vince vaughn is the most attractive middle-aged, non-skinny man ever!!! he's fucking hilarious. he's cute. he's just great. i love him. and NO he's NOT fat!!! he's just not skinny. that's all. haha i just watched old school and it helped continue my faith in the fact that he's fucking rad and just great. haha =) on another note. i can tell will is pissed about me missing his show. i was pretty sure it was going to happen. oh well. what could i do? i mean i had 3 shows to choose from. yes, i should have gone to will's cuz i said i would over a month ago. i even bought the fucking ticket! and he even thought i might forget so he put me on the guest list too. how sweet. but still. will's cool and all but i'm just not that into him. and now i think he knows it. and now i think it's totally over. he even asked for his radiohead video back. and soon. so i can tell he's pissed and i bet that will be the last time i ever see him. sad really. but again. what can i do? i love josh and daniel so much more that i had to see their show. i just had to. oh well. c'est la vie. it's not like i haven't flaked on boys before. and it's not like i haven't been fucked over by boys before. so really it all balances out. i bet that's why i'm single. my fucking karma is fucking me over. boo.

the last nite. rick's friends leave tomorrow morning. we all went to mel's tonight for milkshakes. good times. even though i am quite thrilled for them to leave so i can my life back in order, i will miss them to some degree. they are nice guys. fun guys. but yea. i really gotta get back to having my life in order. although michael's people are coming tomorrow too. so it's basically just like passing the baton. but by tuesday or wednesday, all should be well. although greg is a really handy guy to have around. he fixes stuff for ya. he put my shelf up really quickly and easily. yay!! it had been taking me so long to figure out what to do. and he just sorta did it in like 5 minutes. woo! tomorrow is my photography class. i got my slides back. some aren't too shabby actually. anyhow, i swear i have so much more to say but i can't really remember. oh yea! had a weird dream about josh last nite. the focus was on us holding hands. and that was cuz last nite me and emily went out with adam and gabriel and gabriel was so drunk he was sorta being flirty. he wanted to hold my hand for some reason. it was so strange and silly. and when i got home i chatted with josh before going to bed. so basically that's how that dream came about. weird huh?

went to see this engine burns tonight at the viper room. good stuff. they put on a really good show. i prefer their live stuff sooooo much more to their demo. the demo is too soft and nice. their live stuff is all hard. and it restores my faith and love in their song "quixote" rather than the more radio friendly "ashes." cuz "ashes" sounds better on the demo but i always loved "quixote." except on the demo. but yea. they sounded good. the viper room is super tiny but cool. i actually ran into the boys earlier today when i was out with neil. it was funny. daniel looks exceptionally cute for some reason. goddamn us not persuing each other properly!!! and josh was looking fucking skinny today with his red shirt. skinny and sexy. grrrrrr..... =) kevin looked sorta funky. mykee and travis looked the same. travis is FINALLY dating the girl he has been in love with for ages. i'm happy for him. god they look cute together. sickening really. i'm jealous! jeremy looks the same and they are all still pushing for him to find a girl. or for me to find him a girl. or for me to be that girl. whichever comes first. haha jeremy and daniel's old roommate, brandon was there too. we chatted a lot before the band went on. daniel's mom was there and i talked to her a lot after the show outside. it was like a bunch of us all kicking it outside the venue cuz we didn't wanna be in there once it was over. it was a good show and i'm glad i chose them over will and shaun's bands. i just feel guilty. oh well. i'll get over it after i sleep. =)

HELLS BELLS!!!

first of all, i have been quite lax with this blog. sad sad. btwn trying to entertain the folks, taking photography class, and getting a tan, there hasn't been sufficient time for me to recount the events. anyhow, last nite was some sort of asian invasion for me i swear. we all went to the knitting factory for this event and it was nearly ALL asians and some black people. very interesting. rap, hiphop, r&b type music. basically not my style. but man did it throw me back to high school. all the asians i knew back then. crazy shit. i had an okay time. tonight is fucking weird though. cuz this engine burns, pants optional, and verdigo are playing. all at the same time. all at different venues. what do i do??? i know them all personally!! it's just not fair. they rarely play shows and somehow they have managed to ALL play on the same night. this engine burns is josh, daniel, kevin, travis, and mykee's band. i like their stuff the best and it's at the viper room. so i'm going there. i really should be going to verdigo, which is will's band. but 1) it's way the fuck in the valley. and 2) i don't even know if i like their stuff since i've never heard it. i told him i would go ages ago. so really i should go there. but whatever. viper room is fucking rad. as for shaun's band, pants optional. i've seen them play a lot of times before. plus i just found out about it yesterday. so that's way too short notice for me. so yea. hitting up the viper room tonight. woowee! i think i'll go tan some more outside our house on the back lawn. then me and neil are going to eat lunch at the cabo cantina. then i'll go shoot my roll of film for class. fun stuff.

i tried to get a tan today but we weren't out long enough for this to happen. boohoo. anyhow, i think i really just want to have some peace and quiet. having all these guests is slowly disrupting my life. sure it's cool. but babysitting or at least feeling sorry for then when they are left alone just rubs me the wrong way. i can't really just seem to tune out the rest of the world and focus on my shit. consequently i feel flustered. i can't wait til monday when i get my life back in order.

jason is here! he came early this morning. or yesterday technically. woo! really good to see him again. i just found out my cousin is getting married next month. so i think i'll try and go back up there that weekend. we'll see. i got film and such for my photography class today. i'm all excited about this class. it costs a lot but it seems so cool. i went bowling with rick, his friends, jessica, her friend clara, and dwayne. good times. clara is cool. i enjoyed talking to her a lot actually. and i rarely really make new friends with girls. so that was good for me! anyhow, as much as i enjoy visitors, i sorta can't wait to just get back to being alone for a bit. having some down time. all i do is go, go, go. i sorta just want to chill. it's hard when there's lots of people around. next week everyone will be gone and i will be bored. i'm sure. oh well! whatever.

with the help of justin, i am nearly done transferring all my blogger files to movable type. woo! it's harder than it seems. thank you justin!! =) other than that, today i basically did a bunch of errands which meant spending a lot of money. i bought the adobe design collection suite. that cost over $400 with tax. oh boy! kills me man. kills me. but i want clean software for my mac. so yea. i ran into brandon at borders and then we went to visit joey at virgin. i applied for a job there. hopefully they will hire me. i met the manager. she seemed nice. we shall see. anyhoot. gotta go get the photography class crap tomorrow. film, cleaning kit, and textbook. ah....more money. it never ends! last nite i got drunk with rick and his friends over a came of kings. it's a card drinking game that gets you fucked up! oh man. what a mess. we were all so drunk we decided to go for a walk with the wheelchair. i got pushed around in it most of the way. good times.

man! i just bought this damned mac and already it's old! it's true. the moment u get something new, it becomes old. check out apple.com. they now have G5's!!! coming in august they will have those badboys. and i only have a G4. so already this shit is old. fuckin eh! on the VERY up side, thanks to my friend russell, i now am using the internet on BOTH my PC and mac! woo! damned fucking dipshits at staples and office depot. told me the only way i could link my computers for internet access was via a hub. russell said a crossover cable would do it. and dagnabbit. it worked. so i now am uploading all my old stuff from the PC onto the mac. setting everything up will take about a day. but woowee! this computer is gonna be a beaute. =) off to photography class now. woo!

rick's friends are here. one of them is sorta cute. i am tired. just finished all the brighton photos. can't disclose the URL or anything until i make sure all the thumbnails work. until then...

when it rains it pours. basically i had NOTHING to do all day. then all of a sudden, joey, dan, and brian are asking me to do stuff. so i didn't know what to do. who to go with. so basically i'm getting them all together. well sorta. brian and his house are picking me up. dan is coming in his car. and then i'll either get joey to come to the bar cuz he lives close, or i'll go there afterward. at least that's the plan. we'll see what happens.

omg. i NEED to get out of this fucking house!!!

good fucking god. the shit has gone down. basically i sent an email to my old internship because i was informed in so many words, that they don't give a flying fuck about me. i wrote them an email in haste because i too now don't give a fuck about them. they wrote me back saying that it was all untrue. the statements i had provided. and u know what, i'm pretty fucking sure they are lying. but that's not the point. cuz i know they are all fucking assholes. the point is, they then went and fired my friend there (i have to remove all names from this now) as a result, because they said that he was stiring up trouble by telling me these "lies" when we all know for a fact that they just wanted any reason to get rid of him because the two girls there are mad at each other since they both got played. plain and simple. so much shit has gone down there in the past month. people fucking people. my friend getting slipped drugs by a now former paid employee of the office. yes, drugs! they fired my friend after all that. i bet there is even some sort of fucking liability that could be claimed there. omg. that office is a huge fucking mess. the people that really matter and make any sense are the people who are already gone. like my favorite one of all who left back in december. good call moving back to boston. far far away from this dumbfucks. yes. i used to like my internship. i used to think the people were alright. now i have seen the light. and boy was i wrong!

i just bought a new nifty mouse online to go with my new mac. woo! if only i could afford a bunch more shit for this thing. =( anyhow, my posts have been so mundane recently because my life has been so mundane. i hardly do anything. it's such a bore. i wish i had a purpose. something fun to do. a goal. oh well. john's cell fone just called me. it was some girl named jen. prolly his friend jen. they were drunk. they wanted me to come down to the standard where they are. like i'm gonna drive all that way just to find they aren't there? i don't think so! plus, who wants to babysit drunk people? certainly not i. dan just left here too. we had dinner and hung out. i can't wait to start my photography class at smc. just so i have a purpose. cuz doing nothing and pretending to fill my life with things is not a meaningful purpose at all. so sad really. i need a job too. bah! whatever.

the MAN is keeping me down!!! =(

my shiny new mac computer just came in the mail. woo!! i can't wait to play. =)

[entry was briefly retracted in case anyone from the company tried to search for my blog. but now that more shit has gone down, i don't give two shits. entry is back. -- june 21, 2003]

i have to vent. the people are my old record label internship (best not to name names due to search engines) are fucking assholes and morons with fucked up lives. the moment i left that place, so much shit happened it's unfathomable. but yet, considering it's a record label, it fucking makes sense. everyone is a fucked up loser. and i heard that some punk ass guy who has been there for like a month got rob's job. and one of the interns who came way the fuck after me is now getting paid to listen to demos. what the bloody fuck? i never got offered a cent. i was thinking about going in to visit the office this week but now i'm never setting foot in there again. they are all a bunch of drug addicts who hide behind their facade as indie record label workers. they think they are all hot shit but really they are just a bunch of fucking retards who get paid shit wages. i now realize that my friend there (name has been removed), who i once thought was so out of it, is actually the most sane person there is there.

great news! radiohead is coming to LA in september and with my transfer credits from USC to the art institute, i will be saving nearly $11,000 and getting out in 5 quarters instead of 7. woo!!

kyla's back!! she's here til wednesday morning. yay! we hung most of the day. it was fun. i'm going to miss her once she really leaves. but we are already thinking about when we will visit each other. so it won't be so so bad. but still. *sigh*

go me! i just sent my resume to like 10 places online from craigslist. one of them is this web intern job at variety where basically the intern works like 20-30 hours a week updating content for their website. variety is like 5 blocks away from where i live so it would be awesome. plus it's with the web team so if i did a really good job and could stay there for awhile, perhaps it could segue into some sort of web design job down the line. who knows. it only pays $8/hr but that's about what i'd make in a retail job. and this is less stressful. the web team works from 3pm-midnight and that's totally my kind of hours. i'm such the nightowl as it is. man, i really want that job. that would work out really well for the summer.

today was one of the most unproductive days. emily and i basically didn't do anything yet we managed to waste a crapload of time! we went to melrose. i bought a new bathing suit. i think i'm satisfied with it. i haven't removed the tags just in case. i also got my replacement barbell balls. FINALLY! the guy just ordered a whole new set so that was cool. we walked around melrose for a bit. killed a lot of time. went to whole foods. then to ralphs. came home and cooked dinner. then we were gonna go with adam and his friends to a bar but then when we got to his place it turned out that they had already gone to the bar and it was in the valley. and adam didn't go. so we didn't go. so then we went to westwood and walked around and killed more time. then went to 7-11. and now here i am. home. and it's nearly 1am. it's just me and emily here. like ole times from freshman year. fun stuff. i think i have an ear infection though which sucks. if it doesn't go away, i'll call the ENT on monday. try get them to squeeze me in. but that's about it. gotta look for a job now. but i first have to figure out where the hell i'd want to work anyway. some place not TOO stressful. i think urban would stress me out folding clothes. and i also think the one on melrose is filled with *such* trendy people that i would get self-conscious. so i don't think i want to work there anymore. and no food either. maybe a music store or book store. i dunno. i'll figure it out. i have plenty of time to look since i have nothing else to do really. =)

ok. so i'm back. back in sunny, smoggy LA. i miss brighton. i miss everyone there. i miss jason. and i miss all the fun i had. but alas, back to reality. back to LA.

so michael came and picked me up from the airport yesterday. the flight was fine and i sat next to these quiet british people who were nice but not very talkative. hence, i know nothing about them. the woman looked quite plain, and the man looked like a wannabe footballer. ah, british folks! while waiting for my bags at baggage claim, a man stuck up a conversation with me about travelling in europe. but the moment his bag came, he left. no bother. i'm not too good at small talk. especially when i'm completely knackered. coming home, i forgot where we lived and thought that michael had missed our exit. haha yes, this will take getting used to. i came home to my room looking a bit "lived in." turns out we got DSL the other day and people have been taking turns using it in my room. they also watched movies and hung out there. no worries. i don't mind. but the mess on the floor did agitate my OCD self. being home last nite was a bit strange. i can't help but wonder what the hell this next year is going to be like. living in a new house. going to school while everyone else is out in the working world. lacking kyla and jason from my everyday life. very strange. we shall see what happens. i think going away right at the end of "the end" was a good thing. cuz i didn't really have to say goodbyes in the most sad sense. because i could sort of trick my mind into thinking that i'm just merely going on vacation. which i was. and man was it a good one. i'm so glad that jason convinced me to go with him. we had the best 2 weeks! we both felt like we were gone for at least a month. it was insane. probably due to the fact that once we got to brighton it was non-stop fun. in the day we'd futz around and go into town. we'd either shop, get lunch, sit on the beach, take photos, or whatever. then at night we'd go out to pubs and clubs. oh boy. some great nights!

we got to brighton on a sunday and didn't do anything special that night expect hang out with jason's former hallmates, have a drink at polar bar, eat indian food (the best indian takeaway i've ever had!!! kemptown tandoori), and watch episodes of the office. but then monday through saturday we went out every night except wednesday. monday was honeyclub. cheesy music and sweaty fun. tuesday was escape. indie rock and a the new radiohead cd for free and in advance!!! saw james with the big hair that night. only his hair wasn't big anymore. wednesday we saw the matrix but didn't go to a club. thursday we went to sumo bar and then casablanca. friday we went to ali cats for a drink and then the funky buddha lounge after for some decent house music. and then saturday we went to the ocean rooms for some really great house music. all the nights are a bit hazy. some more so than others. but all fucking brilliant! sunday was the last night before going to amsterdam. we rented dog day afternoon and ate brownies. getting to the airport the next morning at 4am was probably the worst experience of the trip. we were all so knackered. i was the worst. and this was BEFORE we even got to amsterdam. daisy and her bf, aaron went with me and jason. good ole easyjet flight.

amsterdam was also amazing. i'm so glad daisy and aaron came with us. we had a great time. met up with lo and zach. all a bit of a haze. but good nonetheless. i think i saw preston at the van gogh museum and also walking around town the next day. but i can't be for certain since i've never seen him in real life and i was a bit out of it as well.

i could totally go into more detail but who really cares. only me and jason. so there's no point. i have loads of photos to put online. but i'll do that later once i get jason's lot. i'm still a bit jetlagged considering i woke up at like 6:30 this morning. i have all these errands to do but i'm really fucking lazy. oh well. some will get done and some will just have to wait.

home now. really tired. still sick. photos and everything will come later.

UK time: 4:20 pm

last night out tonight. jason and i went to funky buddha last nite. brilliant. house music. tonight is ocean rooms. another good club. off to amsterdam on monday. should be good fun. we will be exhausted and nearly dead by the end of the trip. i just now realize that my parents read this blog. this is a *lovely* discovery. i wonder how long they have been reading it. and just how much they now know. i think it might be time to rethink the blog situation and its purposes. we shall see. can't worry about that now. must live up every moment of brighton!!

UK time: 4:54 pm

jason and i are in brighton. we are having the time of our lives. i have been sick the whole time but that hasn't stopped me at all!! we plan to go out the rest of the nights we are here. and we plan to go to amsterdam on monday. we probably won't remember much of the trip. there is so much to say but i have no time. but i did get the new radiohead cd for free at the escape club when i went on tues. the woman just gave it to me cuz it was sort of a "record release" night. but yea. wicked! £1 entry and the fucking radiohead cd. BEFORE it comes out. woo! AND i saw james!!!! big bag of hair james. =) he looks the same. i was happy i got to see him at least once while i was here. anyhow, everyone here is well and they have been so nice to us. great indian dinners and just great times. loads of well fit blokes too. grrrrrrr..... =) been watching episodes of this brilliant mocumentary comedy called the office. it's such dry british humour and i love it! good lord i love it. must download all the episodes i won't get to see. =) many photos and stories to share when i return to LA. i shall write more later. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYLA!!! =)