event layout is FINALLY complete. at least i hope. i had to change it a couple more times to allow for more vendors and also cuz i went to campus and realized that i some of the shit didn't fit quite right. i had made a mistake with tree placement and such. at any rate, i think it's finally done and i even made a subdomain for it and cloaked it too. i'm so awesome. go me! =) http://eventlayout.findyourelement.com now it's time to research virgin mobile for my 497 group project. we have a meeting tonight. i also gotta work on this case QA and study for my econ quiz on thursday. oh sweet lord. it's gonna be a long nite! =(

i'm about to shit my pants over this marketing class. it's 10:30am and already i've gotten 12 emails from class!!! 12!!! and it's only 10:30. this is only my first check of email for the day. if i was one of those people who rarely checked their email, i'd be fucked for this class. cuz seriously, i wouldn't know that i have to make a presentation. that shit needs to be changed. etc. good god. 10 more days and the hell is over!!!

i can't wait for april 10th to be over. by then i will have completed another 497 QA. econ 350 quiz. 497 group presentation. brave the elements bash. and the mother of them all. the actualy daytime element event. good god. our marketing class should all go out and get smashed that night. either way i know i'll be drunk! today i worked on the event layout once more. this is the final time. fuck this changing around bullshit. i have to give a presentation on tuesday about the way the event will look. so i came up with the layouts and threw them up on the web. if you give a shit, here is what our event should end up looking like. and what banners and signs we need to make. click on each event section for details on that section. i did the website really fast. it's more just because that way i can scroll the one image which is too big for the screen as opposed to powerpoint which i wouldn't be able to scroll. not to mention i hate powerpoint. i still have so much more work to do aside from this event layout crap. i think i'm skipping out on vagrant. i just have to get my shit done. fuck me. actually, that's exactly what i'd like. a good fuck to relieve some stress. anyone wanna help me out with that? haha

hmm...more recap of the night with the roommates provides better insight into the night. there's definitely some stuff i forgot about until people mentioned it. very interesting.

oh yea. and me and ky coped squats and peed behind a tree on the way to the party last nite. apparently we weren't well covered. haha oh well whatever. i've done it a few times before. it's not a big deal.

"fro girl make her lips all smackey." -- kyla

sake night fever was a success and i am dreadfully hungover. oh dear lord. we did 7 rounds this time. last time we only did 5. i was totally trashed. the crowd was slightly different this time but most of the staples were there. me and ky went all out and bought these big ass maroon colored afros. so fun. photos will be up shortly. we pounded back the shots one after another and once we finished, we all left the house and went to some parties. i think. i only remember one party but apparently we went to two and the first one sucked. who knows. maybe that's why it seemed like i was walking forever. hehe i know that justin joined us at one point. we walked and walked and walked and i kept taking sips of brian's drink. i probably shouldn't have done that. once we got to the party i had to pee. while i was waiting i tried to steal their rothko poster and their rug. i literally rolled the damn thing up and tried to pick it up. i doubt i would have been very discreet with a rug and my huge fro. haha i don't really remember much of the party. i basically sorta sat around and then didn't feel so good and wanted to leave. brian took me home. =) jessica and rick were lagging behind us. when we got home, dom and ky came out of the room and all 6 of us were eating bread and drinking water. that was fun. scooter got involved in our playful atmosphere. then brian carried me to bed. i was like, "wow, brian can actually carry me!" and then it's sorta fuzzy. i recall wanting to puke and wanting to change my clothes but apparently passing out before doing either. and that's when brian left. i felt bad cuz i totally would have wanted him to stay here. fuck the long drunken walk home at like whatever hour it was. but i didn't offer before passing out so oh well. i'm so glad brian was there to take care of me. cuz i don't think i could have made it home by myself. i prolly would have wanted to just pass out on the street or something. =( anyway, it was a really fun night. and i enjoyed every minute of it til the end. now i have a shitload of work to do. =(

i've been a bit scarce on this thing recently. partially due to being super fucking busy and tyson visiting me. it's sorta hard to blog when your friend is here. it's just not cool. anyway, so let's see. yesterday was an awesome day. even though i'm super stressed out, yesterday was so great. one of the best days in recent past. on a complete basis. cuz i mean of course it's awesome to hang out with josh. but the rest of the day was shit. most days are up and down for me. do something fun but get sad and emotional later. something of that nature. but yesterday was like completely good. from start to finish. basically i woke up and got ready for my day. the sun was shining and i was ready to go. left the house and went over to vagrant to pick up some stuff they were donating to our marketing event. then i went to acura to get some touch up paint for my car cuz kyla hit it like a month ago. then i went to jamba juice before going to the art institute. man was i having a lot of fun by myself. seriously, i was loving LA at that moment. it was nice and sunny and i had all the windows down. wind blowing. music blasting. it was great. it's surreal to think that sometimes i feel the exact opposite. i'll be in my car driving and feel totally trapped in. windows up and i just wanna drive off into the distance. but this time i was loving every minute of it. so of course when i got the art institute i was on an upswing. i talked to the man who could see the enthusiasm in me. he gave me all the new current info and told me that since i had been there last year, some things had changed. for one, they expanded. they have a second building now! they are going to the hub for the california part of the west coast. i got really excited about everything and when i left i was pretty sure i had made my decision. i am staying in LA after graduation. yep. i have finally decided. i have been stressing about this for so long and freaking out, but i have decided that this is where i need to be. granted seattle is a nice place, but right now i can't move there. it would be too emotionally draining to leave this place and everyone. i wouldn't be able to do it. sure the school up there is a bit better, but i honestly think i will be happier here. at least right now. if that changes in a year, i can always transfer to seattle. but for now, i am staying in LA. i have decided. so now i need to start figuring out where to live! and hey. i met my end of march deadline. =) i didn't think i would. but the way i felt yesterday just made me make up my mind. and waking up today with the decision in the bag, i feel good about it. so here we go!

continuing on with my day. after i left the art institute, i hopped in my car and ran into bad traffic on the 10. that sucked cuz if i hadn't hit the traffic, i prolly would have beat tyson home. but no. so when i got here, tyson was already here. but it was cool cuz he was talking to my roommates. it was good to see tyson again. especially since he's moving to nashville for like 2 years to do a tattoo apprenticeship. he looked good. nice and thin. and after the whole day, i didn't think he seemed as awkward. maybe he's actually growing up. he still thanks me way too much for mundane things, but at least i know he appreciates stuff. but yeah. i had a great time with him. we didn't do too too much, but we had fun. we went to target and got some stuff there. and that was actually fun. haha then we came back here and figured out what to do about dinner. we first went to the la brea bakery and got some bread since tyson likes bread as much as i do. he used to work in a bakery for christsakes! then we ate dinner at sante la brea. i knew he'd love it there cuz he's vegan and the menu practically screams vegan. we got a bunch of food and he even got something to go. and then to top it off, they fucked up our bill in our favor and so that was nice. then we were gonna go home when he decided he wanted to go to amoeba. so we turned around and went. and in the process, we ran into dan. literally he was in the car next to us on vermont. it was funny and weird. me and tyson went to amoeba and we both got stuff. i got the bjork greatest hits album and it's really good. i like it. he got more morrissey stuff since he loves morrissey. and i actually like the guy's voice too. i should get some of this stuff! after amoeba we came back and chilled with the roommates. that was cool. ate some of our bread. tyson liked rick. he said he was cool. we kicked it for awhile before tyson got really tired. he said he'd make it til 11pm but then he had to sleep. cuz he had to wake up early today to continue his drive. so we talked til 11 and then he went to bed. he told me about how he got the tattoo gig through his roommate. he also said that his roommate said i was the cutest girl tyson had ever brought home. cuz i met his roommates when i spontaneoously went to oregon last summer. so then i had to ask about the nearly naked photo of myself with the basketball. cuz tyson took a photo of me shoulders down with me holding a basketball in just my panties. he was sending it to his friend in england as part of this joke about the basketball. tyson said his friend enjoyed the photo and such and that after that, the joke was over and he sent back the basketball. haha that was awkward at the time. now in heinsight, it's just funny. anyway, once tyson went to bed at 11, i didn't know what to do with myself. cuz he was in my room and therefore i couldn't be in there. ky was with dom. rick with jessica. and lo and nikki were passed out next to each other. so seriously i was all alone! damn the single life. =( so i finally arranged to go with michael and DA to spencer's party. brian and crew would be there too. so i did that.

the party was decent. lots of fresh faces. as well as familiar ones. "linen boy" was there! how odd. some guy came up to me and started talking to me. his name was jon. no H apparently. he's high school friends with some of the people at the party but he goes to UCSB. physics major. he reminded me of skatebot josh. it was odd. he seemed nice enough but 1) he doesn't go to school here. 2) i wasn't drunk and entirely receptive to him. we talked a lot about my pins on my purse and i ended up giving him one of them. one that i didn't like. we chatted for a bit but then he had to pee. and when he came back michael and DA said they wanted to leave. so no more talking with jon. i wasn't torn up about it since i wasn't really attracted to him anyway. he seemed nice though. he has one of my pins and when he wakes up this morning after nursing the hangover, he can look down at his tie and be like, "oh yeah. that jen chick gave me one of her pins." i would enjoy that moment if i was him. getting some pin or something as a souvenir. hehe anyway, we came back to SC and went to this one party which sucked. then i came home without michael and DA cuz i was tired. at 5:50am the alarm went off for tyson. he got his stuff and was out of here within about 15 minutes. sorta sad. i said goodbye and wished him well on his long journey. i bet i won't see him for a long time now cuz he's gonna be out there for like 2 yrs. being in oregon i knew i'd see him again. but now he's gonna be in nashville and so i bet i won't see him for awhile. not never. just a long while. sad. tyson is cool and finally not so awkward.

today is a busy day. shit to do. preparations for "sake night fever" need to be done. we have yet to get the sake or the movie to rent. i have to figure out my costume as well. yikes! and back to stressing about my classes and such. =(

tyson is here! yay! i'll write more later.

and now a late nite chat about sex....

man o man. drunk people can be so amusing on the phone. threesome propositions in pasadena at 3am are just fucking hilarious. and a bit tempting. haha =)

yea i will be stressed until i graduate. boo. i called the art institute today and i will be going there on friday to get new info and visit it again. i'm leaning towards staying in LA at this point but who knows. i have a lot of work to do and it sucks. the perio said i clinch my teeth during the day which i need to stop doing. hmm what else? i dunno. i'm just perpetually stressed. i tracked shit into john's house last nite and so i was gonna bring him lysol to clean it but he's not home. and i realize also that my last entry sounds a bit bad when i look at it in it's purest form. cuz yes i did spend the night in two different beds two nights in a row. is that sinful? i'd like to think not, but whatever. me and john didn't even do anything. it was too damned hot last nite! and what's with this heat spell anyway? what is this? is it summer already? haha alright it's gonna be a late nite for me. time to get back to work. =(

here's irony for ya. so the night that i went out with josh, john calls me right before we get to the restaurant. and for me it's sorta awkward cuz here's me with one boy i am friends with and attracted to, and here is another boy of the same measure calling me while i'm with the other boy. and so i talk to john briefly and i feel a bit odd and don't say a whole lot and just get off the phone. then last nite, what should happen but the reverse! i was about to go to sleep at john's and my phone rings. it's josh! i answered it only because josh rarely calls me and i thought if he was calling it might be important. but basically he called to make sure i got home safely from his place and stuff since it was so early and he was so out of it he didn't really remember me leaving all that clearly. so of course i have to again speak on the phone in an awkward manner since john is laying right there. i thought it was sorta amusing and very ironic. haha ok off to the periodontist!

i'm majorly stressed out. i can't deal with everything. graduation, classes, life. ugh. i just want it all to end yet i don't and that's part of my stress. boo. hanging out with josh last nite was cool. sorta eased my stress and took me out of this SC world of sadness. so that was nice. yay josh! seeing his roommates again was nice cuz i haven't seen the boys in awhile. =) the late nite dinner at bosa nova was good too. it was weird cuz i had called john earlier in the nite and i just knew he would call me back while i was with josh. and he did! right as we got to bosa nova. he has been there a lot so he recommended a dish but whatever, we got something else. hehe man, i hate this ending college crap. it's sad and depressing. =(

i'm falling apart. =(

good times with josh. =) and he wants to go to my graduation! aww. how cute. need to go back to sleep now. write later.

hmm...i feel sad and i'm not sure why. =/

so after i came back from posting fliers i actually felt sort of refreshed and didn't really wanna go back to sleep. yet i did anyway. while sleeping i think i got like 5 phone calls. ratbastards trying to ruin my nap!!! one call was important. tyson. we actually talked for a few minutes too and he didn't seem all awkward. he is in fact coming this friday to spend the night on his way to tennessee. so that's cool. i'm excited to see tyson. it's been since september. and once he moves to tennessee i may never see him again! i'm sure he'll come back here though once his tattoo apprenticeship is over. cuz i mean, tennessee? i doubt he'll want to stay there forever. anyway, i feel like i have done nothing today. i don't think i have really. once i decided the phone calls were enough, i got my ass out of bed. i should have been at vagrant today but i didn't go in. if i was there though, i'd have all these fucking messages when i got home. weird! john came over around 12 something to use my internet. meanwhile i showered. john is so weird. like the way his mind seems to work and process things and the way he spits them out is just weird. anyway, he was here for like an hour or two. i was showering and getting ready and we were just fucking around with shit in my room. i gave him a kinder surprise but it wasn't a flintstone toy so i let him have it. a few people from class called about shit. lovely! oh and his hair was all weird and poofy and reminded me of dylan's! it was shocking. i did not like it. no sir. and i told him right away. it was the first thing i said. not hi. not how are u. but, "oh, you're hair." haha anyway, i finally got my ass out to melrose real quick. then came back. and i still haven't done anything! i might take josh out to a late dinner tonight after he gets off work. we shall see. that will be good times if we do go. maybe i should do some work or something. i have to do research for my 497 group project. ugh!!

i should not be awake right now. but i am because i have to post fliers for marketing class at 8am! =( still having dreams about the class but it's getting a little better. last night brian was like, "get a good sleep. dream of cute boys instead of honda element's." well, i dreamt of both sorta. basically in the dream, me and brian (cute boy) were meeting up to flier this stuff this morning (honda element) and we had to get coffee first since we were tired. and then dylan came and it turned out he worked at the coffee place instead of it being me! and dylan had tattoos and stuff. it was weird. and then at the end it was like last nite where i dropped brian off at his house. only after that, dan's car comes up near mine but i don't think he saw my car. it was a mesh btwn the fact that me and brian have to flier this crap this morning, that we went to get coffee last nite, the dan stuff from the weekend, and that i am supposed to be meeting up with josh at some point this week and he is the one with all the tattoos. so sort of about class and sort of not. getting closer to freedom! haha ok, time to get off to campus. =(

aww. dominic didn't come. he was supposed to spend the nite here with his gf crystal but they didn't get here fast enough and he called me to tell me that he wouldn't make it here in time so they are just gonna get a motel room. sad! i wanted to see him again. i didn't get a proper goodbye!! boo. on a good note, i just went to get boba with brian. yay! i wanted to take a break from our crappy marketing class so i asked him to go with me to the coffee place near the boba place but then it was closed. so i got boba instead. then we went past the UV and i had to hide my head from william and susana who were walking out as if they had just closed buckies. which meant they closed it early at like 11:30! so then we went to the movie theater to get the new midnight movie schedule and meanwhile john called me. i was wondering why he hadn't called me back this weekend cuz he's usually so good about returning my calls and he hadn't. i figured there was a reason. and it was cuz he was in vegas and he just got back. so it was nice of him to phone. anyway, so then i took brian back to his place and we just sat there and chatted for like 30 minutes. good times. i like hanging out with brian. =) in about 7 hours we will be accompanying some of our classmates on campus to put up fliers for the element stuff. ugh!!! 8am just doesn't work well for me. =(

less than 2 months til we graduate. definitely high stress time. i have no idea what to do. move to seattle and start a new life or continue on with the one i have here? i'm so confused. part of me thinks moving to seattle makes more sense since the school is probably a bit better there. but then why do i want to make it hard on myself and start new? have to meet all new people? i'm sure i could do it. i'll be in school and with all those coffeeshops and such, i'm sure i'd meet people. they seem nice and friendly up there so i'm sure i wouldn't have too much trouble. but then i'll miss all my friends here. and most of them seem to be staying here. kyla isn't but she is going back home which is closer to LA than seattle. part of my seattle dream included her and once she decided not to move with me, i started to lose the gumption. i'll be the first to admit that i am entirely scared to move up to seattle. it seems so far for me. and if i'm all alone, at first it will be tough. cuz i hate to be alone. sure it's an adventure, but do i want that? would i want to live in seattle after i finished at the art institute? not really. i liked the city but not enough to want to live there forever. and it's not like i have to live there forever just cuz i go to school there for 2 years, but i sort of wanted to go to school in the same city where i thought i'd get my first job. just to make it simpler. and i think i'd rather have a job here or san francisco. but i don't want to go to the school in san francisco cuz i really don't like it. so that's not an option. if i stayed here i could go to school and then either work here after i finished or move to san fran which would be simpler since it's closer. and then i could live with my friends down here and such. so part of me leans more toward staying in LA. but then i always think, what if i'm totally making the wrong decision on this. what if seattle is better and i sit here wondering about the what if's? i'm told that transferring btwn schools isn't hard so if i stayed here and then wanted to leave after 6 months or so, i could move to seattle and do that. or vice versa i could go to seattle now and then easily transfer back here. i think that would be slightly more of a hassle cuz getting all my shit up there in the first place will be a bitch. but it's not without reason. ugh! i just don't know what the hell to do!!! i know that i have to figure it out soon so that i can either decide to move and make motions toward that, or decide to stay and find people to live with and such. fuck, why does this have to be so hard? thankfully i don't have a bf to weigh me down. cuz i see the stress that is putting on some people. and i would hate to have to deal with that. cuz there's no way in hell i'd move to podunk, usa just because i was dating someone for a few months. sure it's easy to say that from my single perspective, but i know if i was in the situation it would be a lot harder. so i guess i have something to be thankful for in this single situation. it just sucks tho. cuz in a way, if i had a real driving force to make me move or stay, at least it might appear to be simpler in that respect. in the end i might resent the whole thing, but at least in the moment it would seem nice. man, this blows. i see a lot of crying and pondering in the dark with sad music on. hell, that's sort of what i'm doing right now. pondering in the dark with david gray playing in the background. no crying though. not yet. and on another stressful related note, what the hell to get people for graduation? i have a lot of gifts to hand out and i'm not concerned with money really. i doubt that anything i want to get people will cost me a lot of money. it's all about sentiment at this point and that's the big headache. what to get people near and dear to me that means something and that they can take with them and always remember me? tough stuff. i have some ideas of what to do but i just don't know. man, this graduation stuff sucks. i knew it would but i never imagined it'd be THIS hard. =(

in my procrastination mode, i decided i would let my mind stray a bit. so i thought more about last nite. now i really don't get it. how come boys want to make out with me but no one wants to date me? is it because we are approaching the end of our college career and with futures uncertain no one wants to commit? i could see that. hell, that's how i feel too. but yet it always seems to have been the case where boys don't want to date me. now, wtf is wrong with me? i'd like to think i am a decent person. a nice girl. someone that would be dateable. but i guess not. all i'm good for is making out and the ole in and out. good fucking grief. i look around and i see happy couples. how come that's not me? the last time i had a boyfriend was dan. and that was last summer. sooooo long ago. =( and now here's dan being one of the boys with the propositions! sure he used to want to date me, but even back then it didn't work out right and half the time i was upset and stressed out about our relationship. so wtf? john (who i haven't even heard from since i got back) doesn't want to date me either. sure i'm cool and whatnot, but no, no dating. wtf? josh. well he made it clear from the start that he didn't have time to date. and i believe this. i can see the lack of time. but nevertheless, i'm sure i wouldn't be up to par to date. cuz i wasn't for daniel his bandmate. and he went around and started dating some 17 yr old chick. good god. wtf? i guess i'm not even good enough to beat out jailbait. do u folks see where i'm going with this? oh and then there was ben. sweet, sweet ben. ha! sweet my ass. mr. sex-before-the-date-even-begins. wtf? definitely didn't want to date there. all these boys who seem like possible bf material but in reality aren't. sad sad sad. i should concede that i met one boy who prolly did want to date me -- joe. no make that two. joe and joey. but joey is fucking annoying. nice deep down but overbearingly nice and too damned stressed out about every little thing. that's how i am and i can't deal with a person who is freaking out even more than me! not to mention i'm not attracted to him either. joe. ok he's a good guy yes. not really attracted to him but a good guy. so perhaps that's a fuckup right there on my part. although i'd like to think that maybe just for once i could date the boy that *i* want to date. ie. any one of the boys that i liked first. where am i even going with all this? i have no idea. i guess last nite just struck a chord that yes jen, you are fuckable but nothing more. cuz time and time again that's what it seems to boil down to. and how the hell did that even happen to me? god, i used to consider myself ugly. i guess i'm not ugly but i'm certainly not gf material. time has definitely told that tale. i dunno. this just slightly depresses me. when will i have that magical moment where i find some boy and it just clicks? probably never considering life after college seems bleak and uncertain and definitely not filled with many boys. michael was just saying how it's gonna be harder to meet lots of new ppl since it's not as easy now that college is practically over. granted i'll be in art school, but a lot of the people will be younger i think. i don't want to date some 18 yr old boy! goodness. ugh. i suppose i should get back to my marketing class work. i have to plan the entire layout and look of the event and if i don't do this soon, not only will i get a "reprimand" in the class, but i'll never stop dreaming about the fucking thing!

this fucking sucks. all i ever dream about these days (or at least the dreams i can remember) is the marketing event. it's fucking insane. every night i have a dream about it. ugh!!! =(

propositions left and right! since when did i become a girl that boys want to make out with? and how come none of these boys want to date me? wtf? =/

so i'm back. i'm a smidge tired from the trip. nothing horrible. i feel gross from all the lovely food we consumed. and now i shall try to run through the highlights of our week long spring break extravaganza!

thursday, march 13th:
me and ky left for our her house around 6:30pm. she drove the whole way which was good cuz she likes to drive at night and in the dark whereas i prefer to drive during the day in the light. this worked out well for the whole trip. we got her house in cameron park around 1am and went to sleep.

friday, march 14th:
we left ky's place around 10am. we got coffee at bella bru which is this awesome coffee place near her house. coffee along with all the food we ate would be the two main components of our spring break. yes folks, there really is THAT much coffee drinking in seattle. =) anyway so we left and i drove us all the way to eugene, or. we didn't stop off in corvallis at dom's place like i thought we would. just no time. we got food in eugene which was a funny little place. very very very plain. all the people in the store were white and looked related. and they were slow moving. omg, me and ky got a laugh or two out of that. and i also bought some girlscout cookies from a girl there. ky drove us all the way into seattle where we arrived at her sister's place around 1:30am. we stayed there the whole time in seattle. it's a cute little house. they live near UW which is cool. it's near where sarah lives too! ky's sister kari lives there with her husband bryant and their two kids sie-ce and jasper. the kids are 5 and 2 years old respectively.

saturday, march 15th:
the coffee infusion and food madness began this day. we first went to the coffee shop across the street from kari's place. it was cute and fun. i could tell i'd like seattle and the people just from walking in there first thing on my first morning in seattle. me and ky made it a point of going to as many cute coffee shops as possible during our whole trip. we also hit up several chained ones including starbucks, tully's and seattle's best. it's cool how the small ones survive despite all the major chains. kari, bryant and the kids all took us around the city this day. it was a nice orientation to the different areas we would go to in the following days. we ate at the spectacular thai tom's which is THE BEST thai food i've ever had. and it's cheap too! it's near the university and it's ALWAYS crowded. there is a reason why. cuz it's so fucking good! we went downtown and to pike's market. went to the first starbucks ever. took photos of course. sal would be proud of us. haha saw the EMP and space needle but didn't go in them. that would be for another day. me and ky had wacked eating schedules the whole trip due to waking up sorta late and eating huge lunches. so this nite we ate at a happy hour in some asian restaurant/bar place downtown. it was "ok" at best and our waiter was weird. no rain that day. i was beginning to wonder if the rain was a myth!

sunday, march 16th:
me and ky woke up to sunshine once again. no rain that day really. a few sprinkles at best. is the rain really a myth?? we went with the whole family to the fremont district flea market. i didn't get anything there but it was fun. then me and ky split from them and ate at a greek place for lunch. then we looked around the area which was cute. known for it's former really artistic days. then we went to pioneer square but it was boring cuz it was night time and on a sunday. we called up rick's friends neil and darren and made plans to meet them at this brazillian place for dinner at 9pm. so we did that. the food was so so. then we went to starbucks over in the university village. by this point we had already had coffee a few times but u know, starbucks is always fun too. it was a nice big one full of college kids studying for finals. it's the second busiest starbucks in the world! the first busiest is in japan but that one is franchised so it doesn't totally count. me and ky were being silly. especially me. we called our own starbucks and talked to mario and william. how funny. we should have been working that nite but we got people to cover our shifts. or so we thought. no one covered ky's as they were supposed to so oh well. whatever. it was good times anyway. and the funniest moment there was when this man was right by the door and he stood there, looked around the place real quick, scratched his balls, and left. me and ky saw it and thought it was the funniest shit ever. u had to be there. it was top notch.

monday, march 17th:
me and ky went to capitol hill which is the sort of "funky" part of seattle. not as cool as i had hoped. it had an urban outfitters tho which i got lots of stuff at. other than that, not too cool. a crappy version of melrose avenue basically. later on that day we met up with sarah. i FINALLY got to meet sarah after like 6 years of being email penpals. so insane. she goes to UW and lives near kari's place. so where did we go for dinner? thai tom's of course! me and ky had to get that in one last time. so good!! we took photos and all.

tuesday, march 18th:
this was visiting the art institute day. good times. the man i met there was nice. i like the school. i just can't decide if i want to live in seattle or not. starting a new life and all. ugh! i have to figure it out soon. after the AI visit, me and ky met up with neil to go to the EMP -- experience music project. it's really cool looking but not worth the $20 entry fee. the best part was when we pretended we were in a band with instruments and all and sang kareoke style to "i love rock and roll" and then got our photo taken and printed out in poster size. that was the best. the rest of the place was so so. at the disco exhibit me and ky got the idea for "sake night fever" which is a disco themed sake bombing night. we want to do that before we graduate. it will be good times. disco music. 70s clothes. sake. oooh. fun!! after the EMP we went back to have dinner with the family. it was our last nite and they made us dinner. man the kids are so cute. i have a few photos of them. after they went to bed me and ky got our last fix of seattle coffee at tully's where they make these awesome coffee flavored milkshake deals. so good!!!

wednesday, march 19th:
off to canada to visit emily. i drove us up there. not bad timing. the border was surprisingly fast despite the brink of war. getting to emily's place was a little hard cuz of the strange roads. and the whole km/hr was throwing me off with my speedometer. no tickets tho thankfully. once we got there emily took us to get lunch. then we did some shopping around her area. she showed us her school and whatnot. then we went to vancouver at nite. first we got dinner in her city. vancouver at nite is cool. i wish we could have been there during the day. another trip! emily's driving is so so. the whole incident with the car and the turning and the road median will have to be left for us. so funny. i was laughing with u emily, not at u. good times. =)

thursday, march 20th:
we left emily's place early and i drove us down into oregon. again, the border crossing was simple. the man on this side was funnier cuz he was american. not all stiff like the canadian man. haha kyla took us the rest of the way to corvallis where we stayed with dominic and his gf, crystal. it was fun times. quick times, but fun. we had dinner together. dom had to work at 9pm and crystal had to study for a final so she went with him. we had the place to ourselves and ky slept early. i watched a movie then tried to sleep on the small couch. not the most comfortable. oh well.

friday, march 21st:
woke up early and said goodbye to dom and crystal. another roommate came home and we just sorta didn't say anything to her. we left and i said i would see dom again soon enough. i drove us 8 hours to get to ky's place. see, i did all the morning driving. ky is better at night with that stuff. we stayed her ky's place for a shower and dinner and then we hightailed out of there around 9pm to get back here to LA. ky drove that leg of course. we got back here around 2:30am and the rest is spring break history.

all in all i had a good time. i dreamt way too much about my marketing class. and no i don't mean dreaming of john. ky actually did tho! haha i mean dreaming of the class and how i have shit to do for it. ugh! stressed me out. i can't decide if i like seattle enough to move there but i will have to decide soon. i want to visit the AI here again in santa monica before i decide. but yea. good times overall. now off to dinner with dan and perhaps a better recap of his road trip with the skatebot boys. =)

home at last! more blogging tomorrow.

well. i'm about to leave for spring break. good ole seattle. and u'd think i would be happy. it's spring break! but no. i'm sad. sad for the reasons i mentioned earlier. what seattle represents. how this could merely be a precursor to the inevitable leaving forever bit. i'm internally freaking out. i think i might start crying at points on this trip. i'm glad that it's me and kyla. we'll get a lot of quality time together. but that will probably also mean a few tears will be shed as a consequence. =( i wish i didn't feel like this. it's my last spring break! but i can't help it. if i wasn't going to seattle i don't think i'd be nearly as sad. it's also the fact that once spring break ends, it's all downhill. shit will be just rolling by. before i know it, it will be my birthday. and then it will be graduation! =( oh boy. this is sad. at least i got to spend my last nite before spring break the way i had wished and envisioned it. at first i felt a little discouraged and upset. things didn't seem to be panning out. but then everything sorta fell into place and i had a good last nite. and breakfast in bed is always a nice treat too. classes today seemed a bit zombie-like. i was definitely just going through the motions. and now it's time to pack and get out of here. oh boy. here i go! maybe i'll be blogging here and there from random computers. but if not, i should be returning next saturday the 22nd.

have u ever noticed that all the vietnamese restaurants are called pho #__? well they are. jason and i went out to get vietnamese food and pho 80 which he wanted to go to was closed. so we saw pho 79 down the street and tried that. no dice. so then we went over to vermont street and found pho 9. we ate there. not good. don't go to pho 9. maybe the lower the number the worse it is. haha it's just funny how they are all named pho #__. maybe the whole city is in cahoots with each other to make all the #s unique. who knows. strange tho. very strange. time to return the kegs!

should i or shouldn't i? the decision is all mine.

wow. a wave of sadness came over me not long ago. i wasn't entirely sure why. for sure part of it has to do with me having my period soon but still. it had to be more. then it sorta dawned on me. spring break. missing my friends. seattle. you'd think i would be happy to go away to some new place for a week or so. albeit with kyla! but alas i think the trip will be sorta sad for the most part. basically i realized that while i am there i will be deciding whether or not this is the city that i will be living in for the next two years or so. the place where if i move, i will be leaving all my friends behind. and that is really sad to me. and therefore seattle might be sad for me. so thinking about spring break and how i am leaving for it in basically 2 days makes me sorta sad. so i sat and wallowed in my own self pity for a bit. listened to some sad songs. called my parents and talked to them about it as well as my shitty econ exam and graduation as a whole. i feel a bit better. not because anything has changed. because it hasn't. dad didn't say anything to make me feel better. cuz there isn't really anything to be said. it's all on me. but just talking about it for a bit made me feel a little better. so that's good.

i can breathe a sigh of relief now that most of my hell is over. the presentation for marketing went really well today. all the clients seemed to really like our ideas and thought we did an awesome job. so that was cool. however, i totally fucking bombed my econ midterm. seriously, i think i failed. i'm not kidding. we'll have to see how the curve looks cuz i know a lot of ppl thought it was hard. but yeah. i might be really screwed. jenn in marketing also took the midterm with me and she thinks she failed too. so at least we're in the failure together. haha but yeah. that just blows. but it's over and i can't really do anything about it so now i'm just going to relax for a moment.

aww. brian brought me a slurpee! =) yay brian! i got a fortune cookie today that said "you will receive an unexpected gift from an acquaintance." i bet that's the slurpee. he came over after he finished shooting stuff for his art project. how nice. a nice little break from this FUCKING ECON bullshit. omg, how did i fuck myself over so royally? i HATE this class. about as much as finance. it's really a close call on that one though. ugh. fuckin eh. alright, back to studying. =(

i'm royally fucked. i think i might literally fail my econ midterm. basically i went to that practice pitch tonight for our marketing class. it went a bit past 11pm. so that wasn't so bad right? wrong! first up, some of us in that class seem to be working really fucking hard. we all need a break. but not yet! as i was walking with john to his car, we were both basically bitching about being tired. and he literally laid down on the ground for a moment and was like "come lay down here with me." of course i didn't cuz it's dirty. but i felt his pain. we both haven't been sleeping enough and we have midterms tomorrow and this shit for the presentation. basically he has to re-edit the commercial. i thought i didn't have anything to do til i got home and found a lovely email in my inbox telling me that the website had been approved except for certain things needed to be changed. lovely. fucked up my schedule. so i had to do that shit for a long while. and now i am studying for econ and even tho it's only 2:15am, i'm tired and i know i'll be up really late and still probably fail the fucking exam. omg, i'm so screwed. and i don't get to be on the creative team anymore which sucks cuz i don't really like the events team. fuck event implementation. i wanna do creative shit. ugh. whatever. creative doesn't want me to leave them. and i don't want to leave. but so be the hierarchy of the class. blah. back to studying and being royally fucked.

i think i'm gonna be up all nite studying for econ. i fucking hate econ. i used to like it and now i hate it. =( i think i just used to like in high school cuz my teacher was funny and made it interesting. now it's just mindnumbingly boring. ugh! anyway, the website for class has been done for quite some time now. well "done" to the point that we can have it until more stuff in solidified. ie, sponsors and actual event stuff. and the online contest. but damn, i think the site looks spiffy. check it out. www.findyourelement.com

in my procrastination mode, i sorted through the photos from our party. there are some good ones in there for sure. they will be up on the orange:house site and my photos section AFTER tuesday when my econ midterm is over and the marketing pitch is done. at any rate, here are 3 good ones. the first two i'd like to call "the orange:house suspects." the 3rd one is just of my two fave marketing boys -- john and brian. i can't decide if they look cute in this photo or just sorta weird. =)

so i thought it was sorta funny. i went to the creative meeting tonight and everyone except john and jaci were there. i knew john wouldn't be there cuz i called him ahead of time to ask if he could make it at 7pm and he said no. so at the beginning of the meeting he called brian (it was at brian's house) and he talked to noah on brian's fone. and we were all sorta talking to john through the fone. but noah says stuff like, "john have u not been sleeping much?" "how was the film shoot?" etc. and then when he gets off the fone with john he says, "john's been really busy. midterms. this commercial. other personal issues. he hasn't been sleeping much." etc. and basically i didn't say anything at all, but i thought to myself, "umm yeah noah. i think i probably know more about john than u do. i know he hasn't been sleeping much. he was here friday nite really late. last nite he called me at 4am when he got home. he worked early both days. yes he had a DUI recently. yes his ex-gf called asking to get back together. yes he's been busy. yes i know all this." i just thought it was funny. i don't think anyone in the class aside from brian has any clue how well i know john. and it makes sense. cuz if i was in the class i wouldn't think i knew john that well. it doesn't look that way from our class interaction. but if u looked at our cell fones u'd see that we call each other so much that one time john even accidentally called me cuz his fone keypad wasn't locked and it just hit one of the recently dialed. and we have each other's chairs and watches. so it's just sorta funny. that's all. and then to further extend that. tonight at starbucks two ppl that know john came in -- conwar and michelle. i met them both at the two-nine on the same nite. conwar came in tonight and he talked to me about my party cuz he was here for a bit. and he was like, "does john have your number? cuz the next time i have a party i'll have him tell u." i'm thinking, "of course john has my number!" and then when michelle came in she was like, "hey you're john's friend huh?" and we remembered each other's names. it was weird. and it turns out we both haven't studied for the same econ midterm on tues. she has it at 8am tho. yuck! anyway, so it was just a strange nite like that. surrounding my friendship with john.

man i have so much shit to do. i can't wait til it's all over. basically i just have to get past tuesday. i think after that things will be fine. well, not really. i have a thing due thursday and a group presentation that takes place about a week and half after spring break is over. and our group hasn't even started. we're screwed. oh well. whatever. damn this lemonade flavor gum is good. it reminds me of the lemon flavored orbit gum from england! i need to get more of this shit. anyway, part of me wishes i had gone over there last nite. the other part of me thinks that i would have been insane for doing so. under normal circumstances i would have because basically 4am isn't that late for a saturday nite. that's like post-party time. but considering i didn't party and was super tired from our party and waking up to go to the valley, 4am was atrocious. plus, he had to wake up at like 6am to work. so basically that means i'd have had to wake up at 6am too. and so the thought of that didn't settle well with me. but at the same time i'm so attracted to him that it's like, wtf, of course i should have gone over. oh well. whatever. on another note. the band boys. first up, they played a show last nite and no one told me. fuck that. daniel swears he told me. but i know he didn't. or else i'd have tried to go! fuckin eh. i just randomly decided to call josh and see how he was. catch up from the past week or two. and he was like, "crap. we didn't tell u about the show last nite. it wasn't anything special though so we don't try to get all our friends to go." whatever. i'm so consumed with other shit that i guess i don't even really notice the lack of the band boys. altho i really do wish to continue relations with josh. cuz he's cool. that's why i called him cuz i know that he's going home for his birthday at the end of the month and basically that's right after i return from spring break. so i didn't want like weeks and weeks to go by without correspondance. so yeah. anyway. creative meeting at 7. work at 8. studying after that. ugh! i'll be up all nite. sad. =(

i shouldn't be awake right now but i can't get back to sleep. fuckin sexual tension at 4am. of course he has to call me up and wake me up! i guess we are even now since i did that to him last nite. but still. wtf? we are ridiculous too. neither of us wanted to budge. we're too attached to our own beds! and then we almost fell asleep while on the fone. sheesh. so silly. goddamn this isn't fair. he's just too fucking hot.

alright yea. fuck writing about last nite. u wanna know what happened, just come talk to me. i will say a couple random things. i lost the key to my room. luckily it was while i was in the room. so at least i wasn't locked out. and maybe it will turn up. john tried to help me find it but we had no luck. yes, he did come to the party afterall. we switched watches just like we switched chairs. but this time i can't decide who got the better end of the deal. i think he did. oh well. whatever. talked a lot with brian and john actually. john cuz it's john and brian cuz he fucking rocks. i love chatting with brian. =) lots of ppl came to the party so it was a success in that sense. and some of the ppl were actually attractive. but i didnt really get to meet new ppl. hardly got to talk to my friends it seemed. could never find my roommates when i wanted to. got fondled and grabbed on the ass several times. ate way too much post party fast food. and as expected, weird tim showed up! so i didn't really have the best time actually. and that's all i will say. like i said, wanna know more details, just ask.

today i had to wake up at 8:30am to go to the valley and help with the shoot for the commercial we are making for marketing class. john asked me to be there for him since he had to go to work at like some insanely early hour. like 7am. so basically i got like less than 4 hours of crappy sleep. had a headache this morning due to my hangover. no fun. got to the valley. met the cast and crew. good people. john's bro is awesome. good guy. we had a moment when he talked about working for ridley scott productions and i mentioned how i love the music vid for "fake plastic trees" which was done by ridley's son jake. we both put that up there as one of our fave music vids ever. that was awesome. cuz most ppl don't care about that vid. but i fucking love it. john eventually came to the shoot after work and once we wrapped, we took the freshman kids home. now i'm here. tired. contemplating a nap. it seems futile yet if i want to do anything productive tonight, i would need a nap. cuz i'm so fucking tired! ugh.

i am very unhappy with the way the night turned out. for several reasons. perhaps i shall go into detail later. but i will say, the single happiest moment of the night was when i FINALLY found kyla as dj andy spun junior jack's "thrill me" and we went upstairs and danced our hearts out to it. that was the best moment of the night. hands down. the rest of it was mostly crap. mostly.

oh man. tonight is our party and it's gonna be huge i think. i don't want to get evicted. i'm not really sure what i'd do. panic most likely. then cry. at any rate, i'm getting completely smashed tonight. i might even puke. i was telling emily how basically i don't want to be the only one sleeping alone tonight yet i think i will be. therefore if i got so fucking hammered to the point of puking at the end of the nite, at least i'd have a good reason to sleep alone. that would blow to be hugging the porcelain goddess, but at least it'd give me a reason. whatever. every single guy that will show up tonight will either be one of my good friends who i can't be hitting on, or someone i don't know and don't care to know. at least that's what i predict and expect. i mean, i could be wrong. someone could surprise me and be really awesome and stellar. but i doubt it. i'm so over SC boys. aside from john, there hasn't been one to strike my fancy in ages. so i doubt that this mr. wonderful would miraculously show up here tonight. unless i met some guy who didn't go to school here. that's entirely possible. at any rate, the house looks great. we are basically done with the party prep. we got the kegs. saw robert at ralphs. he said he's gonna try to get off work early to come. how cute. =) all i have to do is shower and get dressed and whatnot. woo! tomorrow i think i'll be helping with the commercial shoot but john said something about not having to be there early. so i hope he meant it. haha cuz if i get really smashed, oh man i won't be able to wake up and function all that early. =O

i love beck...

i realized that basically i am doomed. i had a long ass discussion with rick about relationships and what it boils down to is that i like the wrong people. cuz i like boys who are totally not down for relationships. and i can't ever seem to make myself like someone who is "normal" or "plain." cuz basically either you like someone because u are physically attracted to them but don't really know them, or you know them well and they grow on you. well i've come to the point where i have no more friends which i can like. i'm knee deep into the friendship and can't fuck shit up. so all that is left is boys i don't really know but are attracted to. but all the boys i'm ever attracted to are really not the right people to be liking. in the recent past we have john -- the womanizer. josh -- the womanizer committed to his band. daniel -- not looking for a relationship because he's committed to the band. dan -- which was just a drawn out fucked up thing that didn't work out as we all knew. and then if we go way back, people like dominic and tyson and chris and all these folks who just aren't really the right type of people to be liking. but as i was saying, it's not like i can really just make myself switch gears. make myself become attracted to someone who i don't find attractive and don't know. and it's not like i always go for the pretty boys. it's just that i go for boys who have something about them that means it isn't going to work out. for once, just once, i'd like to like a boy and have him like me back and it works out. the only times this has ever happened in my life were daniel in high school and dan in college. haha two dan's. those were the only times where i liked the guy first and it worked. but with dan it took 3 years!! 3 agonizing years!

i can't seem to make myself "settle" for someone who likes me first. because the way my brain works, a boy is almost always in there waiting for the next crush to push him out. in the recent past, daniel helped me get over dan. josh got me past daniel. and john got me past josh. so john is sitting there in the brain right now. and if someone came along who i could "settle" for, i'd always compare him to john who is what i want. and i think to myself, how come i can't have what i want? how come i have to settle? it seems that most people out there that i know haven't settled. they have what they want. how come they got what they wanted and i didn't? that's where i see the problem. why am i getting shafted? i could see if a lot of ppl i knew sorta just settled for who they had. cuz then i'd see that as sort of a trend. but no. so fuck, why not me? and i'm so picky too. i can't even foresee the next person i will like. not at all. cuz probably no one will push john out of my brain for awhile. not unless john becomes a total asshole or something. and if that happens, i'm keeping the fucking chair! haha

so, i'm doomed. i never really thought it all out so thoroughly until tonight with rick. it was a very long discussion. prolly like 2 hours. but at least i see the problem at hand. granted i have no solution, but at least i am aware of the problem. sure sure. go on and say that the grass is always greener. but u know what. i'm almost 22 yrs old. and basically i've been single for 21 of those years. i think i know what the grass looks like over here. in fact i know it like the back of my fucking hand. so basically i wanna experience the other grass. sure maybe it's not as green and lush as it seems. but goddamnit, at least let me roll around in it for awhile to check it out myself.

i don't think that most people understand this about me. cuz most people aren't ever in my position. at least not at this point in our lives. by now they have succeeded. emily understands me the best on this matter, altho currently she's dating someone. so she's lost all of her senses. haha but everyone else doesn't understand really. cuz they have at least in some point of their lives, gotten what they wanted in terms of relationships. they haven't had so many failures. so many times where they liked someone and just gotten nowhere. and that's the goddamned story of my life! i think that it's partially cuz i was a late bloomer. i mean really, when i was in high school, i was a total nerd. so how could i really gain much experience. i had one bf. total fluke. but when i came to college, i had no game. no skills. and so i squandered freshman year. sophomore year i realized the fallacy of my ways but basically soph year was what fresh year should have been. so i'm behind. and it doesn't help when you're not hot enough to just get whoever u want. cuz if that was the case, this wouldn't really be an issue. i mean, i think that as a learning process, i have definitely come to realize how to make myself look better than before. but nevertheless, this shit just doesn't come. boys aren't handed to me on a silver platter the way they are for hot girls. so i have to try hard. but alas, i am trying with the wrong boys it seems. and i am just proving that to myself once more with john. realizing that he's just not the right kind of boy to like. *sigh*

aww. the video for death cab for cutie's song "a movie script ending" is so cute! i want to download it but i can't find it anywhere. =( i think i like it for 3 reasons. 1) i want to be in a relationship that's cute like theirs (w/o the whole saying goodbye thing). 2) i love photos and how they took so many of those cute photobooth photos. 3) the guy in it is sorta cute in that emo-ish way. haha aww, it's cute. go and watch the video. =)

fucktard isn't coming to our party. sad. i'll just have to get so plastered not to remember. but then i gotta be in the valley around like 10am the next morning. sweet lord. i hate liking boys! and NO i will not become a lesbian.

i think the word of mouth is out and our party might be really huge. i'm sorta scared actually. i don't want to get evicted!!

...and now i know who!

someone's watching...

i was so fucking tired today that i couldn't go into vagrant. considering that monday nite i got HORRIBLE sleep where i just kept waking up like every hour, coupled with going to bed at like 5:30am last nite, meant that i couldn't wake up today. my eyes were killing me and i felt just awful. so i slept in late and then did errands. namely getting shit for our party this friday. but the worst of all was going to the post office. i nearly puked. honest to god. it seriously smelled like someone pissed all over the fucking place. the line was horrendously long and i almost just left because it got to the point where i wanted to puke. right there. on the floor. in front of all these ppl. i didn't thank god, but it was a close one. i swear i can still smell it in my nose. ugh! fuckin post office. the bane of my existance. haha

he wore chucks yesterday! how cute. =)

the website for the class is essentially done barring some minor changes that we will make before it's launched shortly. once the site looks lovely, i shall post the URL for i am proud of my work! i am also tired as all fuck and desperately need sleep. my eyes hurt. my stomach is in knots. i'm delirious! =(

i just read brian's blog entry about the guy in class using the golf pencil and for some reason i found it fucking hilarious. maybe it's because it's 1:30am and i am delirious from the 4 shots of espresso i consumed earlier to keep me awake. it's one of those crappy awake feelings where your stomach feels funny and you know that the only reason you are awake is due to something you ingested earlier in the night. sorta like drugs. haha why am i awake you may ask. marketing class. i have to finish the website in order for it to be ready to be published to the world wide web on time. i really only have one section left. the event section. but i am having a creative mental block on how the fuck to structure the navigation and how it should look. goddamnit! not to mention the whole compatibility issue which i won't worry about right now. just finish the content and submit it. altho i can't figure out where to download the fucking form to submit the site. ugh!

i've been transported to the land of orgies and special brownies. aka, the creative team. haha my request to transfer to the team has been granted. but basically only for one week! how silly. whatever. tonight i gotta finish the website and send it through the approval process. i'm so dead tired tho. ugh! oh well. and i think i'm helping john with the commercial we are shooting for this event. the shoot's this saturday. ie, the day of hangovers and recovery. eesh. i'll make do. i didn't get to run all the errands i wanted to today. poop. i gotta head over to target to find out how much izone film costs and what their tax ID # is for the class. goodness. i live, breath, and eat marketing class i swear. haha oh and yeah, thanks to the magnificent lawrence, we have DSL working again. yay! =)

awww. he's just so cute. =)

bright green. mustang. bright green mustang! dylan! yeah. so i was going to the ghetto post office today to drop off vagrant's mail with the other intern, laura when i saw the car. i knew it was dylan's. and it was indeed. he was inside. we chatted for a few. how weird to see dylan at a post office of all places. he'll be at our party this friday. i told him i'll probably see him unless the crowds are just too unbearable. which could happen. oh well. me and michael said our goal is to not sleep alone that nite. merely because we know our other roommates will have people to sleep next too and it would suck if we slept alone. and no we won't sleep together! haha

well, maybe not caught. but either way, it doesn't really matter. the cat's out of the bag regardless. and why the fuck am i up so late? i should NOT be awake right now. fucking marketing class. ugh.

caught. red handed.

you know your shit is fucked when you have to go over to the skatebot house to upload a 600kb file to a website because your connection cuts out everytime you try it yourself. oh yeah, and did i mention today is one of those "ugly" days too.

i'm stressed out. i feel like i have so much work to do. wait, that's because I DO! ugh. i have to make all these map things for my marketing class and work on the website too. and then there's my 497 class where i have a presentation and this 1 page essay thing to do. next week i have an econ midterm!! =( at least our party is this friday. so that will be some fun times. =)

i dyed my bangs red and i don't really like it. everyone sorta wanted the red to come back in my hair, but i just don't feel it anymore. i'll probably keep it in til the party on friday to match my outfit, but after that i think it's gonna go. i just don't really dig the punky look in that respect. i like it all black. that in itself isn't really natural looking but i just sort of prefer it. coupled with my punky hairstyle which i am not thrilled about but people seem to like, that's good enough for me. i think the red is a bit over the top. maybe i'll get used to it within the next week, but i doubt it. so i think it'll be gone soon enough. me and ky also finally figured out our spring break plans to go to seattle. yay! we're gonna visit emily in vancouver for a day too. how fun. this week is a bit stressful. i have a lot of crap to do. a page essay thing. a presentation. basically i have to finish the website for marketing. draw some diagrams. bleh. whatever. party on friday. woo! even if john isn't coming. boo.

i just had a dream with jackie deshannon's song "what the world needs now is love" in it and it was such a strong feeling that when i woke up i felt compelled to actually turn my computer on and listen to it. and since i did that, i figured i would blog about it and post the lyrics. so here they are. i wonder why i dreamt about this song.

what the world needs now is love
- jackie deshannon

what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love,
it's the only thing that there's just too little of.
what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love,
no, not just for some but for everyone.

lord, we don't need another mountain,
there are mountains and hillsides enough to climb,
there are oceans and rivers enough to cross,
enough to last 'til the end of time.

what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love,
it's the only thing that there's just too little of.
what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love,
no, not just for some but for everyone.

lord, we don't need another meadow,
there are cornfields and wheatfields enough to grow,
there are sunbeams and moonbeams enough to shine,
oh listen lord, if you want to know...oh...

what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love,
it's the only thing that there's just too little of.
what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love,
no, not just for some oh but just for every, every, everyone.

what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love.
what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love.
what the world needs now,
is love, sweet love.

and for the record. if emily and adam had a child, that girl would look just like me. it totally works. emily is chinese. adam is mostly italian with come german and scottish. i'm in btwn their heights. skinny. it totally works. the thought of that is just fucking weird. but it's true. haha

i'm glad i went out tonight. i saw a lot of good people and was totally sober at the party. lots of good convo with friends. it was better than sitting at home being depressed while listening to beck. john called me at some point during the party. he told me about his nite last nite which sounded just awful. he made note of the voicemail i left him. we didn't discuss it. i told him i emailed him with a more coherant picture of how i feel. so he can read that whenever he gets around to it. then maybe we can talk about it. whatever. people seemed to like my haircut so maybe it's not so bad after all. i'll dye in the red tomorrow too. good stuff. =)