to go do something. we couldn't figure out what to do and by 1:30am we resolved to go to mel's diner and get milkshakes. we thought we'd take the scenic route too. so we went down sunset only to hit a major traffic jam just before the big miller beer bottle. we finally got to mel's only to find that there was a line out the door to get a table. so we scrapped that idea and drove down santa monica blvd. after a bit we passed the mexican food place where daniel and i got food. next to it was a 7-11. so me and emily went there and got slurpees. then we drove all the way down santa monica. then cut over to melrose to see what it looked like at 3am. it was totally dead. then we came home. and here i am blogging about it. the uneventful night.

the shower sorted this out for me into just a few simple sentences. basically i don't need a relationship. it's just the fact that i don't even really have a chance at one. if a bunch of guys liked me and i just didn't really want a relationship, i bet i'd feel a lot better cuz my self-esteem would be higher. but because no one even ever likes me, i don't even have that confidence booster. so then i just end up sad and alone.

alright. fuck me. what's wrong here? me and emily are ranting about boys once more. and really, what is the deal? why do we have the worst fucking luck? fuck. is this even worth ranting about? it's always the same schpiel. i think i should just forget about it. push it back in my brain. cuz when i think about it, it only aggitates me more. so why worry? the boys i like never like me. the boys (the rare few) who like me, i never like. basically my sense of matching up doesn't work. ugh. blah. no more. not ranting anymore about this crap.

sad. i just registered for my last semester of classes at usc! i got all the ones i wanted cuz it wasn't that hard considering i'm a senior registering on the first day of registration! my schedule is fucking awesome. two days of class a week. wee! the classes blow of course, but what else is new. marketing won't be so bad. it's all a bunch of BS really. cinema is my internship class which requires 15 hours/week which is gonna be sorta shitty. the other two are business classes which will blow cuz i hate business now. econ might not be too bad cuz i used to like that in high school. but 497 is just gonna be a bitch. here's my schedule:

anyway, last night was lots of fun. despite the plethora of parties, most were only mediocre. the dental frat was just eh. helenes was too crowded. and menlo i think we got there too late. the skatebot house was my fave cuz there were so many people there i knew. plus caleb and jason were there and i like talking to those boys cuz they are sorta cute to me in their own funny short americano way. haha too bad they smoke like fiends. anyway, the photos from last night will be up in my photo section later on tonight.