my neighbors had a party tonight and i went and was totally sober. it was decent. talked a lot with friends. good times. saw doug, brandon, gutter boy, and some other random older characters. haha got the plans sorted out for tomorrow with joe and his frat thing. i went shopping with kyla and i figured out what i'm gonna wear. basically it's my super short red skirt with my black punkyfish zipper top. then these red and black socks i got today and my black clunky "moon" shoes (as my dad calls them). i'm gonna get fake eyelashes and silver eyeshadow to doll up my face. then i'm gonna do something funky with my hair. haven't decided what yet. prolly will involve a lot of hair goop and hairspray. haha joe wants to get smashed tomorrow and i think i'll wanna get pretty drunk too in order to have a good time. so he already offered up the idea of me spending the nite there. and i could sleep in his bed while he sleeps on the couch. i can see the reality of it being that we both sleep in his bed but just like normally. unless his bed is really small. but i doubt it is. haha anyway, i still feel like a mess. totally flustered with crap to do. it's funny cuz i was chatting with josh today and i was like "so when are we gonna hang out?" and then he was telling me his busy schedule and how he prolly wont have a free nite til wednesday. and i thought about my schedule and realized that i prolly wont be free til at least like monday myself. so yeah. wtf? haha

discontent all around. last nite i didn't get to read my case study so i am currently skipping my class. i can only miss 3 classes so here goes #1. i am none to pleased with myself. my quiz this morning was ok at best. i should have studied more in advance. but that's where all this "fun" comes into play. good god. i really need to get a handle on my life. partying and dating is just too fucking much. oh, and i had a long moment of sadness and concern for leaving LA come may. FUCK! oh and that josh kid that moved out here from boston. the one i was supposed to meet up with a long time ago. yeah, well i realized yesterday that i saw him at the party on sat and vida on tues. he's short! i emailed him to confirm and yes it was him. he said to give him a ringhe prolly knows all the ppl in that scene already. good fucking god. i am sufficiently a mess.

i just realized that a couple posts down i said how ben was my top priority of the boys. haha that's fucking great. look how things change so easily. he was my top priority before, only because he is friends with adam and me and emily thought it would be cute if he and i dated and we could do shit with emily and adam. oh well. bubbles burst. it's called reality! haha sad sad sad.

i did it. i agreed to go with ben to his frat function. i want to see what this crap is really like. fuckin eh. i will not dress fancy either. fuck the system! man, i really need to find a proper boy to date. none of this sex before date bullshit. and no frat boys either. good god. why is this so hard? at least i'm out there trying tho. right? that's worth something right? goodness gracious. throw me a friggin bone here.

emily told adam about my date with ben last nite and basically adam had the same wtf-reaction to it all. so adam is totally on my and emily's side of this even tho ben is his friend. he was like, "doesn't ben know proper dating etiquette? i'm sorry i vouched for him." i don't blame adam at all. he didn't know how ben would be. so yeah. whatever. it all makes for a good story and some laughs. one to tell the kids. but onto the next thing. joe. we had planned tenatively to go to amoeba tomorrow night but he called me tonight asking me if i would go to this function for his frat. it's for the rushees. basically the thing kyla went to with halfie josh except that josh was a rushee at the time and joe is actually in his frat already. i can't decide if i want to go. cuz my knee jerk reaction is to totally NOT want to go. cuz i hate that crap. and i have nothing fancy to wear. but he said that i could totally punk out and wear whatever and that he would match my attire. so now i'm thinking i might go to have this experience and say fuck it to the system. but like then it'd be more about me and the system rather than me and joe. but at the same time, i don't think i can really like joe and date him because of the frat. cuz then there will be all these other frat functions that i won't want to attend and then what would be do? cuz if we are dating, he either goes with a friend or doesn't go at all. and i dunno. he isn't totally my type anyway. he's nice and fun to talk to, but there are these little things. and yeah all i want to do is date this semester. no real bf. but i dunno. do i want to deal with frat crap? goodness. whatever. i have to decide by tonight cuz i agreed to call him around like 11:30.

umm. yeah. last nite. WEIRD! probably the weirdest fucking date i've ever been on. i'm not even sure i want to write it all out. is it even worth my time? let's just say this. i met a lot of really fucking hip los feliz people. got a lot of weird stares from people for not being "in the scene" and not belonging. and the proposition for sex came BEFORE the date even really started. umm. yeah. i consulted emily this morning before she went to work. told her everything. she will consult adam. everything will be "sorted out" at some point to insure that everything isn't TOTALLY weird. goodness. wow. yeah. umm. weird. and of course, with all this talk of sex at like 8am, after i got off the fone with emily and went back to sleep, guess what i dreamt of? sex! i was about to have sex with dan in my dream. now what the hell does that mean? haha

date on a tuesday nite! what a way to really get the week started. woo! ben called me (as i was told he would) and asked me to go to this club/bar where his friend dj's. i said i might and will just wait for him to call me back when he's ready to go. but then i called emily to ask if should go and apparently adam was there speaking to ben. haha this is fucking hilarious. they convinced me into going altho it didn't take much effort cuz i already realized that i should go. cuz fun over work and sleep this semester. right?? =) so yeah. date tonight. then tomorrow i was supposed to go for drinks or something with that tim guy from big city rock. but i'll definitely have to cancel that cuz i'll have a lot of hw to do as a result of going out tonight. cuz then thurs i'm going to amoeba with joe. so yeah. i really can't go out 3 nites in a row during the week. that's just a bit TOO excessive. besides, at the moment, ben is on the top of the list in terms of priority. so yea. i should even be having lunch or dinner with dan this week just cuz he flaked last weekend. but i don't know when i'm gonna have time!! goodness! i'm gonna turn into one of those people who dates all the time. yikes! nah, that won't happen. this is just a random coincidence. haha oh and the hot guy in my class looked really hot today. too bad we only chatted for a moment. he might even be gay. who knows. he looked a tad gay today even tho he looked hot.

oh my fucking god. the world just got a LOT fucking smaller. normally i don't censor myself, but i will for the sake of others this time. (ie. search words in search engines) i won't say how or who, but i just found out that i am one degree from a really hot famous person. our SC hookup chart just a got a lot more interesting!

i think josh is helping to liberate me in the same way dylan did in the past. well, not exactly the same way, but the overall idea of liberation. interesting. very interesting.

emily drew my "dream man" based on the fact that i dig guys with multiple piercings and tattoos. in reality that isn't my dream guy of course, but the type i have been going for lately. we joke about it. and we call it the "alien" type cuz she once drew this stick figure *thing* here and i called it an alien cuz it was so fucking ugly. anyway, she drew one in photoshop and here it is. ugly as all hell, but pretty fuckin hilarious. cheers emily!

i missed the free coldplay show in hollywood cuz i had to work. but it's ok cuz i have seen them before in england. so i got a full show back in the day. back when they weren't as famous too! anyway, ben called adam to ask about me. so that's a good sign. and then ben was like, "hey u know we made out." and adam said, "yeah i know." and ben was like, "wtf?" and adam was like, "yeah basically i'll know everything that goes on." haha it's so true! all messages conveyed through the channels. i mean hell, i even know about their convo cuz of emily! this is fucking hilarious! emily and adam are having great fun with this and so am i. i sorta have a carefree attitude about it so it's cool.

woohoo! the buccaneers beat the raiders, 48 - 21 in superbowl XXXVII. i fucking hate the raiders because of a grudge i hold from the past. basically back in 1990 i believe it was. jan 20th or something. the 49ers were playing the NY giants in the playoffs. the first string qb was hurt and so they put in a guy named jeff hostetler. the giants ended up beating the niners and therefore eliminating them for going to the super bowl. but u see, if we had won that game, we would have gone to the super bowl and had a chance at winning 3 in a row. and i KNOW we would have won. i can't remember who we would have played, but we so would have won that shit. so why the hatred for the raiders and not the giants? well i hate the giants too. BUT, hostetler went on to get traded to the raiders not long after. so then i hated them cuz basically i didn't hate the giants so much as hostetler himself. so him moving to the raiders coupled with them moving back to oakland as a team, just made me hate them. cuz now there are two major football teams in the bay area and therefore splitting the fan base. so i hated that. but of course, now jerry rice moved to the raiders to finish his career and he was like one of my fave niners ever. so it sucks to see his team lose, but i don't even see him as a raider anyway. so therefore i am glad the bucs beat the raiders cuz i fucking hate the raiders!

ok so i talked to emily about the night and u can read her blog. but basically they knew the whole time! they were betting on ME, not me AND ben. funny. quite amusing. and we realized how if i dated ben we could go on double dates too! and that would be really fun. and hang out with their crowd more which would be a total change of pace. aww, that would be good times. now he just has to call. haha we think it would work well only cuz i don't want a serious relationship at all, and she bets that he doesn't either. so yeah. anyway, can't jump any guns here. just take this shit in stride. i wanna see if i can meet more new ppl tomorrow at piebald. just in case! hehe

i totally forgot about this. ben was telling me about how his dad has all these cars and how he has this one called a king midget. basically it's a kit car that's super fucking tiny and goes like 35mph. i think at this point its one of those novelty collectible cars. anyway, i thought it sounded so funny so i had to check it out. here are two photos of one of the more common models. they are older, weirder looking ones. but from the way ben was describing it, i think his dad has this one.

what the hell is going on??? last nite i got *another* fone number! =) his name is ben. let me explain. so midday i realize that i have all these options for the night's events. i could go to joe's party provided he calls be back. which he did. very good. we chatted for a bit and i got directions to his place. i told him i may or may not go depending on other things but that i would call either way. he appreciated that and said that if i didn't go it would suck but we should hang out some other time. i agreed and that was that. so then i *thought* i was gonna have dinner with dan at 7pm. but no. the fucker flaked! yes yes i have flaked many times on people before but i've never flaked on dan! sheesh! oh well. it's fine. but i love bitching. haha so with that behind me, i still had to decide what to do with my night. besides joe's parties, my other options were to go to parties around here, or go to this party in los feliz. i didn't want to party around here cuz i thought it would be same ole same ole. not to mention we didn't have a large crew going cuz most ppl were worn out from the night before. so that was nixed as an option. the los feliz party intrigued me. emily's bf adam, who i think is really rad now that i have finally met him more so, knew of this party in los feliz. it cost $10 and they have a bar there. basically whoever was throwing the party rented out a recording studio for the night and held a party there. they did this every so often and there are bands there and whatnot. i thought i'd go to that and check it out cuz it would be a new crowd once more. cuz if i went to joe's thing then i'd have to go alone and either not drink and prolly not have a good time since i don't know anyone, or drink and then have to ask to spend the nite. and i wasn't sure i wanted to give off that vibe cuz i don't know how i feel about him. so i opted for the los feliz party. i figured it could be cool cuz los feliz kids are "cool." haha

so i pre-drank here thinking at the time there wouldn't be any alcohol there. got sorta drunk before emily and adam even picked me up! haha i wore my blue eye shadow again like the night before cuz i sorta like the way it makes my eyes all dark. dramatic for night time events. anyway, then we went to get kevin and we were on our way. we got there and went inside and right away emily and i were like "it's MOC comes to life!" so true. i bet half the kids there were straightedge. they all had interesting clothes and haircuts. i could tell i would find some boys to my liking easily. haha so we went inside further and met up with adam's twin bro, gabriel, and some of his friends. gabriel looks like tyler! honest to god. me and emily could see it. it's not that he physically looks like tyler. it's that his hair is sorta like tyler's and his aura and his expressions are like tyler. cuz he has that look like he's been hardcore drinking for many years. and they are the same age too! anyway, it was just so strange. me and emily couldn't get over that all nite. anyway, so we were standing in the main room which is the room where the bands were gonna play. and i felt a little awkward just cuz i didn't know anyone. i was pretty sure i fit in decently altho my top was a bit shiny which perhaps wasn't the best choice. but whatever. i met two of adam's friends -- ben and some other guy who i think his name was jessie. at first glance i thought ben was gay. cuz he's really skinny and was wearing a track jacket and i dunno, he just had that look about him. anyway, they announced the bands that were gonna perform and one was big city rock and i was like, holy crap. i have chatted with one of the guys from that band!! timothy. it was so random! i knew i had to either say something to him there or at least message him when i got home. anyway, so as we all were standing around, ben started talking to me. we got these fliers and i said i couldn't read it. he thought i said i couldn't go to it. and so he said "why? cuz u have some sorority function that night?" and i was like, what the fuck? i am NOT in a sorority. do i look like i am? my god! he asked me why i was so adament about that and i told him my reasons. he said he dated a girl who was in one. so perhaps he was testing me just to see if i was in one? did i look like that? my god! i hope not! if i was in a sorority i wouldn't have been there last nite for sure. i'd have been doing dumb shit on the row. fuck that. i later found out that ben met some sorority chick the same nite adam met emily at the bar and i guess they dated. so whatever. anyway, basically for the rest of the night, ben was talking to me a lot off and on. it was hard to judge his interest cuz he'd leave me sometimes. but he also seems to be sort of a social butterfly since he knows a lot of ppl there. so whatever. emily and adam had a bet to see if me and ben would hook up or not. haha so all night i was feeling out the situation. cuz also, i wasn't sure how i felt about him. at one point later on in the night, he asked me to dance with him in the main room. i was sorta tired at that point cuz my drunkeness was gone and i was sorta in dehydrated sleepy mode. but i went anyway and we dance. and he's a good dancer. not afraid to move. and then there was me totally not feeling it. all hot and trying to manage dancing with my purse. it sucked. he's a fun dancer. i realized then that i thought he was cool. i mean he knows a lot about bands. he used to intern at vagrant. he seems to know a fair amount about cars cuz of his dad. he actually went to college (UCSB) and graduated. he's 24 going on 25. like adam and josh! haha he's straightedge which i can respect cuz he doesn't have it tattooed on his body. we talked about labels and such. and then i found out he was vegan. i always said i could never date a vegan cuz where the hell would we go to eat??? but adam says that they eat out all the time and have no problems. maybe it's not so bad. i dunno! hehe that would explain his intense skinniness which i did like i must say. haha oh and of course he's in a band. a few actually. which means he's not as hardcore as josh and all them. cuz u can't be in multiple bands and be hardcore unless ur dave grohl who is in 3 awesome bands at one time. haha but he's the shit. so whatever. anyway, so we danced a lot and i got really hot. i kept looking at him wondering if he was gonna make the move. and like he'd get close to me dancing and shit but he never did. finally adam and emily said they were leaving and adam and ben exchanged a few words. haha and then i was left alone with ben for a moment. i thought they were leaving me there!! but right at that time, this freaky ass dude starts coming up to me and ben and dancing really really close to us. and then i moved away and he followed me!! it was weird!!! so then i walked away with ben and he asked me for my fone #. so we whip out our cell fones and then it was like a moment out of clueless or something. us programming in each other's names and then exchanging for the #s. it was funny. so then we did that and that was the moment of truth. i looked up at him and then we kissed. and we just stood there kissing for a moment. then he walked me out to the front but i didn't see adam or anyone! so i panicked for a moment. then i realized they were outside so i went back and hugged ben and left. and that was that.

so now i'm not sure what to do. there's joe and ben. overall i think i like ben more. aside from the vegan thing he seems cool. i can't decide whether he is too pretentious about music for me or not. but he seems fun. joe seems more of the nice guy. and u know me, i don't really want the nice guys at this point. i dunno what to do. i don't know if i should call ben or what. and what would we do? i still really want to go to swingers and adam said they go there all the time. so i'd like to go there with him. first i got this urge to want to go and i thought i could go with josh at like 1am one nite cuz we would go to late nite places. but then i haven't seen josh in eons so i said fuck it, the next chance i get, i want to go. so then me and dan were gonna go there last nite for dinner, but he flaked. so i still haven't gone! so if i could go with ben that would be cool. eh, i dunno what to do. all this shit is confidence boosters but now i'm back to good ole jen. jen who doesn't know what to do! jen who has no confidence. haha maybe i should consult adam since ben and him are friends after all. oh yeah. the bet. haha cuz they wouldn't tell me who was on what side. so i left the place smiling and emily tells me she won the bet. and so i looked at adam and said "so u had no faith?" and then emily says something about how unless i did something with ben while she wasn't looking, she won. and then she looked at me and realized that she didn't win. i told them that we made out right at the end. while they were waiting outside. so then adam was all happy that he won. and he did this cute handstand. it was rad. i dig handstands! haha so then emily was upset that she didn't get to see it cuz she's never seen me make out. haha how funny. but yeah, perhaps i should consult adam. eh, whatever. i have other crap to worry about today. like homework. i guess at this point i can't think about my neighbor ryan right now cuz i have to deal with these two other boys. and then there's the guy in my class. i doubt that'll work out. i want to meet ppl at the piebald show tomorrow too. hmm...and of course the band boys. but they don't count cuz they are here and there. and i can make out with josh whenever. he wouldn't care if i was dating or whatever. cuz he makes out with lots of different chicks. so yea. he'd prolly be really happy for me actually. haha man, what a weekend! the semester is starting off quite well. 2 weekends in a row of pure fun. good times. =)

wow. i didn't think i was gonna get as drunk as i did last nite. cuz i thought that last week was enough. but nope. got really drunk last nite too. not quite as drunk as last nite, but good enough. haha got digits. woo! that was my goal for the night. altho i had forgotten that goal when i actually got to the parties. but whatever. haha i consulted the boys who said that this joe kid is decent looking. so alright. whatever. i think i'll just see if he calls. we have the whole AIM thing going on too which normally doesn't occur with ppl u meet at parties, but we were talking about web stuff and so yea. nerdy. haha he's an engineer. i like to code html. go figure. umm, i realized i called band kevin a few times last nite. goodness. and i even called josh. and i can't really remember what was going on, but i think he might have been getting ready to hook up with some girl. i think. or maybe girls plural. i dunno. i can't remember. i also remember thinking that robert from ralphs is small cuz i hugged him goodbye and i couldn't help but think he was small in my arms. haha umm, what else? oh yeah, me and ky put on makeup and decided to take "sultry" photos before going out. so we enlisted jessica to take them. some are silly and some are cute. u can be the judge of that i suppose. oh, i had a push pop last nite! and that was fun. i think a few too many ppl might have licked it. oh well. i think i might enlist that prop again. it was fun. i gotta get better flavors tho cuz the one i had last nite was only mediocre.

my night went well-ish. i went to skatebot house and saw some cute boys around. i met some guy named danny who was cute and friend's with wakerly from high school and goes to LMU. but then we didn't really talk. so whatever. so i was really drunk. i'm still sorta drunk but not that bad. i can type with the aid of the backspace key. haha so yeah, then i met some dude name joey who is friends with danny. he goes to LMU as well. from littleton, co. so we talked for a long time and he's an engineer and into the same music as me. which was rad. i think he was cute. i'm not sure. he's not my stereotypical band boy, stylish type. but he seems nice and likes the same music. so that's rad. i had to leave the party cuz everyone i knew was leaving for chez ronnee so we exchanged fone #s and i'm actually chatting with him online now cuz he wrote his website and email address on my hand. and his email is aol so yea. haha chez ronnee proved to be less eventful and just more weird. lemme name all the characters i encountered there: robert from ralphs and his buddies, adam from freshman year substance free floor, steven who was a borrowed partner at ralphs, my neighbors including ryan who was making out with some chick!, a bunch of chicks that lawrence knows/had to deal with, black chris, some dude i interned with, creepy gabe, dylan and graig, etc. i can't remember them all. too fucking many. anyway, some dude talked to me for a long time and totally fucked up my game with talking to other boys. oh well. i didn't even get his digits cuz i didn't want him to think i was interested yet i wanted digits for the time and effort. he said he recognized me from classes and stuff. goodness! whatever. kevin from the band almost came out tonight too. that would have been rad. everyone except kyla likes him. haha oh well. wakerly really wanted him at the party and justin thinks he's rad and that i should go for him. as for my thoughts. kevin is rad. i would totally hook up with him. and i would actually probably date him cuz then i wouldn't see him much. there would be potential to hook up with other ppl too. eh whatever. it all ain't flying. bleh. this joey kid seems promising if i want to pursue. we shall see. he invited me to a party at his place tomorrow. i can't really remember if he's cute. but he was nice so i guess that's all that matters. and he too doesn't go here so that's rad. don't have to see him ALL the time. but let's not jump the gun anyway. haha

i woke my ass up at 9:45am on a friday morning to catch the foo fighters pre-sale of tickets, only to find that they didn't change the page for like at least 10 minutes past 10am! so i said fuck it and went and got some yogurt. when i returned they had fixed it and if i wanted to get one ticket, the seat wasn't bad. lower level orchestra. off to the left. but nevertheless, i don't really want to go alone, and honestly, i could have gotten a better ticket if they hadn't fucked up. whatever. i'm over it. i have a more pressing issue. trying to get one of those "obey giant" stickers.

u know how they are sorta stuck all over the place. i want to peel one off and stick it with the rest of my stickers on my folder thingymabob. surely i could order one online. but it's $5! i don't want to pay $5 for something i could potentially rip off a pole. anyway, this is my new goal right now. fuck finding a guy to date. fuck fucking josh. fuck my research for marketing. fuck school. fuck getting a new piercing. fuck it all. i want an obey giant sticker. haha

maybe it's the transition from the old birth control and the new stuff. i dunno! but earlier i was so like riled up and had all this fucking aggression. so i took a shower. it sorta helped. then i went for a drive. down to the LBC to be exact. i decided i would give josh that book i have been meaning to give him for ages! he's so goddamned busy that i would tease him about just driving to his house and tossing it at his window. and so that's what i did. i drove my ass down the 710 which is the shittiest freeway ever cuz it's so bumpy. rolled up to his place. slung the bag with the book inside at the door, and left. it didn't make as loud a noise as i wanted it to though. sad. i drove off and got back here within an hour of leaving. now josh just came online and he had go out for a bit with his roommates which made sense cuz i didn't see his car when i was there. so that means he didn't hear the sound of the bag hit the door. sad! oh well. he says he's really flattered that i thought of him for the book. cuz the book is about this british band wanting to make it big. it details the rise and fall of the band. i figured he would enjoy the read. and i think he will. so i'm happy that he digs my gift. =)

good fucking god. i don't know how it happened. i don't know why it happened. but i'm fucking frustrated and all riled up. hopefully a shower will relieve this.

wasted youth. wasted fucking youth! on another note, dom was in fucking san fran at the embarcadero but i didnt get to see him!!! =( he tried to call me and actually heard me talking but i guess i didn't realize what was going on. new years was a fucking cell fone nightmare. i was trying to call people and it wasn't working and i bet in the process of hitting redial over and over, one of the times he prolly was on the line but i couldn't tell. and then he prolly just heard random noise and hung up. sad!!! i could have seen dom and tyson and stuff. poo!!

a good one that lo just told me:
if the plural of mouse is mice, then the plural of spouse is spice.

foiled! the guy wasn't in my class today. sad. i will have to try some other time now. other than that, i just woke up from a nap cuz i was super tired from going to be sorta late and waking up early. ugh! i really am going to hate this 10am econ class. not cuz it's econ, but cuz it's 10am. cuz if it was later in the day, i bet i wouldn't mind. but the fact that it's a really dry subject early in the morning just doesn't do well. i'm not really sure what to do with myself now. tomorrow was supposed to be a totall fun day, and now it's more like half work and half fun. cuz i gotta get cracking on marketing stuff.

good god! everyone was at vagrant today i swear. the lead singer from saves the day, chris, was in there with his gf. man, he's not too cute. oh well. he seemed nice enough. the get up kids were in there. well, 3 or 4 of them. the lead singer reminds me of mykee from this engine burns. at least the way he looked today. but he normally looks a bit different. and two of the guys from the band looks all hippied out. i thought they were from the anniversary! it was so strange. they seemed nice enough as well. and then the guys from no motiv came in. now i had no clue what they looked like! i had to be told who they were. cuz like i recognized one of the guys from the get up kids and then i heard they were in the office so it made sense. and i recognized chris from saves the day. but no motiv. not a clue. they are very socal looking. i assumed they were former interns or something! anyway, rob asked me once again when we are gonna go drinking! jeremy is leaving next friday to move back to boston. very sad. i will miss him. he's so funny!! oh man, he bought these ugly ass pants from j. crew in the mail. he got them at work and he was like, "oh man these pants are ugly. i thought they were gonna just be gray pants. i have to return these." and man were they ugly! but rob liked them and said he'd wear them. and i told him, "NO! they are so ugly." and then we had this discussion about whether u should tell people that u don't like their clothes. he thinks u should unsolicited. i think u should only say something when they ask. cuz if they don't ask u what they think of their clothes, they prolly don't care! hmm, what else happened? oh, keith was playing the interpol cd. i had to make a comment about how i thought it was so good cuz it really is. and i think more ppl should listen to it. and i hassled wayne about his messy office and offered to tidy it up for him. cuz it bothers me so much everytime i go in there. i could very easily tidy it up. oh well.

i hung out at starbucks a long time tonight cuz i was bored and avoiding my hw. i just chatted with ky and the rest of the folks. helped out a little. it was fun. mario and william said i looked cute today cuz i was wearing my skirt and top for my class earlier. =) me, mario, and ky were discussing attractive famous women. i chose shannyn sossamon cuz i think she's fucking rad. i love her style and while she's not gorgeous by any means, if i wanted to be and look like one famous actress, it would be her. she's mixed too! not quite like me but the same sorta idea. hawaiian, french, dutch, filipino, irish and german. she has the exact same birthday (day and year) as tyler! and she was born in hawaii i believe in the same area as where josh lives. he thinks she's really rad too. anyway, when i got home there was some random shouting outside by silly boys and so i went to look and so did my neighbors. ryan came out and he said that my gift was like the best gift ever. cuz i got him a box of tea from starbucks since he would always come in and order tea. and so i put it in his mailbox and he got it today. here was our dialogue:

ryan: thanks for the tea. it was like the best gift ever!
me: aww, your welcome. how many teabags are in there? like 20 something.
ryan: oh it doesn't matter. i don't know.
me: now u can have free tea for a long time.
ryan: i have to find some way to make it up to u. seriously, it was like the best gift.

so yeah. anyway, scored some points there for sure. =) good times. now if only i could score points like that with the guy in my class. that would be good stuff too. i wonder if he'll be at the piebald show on monday. i was talking about it in class and had the flier in my hand and he asked to look at it. i guess we shall see!

short day of classes. one of them was cancelled on account that my professor has a mon/wed section of the class and since yesterday was a holiday, he didn't want that section to be behind. so he cancelled our class today. bravo professor. notice i am not saying any names or class titles. that's cuz for my marketing class we had to submit out resumes to the professor in order to apply for positions within the "agency" we are creating for our honda project. anyway, i have my blog listed on my resume as a site i have made and the professor has made all the resumes available for the class to see online if people wish to look. now i doubt EVERYONE will see my resume and of those that do, i doubt they will ALL go to my blog. and of those that go to my blog, MOST will not even read it. or if they read it once, they may never look again. but just to be on the safe side, no more mentioning of classes and such. some of the folks in my class were in my other marketing class where someone fucking sent my professor a link to my blog. maybe that rat bastard is in my class now. who knows. and considering that i haven't used any names thusfar, i don't give two shits if they are offended right now. cuz it's all anonymous. i don't know who ratted me out and i don't know if they are in my class and i don't know if they are reading this. but if they are, too fucking bad if i called u a rat bastard. it's at my own discretion. anyway, so no mentioning of classes in detail. cuz ppl might get offended and fuck me over in the class or whatever. we cannot have that happening. having said all that, i have decided that i think one of the guys in one of my classes is hot. my friend agrees with me as well. now i just have to figure out if he's single and then if he is, if he'd even be interested in me. so this will be an ongoing process. that and my neighbor ryan. and then of course there's josh who is just fucking sexy. omg! =) but that will go nowhere substantial so it doesn't matter in the realm of trying to date these other boys. altho i thought about it. if i could date someone and it wasn't hardcore, then i could in theory still hook up with josh. but then i thought about if i tried to date my neighbor. that wouldn't work so well for hooking up cuz as my neighbor he's sooooo close. i dunno how i feel about dating someone who is like so close to me and can in theory, always be here. anyway, that's totally jumping the gun. and man do i think the guy in my class is hot. but that's gonna take a lot of work. ugh!

oh god. the bbq did me in. i so want to just puke right now. ugh! =(

ooh our new neighbors just brought us cookies! =) yay! they are good too. how cute.

good ole MLK day. bbq at skatebot house as a result. photos will be up shortly. it was fun times but now i feel all icky. too much food. too much rich food. i'm not used to eating all that meat and stuff. my body can't handle it i guess. my back hurts and stuff. i feel like i have major cramps yet i just finished having my period. so i don't get it. unless it's the switch in birth control. eesh. who knows. oh well. today has really dragged on and now i should study a bit. i have all this work i need to get done and i haven't done any of it. it's all reading at this point. but once i get behind on that, it's a snowball effect into doom. haha the inner turmoil over boys has taken a backburner at the moment. my body takes precedence over all. man o man. anyway, ky got her hair straightened the other day and she looked like an entirely new person. it was totally weird. everyone was in shock. it's back to curly now but here are a few photos of ky with straight *gasp* hair!

i'm definitely having inner turmoil over boys. that and i'm antsy. not a good combo.

wow. crazy twister night. photos will be up soon. the day lagged on with everyone doing nothing terribly productive. then it was just me, rick, and ky and we didn't want to leave the house. around 10pm, my neighbor ryan calls me from his house and asks if we want to play twister. it was so weird cuz he was at home and i was at home. so basically it was silly for us to be on the fone. but whatever. haha so he, matt, and two of matt's friends came over and we played twister here. matt only has two pairs of socks too! weirdo!!!! haha jessica also came and so did dwayne. it was good times. fun. i can't decide if i think ryan is cute. i dunno. part of me is like, he seems cool and all and i think i could date him, but part of me is scared to even pursue for fear that he actually might want to date me. i dunnp. i'm weird. i think the reason i continue to fuck around with these band boys is cuz i know it won't go anywhere. i know that josh doesn't really give a fuck and therefore i can't really ever get hurt. ugh i dunno. whatever. i'm lame. but i do want a date for valentine's day too. so i dunno. just shoot me in the foot why dontcha? haha

whoa. haven't had a crazy night like last night in a LOOOONG time! where to begin? basically, our house decided to have a rather large pre-party. basically it was a mini party. we invited all our friends and they brought friends. our new neighbors. everyone. before the party started and i was getting ready, i caught kevin from the band online and asked if they were having band practice. he said they weren't so i immediately called josh to see what he was doing. and that fucker said that he was hanging out with daniel and travis all nite discussing band shit. he proceeds to tell me how they made kevin upset the other night and how mykee didn't show up and all this crap. so i understand but also i'm like, fuck, what doesn't he even bother to try and hang out? he said it'd prolly be a long night and that he'd crash at daniel's. but then he realized he's working today and therefore it wouldn't be a long night after all. so i told him what i was doing and that it would in fact be a long night for me. drinking with lots of friends equals long night unless i puke. haha so i ask about hanging out tonight and he says that he'll prolly be just hanging out with the boys again discussing more band shit. then sunday i work and he's doing something. so i'm like fuck, whatever. if u don't wanna hang out, just fucking say so. i didn't say that, but i was thinking it! so then i hang up and i ask kevin what he's doing. cuz it didn't seem like he was included in this band chat. he says he's not doing anything. so i ask if he wants to party. and he says sure. so all of a sudden he's coming to our party. now, i knew this could be a slightly sticky situation with emily and all, but i didn't even really believe he'd show up. cuz i have lost so much faith in boys that i assume they will say one thing and then totally flake. so i didn't warn her in advance cuz i didn't want to freak her out.

alright so party begins. people come. i drink a bit. talking with all my friends. dan comes with ellen and i barely get to chat with them cuz i feel held up with others and i'm also looking out to see if kevin comes. my neighbors come over and i meet the 3rd guy. i wanted to talk to ryan more but then kevin does actually come, so i know i can't leave him alone or else he'll get lost and whatnot. so he comes and i have to move my car from the street so he can park. now this was a bit tricky cuz i was already sorta drunk. but i did it. i bring him into the house and he begins to drink. i should never have let him keep the entire bottle of vanilla vodka. big mistake! i introed him to some of my friends. of course emily knows who he is and throughout the course of the night she hugs him multiple times and tells him how she's obsessed with him and such. she even said at one point in front of me and kevin, "if you fuck him tonight i will be really upset!" of course i would never fuck kevin but she shouldn't have said that so loudly. adam could see all this and i felt bad about the whole situation. i didn't realize this would happen. i knew it might be sticky but not like this. so while i don't regret inviting kevin at all, i feel slightly bad about the situation. nevertheless, he met some of my friends. they thought he was cool. he thought they were cool. finally we round up the WHOLE house and try to go to the first party over by chez ronnee. i never thought we'd actually be able to move about 40 people at once. but somehow we got nearly everyone to go. it was crazy. i was piss ass drunk. but in a good way. me, pat, ellen, and kevin were playing 20 questions as we walked. then when i got to the corner, the neighbors had a shopping cart. and they asked me to hop in. so i did and matt wheeled me down the street. it was fucking fantastic. so fun. then others hopped in. we all finally made it to the party and i think we probably doubled it. it was great. lots of silly party conversations. jessica kept showing everyone her finished bottle of wine. she was so drunk. but it was so funny. me, dan, her, and kevin were comparing shoes and socks. cuz we all had converse on. and all but dan had argyle socks. i met some random guy who i thought was one of dom's visiting friends but he turned out to be a visiting friend of someone i didn't know. haha i remember standing with dan and he had his arm around me and i couldn't help but think it felt weird. at some point we all decided to try and go to another party. tim led the way and me and kevin followed holding hands cuz i didn't want either of us to split up. emily yelled out loud something like "oh my god!!! you're holding hands!!" something like that. so since i felt like it was a faux pas i let go and we just wrapped our arms around each other. either would do really. i just thought hands were simpler. whatever. poor tim was upset about kari hooking up with rowmike. and with just cause. i felt bad for him too. me and kevin were discussing his issues with that amanda chick who likes daniel and him. other people were behind us but a bit far behind. so finally we reach my house. tim says he's going home. kevin needs to go to the bathroom. so i take him home. and we never left. cuz the poor thing puked. he puked it all up. he's 1/4 asian and really skinny. so there u go. makes sense. so now i had to try and sober up a bit to help him. meanwhile, dan, ellen, and ian are in my room goofing around. it was really just weird for me. the whole dan thing. i dunno. not bad weird. just weird weird. but i couldn't really deal with anything else except kevin. cuz he really needed my help. so i camped out in the bathroom with him. others came back and ellen, dan, and ian left at one point. and i just helped kevin til i finally got him into my bed with bag nearby. i wanted him to just pass out so he would feel better, but he was fighting it. so he puked up some saliva a few times and didn't quite make it to the bag. so i am now currently washing my sheets. ugh! normally it's for "other" reasons. haha but this time it's just straight puke. i wondered though if he wasn't passed out if we'd have made out. not that i particularly wanted to make shit even more weird with that band. but like jason said something earlier that night about kevin wanting to kiss me or something. i dunno. i could have seen it happening. but whatever. it's just as well that it didn't. would have created more band mess. altho no one would ever know cuz apparently josh called kevin and asked him to hang out with them and kevin lied saying he was hanging out with his sister cuz it was her birthday. which was true. it was her birthday and he was at home with her for a bit. but then he came out here. and that's the part they don't know. so yea. whatever. he passed out eventually and i tried to as well. but he's not the best person to sleep with. maybe that was the alcohol at work. who knows. around 7am i felt really hot and still drunk and had to pee. so i did that. got some water. and then decided to open a window. it was still hot though and i didn't know what to do. so i said fuck it and removed some clothing on account that i didn't really give a shit. he was passed out and even if he saw me somewhat naked, bleh. who cares. around like 10am he got up and said he had to leave to do shit at home. so i just let him go cuz i was too tired to make a formal goodbye of it all. and that my friends was the crazy first weekend of my last semester of college. how fitting. hehe

i wish josh wasn't being such a prick. but eh. whatever. i think also i agreed to some sort of twister thing last night with ryan my neighbor. i'm not sure. i want to talk to him more tho cuz he seems cool. but i had kevin so i couldn't really. perhaps tonight. we'll see. good times tho. i haven't done the whole drunken party thing in ages. it felt good to just be amongst friends and be really drunk but not actually puke. =)

woohoo!!! party tonight!!! =) fuckin josh is being a bastard. hanging out with the boys in the band tonight AND tomorrow to solidify crap. bollocks. whatever. just fucking say u don't want to hang out. i mean i know he's not lying, but still. ugh. fuckin eh. but i got kevin from the band to come. unless he chicken's out. but i think he just might show up. rad! i really don't know him that well. so here is my chance to get to know him better. over a few drinks. haha man i think i'll be DRUNK tonight. woo! good times. anyway, on a totally dif note, check this quiz out. see how well you can distinguish between chinese, japanese, and koreans. ky got 7. i got 8. emily got 9. and so did her asian friend back home. so it's like a progression. the more asian you are, the slightly higher up u go. haha time to get ready to party!!! =)

man i am REALLY antsy. =( oh and i have decided i think one of our new neighbors, ryan, is sorta cute. he's the one that goes to starbucks all the time. i think he was in my dream last nite but i can't remember it. i just feel that he was. i dunno. but man, i really wanna see josh. holy crap i'm antsy and i'm so attracted to him i have no idea why. it's the sexual attraction thing. so strange. anyway, my week is over. wee! nothing to do with myself tho but at least the week is over. i need to sort out my classes and figure out just what the hell sort of hw i have. cuz i'm sorta overwhelmed right now. oh and this one dude in my marketing class is cute too. i think he's not a business major. prolly an advertising minor or journ major or something like that.

another long day. eesh. everyday has been packed to the brim. went to vagrant. that was fun. made cookies for the new neighbors. they are nice people. chill. sophs and juniors. they want to have twister parties! oh baby. =) they showed us their place. we showed them ours. i think we will get along well with them. after they left, we celebrated michael's birthday past midnight. ice cream cake! then we FINALLY exchanged xmas gifts. good stuff. michael got me and ky pseudo starbucks barista toy dolls. it's so hilarious. rick got me stuff from brazil that looks neat. lo got me the go dvd. and ky got me kewpie mayonnaise which we already tried and determined does NOT taste like real mayo. she also got me this little purse dealie that's made by this company i really like called parcel. now it's like nearly 2am and i have to do this reading for class tomorrow. i might try to switch my 497 class so that way i have a real lunch. and maybe also get a slightly easier teacher. who knows. we'll see.

i feel like bitching before i go to vagrant today. let's see. i hate having my period. econ class is gonna be boring at shite. 497 is gonna be hard as hell. marketing is gonna be fun but stressful due to those kiss ass bitches who sit in the first row. interning two days a week totally takes away from my free time. i'm getting antsy again. i haven't used my b&w film in my diana camera. my scrapbooks aren't done. no one knows what the fuck is going on with michael's birthday cake and gift. dan hasn't emailed me back. this cut on my hand won't heal. my cuticles are all fucked up. my chucks aren't broken in yet. i can't find where to buy tickets for the interpol show next month. i'm single. i haven't seen kyla in a million years it seems. i buy gas way more often than i want to be. i'm way too emotional and overdramatic. dominic never responds to my IM's. blah fucking blah.

it's not big deal, but i got robert from ralph's phone number!! =) i just went there to get some stuff to make cookies for the new neighbors and he was working but only like counting money and stuff. so we chatted a bit and he asked when our next party is and i said we aren't having a big one for a long time but that on friday we are having a chill thing. but he's working til midnight so it'll prolly be over by then. and he basically works til midnight on all party nights which sucks. but then he was like "wait do i have your number? and i said no." so we exchanged numbers. and i said i'd call him about parties and such. so wee! got robert's number. it doesn't matter tho but it's just cool. and it's on the number board too. yay!

anyway, today was my first day of classes. econ class sucked ass. it's gonna be really boring and blah. =( and it's at 10am. i can see myself skipping that class here and there. oh well. my strategic management class is gonna be the worst of all. a lot of work but not fun work. it's the last business class you take and it's like the culmination of all the business classes and it's just gonna blow. not to mention, guitar boy jeremy is in that class. ugh! AND he's in my marketing class. that class seems like it will be fun but a lot of work in spurts cuz we have to plan an event for honda. i don't intend to take on any leadership roles in that class. everyone will prolly want to be a head of something but i don't give a shit. i'll just be a team player and let ppl tell me what to do. i have no desire to work at an ad agency so who cares. hehe my internship class was no biggie. so that was fine. then i went to daniel's to drop off the cd i got for him. and i chilled for a bit. called josh to cancel tonight's plans altho i knew they would be cancelled anyway cuz daniel rescheduled band practice from last nite to tonight. so yea. no josh. but i would have cancelled either way. too bad he's busy all week. maybe i can convince him to come here after practice on friday nite. who knows. whatever. i'll figure it out then. oh and one of my new neighbors just came by too. she seems really nice. and i know the other guy that lives there is too. so i bet they are all nice. yay! new neighbors who are nice. =)

long day. non-stop i feel. basically i went to vagrant and was there for like 6 hours. it's so weird there cuz jared is off for like 2 wks so they have someone filling in doing the phones. tweedy and joby don't work there anymore cuz their band, the bronx, got signed to a label so now they are gonna be rockstars. one of the interns, john, is in this band that vagrant just signed. so soon enough he'll be out doing the rockstar thing too! and i met another intern, mike, who i had never met before cuz he only comes in on mondays. so basically it was sorta strange. but cool. some things still stay the same. like rob giving me weird vibes. haha and me doing shitloads of errands. i was out of the office for like 2 hours running errands. but i also popped into second spin and bought 3 used cds and the man that worked there sorta weirded me out with his awkward conversation. after i left vagrant i ran over to daniel's to give him this cd i snagged but he wasn't home and no one was there to drop it off with. so then i phoned him and talked for a few. i might drop by tomorrow after my class and his work. then i came home and ate dinner. emily came over and gave me my xmas gift which was a slew of kinder surprises and other various candies. then i went to starbucks to visit ky and the crew. then i went to see 25th hour with brian, dom, and pat. and now i'm home and i should sleep to get up for class tomorrow. it's been sorta non-stop today and i feel like i haven't even had time to chill and just do email and stuff. oh well. c'est la vie. at least i'm getting this semester started right with fun stuff. woo!

the beginning of the end. yes indeed. today is the first day of my last semester of college. sad! i don't have class today like practically everyone else i know, but i am going to vagrant where for the first time, i actually HAVE to go to fulfill my internship class hour requirements. sucky. so off to vagrant mon/wed and class tues/thurs. fridays free. saturdays free. sunday work at starbucks. that's my lackadaisical schedule. i love it. well at least for now i do. wait until i get to the classes and find out just how fucking shitty they are. haha i'm not sure if i said this before on here or not, but me and emily were talking about this semester. basically the #1 goal is to have fun. shitloads of fun. and when that hairy decision has to be made over studying for that quiz or doing something fun, u choose fun. cuz fuck, this is the LAST semester i have here. the LAST chance to have fun. so make the most of it. right? right!

so i was thinking about last nite and how i made the comment on my blog about josh looking sexy. i figured it out. most people don't think josh is cute. and i understand this now. it's like the whole "sexy" thing that me and ky always rant on about with lenny kravitz. so here i go. haha most boys i like i think are cute in some strange way. this is true. others may not find them cute, but i do. but with josh i always wondered how the hell i could be attracted to him cuz i didn't think he was all that cute. but now i realize, he's not really cute. he's sexy. at least to me. the way he carries himself and the way he looks is sexy to me. if u stripped him of all his tats and piercings and shaved his scruff and cut his hair short and took him out of the band, he wouldn't be cute OR sexy. but all that stuff creates the sexy vibe. like lenny kravitz. lenny ain't cute. but he's damned sexy. and i guess that's how i feel about josh.

everything i do. all the feelings i have. everything. i take it to the nth degree. i really need to stop doing that. it just causes me distress in the end. but i will save all of that for another blog moment. that's too much shit to get into. on a lighter note, i didn't have lunch with josh today as planned but rather hung out with the band and 3 other ppl at a bowling alley tonight. it was alright. they all tease me about hooking me up with daniel's roommate jeremy who is really rad and funny, but just not my type. and even if they changed his clothes and made him look "cool" it would still be weird cuz i would know he wasn't really being himself. and wasn't comfortable. u know? whatever. he was hilarious tonight on the lanes. he's always hilarious actually. and josh was definitely a bit out of it and tired. i could tell. he seemed a bit withdrawn. and then at the end of the night when he said he was so tired all he wanted to do was crash, i knew that's what it was. he's over at mykee's cuz all his shit is there. when we parted ways, i said goodbye and wanted to invite him back here but didn't at the same time cuz i felt weird. and then when we were driving back, i called him on his cell and said i didn't want to be rude and therefore offered my bed vs mykee's couch but knew that it didn't make sense since all his shit was there. so yeah. he's there. and basically i would be offering was my bed. cuz i have my period and he's fucking tired. so no hanky panky if u know what i mean. haha we might hang out sometime this week since basically i didn't get to really talk to him much tonight. cuz it was a whole group thing. which was fine. he did look damn sexy while bowling. it's the way he walks. he walks with attitude and i like that. and the way he just stands around like the "guitarist with mystique" ala almost famous. haha actually he once said that to me on AIM -- that he is the guitarist with mystique in all their band shots. and i thought he actually was referencing the film, and so i said "and yeah, you're looks are becoming a problem!!" but he didn't get it cuz he didn't get the reference to the film. so then i had to explain and felt like some film dork. haha whatever. i still have yet to give him this book that i want him to read. i meant to bring it tonight but in my haste to leave the house, i forgot. and i blamed it on him too cuz he was like rushing me out the door with his directions to the bowling alley and whatnot. it's ok. if i see him this week i'll give it to him then. it's this book i got in england called powder and it's about this british band that wants to make it big and all the shit that they go through and all the chicks they fuck and everything. i think he'd enjoy it or at least appreciate it. and considering he is the one in the band that reads the most, it made the most sense to want to give it to him. anyway, i think the boys are fun and all but i still feel weird. i'm getting better cuz i'm down with josh and daniel. kevin is easy going and i think if i had some time alone with him to get to know him better, i would feel much better around him. but he's nice enough so it's cool. travis i used to feel weird around but now i think he's just a nice guy. so he's cool. it's mykee who i think doesn't like me and therefore i feel the most weird around him. he's the one that's doing the website shit and not wanting my site to be up and stuff. basically when i got there, i smiled at him and he just gave me this bleh look. and i was like, umm ok. haha so yeah. he makes me feel uncomfortable. oh well. c'est la vie. bleh. i'm sick of talking about this. i'm gonna just read and sleep.

this is turning out to be one of those kinds of weekends. great. just fucking great.

i think i really need to give up this silly idea of dating a boy in a band. cuz i never realized how it won't work. i mean, i always said i want to date a boy in a band to see what it's like. to see how he's so engrossed in the band and how i would deal with that. well, it's not like me and josh are dating. but seeing josh AND daniel's schedules, tells me that it won't work! cuz if u are hardcore into your band, u really have no time for anything else. sure, if it's the "right" girl, he will "make" time. but u can't honestly "make" time. making time means giving up sleep. but it would mean giving up sleep for both people. at least with these boys. basically they work 40 hrs a week and practice about another 20. josh's routine schedule when they have band practice and work is work from 3:30-10:30pm. practice from midnight to about 4am. sleep. wake up. repeat. where does the girl fit in? btwn work and band practice? after band practice? before work? those are all shitty times for normal folks. so yeah, dating a boy in a band just doesn't work out well. i mean, then there's the boys in bands who don't care as much about their band. and i guess they still count as band boys, but i was talking about a boy who lives and breathes his band. like real rockstars. who are famous and on tour 75% of their lives. that's another thing. touring. girls and tour don't mix. that's for sure. a girl on the tour bus doesn't cut it. even if she is the hot merch chick. haha

anyway, i need to find a boy to date. i don't want a bf but i want to date someone just so that i'm not sitting around idle while all the other folks around me are having sex with their loved ones. it sorta blows. but i don't know where to find a boy to date. all the boys at SC blow. i never meet new folks anywhere. shows? i'm too shy. random places? i don't know how! it was like, the other day i was at the gap in the south coast plaza. and the boy working the fitting room was actually sorta cute. he wasn't all stylized or anything. he just looked like a nice boy who was sorta cute. datable. his name was josh. but hell, i didn't know what to say to him! oh well. story of my life really. oh well. anyway, me and emily were talking about this last nite a bit. and also about the ominous valentine's day which is a month away basically. never in my life have i celebrated that damned holiday. last yr i went out to see a movie with ryan during the tail end of that ryan saga mess. but other than that, i've never done anything on vday. sad really. and i think it'll happen again this yr. cuz i don't see myself finding a date for vday. if i do, it'll be some freak occurance really. but then again, it's sorta like, how did i meet josh and daniel anyway? freak occurance. so i suppose anything can happen. but i doubt it. me and daniel are probably gonna go to a show next month together but like i said, meeting ppl at shows is hard. and that will be AFTER vday anyway. and if we are together, ppl will probably think we are dating. so that won't work either! bleh. the search continues. but part of me doesn't want to search hard at all, cuz putting forth that much effort means really caring. and really caring leads to bad heartbreak come may when i have to move. if a boy just sorta fell out of the sky that would be really rad. but boys don't fall out of the sky. at least not in my area. hehe

went to visit the starbucks folks. good times. william and bertha were there. good ole william. i love him. we'll be closing together with mario this sunday. yay! we have a new drink now. the toffee latte. they say it's sweet. i can believe that. just like those damned toffee bars. really fucking sweet. anyway, i think i'm gonna meet up with josh in a bit. i dunno. he gets off work late tonight cuz he went in late. and so i think we are meeting up. eh. i dunno. whatever. i don't really care. i'm in a sort of blah mood. i could just as easily go to sleep right now. haha

i wonder if there is anything wrong with me. my neck still hurts!! i have been taking a lot of ibuprofen too. ugh. it's only on the right side. i wonder if it has anything to do with my shoulders. i dunno. it sucks!! ugh.

rearrangement and redecoration of the wall is nearly complete. i just need to get some purple wrapping paper. yes, it makes sense. trust me. and joey is being all weird now via email. whatever. we won't be interning together anymore apparently since he switched his days. not to avoid me of anything he says. eh. whatever. i can't believe this shit has gone down. i think i was a mess and intense. no no. he's way worse. whatever. i'm dealing. he says he is, but if i won't be seeing him at vagrant anymore, maybe he ain't. bleh. can't be bothered.

on a whim i decided to take some shit down from my walls and rearrange things. i want to make a space to put some cork board stuff to tack up photos on. it's all a work in progress. i dunno if i want to take more shit down or what. the walls look so funny with empty space yet i feel like my walls are cluttered. i dunno. i want more of a design aesthetic. i'll figure it all out. i need to sleep soon. my neck is killing me. it's been hurting all day. ugh!

man. i'm stuffed. i went out to dinner with the couples tonight. me, dom, ky, rick, and jessica. we went to fred 62. bill was our waiter. i've had him before. he provides good humor. now i'm home and the couples are alone and whatnot. but i don't feel alone cuz i know they are here. even if they aren't doing anything with me. it feels so much better this way. i'm glad ppl are back. =) joey called me while we were at dinner and i missed his call so i called him back right away to ensure he doesn't think i'm avoiding him. but i was supposed to call him back when i got home. but i haven't. i think i'll just say that i was hanging out with the roommates most of the nite since they just got back and totally lost track of time and calling. i dunno. i need a little like space and such to make this all ok so that there is no awkwardness. that's justified right? i think so! anyway, has everyone seen the new VW commercials? they are so rad. if u haven't, go here. they have a lot of past VW commercials as well as the current ones. "chain reaction," "squares," and "bubble" are really good. "chain reaction" is like really artsy. "squares" i like cuz i just fucking love squares! haha and "bubble" is like a trailer for a movie i swear. VW has some really rad commercials i gotta say. oh man. i LOVE them.

woo! both rick and ky came back within like 5 minutes of each other. yay! the house is no longer empty and jen is happy. =) oh and my robot now has a name. i just chose it. scooter. isn't that cute?

ok. i emailed joey and all is well. i hope. i mean he seemed ok and i truly hope that working together at vagrant won't be weird. we shall see next week! man o man. this break went fast yet slow. there were moments where i was lonely and it totally lagged. and then moments where i couldn't even see how the time passed so quickly! ppl are finally coming back. brian got back yesterday. today ky and rick return. in fact, rick should be here shortly. jessica went to get him at LAX (woo! i didn't have to go) and they should be here soon. then we are going out to eat somewhere. prolly a diner of sorts. perhaps swingers. haven't been there since i went with bobby like over 2 yrs ago. wow! on a musical note, two bands i really dig right now: sparta and thursday. a bit loud for some but i dig.

fuck. fuck fuck fuck! i am a stubborn bitch who now isn't hanging out with josh. here's what happened. i hung out with joey all day and came home. no word from josh. so i get all bent out of shape as usual. u know me? paranoid and all. good fucking god. then about 30 minutes ago i get an email from joey who basically said that he likes me and wants to know if there is a chance for anything. so all of a sudden i go from being totally pissed at josh to fuckin having to deal with this shit. so i called josh and bitched him out jokingly. and he was like, "u never called me. i was thinking all day, 'why hasn't jen called?'" cuz he thought i was supposed to call him. i swear to god he was supposed to call me. whatever. so he was really sorry and now we can't hang out tomorrow cuz he's going to a show. maybe friday. fuck. i could be with josh now but no. fuck. so then i asked him what the hell to do about joey. cuz that was my biggest concern at the moment. he said to just play it off casually. fuck. what the fuck do i do? i have to intern with this kid 2 days a week. fuck. whatever. i'm a mess. and i wouldn't even be dealing with any of this now if it weren't for the fact that i was too stubborn to call josh. cuz i could have easily called him even though i thought he was gonna call me. but no. i was stubborn. but he could have called too. whatever. ugh. the only reason i even called just now was cuz i figured he would be awake and i was flipping out about the joey situation while everyone else is like asleep! fuck. and daniel keeps bugging me about trying to set me up with his roommate jeremy. jeremy is a nice guy. but that's just it. he's a "nice guy." i'm not attracted to him. he's plain. and daniel told everyone in the band that he wants to set us up. ugh! good god. they all want jeremy to get laid before they go on tour. i will NOT be the girl to accomplish this task. sheesh. ugh. what a fucking mess. and i'm not even tired. if it wasn't so gooddamned sketchy right now i'd go for a run. oh and yeah, i bought a robot today. i haven't named him yet.

disappointed.

we have new neighbors! and they are 3 boys and 3 girls. the reason i know if cuz one of them is this guy ryan who comes into starbucks ALL the time! he always get a hot awake tea. i saw him there so i opened the window and yelled out to him. and we chatted a bit. that's rad. he's a nice guy. i think that means they will be juniors cuz he's a junior. but he's nice so i expect the rest to be nice. we should invite them over for our pre-party to get to know them or something. he's a film kid so they should be decent kids. anyway, i can't get a hold of joey and josh hasn't called. today may turn out to be a crapshoot. bleh. sad. oh well. i'm gonna return my pants and new bag cuz i need to get new music. i have a whole list of music i want. it's mostly older stuff but yeah. i need a new music revamp. i'm sick of the stuff i have.

today has been long. and i even woke up sorta late. like 11am. i was down in OC nearly all day. ugh! i'm not a fan of the OC area i must say. but whatever. my goal for the day was to get some gray pants, hang out with joey, and go to tyler's to say hi for a bit and pick up the tell lorelei cd. and i accomplished all of them! altho there was a definite lull in the day. first of all, i went to 2 tilly's with no luck on the gray pants front. then i went to south coast plaza which is a crappy mall for anyone my age to go to. it's got all these fucking ritzy stores. tiffany's, gucci, cartier, versace, escada, the list goes on. there were regular stores too, but not enough. i felt so weird there. and really fucking lonely. on top of that, i hadn't found my damned gray pants. and i couldn't get a hold of joey. AND josh didn't call like he said he would. maybe he'll call tomorrow before he goes to work cuz we are supposed to hang out tomorrow night. if he doesn't call, i'm not calling or anything. eventually he'll realize. and i'll just be pissed and once again lose faith in him. anyway, so i was feeling a definite lull around about 5pm. i was stuck in OC with nothing to do. cuz i had exhausted the whole mall and i really didn't know where to go. tyler wasn't home yet and joey was MIA on the fone. so i sat in my car for awhile looking at a map. i decided i'd go over to the tustin marketplace which is actually where josh works. but i was going to avoid the tower records and just check out the random other stores. cuz believe me, that place is fucking huge. and by then i figured joey would call me back. so i was searching for the 55 north and i couldn't find it and i got lost and ran into the urban outfitters by the pep boys where me and jessica were towed that fairthful night last month. so i chilled there and shopped. joey called me and he came down there and we met up. so that was rad. all of a sudden the day was much better. cuz i had gotten over that horrible lull. he had to work at 9pm tonight and he works at the virgin megastore at the block in orange. so we drove over there and got a bite to eat and then looked at the stores. cuz he knew i hadn't gotten my gray pants. there happened to be a tilly's there and they had gray pants! i was so happy. i got my pants finally. altho now that i have tried them on at home with my other clothes, i realize they don't really go and i think i'm gonna return them and scrap the whole gray pants idea. sad. hehe anyway, so we chilled. then he went to work and i went there with him for a bit. he gave me the cd he snagged for me which was the band the used. it's a decent cd. i was happy. i think he might snag other promos for me. rad. joey is rad. i finally got in touch with tyler who was home so i left joey and said we'd meet up tomorrow during the day. i ran on over to tyler's and got the cd. we chatted a bit but he was tired. so i left. and that my friends, was my long ass day in OC land.

so my prof in my marketing class did in fact read my blog. i ain't putting no fucking names or the name of the class again cuz then one of my "friends" might just find it and have him fucking read it. how do i know this? i emailed my prof about my final grade to ask how it brokedown and it was my lack of class participation that fucked me over. and i realized that. but i wanted to make sure. and then he emailed back telling me that one of my "friends" in the class had sent him a link to my blog because i had written about him. so he did in fact read it. and i'm glad he told me too. that was nice of him. he is a nice man. so all is well. whatever. he prolly didn't like how i said i didn't think we learned a damned thing in class but whatever. fuck all. i appreciated his honesty in telling me that he had read it. and fuck if i ever write class names in my blog again. ppl will search and find it and email my prof. hell fucking no!

yea. really good chat with daniel. and it also made me realize that i will definitely miss aspects of LA when i leave post-college. =( the time clock begins now i feel. it's like a subconscious countdown to an end. and i hate that. it makes me sad. i feel like my time is so limited that i must pack as much shit into it as i can. sorta like brighton. i was on a clock. and once spring break came around, the clock sped up. and then it was like over all of a sudden. i think i will be sacrificing a LOT of sleep this semester for the sake of wanting to do shit. yep. i can feel it already!

ok scratch that. daniel came back from the place earlier cuz kevin pissed him off. and now we are having a good chat. so it's better this way. better than getting naked with josh. well...haha. we are actually discussing all of that and girls and guys in general. and meeting ppl and stuff. it's a good one. good chat. oh daniel! =)

dinner with daniel was great! the food was crap but dinner was great! we ate and chatted and sat there for like 3 hours. it was fun. he's a good guy. i really do like daniel. i feel bad for selling him short a little while back. cuz really he is cool. and we can talk really easily. i remember why i liked him in the first place. =) i learned a lot more about his 2 ex-gfs and i understand him better now. then kevin called him up and so we met up with him and went back to daniel's place. kevin is a nice guy. underage still so he wanted someone to take him to get alcohol for his new apt. cuz he's living in this new apt in hollywood for like a month before he moves in with the rest of the guys. poor thing was lonely and wanted company. =) sounds like me! then charlie, their producer, called up daniel and said to go to the 101 cafe to hang out. and i almost went with them but i thought it might just be band shit and i didn't want to deal. but then part of me thought josh might be there. and i was right. he was! he is rather. they are there now. i called josh to make plans to hang out with him this week. wednesday is the day. i knew it too cuz daniel leaves for home that day. haha anyway, so i'm kicking myself cuz i could have been there and then i bet josh would have come back here with me. but no. poo. i opted out cuz i figured it would be awkward if it was me, daniel, kevin, and charlie. i should have known josh would be there. ugh! oh well. it would have been weird anyway prolly. i think if jeremy went i might have gone. but i didn't. it's ok. i am having some pre-menstural discharge. no good if josh was over here. so yeah. and wednesday isn't far off. but still. i just should have known! hehe

ok. i really should give josh a bit more credit than i do. he just called to apologize for not calling back that nite at work. in his words, "i know how you get paranoid about that stuff." so true. so fucking true. i wrote more about this in my journal last nite and i said how at first i had faith in him cuz he seemed to be on the ball about that shit. and as of late i thought he wasn't. but i guess it's just more cuz he doesn't have the internet and stuff. so anyway. whatever. i'm not quite sure what to do with myself. robin and her friend left and now i have time to kill before going out with daniel at 7pm. oh yeah. so i'm taking him to the formosa cafe cuz he said he's always wanted to go there. and like i asked him if he had any guesses where i was taking him and he said he had one guess but he wouldn't tell me what it was. but of course josh told me. he's such a blabbermouth. i love it. hehe anyway, daniel thinks i'm taking him to hooters cuz he's always bugging me about wanting to see my boobs. so at least he had the sort of right idea in thinking of something "meaningful." just didn't think of the right thing. haha

random fun at 2am! ernie, cheesehead, and the magic date ball.

i went into michael's room and was looking at his crap as he packed. he has these cute little bert and ernie dolls and i would always take ernie and make him sniff his butt. just like in the photo. so then i decided to fuck around and take pictures of it! haha then i saw that michael brought back a cheesehead. so i tried it on and captured that silly looking photo. it makes the cheesehead look fucking huge! it's great. jessica was down here cuz she couldn't sleep like me. so then we were chatting and she picked up my magic date ball thingy that lo got for me last xmas. and she asked it boy type questions. one of them was whether she would have great sex within a month. it said no for her. so then i asked it and it said "absolutely!" so either it's josh or some random person i have yet to meet. but i doubt i'd have sex with some random person that quickly. but then again, i feel like i won't hear from josh for a long time. i mean, i know he has no internet/computer of his own right now. so i bet he rarely gets my emails. and he has band practice like every fucking day. including tonight! not tomorrow, but i'm out with daniel tomorrow. and yes i only tried to call josh once. but still. maybe i'm just in a shitty mood about it, but i'm sick of being the one always calling and setting shit up. i mean, he sets shit up too, but i just feel like it's more me. and so i sent him this email basically just saying, "when u wanna do something, call me." so yea. whatever. i overreact all the time but still. bleh. but if i did have sex with him, i bet it would be great. haha whatever. bleh. i have to wake up in 7 hours so that me, robin, and jessica can go out to venice beach. yes sir, it's warm here in LA. warm enough to go to a beach in the winter. it's supposed to be 83 tomorrow and perhaps 88 on monday which would be a record high. how fucking insane is that? 88 in the middle of winter? sad! fucking sad!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!!!

robin and her friend, jessica (i think that's her name!?!) came tonight. we went to chano's for food. then i gave them the full hollywood tour. up melrose. down santa monica in weho. up the sunset strip. back down it again on the other side. then down hollywood blvd. robin is a bit sick and she was tired so she didn't want to actually go anywhere which was fine with me cuz i had done the whole sunset thing last nite. i think jessica might have wanted to do something but oh well. then we went to ralphs to get some breakfast food and get them toothbrushes cuz they wanted to make a bracelet like mine. robert was there. aww. he's so cute. then we came back here. robin successfully made her bracelet but jessica couldn't cuz the brush she got wouldn't cooperate. sad. then we watched swingers. how appropriate. so LA. so money baby. haha there was this one part in the film that sorta reminded me of josh. only cuz he has this whole "don't give a shit" attitude with women and has no fear. and there was this scene where vince vaughn's character (trent) and the other guy, sue, are trying to hype up jon favreau's character (mike) into getting a girl's phone number. and it just reminded me of him. like he is a bear with claws and fangs. he does like to bite! haha and he's just out there getting the girl. i dunno. that's not really josh per se but it just reminded me of him. here's the abridged dialogue of the scene:

TRENT: you're like this big bear with claws and fangs...
SUE: ...and big fuckin' teeth...
TRENT: ...and teeth...and she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner...
SUE: ...shivering...
TRENT: ...and you're just looking at your claws like, "how do i kill this bunny?"...
SUE: ...you're just poking at it...
TRENT: ...yeah. you're just gently batting it around... and the rabbit's all scared...
SUE: ...and you got big claws and fangs...
TRENT: ...and fangs... and you're like "i don't know what to do. how do i kill this bunny?"...

look at this: delta lab. a recording studio in denmark. it's so fucking rad looking. if i was ever in a band, i would want to record my shit there. and in other news, the west pier in brighton, uk collapsed a few days ago due to bad weather and it just being plain old. isn't that sad? =( they are going to restore it but it will obviously cost more now that it's actually fallen down. poor thing. i remember looking at it from afar. it was fucking old looking. i guess it was bound to happen. except that if they could have fixed it up sooner, it probably wouldn't have happened. oh well. and life goes on...

gravity always wins...

i can't wait to meet a boy that i really like a lot and find out that he actually likes me more than i like him! and he'll call me all the time. and he'll take the initiative to do things with me before i do. and he won't bring me flowers, but instead make something silly. and when we are apart, he'll actually email me or try to call me. oh i can't wait to meet this boy. one day. one fucking day. it might actually be love then.

what a way to really come back to LA! michael, me, and DA went to the sunset strip last nite. it would never be my first choice place to go, but since i had never been to the bars there on a regular bar night such as friday, i thought i'd go along for the ride. or rather, provide the ride. yes, once again, jen was the DD. i actually don't mind it much because it gives me an excuse not to drink and spend shitloads of money on overpriced booze. of course it makes the atmosphere less tolerable. but eh, whatever. i didn't want to sit home alone last nite so i thought i'd see what it was like. we got a late start though so we didn't get to the stip til about 11:30pm. we parked and walked down it deciding where to go first. i thought i'd be the most overdressed girl around, but i was actually surprised to see a lot of girls wearing jeans and a nice top. of course the sluts are running around, but that's to be expected. i could tell it wasn't gonna be my scene just by the folks walking around. the first place we went to was dublin's. man was that NOT my bag. the ppl weren't even attractive really. i think i was standing next to two of the most attractive guys there! we stayed there for a bit while the boys drank their whiskey and coke. walked around to see the scene. then decided to bag it. as we walked out and headed to saddleback ranch, we ran into one of DA's old friends, dan. he was with this girl trisha. we convinced them to come with us. so off to saddleback we went. that place was better than dublin's. the people seemed a bit younger and the music was more rock style. there were a few guys that could be deemed my type, but not really. there was this one guy who i must have seen like 5 times last nite. we kept sorta going in opposing directions. meaning when we would leave, he would come and vice versa. at first he was standing next to me for a long time and i felt like turning around to see if i could catch his eye, but then i didn't want to. part of me was scared he might actually talk to me. but everytime i saw him (we even saw him while getting our car to leave and he was stuck next to us in traffic!) we would like look at each other. anyway, whatever. michael knew the girl behind the bar at saddleback. it was the "hot" senior chick from his high school. senior when he was a freshman. u know that deal. there is always the hot senior guy and girl when u are a freshman. for my school i think the guy was ari welkom. anyway, michael was nearly shitting his pants. him and DA got their drinks from her and michael said he knew her sister who is his age so she gave them the drinks for free. we stood around a lot. looked at people. watched ppl ride the mechanical bull. then we decided to head over to the standard. boy is that place chill. i liked that. no noise. no stuffiness. no ppl bumping into you every 5 seconds. nice. a bit boring after awhile. we split from dan and trisha and went back to saddleback just before last call of drinks so that way michael could talk to the girl at the bar again. then we headed out. the boys were hungry so i took them to canters. man o man i will forever hit that place up at the oddest hours of the night! the boys ordered these huge ass sandwiches. DA nearly finished his. michael had plenty leftovers. then i took DA home and me and michael. and we just totally crashed. i was dead tired from driving from san fran. michael was tired cuz his flight was so early. i'm not sure why i woke up so early this morning. i think it's the anticipation of robin calling me to ask for directions. who knows.

yay! got my haircut by omar. his new shop is cute. he was so nice to me. i like going to him. he knows how i want my hair to look. i think it looks good too. shorter. i like it. i unpacked most of my shit but i still have random crap to put away. i hate unpacking. it blows. i have new shit and it don't know where to put it. my clothes are all put away i have decided i have too many socks, bras, and undies. there is no room! anyway, who the fuck posted that comment? so random. i think it's just some random person who found my blog and decided to leave their mark. weirdo! i talked to daniel and i think i might take him to dinner on sunday. we shall see. he also gave me josh's correct cell fone #. silly josh messed up one digit. sheesh. so then i called him cuz i just wanted to leave a message and i figured he wouldn't pick up cuz he was working. but no! he picked up. i didn't know what to say! so it was weird. whatever. they have band practice tonight and tomorrow. and robin is coming tomorrow night with her friends anyway. so yea. i'm occupied with shit to do. that's cool. come sunday i might be bored unless i take daniel out. then basically i have monday and tuesday to myself. wednesday brian comes back. thursday kyla, rick, dom and justin return. so then it's like sorta normal. so basically i only have a couple idle days. not too shabby. =)

back in sunny ole LA! 5.5 hours on the road. fantastic time. michael is home and i'm about to get my haircut. finally!! =)

goodbye san francisco... =( it's always a bit sad to leave the city and my home. granted my parents bug the hell out of me, but it's still a bit sad nevertheless.

woohoo!! my usc trojans beat the iowa buckeyes in the orange bowl, 38-17. woo!!! =)

fuck. my nose is all stuffed up and my body hurts all over. ugh! i hope i'm not getting sick. i desperately need a massage. a full body massage. too many aches and pains!

happy new year folks! 2003 is already starting off on a sour note for me. perhaps the rest of the year will follow an upswing. it's goodbye pallendrome year and hello, i don't know what. this year could be one of the most emotional and uncertain years of my life with graduation and all. i don't know where i'll be in 6 months. who i'll be with. if i'll be alone. etc. it's gonna be a crazy and fast last semester at SC. now to explain my new year's eve.

so ky came into the city around 2pm actually. i picked her up and we went and got tinna from SFO. ran over to her house and dropped off her stuff. then went out to mountainview to visit wakerly. we went to get coffee with his friends and milled around a bit. then went to dinner at this bar place. got some raspberry vodka and ginger ale at the store and premixed our plastic bottles in anticipation of drinking in the city. then we left mountainview and headed back into san fran. called up mel and joe and stuff and figured out the plan. we drove to mel's house and got her and matt and took the bus down to the embarcadero. it was free but it also only went to downtown. so we had to walk about a mile to the embarcadero. no worries. there were lots of ppl walking with us. so we got to the embarcadero area and they said u can't have bottles. so we stood around drinking our stuff for a bit. we had time to kill. joe and his crew hadn't made it down there and lawrence and his crew were still downtown in union square. eventually we met up with joe at the embarcadero. but then we had to find his ppl cuz he left them. so we found brian but then lost joe. then we found them all like 5 minutes before midnight. brett was there! nothing happened thankfully. i think the bitch vibe was out there from the night before and such. so then tinna had to go to the toilet and we did and then ran into graig from SC! then went back to joe's group. lots of cell foning occured at this point. figuring out what to do. i finally got ahold of lo and his crew. they were going back to the hotel. he gave me the address and such and we said we'd get there eventually. after all, there was this little issue of what to do about joe's crew. so we walked with them for a bit but i knew they wouldn't go the same way as us. so when we split, joe said for me to call him later. and that we'd definitely see him later. i had an idea of what that meant but i wasn't sure. so as we walked down the streets of the financial district, i called joe to see what was up. he said they were all going back to his place to drink and party and we were all welcome to come. especially kyla, aka, boots. haha so first we went to find lo's crew. on the way a man accosted me! like i was crossing the street and he came toward me and i couldn't get away and he just hugged me and was like, "happy new year!" it was so weird!! we got to lo's hotel and found him and chilled in his room with his friends for like 30-40 min i think. that was fun and relaxing. ky was getting sleepy but i knew joe wanted to see her. so eventually i called him and asked how best to get to his house and told him we'd be there in a bit. we left lo and mel and matt went home. and now for the anti-climactic part of the night!

so me, tinna, and ky go to the underground to catch the L taravel train. it said it was coming in 5 min. 5 min later, no L. then it says another L is coming in 12 min. 12 min later, no L. then it says another 6 min. 6 min later, no L. so now we don't know what to do. so we get on the M and take it to west portal station. we finally get there like an hour later and see no L trains. but then i spot an L bus!! joe did not tell me there were L buses!! so we get on that and get to 19th ave. we walk 3 long blocks in the cold and as we approach joe's place, i called him. no answer. so we ring the doorbell and brett comes downstairs. he toys with us through the gate and then lets us in. we walk up the stairs and hear no music. no sort of party at all. brian, fazio, and this girl ashley are sitting on the couch. joe is....passed out! on the fucking lazy boy. good fucking god! he wanted us to come back to his place. he wanted to see ky. and he's fucking sleeping! so i walked over to him and hit him a couple times to wake him up. then i hit him on the head with my cell fone. he only twitches and brett looks at me like what the fuck am i doing. joe mumbles that we got there too late. too late my fucking ass. the gooddamn buses screwed us over! so then the 3 of us girls sit at the dining table and lay our heads down. then eventually kyla lays on the floor by the table and i follow her. this is NOT comfortable at all. we do this for a decent amount of time. it's cold down there too. at some point, brett comes over and picks me up and is like, "jen. u didn't come all this way to sleep on the floor. don't do that. girls, please. go sleep in the back room. there's a bed and blankets and stuff. sleep there. not here on the floor." so we go to the back room. tinna takes the bed. me and ky set up blankets and sleeping bags on the floor with pillows. i have nightmares about ky not being able to get home. at 9am, ky wakes up and gets us all up too. we go the bathroom and i write a sarcastic note to joe which i leave on the fridge door saying, "thanks joe...for everything! - jen, ky, tinna." we say goodbye to brett and leave. take the bus back to mel's place to get my car. i drive kyla to the bart station. drive tinna home. go to target to get some chapstick and come home. and here i am. tired and sore and wanting to get the fuck out of san fran. i think i'm leaving friday still tho. tomorrow would be too soon. i need a day of recovery fromt he hectic and hellish night. i hope everyone else had an enjoyable new year's eve. i know emily did. she called me completely plastered. and so did jessica, rick, darren, neil, and those folks. i called them and they sounded like they were having a blast. tried to call daniel but his phone wasn't accepting calls or something. sad. anyway, that's it. time to nap.