all the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.

that's the fortune i got from the cookie last night. i hope it's true! hehe anyway, kyla is here. she got here yesterday. i got my haircut. DID NOT get the parking permit with brian. i don't even want to get into it. ugh! got the rose bowl tickets. WOO!!! we're going to the fuckin rose bowl. altho, we later found out that wakerly has 6 fuckin tickets. so we could have bought his. good god! whatever...went to thai food with ky and rick. then met up with the skatebot boys (well most of them) for drinks at boardners. altho we didn't drink anyhthing. saving ourselves for tonight. yeah! tonight will be lovely. hopefully. no puking. and lots of drunkin fun. just talked to kyle and all is a go for tomorrow's arrival. yay. kyla and kyle. haha good times.

well. i'm back in LA and not necessarily glad to be here. i miss SF cuz i was having such a good time. and i didn't get to see everyone so that sucks. oh well. i didnt have breakfast with josh either cuz we were both too tired. i woke up to my alarm and called him right away to see where he was and he was all sleepy. sleepy josh! =) so then i took a moment to think what to do and realized i should just go back to LA as soon as possible because it was pouring outside. so that's what i did. the rain was horrible til just past santa nella. so it was a hellish drive for the first 3rd i'd say. but i got through it and i'm here in LA safe and sound. starting tomorrow i'll have guests for the next like 2 wks. how crazy. i won't have any alone time. it's ok tho. i welcome guests. it's fun. it's just hard to pee without anyone knowing. u know. that sort of shit. haha anyway, good times in SF. hopefully to be repeated sooner than later.

a fine finish to my SF trip. well, not 100%. but damn near close. i went to dinner with mel, olivia, AND nathalie!! haven't seen her in ages!! it was cool. like seeing the old gang. we had crepes and talked about random stuff. mel and nathalie talked about their bfs. me and olivia talked about our singleness and inability to hold down a relationship. haha it was good times. then we had coffee at the place across the street. i was going to visit eric's to see matt come back from iowa. but eric informed me that matt wasn't coming back til "wicked late." so no go. but at least i got to see eric. so that was cool. hopefully they can come down to LA sometime in the spring. that would be fun. i enjoy those boys. they are good guys. and now get this. josh is driving up to the city in like an hour with his friend sean. and so i'm trying to get his ass to have coffee or breakfast with me cuz that would be so rad. the two of us in SF having coffee. surely it's not really all *that* rad. but i think it is. cuz it's josh. and we met in LA. and now by chance we are both in the city and not cuz we came together. that would rock to see him before i left back for LA. so hopefully that will happen and that would definitely be a nice ending to my SF trip. cuz seriously, this trip has been great. normally i bitch about being bored and whatnot. but i have enjoyed my time thoroughly. and if it weren't for the fact that i gotta go back to LA to get that parking permit, i'd stay here longer. i'm really enjoying myself this time. it's awesome. =) not sure what the difference was but it was good. if i had more time i'd go see kyla. but it's redundant really since she's coming down to LA the next day. but that *really* would have made the stay even better. anyway, off to LA tomorrow morning. wish me luck with the rain.

every time i see eric i remember just why it is that i like(d) him. he's so goofy and weird. sure there are a lot of weird and goofy people running around. but eric's one of those closet goofs. like when u first meet him u just think he's all shy and quiet. doesn't talk to much. more of a listener than a talker. but then after awhile u realize that he's weird and goofy. and he makes the most sarcastic remarks sometimes. it's great. i think my parents *might* think there is some funny business going on btwn us only cuz they don't know him at all. they've never met him. and every time i come back here i visit him and matt. and they came down to LA once too. and whenever i come here and visit them i tend to spend the night cuz it's so late. so either my parents totally think something is going on or they don't even have that thought in the slightest. cuz u know how parents are. they either totally speculate or would never think that in a million years cuz that sort of idea is unfathomable for their child. anyway, nothing is going on of course. if only they knew how much i used to like him and stuff. or maybe they do? i can't remember if i told them that. hmm....

anyway, so last night didn't turn out at all like i expected. cuz i was expecting eric to call me around 9ish and say what was going on. well he didn't. so i called him and he said that him and matt wanted to go to the cat club cuz it was like indie/rock/electronic/etc music. so i was down. and i rushed over to his place. but when i got there they weren't even back from the store! so i waited. then we chilled cuz we were waiting for logan to come home. so i rushed for nothing! we all started on a sparks and then lydia called me back. she said she would come downstairs to say hi. so about the time logan came home and said she couldn't go out with us cuz she had to work today, lydia came down to visit! and with her bf, justin, who i always joked didn't exist cuz she never introed me to him. but he came down so i got to meet him. and he was pretty much the way others described him. at least lookswise. so we all sat and chatted. justin is a photographer which i thought was rad. we talked about that a bit. then lydia said that emily from brighton (she's from SF and lives here) was coming over. so then she came over with her friend audrey. so it was this weird mix of people cuz we all knew each other from strange ways. it was so funny. but it made for a good time. cuz then we basically decided not to go out. and i guess no was watching, but eric seemed to be the only one really pounding back the drinks. maybe matt was a bit too, but mostly eric. cuz as the night rolled on and we were making fun of eric for always standing in the doorway and sitting in awkward positions, it was apparent that he was quite drunk. it was funny. lots of rowdiness with the TWO rodys. yes yes. they got another! it was quite comical. and it was good times. nice to see all these folks again and meet the new ones. eventually it all wound down and people started to leave. then it was just me, matt, eric, and logan. so they threw on some justin timberlake and we had a little dance party. hilarious. then logan went to sleep and it was just me and the guys. we sorta just sat and chilled. drank some wine. listened to music. i started to fall asleep on the floor on top of one of the rodys. haha matt broke a glass and smoked out. it was quite chill. we had the music on loud once we downloaded george michael's "freedom" and the cops came by and shined the lights on the house to tell us to turn down the music! so we did. we took lots of photos and i hope they all come out. i bet some are really funny. or at least i hope so.

matt and i slept on the couches around like 5 or 6 am while eric proceeded to push on through and not sleep at all! he slept like an hour from 9-10am. so random. like i said. weird and goofy that boy is. =) my parents called me to tell me that mel called saying matt's cousin was selling 2 tickets tot he rose bowl for $140 each. so i had to jump on that shit. so if all works out, me and ky are going to the muthafucken rose bowl!!! woo! i hope it all works out. as i was leaving eric's, i went to say goodbye to him in his room and he was just like laying there trying to sorta sleep but totally not. so we chatted a bit. he looked so cute all bunched up under the covers. i always feel a bit awkward cuz he knows that i like(d) him. but whatever. anyway, i left his place around like 1pm. i'm going to dinner with mel and olivia later on tonight. and then after that, if the matt that lives with eric (yea there are TOO many matt's) is back from iowa, i'll roll over there to say hi to him for a bit before coming home and packing up the gear to leave for LA tomorrow. this visit has definitely been interesting. not quite the way i planned it but still good. twists and turns to make life interesting.

went to SFMOMA today. woo! finally. it wasn't how i remembered it but it was fun. got to meet eric's friend, matt, and re-meet one of eric's roommate's, logan, and her visiting friend johnna (sp?). matt reminds me of ethan hawke. he has that whole artsy beard thing going on. at first glance and meeting i thought he might be gay but i don't anymore. it was just his style and whatnot that made me think that. the whole metrosexual vibe going on. which noah brought up on the fone last night cuz he was talking about how his "liquid layer" was exfoliating him. wtf? he knew what exfoliation was tho. cuz i asked him to explain it to me. he's so funny when he's drunk. but yea. he said he wasn't really a metrosexual despite his certain things that lead toward that thought.

anyway, back to SF. so lydia is in town and we spoke on the fone. i hope to see her either tonight or tomorrow during the day. i was considering trying to switch my dinner plans with mel and olivia from tomorrow to tonight cuz i found out it's going to rain all the way from SF to LA on monday but then i couldn't get ahold of them in time so i sad fuck it. and i'll be driving in the the rain. goddamn fucking plans getting all screwed up left and right. ky knows what i'm talking about cuz she's the only one that i mentioned all the snafus too. her and mel i think. but whatever. i hope it all works out.

my mom is driving me utterly insane cuz she is freaking out about me maybe not coming home tonight. cuz she worries so much. and she's worrying about my car too. and asking me a zillion questions about random crap. it's just stressing me out. i can't wait to get back to LA only cuz i don't have to deal with my mom's stressfulness. u see where i get it from? my mom! her worrying impressed upon me and now i get like that. anyway, i'm starting to get tired which isn't so good if we are going out dancing. but maybe we aren't even going dancing. i honestly don't even care anymore. all i care is that i talked to noah last night and he was happy to hear from me and we had a good, fun conversation. i can't wait to go out and do something with him when he gets back to LA. the only bad thing about that is that school starts when he gets back. =/ u win some u lose some.

noah called back!! i was showering when i thought i heard the fone ring. and i was right. he called after he got back from the bars. so i called him back and we chatted for a little while. it was fun cuz he was drunk. i think the chat went well. he was so glad i called and stuff and he said he would call me on like new yrs or something. we'll see. i don't feel weird about calling him now at least. cuz i was so scared of how he might react but he reacted positively so it was good. and he referred to our dancing night as just the first date. as if we would be going out again. so that's a good sign. anyway, i'm happy cuz we had a fun conversation. and i talked to eric and all i know is we are going to SFMOMA at noon. beyond that i have no clue. and i talked to olivia who i haven't seen in ages. me, her and mel did a 3-way. we're going to get dinner sunday night and then go to a cafe nearby. we're eating at this creperie. woo! i love crepes. so that will be a nice ending to my SF visit. back to LA on monday. then ky comes down tuesday. woo!! then kyle on jan 1st. god these coming days are going to be good. and then kyle leaves the 9th and i think noah comes back the 10th. so i'll try and schedule something with him right away before school starts hopefully. woo! i'm all excited. good times will be had eventually. just gotta get past the speedbumps. like the returning of the bean grinder and the few planning disasters that are occuring right before my very eyes.

so. i woke up ridiculously early today to go out shopping with my parents downtown. the whole after-xmas-sale stuff. the main goal was to get michael's coffee bean grinder for his birthday. but as it turns out, his parents got him one for xmas. i just had this feeling that would happen. the crappy thing is he already used his and the one i got was better! cuz it has variable grinds whereas they just got him a one grind type. oh well. now i gotta return it and we have to get him something else. the sales weren't spectacular i must say and i was dead tired and lookin like a zombie. i'm not used to waking up at 7am!! surely most people wake up around then or earlier to go to work. but i don't work. i go to school. my schedule is shifted. i end class at 10pm. people who work early sleep by 11 or midnight. i'm still up doing homework. anyway, i had to take a nap when we got home. that was nice. i finally got up the nerve to call noah and i got his voicemail. i was sorta wanting the voicemail honestly. so now my part is done. it's his turn to call me back. gah, i just want this to work!!! anyway, i think i'm returning to LA on monday. i have to down to the transporation dept with brian to get the parking permit and i fear they will be closed for the holidays so i want to go on tuesday to make sure they will be open. i can't miss out on this opportunity cuz brian works everyday so he can't take me but this one week. so yea. i also desperately need a haircut so i think i will do that tuesday as well before kyla arrives so that way she won't have to come with me and be bored. i got a hair magazine and i have ideas of how i want it. it's nothing too different than how i used to have it. short. bob-ish. messy. layered. flared ends. etc. the magazine i got said how to acheive that look with some spray starch and a straightening iron to flick out the ends. then a little putty to make it look piecey. doesn't *sound* too hard. we shall see. anyway, eric needs to call me back about SFMOMA and dancing/bar stuff. his friend is also in town so this may cramp the plans a bit. oh well. c'est la vie.

ooooooooo. my blood is boiling. the manager at my dad's work is totally trying to fuck him over. and it fucking pisses me off. she's just some bitch who basically wants to get rid of the old people that work there so the new ones can be her minions and do exactly what she wants. well fuck that shit. i am so pissed. i told my dad they can't make him do what they want. his record of employment says one thing and that's it. that shit is the contract btwn employer and employee and u can't change it. end of story. that would be a breach of contract! just cuz he was hired 30 yrs ago and shit has changed, u can't just say, "well times have changed." bullshit. yes they have, but his contract hasn't! she throws in all this bullshit about not being a team player. it's bad for department morale. all that fucking business bullshit terminology that we all fucking hate. yea well my dad won't back down. i told him if they fucking try and push him around i'll drive my ass back up here and go and raise hell myself! i can't believe it. it's fucking bullshit. a contract is a contract. if they try and make him change his contract, that's fucking bullshit too. oh man. this sort of crap just pisses me off. when stupid ass young people think they can get away with shit just cuz my dad is old and may not appear to know what's going on. i'm so glad he told me about this. cuz i told him about contracts and crap and gave him reasons for why it's all bullshit. anyway, yea. ok i'm quite awake now. and it's well past midnight. so merry christmas all! i'm out.

wow. it's 11pm and i'm tired! i think it's cuz i didn't do anything that really made me ever wake up. basically i woke up. went to brunch at this place that's been around SF as long as we were all alive yet none of us had ever gone there. it was alright. just a diner basically. we sat there and caught up for like over 2 hrs i think. found out that a good portion of the kids i knew in high school are either at harvard law, MIT masters, PHD programs, med school, or something damn near close to that nerdiness. it's crazy. i did come from lowell after all. so it's not really unreasonable. but damn is it insane to think. i'm in measely art school. haha but they are all smarty pants people. when i got to USC i used to always think, "wow. i'm surrounded by a smart group of kids. all my friends are pretty damn intelligent." and it's true. don't get me wrong. but i often forget the kind of kids i used to be surrounded by in high school. straight up asian nerds. and that's why when i entered usc i didn't think i could even get scholarships or anything cuz compared to the kids at lowell, i was just a bit above average. and a bit above average doesn't cut it for scholarships. but that's cuz i was comparing myself to kids who are now at harvard law and the like. good god. anyway, it was insane to hear such things.

after brunch i hung out at mel's house like the whole rest of the day. just vegging. watched a crapload of tv. i know all about jessica simpson and britney spears now. and also how rich people spend their money. haha ate dinner over at her house. it was good. yummy snickers pie. vegged out some more. good times. just like old times. that's why it's so great. oh and mel ordered this gift that i would have loved. it was a dog wearing a spacesuit. cuz a couple months ago when i visited sf, i found this cute photo of a dog in a spacesuit looking thing and i thought it was the cutest fucking thing ever. if u want to see, just check the october archives. i posted the photo. anyway, she found a stuffed beagle online with a suit sorta like it and ordered it for me. but she never got it in the mail and the company apparently went bankrupt! how sad. so she didn't have a gift for me except an old picture in a frame. cuz we have this tradition that we started when we were like 10 yrs old. she gives me photos of us, and i give her old pens. it's just this silly thing we do. and in recent years she's taken to just giving me one old photo in a frame. i still give her a wad of old pens. it's totally staple. it's great.

tomorrow is christmas. prolly spend the day at home. i think my dad has to work a few hours. crappy. but typical. he usually does since he works at a hospital. we have to clean my TLR and try and figure out how to load it. then the day after i'm going to jump into the mess downtown for some post-xmas shopping. woo!

bored. not tired. should sleep. can't.

i just checked my grades online. i got exactly what i thought i would get. 3 A's, 1 A-, and 1 B-. that's what my midterm grades were. makes sense. i totally called that shit. i wonder what john got. i think he failed like two classes. whatever. serves him right. he's a bad student. some people just aren't good students. he's one of them. it's so sad cuz he's really talented. more so than me. yet i get better grades than he does. only cuz i try harder. a lot harder. oh well. whatever. anyway, i'm going to brunch with mel, matt, and yu-hsuan at noon. not too early. totally doable. especially since i think i'm going to *try* and sleep soon. i talked to rick on the fone for a bit tonight to tell him the noah story and get his input. same ole same ole. calling needs to occur. so i think i'll wait it out til friday night. if he doesn't call me by then, i'll call him. and i have ideas about stuff to talk about depending on how the convo goes. and one idea even opens up the prospect of us doing something when he gets back. so i hope the convo goes well. cuz some people are crappy on the fone. lots of guys are. i hope he's not one of those. cuz then he could be shit on the fone and i think that it's all not going to work when in reality he could just be shit on the fone. gah. thinking TOO much. as usual. go with the flow. ooooh. josh just came online. we can shoot the shit for a bit before i sleep. oh yea. he didn't ride with me cuz his friend never called. oh well. it would have made that shitty drive SOOO much better.

i'm home! it was raining in LA and this made me take longer to get to SF. but whatever. i realized that there is no rush in trying to get home cuz basically i'm rushing to doing nothing. i don't really do a whole hell of a lot at home and i never stay out that late so who the hell cares if i take 5.5 hrs to get home or 6 hrs. or more. i just hate driving in the dark on the 5. that's all. anyway, so i'm home and it's just like old times. u know. it always is. emily sent me a link about a man who has 2 tickets to the rose bowl and wants a date. my mom actually thought that it would be a good idea. can u fucking believe that? here's my mom saying, "hey. it's just one date. no big deal." and here's my dad standing right there saying, "yea but he's prolly like 35 or older and you have to talk to him the whole time!" god my parents are comical. haha i might be going to brunch tomorrow with mel and an old friend from high school. i asked her if it would be early and she was like, "nah. u know. like maybe 11am." haha that's early for me! i'm on such a fucked up schedule. it's so funny. whatever. i prolly won't stay up too late since there is no reason. so waking up for 11am brunch should be doable. plus i tend to shower at night here. so yea. anyway, back in SF.

gah!!! i'm so fucking bored. i should just sleep. but when i wake up it just means i have to get ready to drive a long ass way. i went out with josh and he was actually thinking of coming with me so he could visit his friend up there. but his friend isn't answering her phone. so as of now he's not joining me on the journey. cuz that would rock. a driving partner. oh well. i'll call him tomorrow just in case she called him back really late or something. on another note. i'm going fucking nuts about this noah kid. only cuz i'm so bored. i soooo want to call him but i can't. it's waaaaay too soon. gah! i just know that somehow, some way, i'm gonna fuck this up. i have to be cool about it. so i need to remind myself of that. but 3 wks is a long time to be cool. ugh! must keep cool. must keep cool. good things come to those who wait. right?

last day in LA for about a week. i leave tomorrow around 1pm. basically whenever i wake up and get my shit together. i just did my sheets and god do i hate putting the duvet cover on! it's such a hassle. it's like a deep black hole. haha ok so i'm exaggerating. but still. i hate it. going out to dinner soon with josh. should be good fun. we're going to doughboys. gotta love that place. =) oh and i spoke with john last night on the fone and finally things are ok. like we had been arguing and leaving shitty voicemails and stuff lately. and i just wanted shit to be cool and copacetic. that way when we have class together everything is fine. and so finally we spoke last nite. some arguing occured. i realized that basically we'll never really see eye to eye on some things. and that's just how it will be. but we are cool now i believe. so it's good.

lazy days indeed. i took a nap earlier and now i'm trying to watch videos on launch.com and fuckin, they won't let me!! they say that if u are using a mac u gotta use netscape 4.7. so i went to my netscape browser and tried it and it still didn't work cuz they want 4.7. i assumed that meant they wanted the newest version and i just hadn't gotten the latest update. then i checked my browser. i'm running 7.02!!! they want me to use an archaic version. u have to download it from the archived clients page. that's fuckin bullshit. so either i'll go to rollingstone.com or watch the shit on my pc. cuz that's fucking ludicrous. using an archaic version of netscape. good lord!

it's like bookends really. i got john's number the first week of school and noah's the last. i went out on my first date with john on october 19th. and last night was hopefully my first date (ie, i hope there will be more) with noah. and it was december 19th. exactly 2 months to the muthafuckin day. i didn't even notice that til this morning when i woke up. anyway, i had a great time last night. noah came to pick me up around 10:30 and we went to the avalon (formerly the palace) to go out dancing. cuz i had checked la weekly and it said hip hop and rock music. and that's what he wanted to dance to. he's not really into the indie, british, 80s stuff so much in terms of dancing. so nothing ala bang. it was just the 2 of us cuz he was going to ask his friend to come but then she isn't 21 so she didn't even want to bother. and so since he didn't have any friends coming i didn't even fish around to see if i could get someone to come with me. cuz now it was like a date. and he even said that during the course of the nite. so i'm thinking i might just not slide into the friendzone after all. we shall see.

anyway, so we went to the avalon and of course, there was a long ass long. there were several lines actually. and being that it's LA, that means there's a VIP line. a guest list line. a regular line. etc etc. basically u don't *really* know where to go. so we stood in what seemed to be the line for the regular people. we made it fun. dan akroyd, vince vaughn, aiden quinn, and some other actor that we couldn't think of the name all passed by to go in. fuckin vince vaughn folks!!!! i fuckin love him and i FINALLY got to see him in person. he wasn't lookin so hot. all scruff. pudge. etc. anyway, noah and i really had no idea what was going on. but something (maybe the famous people....i dunno haha) told us this wasn't a regular night and it would cost more. but we ran with it. we finally got in and found out it was $20! we had waited so long tho and it was intriguing to us, so we decided to shell out the big bucks. what the hell? it was actually $22 cuz we had to pay the $2 service charge cuz neither of us had enough cash. so we got inside and went straight for the bar. then we went out to the dancefloor. we drank our first round of drinks and then went dancing. when he told me he's a funny dancer he was right. but u know what, it works. it's a little goofy but it's ok. it's cute. i don't mind. we had a good time. but then these women came out on stage and the music changed to classic rock. the women were in skimpy ass lingerie. and so for the next like 20 minutes they were parading around on stage to classic rock. it was so weird and sobering. we watched most of it but then decided we needed more alcohol cuz yea. so we did that. drank. then went dancing some more. basically this just sorta repeated over and over. drink and dance. drink and dance. it was really fun tho. cuz he's just so easy going and chill. i was drunk by the end of it all. he was just buzzed i think. cuz he had to drive. i don't really know cuz i can't guage so well when i am drunk. but he seemed ok.

we tried to talk during the course of the night over the music. it was a little hard. he asked me why we never hung out the whole quarter and i told him it was honestly cuz i was dating john. but i didn't want to talk about that so we let that go. he said i move fast. but really i don't. normally i would never be a fast mover. it's just that i wanted to ask noah out since like day 1. and later i sorta alluded to that. but anyway, after we danced to one last good song around 2 something, we left and i told him we must go to fred 62 to end the night off right. cuz he's never been there. so we went there. it was crowded of course. the food tasted superb in my drunken state. at the end i ran into this guy named ben who i hadn't seen from SC in like over a year! i can't remember how i met him but kyla might remember. so i'll ask her. i forgot his name and i felt bad. he's teaching english in japan like jason! he's just back here for the winter break. he gave me his number so i might call him. we'll see how i feel. anyway, so then noah and i left fred's and he took me home. and of course this is always the awkward part. the breaking point. the *moment* of truth.

so he pulled up to my house and i was like, "well i'd invite you in but then u'd have to find parking..." and he was like, "well...do u think i could?" i said, "well u know how hard it is." he's like, "yeah. plus i gotta get up early to get on the plane. i should probably go home. on any other night though i would." so then i was like wondering if we'd just hug goodbye in the car or what. but he said he'd walk me to the door. so he did. and we hugged goodbye and he said something about us calling each other. and then i said something awkward about how i had seen him at orientation and i hoped he didn't think that was creepy. cuz basically i wanted to show him that really i had thought about him since day one. and that really because i started dating john i didn't make any effort to really get to know him. and he said he remembered me from orientation too. he even remembered what i was wearing! i don't even remember what i was wearing. then we stood there and liked talked a bit more. and then we hugged goodbye again. and that was it.

i'm not really sure what to do. cuz there's this fucking 3 wk gap in btwn. i dunno if i should call him or what. he did mention calling and we have cell fones so it's possible. but i dunno! any thoughts anyone??? it's such poor timing. but isn't it always? haha i feel like i'm not in the friendzone yet. so this could work out perhaps. and that would rock cuz he's really rad. so we shall see i suppose. on another boy note, that loren kid from friendster and bang wants to do something with me tonight. it's his birthday. so i guess he'll be calling me. i'm not really sure i want to do anything but whatever. i'll run with it. like he seems cool-ish. but i don't really care for our convos on the fone. he's one of those muscians who's really into his music. and i can't quite relate to that so it's sorta boring to talk to him. but whatever. we'll see.

saw a lot of stars. spent a lot of money. had a fucking great time. more to follow when i'm sober and not dead tired.

i just went to visit brian and it made me happy. i like seeing brian. such a good friend. it's funny cuz i think noah was visiting his friend who lives down the street from me as well. and i swear it wouldn't have been without reason to see him walking down the street as i was from brian's. haha i didn't tho but still. it could have been comical. trying to get pumped up right now with a little no doubt. =O

ok so it's going to just be me and noah going out. no friends. i guess that's cool. i'm in such a shitty mood right now it's totally ruining my excitement about this. we're gonna go out dancing in hollywood. prolly the avalon. if not then maybe sixteen-fifty. but all this bullshit with john is pressing the back of my mind and fucking up my fun. god. i want to shoot him for this. seriously. i'm home alone right now so it doesn't help. ugh. i'm just so fucking pissed off and angry and upset and hurt. it's all this jumble of emotions and it's fucking bullshit. i should be fucking exciting right now. i'm going out with noah! but no. i'm not. maybe when he comes i'll get enthused. at least i hope so. ugh.

if you haven't heard the new no doubt single, "it's my life" then go find it NOW. it fucking rocks. i can't stop listening to it. it's a cover from an 80's song and they did a really good job of like jazzing up the 80's sound. it's good shit. and i have it on repeat. my roommates are probably killing me. but i just can't get enough of it. i'm sorry. haha oh and we did our secret santa stuff in the house today. my person (who i think is lawrence) got me the new strokes album as well as an imported single from starsailor. rock. i have to listent to the strokes album still. i hope it's good. i expect good things from them. i dreamt that rick was my secret santa and got me ice packs to ease sex while pregnant. haha it was so bizarre. yet in the dream it made sense. altho i wasn't pregnant in the dream so i don't get it still. but anyway, what a weird concept. i don't think such things exist but who knows. maybe they do. i'm sure if they do they don't look the way they did in my dream. but whatever. so strange.

anyway, tonight i have to call noah. i feel like my enthusiasm for all of this is going to ruin it. cuz with john i didn't really care and had no expectations. but with noah i do. and so i bet it won't work out just cuz that's how that shit happens. i'll slide right into the fucking friendzone. no fucking of course. that was an adjective. haha but maybe it's a good thing too. cuz john and i are like totally on such a bad note right now. and i think it's all cuz i didn't really think about what was going on. i just sorta ran with it and it became this horrible monster. it was fun for like the first 3 wks and then it just went downhill. the night i realized that i would never be a priority in his life. i remember it well. i went to his house at like 5am after going to tyler's party. he was playing the piano and i was sitting there watching him. and that's when i knew it wouldn't work out right. i could tell that his priorities did not involve me. and that's basically how it is. and that's the whole reason why shit's gone so bad. cuz i'm finally being a bitch about it and he can't really take me being a bitch. he sees it as me creating drama. whatever. bleh. no more typing. i hope i have fun tonight. i need a good night of fun before i go home. altho i hope to make home fun this year. cuz usually it's boring and mundane. but i'll work on it. a tripe to SFMOMA and a night of dancing oughtta spruce that shit up. =)

stick a fork in me....that's right folks. i...am...DONE!!! and i am home and listening to nirvana unplugged and it's fucking great. i got a parking spot right outside and i'm stoked. tomorrow i'm going to call noah and hopefully go out and drink celebratory drinks. woo! good shit. nice finish to the quarter. get a number the first week and the last week. and from the two boys that i wanted to get numbers from. maybe, just maybe, this number will lead to better things than the last.

woohoo!! got the number!! went to lunch with noah. had margeuritas. then went shopping with him. all just to kill time. altho he didn't have to kill time with me the second time. cuz that was when class got out. but i had nothing to do. so we went xmas shopping and had ice cream. he's so chill and laid back. i love it. tomorrow is his last final and he leaves saturday for the winter break. but he wants to celebrate tomorrow night so hopefully we'll be going out to either a bar or club. with other friends of course i'm sure. but hey. i'm on my way at least. if anything he's rad and i want to be his friend. oh and he has this old '83 datsun car thing that looks like nightrider on the dash with it's old school digital panel and it talks to u when ur lights are on and shit. it's great. haha and we discussed everything. music, underwear, pubic hair. the works. well, not movies. but lots of stuff. cuz we hung out for about 4 hours in total. it was rad. anyway, i'm stoked cuz i accomplished what i set out to do. get the number. woo!

one more down. i went to kinkos at 2am and went there 3 times within one hour trying to get my shit printed out. all sorts of problems. font issues. illustrator version problems. etc. i woke up at 10 this morning to pick it up in case it looked crappy. it turned out alright but i should have had them mount it and laminate it to make it pretty. oh well. too late. mine looks so much more basic than the other people in the class. so i'll prolly get a crappy grade even tho i like it's simple look. but that's cuz i like simple stuff. or really complex things. but i can't do that cuz i'm not skilled enough so whatever. i'm so over it. this is the only class i'm not doing great in. the rest of my classes i'm getting A's. but this one i'm getting like a B- or something. oh well. time for the critique!

so the font was in fact on my hard drive and i think i am done with my final project for digital illustration. i bet the teacher won't like it as much as he should but i feel he's just a hard grader in general. most people here agree. goodwin. good teacher. hard grader. anyway, so now i gotta take that shit to kinkos and get me a good print. this could take many hours. i forsee going to probably 2 kinkos. and ending up with probably at least 3 prints of varying quality. but they are only a few bucks each so it ain't too bad. not like my $12 prints for my image manipulation class. luckily we only had to do 3 of them and there's no textbook for the class. so it evens out really. my final for that class went over well with the class during the critique. no one had a bad comment. yay! i liked it. it was a subtle piece. u can't really tell what i did to it. but that's the beauty of it. i think the teacher will give me a decent grade. i'll find out in about 5 minutes cuz he's grading them right now. then we can leave. yay! i'd be happy that i'll get a good parking spot. but i also think i'll be driving to kinkos and have to lose my precious space. oh well.

on the john note. i did run into him at school. i was talking to my friend so we just said hi. then it turned out he was in another lab so i didn't talk to him. i felt it was appropriate anyway for our situation. so i left it. didn't make any efforts to see him. as i left my lab about an hour later i saw that he had called me. so i called him back and he was on his way to work and had just called to see if i was still at school. so we talked a bit. he's seeing lord of the rings tonight at midnight. nerd. only hardcore people do that. haha but i found out that he was one of those geeks who dressed up for the first star wars and stood in line a long time. haha that was a good laugh. i thought the people that did that were silly. i don't look down on them cuz i know people that did that. but it was silly indeed. anyway, i like how i'm not the one calling john anymore. and he's calling me. but i won't get into that cuz that would require me to explain what happened yesterday. and i'm through with typing.

oh, except to say that my eyelids feel swollen and inflamed and i think it was the eyeshadow i had on yesterday. it was the kind that sort pastes itself to your eyes. sorta sticky. yea. not using that again. i think it irritated my eyelids and now they are all icky. ugh! no matter. it's finals. i'm allowed to look like shit. not to mention i'll be on my rag anyday now.

2 more days and finals are over!! yay!!!! i can't wait. i actually only have 2 more projects to finish. both are started. one is nearly done. i'm not sure how pleased with it i am, but at least it's nearly done. i'm concerned with printing it though. ugh! i'll worry later. i'm also concerned with my motor skills as of late. cuz i spilled nail polish remover all over my desk yesterday and today as i was leaving the house i knocked over my glass of water and got it on my dvds. and i've been sleeping decently. like around 5-6 hours a night. so i can't blame no sleep. oh well. i talked to my dad on the fone last night. we had a good chat. about an hour long. then i talked to that loren kid from friendster who i saw at bang! in the meanwhile john called so i called him back after. shit btwn us is seriously just a mess. and it's not even worth getting into cuz it's just not worth my time to type. and of course i ran into him today at school. whatever. i realized i can't work on my project cuz i don't have the font on this computer. oh wait! i think i have it on my hard drive. oooh. i might be saved.

the music is playing and my makeup is smearing. i don't listen to emo music anymore but i might as well be.

i just saw big fish and it put me in a sad mood. it's a good movie but it is sad. sad in that edward scissorhands way. meaning it's fantastical and whimsical. but sad too. anyway, i have no more to say cuz i'm a little bit depressed. the movie didn't help with that. in fact i think it merely set the stage...

last night was some damn good times. just when we thought the plans to go to bang! where thwarted. no no! we went anyway. and it was damn fun. thank goodness jessica messaged me online and kept the idea alive. we thought that just the small group of me, her and rick (the rest were sick or had other plans) would be too small. but it was just fine. a little bit of running around with our heads chopped off prior to getting there gave us a bit more energy i think. the music was alright in the main room. not as good as the last time i went. but the funk/soul room was awesome. i was really getting into it. and i randomly danced with this one guy a few times during the course of the night. and it was nice. just dancing. nothing more. not even an exchange of names. he was a good dancer. i felt not quite up to par with him but it was fun nonetheless. by the end my feet were hurting cuz i stupidly decided to wear my new chucks which was a bad idea cuz they are hard to break in in the first place. let alone while dancing. but anyway. good times.

and then i ran into a few friendsters. one i didn't say hi to cuz he was with a group of people and i just thought it'd be weird. but the other one i did say hi to. only cuz he walked right past me and we both looked at each other like, hmmm... and then we gave high fives and he was like, "are you jen?" and i said, yes. and then we ran through some stuff to make sure we were who we thought we were. his name is loren. he's this kid i chat with sometimes and i met through friendster. not really sure how we met cuz it's been a long time. but whatever. i got his number and he said that if i saw him i should go dance with him. cuz he was gonna go off and dance with his friends. but then later i saw him dancing with one of his guy friends and i was sorta like, hmmmm... but later i saw him and he said that he isn't gay despite the way they were dancing and whatnot. we chatted more. he got my number. and it was funny. cuz he pulled out this piece of paper with something on it. and on that was also a bunch of phone numbers. and the name jennifer written next to like all of them! it was hilarious. so i wrote my name as jennifer #3 and numbered the rest and whatnot just to sorta make fun of it all. rick mentioned how he should get more than one piece of paper. haha anyway, he's a nice guy. and so if he does call me i'll definitely go do something with him. cuz i was just saying to rick how i need to find a new guy and he was saying how with john around i'm not trying as hard as i should. well perhaps this kid could kickstart my ass. we'll see. it's a rainy day today and all i want to do is lay in bed. but alas that can't happen cuz i got shit to do. boo friggin hoo.

i think i'm going to put an end to all this bullshit once and for all. once i get the chance. on another note. i got new chucks. they're too white. time to scuff them up.

in quark class. blah blah blah. noah didn't come to class today!!!! ugh. i was so pissed. the whole first of the day was soooo boring cuz we had nothing to do. and i can't work on my final for color theory cuz i have decided to be creative and do stuff with slides so i have to do that outside of class. so i wasted a bunch of time doing nothing. and when class was over i felt lonely and bored and empty inside. it was crappy. so i drove for a bit. came back to school and john was in a stressed out/pissy mood. it's just cuz he's now realizing he has a shitload of work to do in one week. sucks to be him. anyway, my friend showed me this awesome website. check it out. i'll put it as website of the day. it's like totally pointless but looks so fuckin rad in the process. good graphic design mixed with good flash. =O

website of the day: overage4design

i'm home early!!! it's so great i can't even describe it. what to do with my time? i really should just start my hw cuz i have 2 things due, but heaven knows i'm prolly just gonna fuck around instead. haha

i can't focus!!! i can taste the end of school and yet it's not here yet. ugh! and john just called to basically tease (not sure if that's really the right word) me about my communication with him. i *really* don't understand him. cuz honestly, he gets so easily agitated about things about me. like how i call just to say hi. he doesn't see that as worthwhile time. or silly text messages. just shit like that. he thinks it's pointless. and like he doesn't want to commit to me. and other stuff. and basically i'm like, "then why does he even want to be with me? there really seems to be no point." and i'm not even sure he knows. cuz he said to me once that there was something inside him that made him not want to stop seeing me. what is that something? i really don't know. and i bet he doesn't either. my suspicion is that it could be the void. the nasty void that lots of us have and want filled. for awhile brian and i were filling each other's voids. and now i'm starting to wonder if john and i are filling each other's voids. cuz honestly, it sorta seems that way the more i look at it. and that's the fundamental problem. cuz relationships can't be based on that. on filling a void. i mean in some capacity they are but there has to be more than that. i used to think that i was filling josh's void. and i think i was. cuz he's like john in some ways. only some. fundamentally they are quite different though. anyway, i forget why i even got on this tangent. but yea. thursday i'm asking noah out. and then maybe he can fill my void for a bit. haha no, i'd like it to be more than that. but i bet i won't even get past the asking out. or the first date. boo friggin hoo.

it's always so fucking cold in this lab. why? for the love of god. why? just went to the animation showing of student's works. it was alright. sorta boring. not really into that stuff. killed time for class tho. so that was cool. had good laughter with aaron from insidetrack today. good times. talks of stuffing and turkey sandwich prototypes with another guy baned graham. did a little xmas shopping. now i'm back to working on my image manipulation final. it's coming along alright. i'm scared it's not complex enough. oh well. maybe i can add more to it. or maybe not. =/

my body is seriously in pain. i am doing stretches in hopes of working out the kinks. i really really really hope i don't have body aches due to some oncomping flu. cuz i have so much work to do in these next 10 days. after that starts my break. and if i was sick it would suck. but it would be a better time to get ill than now. i hope i don't wake up tomorrow feeling more symptoms. that would just suck hardcore. yes indeed. ok, back to stretching.

the talk continues about the BCS rankings and i decided to read some more on it. i found this article to be particularly good. it's not too snappy about the BCS but it points out the flaws. it's funny cuz i really like football and before i went to college i was all about watching pro ball but never looked at college. come new years day when all the bowl games were on, i never really watched any wholeheartedly cuz i didn't care. i didn't know who to root for. and now look at me. 4 years later and i'm all gungho about this shit. checking espn.com every week for the rankings. reading articles about it. good lord! what have i become? and this is all more so now that i have left usc. cuz when i was there i'd go to the games and i guess i felt that was enough. but now i feel like i pay attention more since i am out. weird. who knows. anyway, i woke up earlier with aches all over. decided to take some ibuprofen and try and sleep it off. and now here it is, almost 3 hours later and i just now woke up again. still aching. and i still have hw to do. boo friggin hoo.

i ache ALL over and i don't know why. like seriously, every part of my body aches. this could be the top complaint of the day for me. superceding all other ails such as stress and more stress. haha

brian came over and we vegged out to michel gondry and spike jonze videos. woo! good stuff. the chibo matto - "sugar water" video is fucking awesome. gondry does some really cool shit. he's got a lot of visual sense. really good at playing with images and making shit look cool. anyway, that video is awesome. it's a vial palandrome and it rocks. so i wasted a lot of time doing that instead of doing my hw. but hey. i wouldn't have been productive anyway. right? haha now it's time to do work!

GAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! fucking bcs standings bullshit. it's all politics. yea sure it's a fucking bunch of numbers that determine the rankings, but there are people behind those numbers. and basically they make the numbers work the way they want so that the bowls will be "good" matches. get good commercial appeal. fuck that. it's bullshit. USC was #1 is all the polls. but we are ranked #3 in bcs because the 7 components that make up the computer average have us at #3. and those 7 compenents are driven by actual people. it's a computer that then runs the numbers. but the people who drive those numbers are statisticians. so they know what they are doing. they know how to come up with the right numbers to make it work out. god i can't fucking believe this. we're #1 and and we aren't going to the sugar bowl. we're going to the rose bowl with #4 michigan. fuckin LSU and oaklahoma are going to the sugar bowl. surely it's cool cuz the rose bowl is in our backyard basically, but still. we deserve to go to the sugar bowl. fuck that bullshit. we were ranked #2 last week. oaklahoma lost this week to kansas state by a lot. we lost to cal in triple overtime! by 3 measley points. we should be #1. god fucking hell. this is bullshit. utter bullshit.

holy shit i'm so fucking tired. went to john's last night. boy was that an ordeal. i don't even want to get into it. hopping over walls. arguing about stupid shit. sleeping ridiculously late. etc. and of course now i have a mountain of hw to do. same ole same ole shit i always complain about. 2 wks and school is OVER for winter break. god i cannot wait!!!

my christmas wishlist

today (well technically yesterday) was john's birthday and he had his dinner thing at this upscale diner in BH called kate mantilini. i got to meet a bunch of his friends. interesting mix of people. i felt a bit out of place cuz they all know each other from growing up together and shit. and here i am the girl he met at school. but they were nice folks. the girls were easy to talk to actually. and u know me and girls. one of them was this cool chick named carrie (dont know how to spell it) who was pretty cute and turns out she's a lesbian! she's the one john is going to europe with next summer if they still end up going. she's rad. i liked her best. we were at the restaurant for many hours it seemed and finally we left and went to his friend sean's house. and that was weird cuz we were waiting for sean to get back from this party thing and so we were all kickin it in the street. it was totally like a high school thing altho not my high school life. but i can see it. people in cars drinking and smokin in the street. ghe-tow. haha finally sean got there and we chilled at his place. and then went to some other party down the street. i left earlier than others cuz i had to get back to my car. but i might roll over to john's in a bit if he'll be there. oh yea. he bleached his hair. it looks alright. it's better than his boring blondish hair. but i still like the black best cuz as carrie put it, it really brings out his blue eyes. so i think he needs to dye that shit. yes sir. haha

ok. so i was looking at brian's blog and then linked to shannon's and then linked to her friend lindy's. and lindy wrote an entry that shocked me as much as it did her. ralph macchio (the karate kid) is 45 years old!!! yes folks....45!!! can u believe that? i can't. i mean surely when i was like i dunno, 7 or 8, that first movie came out. and he seemed to be a teenager at the time. i guess he was one of those late 20 somethings looking like a kid. cuz fuck man. he could be my dad!!! that's gross and weird. and mindboggling.

i've been forgetting to stick the christmas wishlist up each day. oh well whatever. shows u how much i'm thinking about christmas. anyway, i did my laundry today and i had SOOO much to do. and then i realized that i have way more tops than i do anything else. so if i had more of everything else i could go months without doing laundry. i decided to quickly count the tops hanging in my closet. now mind u, i don't wear some of these tops anymore just cuz i don't really like them. but i still have them. also they are different types of tops. long sleeve. short sleeve. tank top. button down. etc. so u can't really wear all types in one season per se. anyway, i have over 120 tops! so i could go like 4 months without doing laundry if i wore each top and have enough underwear and pants to go with them. isn't that insane?? my screen name used to be tshirtgirlie. it was appropriate. really appropriate.

my christmas wishlist

haha john just came in to get some files or some shit and then he left cuz he has to plan his birthday shit. it's like *that* big of a deal that he has to skip the rest of our class. anyway, the dude marcos who is one of our class friends here, asked john, "so where you going? u got a date?" and it was right in front of me! but marcos has no idea we are seeing each other. he once asked me if i saw john earlier that day and as it turned out john had spent the night and woke up next to me. so of course i saw him. but i didn't say that of course. so yea. it's just sorta funny. anyway, god i'm tired. i need to get out of here!!!

ok so the browser ate my entry. and it was long too. gah!!! let me try again.

ok so today was color theory and that means seeing noah! but here's what happened. so first up, i rarely see noah. aside from color theory it's RARE. so i have to use the opportunities i get. i also never see john when i see noah. except today. of course of course. but first some backstory.

first of all, john and i are still seeing each other. still uncommited. altho he asked me about tyson staying there and jokingly talked about me messing around with him. i asked if he would care if we fooled around and he said he would if it was more than just making out. which doesn't seem to fit with the whole non-commitment thing. but whatever. we didn't discuss it further since it was all in joking context. plus i don't really give a fuck. non-commitment means what it means. end of story. feelings do matter, but that's another issue. anyway, so we are still seeing each other despite all the mess and drama from the other week. we argued and stuff and talked about it so it's all good. and i actually feel like i like him more now than i did before the mess. anyway, so he's been sleeping over a couple nights. one being last night. and we slept basically when the sun was rising. so when i left for school today he decided to sleep in longer. so i set an alarm for 1pm. at 1:30 i called emily to see if he was still there and he was. and i had her go into my room and shut off the alarm to try and wake his ass up.

ok so now back to school. during one of the breaks i was talking to my friend kai and then noah came and joined our convo. woo! we were by the vending machines and then john came by. he glanced at me and i glanced at him as he walked past to the vending machines around the corner. in my head i was like, "oh shit! what if john shows any sort of affection and noah sees. or what if john can tell by my body language that i'm into noah?" but i don't think either was the case. altho as i was talking to noah and kai, john asked from around the corner if i had a quarter. so i went to talk to him and gave him a quarter. and then we talked about him waking up today and i hope that noah didn't hear cuz now that i think about it, he would prolly sorta wonder why john would be waking up with my roommate involved. it would sorta assume he woke up in my house. anyway, so then john left and there was no indication that we are seeing each other. so all is well i think. i didn't get to ask noah out after class tho cuz we had to do these surveys so we left the room at different times. boo! but i'll work on this. he's really easy going and approachable. so i think i can do it within the next 2 wks. at least i hope. i feel sorta weird about thinking that way cuz i do like john. but i just gotta look out for myself here. u know?

anyway so this saturday is john's birthday and he's going all out i think. he's gonna wear a leisure suit and everything he said. he wants to go to a club and a nice dinner with all his friends. i wonder if this includes me. i want it to just based on principle but at the same time, what he wants to do doesn't appeal to me. only cuz i *know* i will feel completely out of place. so yea. i dunno what i wish for. him to invite me and me to decline on the basis that i think i won't fit in and then for him to say it's ok and not expect me to go. or just not invite me at all. altho then i'll be perturbed on principle. haha can't win really. oh and the fucker is turning 21, not 22. he said he was turning 22 when i met him but what he meant was he was starting his 22nd year of life. cuz he said that to me last night when he was explaining his birthday plans. weird fucker. u don't speak of ur life and birthday in those terms! anyway whatever. class is about to start. i'm dead tired. i might tell her i have to leave to take care of some stuff or something cuz i really need to sleep. i'm running on less than empty. =/

woo! it may be late and i may be fucking tired, but my shit is done and i like it. i am down for this layout shit. i just did a 4 page catalog spread and i'm working on ideas for my final which is a 4 page magazine spread with an ad. i like this graphic design stuff. my final for digital illustration is sorta graphic design based too. images made in illustrator coupled with text. yea. i...am...down. i might have to switch majors. cuz i was reading about macromedia really quickly tonight and there is some new fucking software out that flash designers would like. etc. etc. basically MORE shit i have to learn. i don't even know flash yet. i might have to have to switch my direction in life cuz maybe graphic design would better suit me. i'm not sure. i'll figure it out by the end of next quarter when i would have to make the switch. cuz all the classes i take next quarter apply to the GD major as well. but after that is where it splits. so we shall see. i wish i could post my catalog thing but it's too large to really view on this site. so whatever.

i'm dreadfully tired but i just down a triple mint mocha from the coffee bean. those young boys that work there are nice and don't ever charge me the full amount. yay! tyson left around 11am today. he woke up at 8am and i couldn't sleep after that. to begin with i got to sleep around like 4am and he and i didn't sleep well together. we aren't used to sleeping with people that we aren't close to. so we kept laying on each other and rolling around and stuff. oh well. c'est la vie. but tonight i have to create an entire catalog layout. 4 pages worth. so i'll be up late again. god it never ends. i just need to end this quarter so i can sleep. clean my room and bathroom. get my life in order. oh i can't wait. i really can't wait.

oh yea. i was bored yesterday and i read this article while i was in class about a guy who cashed a fake check that was sent to him as junk mail. the check was worth over $95,000 and the stupid bank made a mistake and cashed it. the story is long and interesting. it details how it all happened and how the bank took action. the media that surrounded it. and what the guy did in the end. pretty crazy.

tyson is here! he got here earlier than i expected. i mean even early as in early in the night. like 10:30pm! i told him that if he went to bed early then i could do my work while he sleeps and then we could do something when we woke up. so that's what i'm trying to do. god i'm stressed. on top of that, he decided to sleep in my bed which is fine but sorta unexpected cuz the last couple times he came to LA he didn't want to sleep in the bed with me. whatever. no biggie except john just called asking if he could come over later. i just *knew* that would happen. oh well. i explained to him the situation. minus the fact that tyson and i have hooked up. minor details need not be told. cuz tyson and i won't hook up tonight. he's dead to the world. or so i think.

too...much...homework. aaahh! tyson is coming tonight. prolly like 1am or something. he's been driving like a madman and he's like 350 mi away right now. i thought he'd come tomorrow but he's just been driving straight it seems. it will be good to see him but damn i have a lot of work to do. oh well. i'll figure it out somehow. today i didn't meet with aaron for insidetrack. they did a little switcharoo and i met with another girl. but it was weird cuz i had to go back to the basics since she doesn't know me. whereas aaron already knows who i am and we talk about restaurants and stuff. i was going to talk about thanksgiving with him but whatever. i did mention the mani's pumkpin pie tho! haha anyway, lots of work to do. i'm comtemplating a switch to graphic design major. this is very up in the air but if i really really like my graphics classes next quarter (since i'm taking all graphics and no web design/multimedia stuff), then i'll switch. and then maybe i'll take a few web classes just so i can learn some scripting. we'll see. it's all tentative. but i think i could really get into graphic design. so who knows.