we got all our supplies and we're basically ready to go!!! i just have to shower. i'm soooo excited. woo!!! yay for coachella. the next time i post i will be tired as fuck. sweaty as fuck. and so fucking pysched to have seen so many great bands. woo!!

p.s. i still really like noah

wow. it's late and i didn't get anything done the way i wanted to. in fact the whole fucking day went completely not as planned. here's what i was supposed to do:

- go to school for the graphic design meeting
- come home and work on hw til 3 or 4pm
- take photos of noah for class
- come home and process film, then work on my hw

here's what i ended up doing:

- went to school for the graphic design meeting
- came home and hung out with john til 4:30pm
- took photos of noah
- watched friends with emily at liv's house (i completely forgot we made dinner plans!)
- took emily to adam's house
- saw sparta play at groundzero and ran into daniel from the band, mykee, and travis' gf jessica
- took more photos of noah and hung out at his place way too long
- and now i'm going to process film

so basically i did not much work and a lot of play. it was such a random and weird day. hanging out with john was totally unexpected and weird as fuck. we went to lacma and starbucks and then fooled around here. not neccessarily making out in it's truest form, but sorta. like i said, weird. noah came and john was still here so it was awkward. oh and my comment about noah before. about me not thinking he was that cute and whatnot. nevermind. i changed my mind. being around him for so many hours today made me realize that i still am attracted to him. he is a good friend (just a little flaky). and i still do like him. which sucks ASS. anyway, seeing daniel at the sparta show was so weird. it was cuz mykee was playing with some band that opened for them and so they went to see the show. i haven't seen daniel in ages and it was so weird. i used to really like that boy. he's still so cute. i can't handle his playfully negative attitude but i still think he's a good guy. i think i'll go to his band's show at the troubadour. he's in run run run now. that's the band that he took me to see the first time we ever went out. cuz he was helping them out. we also went to the troub once together too. i remember that nite. aww daniel. good times back then. anyway, i gotta get my shit processed and go to sleep cuz tomorrow is going to be long and painful. the plan is:

- go to class which gets out at 4pm
- come home and go get coachella supplies with lo
- pack up my gear for coachella
- work on a comp for my rubbermaid layout til we leave for coachella around midnight

will it all get done? we shall see.

and there's more...

when i interned at vagrant there was another guy who worked there named jonathan. and he was one of those come to LA to make his band sorta guys. right before i left rich signed them to the label. and now they are about to release their debut album. the band is called the down to earth approach. i wonder if they'll make it. some vagrant bands never get off the ground and remain as pidley as they ever were. and some get big and sell out. so who knows. if you read their bio on the site it says, "after a year of playing the los angeles and orange county circuit, the band attracted the attention of vagrant records." ie, jonathan shoved his demo down rob's throat and rob liked it so much he shoved it down rich's throat. rich liked it enough to give his "star" intern a break. that's what happened. haha anyway, i'm more excited for preston's band. i wanna see them get huge. that'd be fucking rad.

i'm at school and john just called cuz he was in my area and wanted to drop by or something. but i'm not there. that would have been weird anyway.

OH...MY...GOD!!! so i have this friend preston. i met him online and he lived in brighton. we chatted a lot and i ended up seeing him in amsterdam except i wasn't sure it was him so i never said hi. i regret that. he's in this band called the ordinary boys. he emailed me months ago after a long hiatus but when i replied he never emailed back. and now i know why. i did a search for them on google and found that site and found that they are like one of the hottest new bands in england for 2004. bloody hell!! the articles i found talk about frontman, preston, and it's just fucking bizarre. little known fact is that his name was samuel dylan murray preston. but he liked his last name better so he went by that and then i think he legally changed it. anyway, this is fucking madness. they are on b-unique records which is the label in the UK that does some of vagrant's artists. it's sorta like the vagrant of the UK. they have a single out and a video for it and everything. it's pretty good too. jesus. insanity. if u watch the video or see the photos, i think preston looks like a mix btwn adam's roommate ben and paul rudd. and they are going to be at the reading and glastonbury's festivals in england. bloody HELL!!! i wanna SEE and be at those festivals. and they are fucking playing. omg. i'm shitting myself right now. holy fuck. just give me a moment...

now i start to wonder. if preston's band can do it, maybe josh's can too. and if that's true, oh my god. josh and i always talk about how if he gets rich enough he's going to pay be a crapload of money to be his personal assistant and basically just pay his bills for him. that would be rad. making a bunch of money for doing something so simple. he says i'm the most organized person he's ever met. so he'd trust me with his finances. and for an assload of extra cash, i think i can handle it. haha

wow. i think i just saw the "run" part of a hit and run.

hey bloggy bloggy. come here bloggy bloggy. haha wow i'm on crack. i swear. i just found out that the band maroon 5 sings that poppy song on the radio called "this love." what's so funny is that i had heard of them awhile back cuz josh told me that people told him he looked like one of the band members. and being that they are from LA, people would think he was the guy. so i went to the website to find out what he was talking about and it's sorta true. these guys are sorta wannabe indie kids i guess. tight clothes. indie attractiveness. the lead singer is cute and ridiculously skinny. i assumed they sang indie type music. au contraire mon frere! they sing pop music. the guy's voice is weird. it's so fucking strange to see that. anyway, i just had to point that out cuz it shocked me.

my poor digicam. =( it's broken. i called olympus and it's gonna have to be repaired. don't really know what's wrong but it's something internal. it's gonna cost like $180 to fix! sheesh. i think the plan i have with my credit card will reimburse me but still. i was just about to buy a new scanner too. i think i want this epson. i found it for $177 no tax, no shipping. it's 3200 dpi and it has a negative/slide adapter. a large one. now i'm not sure if i should buy it. i really need a new scanner. mine is SOOO old and it doesn't work with my mac. so my old ass scanner coupled with my old ass PC doesn't work too well. anyway, i'll decide later. i feel really cluttered with things to do because of coachella this weekend but i made a list of what to do day by day til i leave and i think i can manage as long as i stick to it. i'm gonna shoot some photos of noah tomorrow since he's the only person i can think of who isn't working around 4pm. i just haven't figured out what sort of shot to compose. anyway, once again i'm studying my notes for my hist. of design quiz. fun fun.

it's so goddamned mutherfucking hot today. good lord. i don't think i could handle a bf even if i was so blessed to have one. i'd die of heat exhaustion or suffocation or something while sleeping with him. haha

i'm tired and don't wanna go to kinkos. gah. i'm screwed. maybe i'll take a quick nap again. i did that earlier. sorta helped. i hate this photocopying bullshit. and it's hot as fuck. bloody hell.

oh yea. the more i look at noah, the less attractive he becomes. not that i ever thought he was hot. but now i'm just like whatever. he's a slacker friend who isn't that cute. why like him? ... exactly. as for will, he's hot but i'm over it already. back to square one and being completely and utterly single.

i'm tired. this week is never going to end. by the time coachella comes i'll be dead tired. mondays are always so damned long. i have to shoot apple cores and security panels and develop the film by wednesday. i can't figure out where to find a security panel so i might be doing this ghetto makeshift style. but since we are using photoshop anyway it's ok. manipulation is in order. it's encouraged. so it's fine in a sense. i shot the apple. tomorrow i'll shoot the "panels" and then develop it at riteaid or wherever is quickest. i have to buy a rubbermaid product to scan in the logo. i have to buy shit for my form and space class. i have to do my type hw tonight which means going to kinkos at some shitty ass hour. i have to shoot more stuff for photography class but i have to finish the panel stuff first. i have to call and ask why my digital camera is broken. i have to send jason his belated birthday wishes. i have to get my car smog checked so i can get my car registration renewed. gah. all these random stupid things i have to do. bloody fuck. i saw noah today and he looked like he hadn't showered since i saw him last. haha john called me today and said he saw the giant from big fish at 7-11. how random is that? anyway, back to work.

gah. this week is going to suck. i can feel it in m'bones. i'm taking digital photos of my apple core for the trash can assignment. i hope this shit works. i hate product photography. honest to god. not my cup of tea. oh well whatever. josh took me out to dinner tonight since he didn't come to my birthday thing. and that's cuz the girl he wanted to bring wasn't 21 so she wouldn't have been able to get into the bars. i told him not to come cuz he would have been the odd man out and i didn't want to have to babysit quite honestly. so he took me to dinner at swingers cuz i wanted to take some photos of it outside. i'm not a huge fan of the food there but normally he and i go there just for coffee and/or dessert. but we had dinner there and i must say, the jerk chicken caesar salad is delish. the guy next to me had it and another table ordered it as well. quite good. hearty salad. i recommend indeed. anyway, then we went to get coffee at the hustler store cafe cuz the girl he was going to take out last nite to my thing works there. plus they have rad magazines. so we chilled there and looked at books and magazines and chatted more. and now i'm home doing this hw. the week will suck cuz i gotta get all of my work done in advance on account of coachella taking up every waking moment of my weekend. god that shit is gonna be fun. i can't wait! anyway, the heatwave known as "LA summer" has begun and won't be gone til at least christmas. haha i hate extreme heat. fucking hell.

last nite did not go as i wanted it to. i still had fun but i think it would have been way more fun if things had worked out. here's what happened:

so first of all, only like half the people were on time for the sake bombing. i tried to get people there early but it didn't happen. of course. so we started the bombing without everyone and it was fun. we got really drunk quite fast. my digital camera stopped working and i can't figure out whats wrong with it. it's upsetting me cuz it might be broken. but i don't know what happened. cuz it seemed fine!! anyway, so eventually everyone showed up and instead of leaving at 8:30 we left at 9. got two cabs. the cab i was in was a van cab and it was full. emily was talking a lot and loudly and i sat in the front with the driver and talked to him. i wasn't THAT drunk so it was ok. but he was funny. we all got to the standard only to find that they were only letting hotel guests on the roof. BOO!!! that ruined it all right there. cuz that was what i wanted to do. go to the roof. so i was upset. but on my way to the bathroom i found a photobooth right there and for $2 u could get a strip of color photos. noah was with so without hesitation i started sticking money in the machine. we were drunk and couldn't seem to get our expressions at the right moment when it flashed. so this is what we turned up with:

not bad. fun photos overall. then i went to the bathroom and some man was a total fucking prick cuz he started talking to me and then when i tried to talk to him he just basically said something like "shut up bitch." those weren't his words but they were like that. i wanted to sock him right in the fucking face. don't start talking to me and then not want me to respond. FUCK THAT!!! so then the group kinda met outside in the lobby where there was a bar and we decided to try and go to a party that kim was at. it was downtown. so we called her and found out the address and started walking. but it turned out to be quite far and at first i didn't care. it was an adventure and i was having some fun talking to noah and arguing with dwayne about life in san francisco. then we realized we were at like skid row and this bum was walking with us. we decided we should not continue on. so walked back towards the standard and regrouped there trying to figure out what to do. it was hard cuz there were so many people. and everyone asked me what i wanted to do cuz it was my birthday thing. but i was defeated. i just wanted to go home and make out with noah. haha but we continued on and decided to go to hollywood. then that got muddled cuz we had to figure out how we were gonna get there. lo and nikki went home. then we took one cab and one car.

the traffic was bad getting to the bars. right before we got there emily felt like puking. so we let her out and rick stayed with her. then the cab dropped us off at the bars. they were only a few blocks behind so they caught up with us. noah pussied out and went home. i was pissed. we could have had a great nite of fun. BOO!! he gave me a great big hug and left. i felt defeated cuz i didn't even want to be at the beauty bar. but then michael got us back in the spirit. me, him, james, and rick got a shot of jaeger. then we got a round of long islands. that got us back in the spirit! emily felt crappy and took a cab home by herself. the rest of us stayed and danced and whatnot. michael made out with samira but today he doesn't remember it at all. he was really wasted. but he was having fun. we left the bar around 1ish and i got pizza. then we went home. so overall it was a good nite but not what i wanted. oh well. i still want to go to the standard roof bar sometime. maybe during the middle of the week when it's not busy. anyway, now i have all this hw to do and i don't feel like doing anything. at least i didn't puke! next weekend is coachella and i realized that basically i won't get any hw done cuz i'll be there all weekend and won't get to shower for 3 days. i may literally go straight from the campground to school monday morning which will mean i will smell like a gross mess. oh well. c'est la vie.

so i got this crazy thought in my head and it's totally wishful thinking. but my friends (except emily) didn't give me a birthday gift. at least not on my birthday. i don't know if they are waiting til today or not. but then i thought about how kyla didn't give me a gift either and emailed saying it'd be a bit late. then i got this idea, what if she was coming down here for my party thing and that was my gift from everyone. it's such a silly idea. but it did cross my mind. sake bombing just won't be the same without her. =( anyway, it'll be fun tonight. either way. but yea. just not the same.

well. i was wrong. gotta give that noah kid a little more credit. he emailed me around 7:30 to remind me of the show but that he wasn't going to go. so of course i didn't go either. but he did remember. so that's good. i just made the cd of music i'll play at my party tomorrow nite. good times. maybe i can seduce noah there for one nite. haha since will won't be there. boo. i was looking forward to him coming. for once i wouldn't have to sleep alone. but no. boo friggin hoo. anyway, as emily pointed out to me, there will probably be plenty of boys at coachella to take my mind off of will. and even tho i'd rather not have to do that cuz i want to date will, so be it. he wants it this way, then that's how it will be. plain and simple.

oh and recently (including will) i have been getting this line from guys right before "the talk" commences: "so what do you want from me jen?" i don't think i can tell how sick i am of hearing that question. cuz i know what it means. it means u are asking me what i want so that if i tell u i want to date u, u can tell me that it's not what u want. or that if i tell u i just want to fuck u, u can tell me that u'd love to just be fuck friends. so guess what, the next time i go out with some guy on a date or two, i'm popping the fucking question first! no more of me being trapped into that. no siree bob. i'll ask the question and put him on the spot. and if he says he doesn't want to date me and i don't really care that much, then he can just fucking take a hike. no more wasting my time. god i sound like a fucking bitter pill just waiting to be swallowed. gah. men suck. and like i thought of this morning: "sure there are plenty of fish in the sea. but they aren't all rainbow trout now are they?"

tomorrow: wake up. maybe shoot some photos. see kill bill vol. 2. get ready for sake bombing. sake bomb. take photos. go to the standard. take more photos. try to seduce noah. go to sleep with or without him.

i feel better. i had my moment last nite over will and now i feel better. yea it sucks but i'll get over it. these sorts of things have become routine anyway. so yea. moving on...i made the jello shots for the party just now. there are like 50 or so i think. so that should be plenty. cuz i have a LOT of sake too. people cannot complain of a lack of liquor. so everyone should be well intoxicated by night's end. lovely lovely. tonight noah's friends' band is playing a show. i told one of the guys that i'd go to it provided noah calls me about it. it's 6pm now. i think the show's at 8. so that gives him 2 hours to call me. will he? i highly doubt it. u know why? cuz he's a fucking retard boy like all the rest. and a bad friend too.

i'm building my shitty ass (god they are horrible) boxes and thinking about this whole will thing. after we talked tonight on the phone i then sent him and email. he just replied. i take marginal comfort in his words. marginal. i know that he's not bullshitting me. cuz he's a straight shooter. but still. it still sucks anyway. i should have realized it. people asked me about my compatibility with will. and i always said i have no idea. cuz really we aren't compatible. on basic levels. and this is the main reason he doesn't think we'd work out. and this is actually true. unlike all the other bullshit that men spew. he's soooooo outdoors (he won a biathalon this week for christ's sake!) and i'm sooooo not. we are very different people. which can be good and bad. we could compliment each other (which i always like to think) or we could aggrevate the hell out of each other. he seems to think the latter. maybe he's right. i wish i just knew this a couple weeks ago. or whenever it was that we first spoke. i could have gotten it straight in my head and we could have been awesome fuck friends. i remember mentioning that idea to emily too. but no. i'm so retarded to jump to conclusions. and after this same shit happened with noah too. what the fuck? i need to learn better. i just don't think really. i just feel. fits my personality type. i'm a feeler not a thinker. oh whatever. i gotta get back to these fucking boxes. they look like shit anyway. i can't build things. i'm fucked. this class is gonna be a huge bitch. if only i had this convo with will last nite. then i wouldn't be so distracted while building. but whatever. shit happens. here's a song that i heard on the radio and i think it's appropriate right now:

please, please, please, let me get what i want
- the smiths

good times for a change
see, the luck i've had
can make a good man
turn bad

so please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what i want
this time

haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life i've had
can make a good man bad

so for once in my life
let me get what i want
lord knows, it would be the first time
lord knows, it would be the first time

everytime there is a boy that i remotely like my parents tend to find out about it. and then i can tell they sorta get excited for me. they ask me questions about him and stuff. and then a couple weeks later i send this one line emails that basically say, "forget about ________. it's over." something to that effect. i think my parents are starting to think they have raised a hopeless daughter. i doubt they are thinking about grandkids at all, but i wonder if that ever crosses their mind. like "gee. jen is always single. will she ever find a guy?" i doubt it cuz parents are always hopeful of their children. if only i gave them reason to think they'd ever have a son-in-law. or grandkids. this 23rd year of life may not be so great after all. as of right now it's looking to be just like all the other years. dull, boring, forgetful, and without love.

i just had a chat with will and we will not be dating. ever. end of story. i hate men. why the fuck did he ever reappear in my life? now i just have to forget him again. basically. i don't really want to but i have to. i actually started to like him. and now i can't have him. i should have realized it was too good to be true. i'll always be single. always. forever and ever. i hate men. anyone else wanna just pop into my life and make me believe that i can have them and take it all back? cuz i'd certainly love to go thru this again. it's just so fucking fun.

and please people, don't say anything about this. cuz i really don't want to reminded of my failures. i don't need words of sympathy. i know what you will say anyway. i always hear it. over and over. i even knew what he was going to say. cuz it's all the same. seriously, every goddamned mutherfucking word. even down to the, "so what do you want from me?" when i heard that, it was just all downhill from there. honestly. the next time i like a guy and he starts with this, i think i'll stop him and say, "just stop right there. let me guess..." and then spew the speech. cuz i think i know it really well now. and i'd rather hear it from my own mouth than his. it hurts less that way.

with will i at least can say i deserved it. cuz it's true. i was a total asshole before. but that doesn't make it hurt less really. whatever. i haven't finished these boxes at all. i'm gonna be up all fucking nite. and it sucks. =(

gah. i don't wanna make these boxes. i took a nap this afternoon just cuz i didn't want to do it. haha the meeting this morning was actually sorta interesting. it was on personality types and we took a short version of the myers-briggs personality test. i scored as an ISFP which is considered the "artist" but since my J & P scores were so close and the test was so short, i think i'm really an ISFJ which is the "protector." if i got more questions i think it would have put me down in the latter category. just cuz when i read the "artist" one it doesn't fit me enough. sounds too flighty. and i'm not flighty. but the "protector" is pretty close. here's what it says in short form:

quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. work devotedly to meet their obligations. lend stability to any project or group. their interests are usually not technical. can be patient with necessary details. loyal, considerate, perceptive, concerned with how other people feel.

i think a lot of that describes me. to my friends i'm no quiet but to the rest of the world i am. i rarely speak up when i don't know the people in the room and whatnot. so even tho i am an extrovert with my friends, i'm an introvert to the rest of the world. which makes sense why on the test i got just about an even split on those two categories too. anyway, i wish i had known all of this before. maybe i wouldn't have gotten my business degree. it explains why i hated it so much. on the one site i found that had a bunch of information, it said career choices for both types and both have artistic things involved. so at least according to this i'm heading on the right path. anyway, enough procrastination. time to make boxes!

i HATE my phone and i HATE at&t. fucking hell. i never get reception and now my phone alarm doesn't work for some reason. what's with that bullshit? fucking hell. anyway, i have to go to campus again today for a fucking meeting even tho i don't have school on thursdays. do i sound like a goddamned broken record? cuz i said that same thing last week. and i'll say it next week too. the first 4 weeks of school have been spenting going to campus on a day when i don't have to. that's just not fair. i didn't do any hw last nite like i was supposed to cuz i was so tired for some reason when i got home. maybe cuz of all that thinking in the concept design class. aka, the trash can project. haha anyway, today will be spent going to this fucking meeting, getting my haircut, and building boxes for the stupid form and space class.

the wall has come down. =(

again i feel like the week is ending yet it's not cuz i have that retarded form and space class on friday. gah! at least i'm making progress on my trash can project. haha i've got an image of a piece of trash with a security device composited on it. that's my idea. so either like an apple core, banana peel, orange peel, etc with like a padlock, zipper, or wall-panel security composited on it. this will show "secure trash" since rubbermaid trash cans keep your trash secure. anyway, it's insane whatever. that's how it goes. some people have their images and some people don't at all. so at least i'm getting there. i'm trying to study for my history of design quiz but i hate it. it's boring. more people in my classes are realizing i'm in the president's club. it's embarrassing. that guy who was in my space the other day teases me about it and says he's gonna go look at my photo on the wall. gah. then of course someone else heard him say that and asked me about it too. so embarrassing. i don't want people to KNOW that i'm a nerd. haha i think i'm gonna get my haircut tomorrow. it's getting too long and i don't wanna grow it out. so yea. back to studying. sorta. haha

thanks to everyone that gave me birthday wishes in whatever form they did. that was very nice of you. and to those who didn't, eat my shit. haha just kidding. i love u anyway. just not as much as those who did say "happy birthday." haha again, just kidding.

yay. pie. i thought my roommates forgot about a birthday cake/pie. only cuz last nite at midnight emily came into my room with a gift and i asked if it was from everyone or her and she said it was from her and adam. and that was cuz i wasn't there (obviously) to organize the gift-giving. so i thought that they forgot to get me a cake or whatever just cuz i wasn't there to organize it the way emily said. it sorta made me sad and i on the phone with various people returning their birthday wish voicemails. and then as i was on the phone with brian they all came into my room with the lit up pie. yay! i should have had more faith. it's not that i don't have faith in them but when emily said that last nite, i started to wonder. haha anyway, it's been a good day yet not exciting. that's for saturday. got a card from my parents that was funny considering it came from them and a letter from jason along with the muji pen i requested as my birthday gift. i'm easy to please. haha now i just have to wait it out til saturday when the drunken debauchery begins. woo!!

happy birthday to ME!!!

i should NOT be awake right now. but i just got back from kinkos. finished my business cards. i was at kinkos for at least an hour i'd say. i didn't bring my watch so that way i wouldn't freak out about the time. i'm actually not too tired. but now i must sleep. gah. what a way to start off my 23rd year of life. at kinkos...

today has been long and it's not over yet! i have my business cards to do. goddamn am i screwed. i got to school and ran into that andy kid who does piercings. the one i had in type class last quarter. he remembered that my birthday is tomorrow. that's a good memory. if he told me his birthday i'm sure i wouldn't remember it. i have trouble remembering my close friends' birthdays. let alone acquaintances. anyway, then i went to class and my hard teacher totally cut us all down. we all feel like we are moving backwards. go figure. and there's this guy in the class who is kinda cute and he was sitting next to me today. he was totally like looking at all my stuff. asking me about being in the president's club. getting in my personal space at while looking at stuff with me on the computer. it was sorta odd. but whatever. he's sorta cute so he can get away with it. haha i think our teacher has a soft spot for him. haha anyway, photography class was good. i love being in the darkroom. it's so fun! and i got my last assignment back and i got an A. woo! anyway, i gotta snap to these business cards. i'm going to be up for hours i swear.

oh oh. i'm not sure if i wrote on here about how i sent a letter to wrigley's complaining about the orbit gum packages but i did. and they sent me a letter back thanking me for my letter and said they would address the issue. i presume at least a few others complained about it. the letter explained how they make the packages and whatnot. so i assume it's not a stock letter. so that's cool. anyway, off to work! and then to kinkos. at least once or twice tonight. gah.

bloody hell! we don't have any hot water. i can't take a shower. this fuckin blows. today is not going to go well. i can tell already.

i am so ridiculously screwed. basically i have haven't done my typography hw which means tomorrow when i get home at like 11pm i'm gonna have to do it ALL. i'll be up super late. but i'm too tired right now to get started. and i know tomorrow i'll be tired but whatever. at least my brain won't be fried the way it is right now over this damned trash cans assignment. i've got images. only one is good i think. and it was brian's idea. sun rising. dependable. that's what rubbermaid trash cans are. dependable. as dependable as the sun rising. i think it's a good idea. the teacher better agree. or i'm going to take my brain out of my head, stick it in a pan, and fry it. just like a fucking egg. goodnight.

gah. i'm frustrated. over this fucking trash can assignment and over liking will! gah.

bleh. i hate my hw this week. i think typography is interesting but NOT WHEN YOU DO IT BY HAND!!! i have to make 5 comps of business cards but cutting out the letters and pasting them down one by one. do u realize just HOW LONG this will take me? good fucking god. i'm only using a few fonts so that way i can just make each piece of information once or twice and then adjust the size on a copier. i swear kinkos is my new third home (behind real home and school). i also don't like my form and space class and i knew i wouldn't which is why i put it off for a quarter. i don't want to build boxes. fucking hell. haha history of design is boring but at least it's not a lot of work. it's mindless note taking to a powerpoint presentation week after week. so it's not too bad really. and of cousre concept design is hard but at least it's somewhat stimulating. and of course i like photography. i was thinking about it and honestly i wish i was a photography major. how rad would that be? your homework is to just shoot a lot of photos. that's so fucking rad. shoot photos and process the film. then print during class. i mean how fucking rad is that? god i should have gone for a second degree in photography. but then my life would be totally different cuz i wouldn't be living here for sure. there aren't any good photography schools here. anyway, wishful thinking indeed. i bet a couple years from now i'll be trying to go back and take more photography classes while working. i can see that happening. getting another measely degree. haha

i have decided i have to cut my hair. cuz i was thinking about growing it out but then i realized that i wouldn't have anything to do with straight hair. it's so boring. and it's not even totally straight. i think some people look really awesome with totally straight jet black hair. and i can achieve the jet black with dye. but the totally straight thing would mean a straightening iron everyone day coupled with a multitude of products. and then my hair would feel stiff as a board. fuck that. so anyway, i'm gonna cut it this week before my party. probably thursday cuz that's my "free" day altho i once again have to go to campus to a stupid workshop. i keep reminding myself i'm getting a $100 at the end of the quarter for like 2 hrs of workshops and helping out at one event. so that's good money really. it's just hard to remember cuz the money's not in my pocket and i hate having to go to campus everyday if i don't have to. waste of time and gas. i also gotta get the alcohol and stuff for the party. fun fun. god i can't wait for this week to end so we can party. haha

i've been trying to call SC john to get my guitar back and i'm starting to fear that it's not his number anymore or something crazy. cuz i would always get his voicemail and he never would call me back. and then yesterday i got an error message. bloody hell! will i ever get my guitar back? i mean i don't use it. but still!! bloody hell.

i've also been thinking about how this whole will thing has totally come full circle. cuz this time last year i barely even cared. i was like too into SC john and it blinded me. and there was will trying to do stuff with me and whatnot. liked me a lot and i was so non-chalant. and now i start to wonder if i like him more than he likes me now! i dunno. the world is funny i tell ya. goddamn funny.

i think i quite like this will boy. i wonder how much he likes me. cuz i know he likes me. but i don't know to what degree. i don't know what he wants really. i'm confused. probably just cuz it's a different situation than usual. i keep thinking about him doing his triathalon stuff and how hot that is. haha anyway, i have so much hw to do today. it sucks major ass. boo hoo. i better get cracking. i'm just such a lazy ass. haha this week is going to be long just cuz i want it to end cuz i want it to be my birthday thing. so i bet it'll take it's sweet time in passing. boo!! but then come saturday it's gonna be a lot of fun. yes yes. i can't wait. and will better come!!

will came to nikki's party after all. he was at a show and came later on with his friend. it was good to see him. i feel bad cuz i was acting so blah. but i do like him. i hope he doesn't think i don't or something. omg. he told he's doing two triathalons this week. TWO. in one week! when he said that i thought that was so hot. not cuz i think sports are hot. but cuz i was thinking how fit he has to be to be able to do that. which is sorta silly cuz i know how he looks unclothed and how fit he is. but still. haha it was just startling to hear that. two in one week. i could never do a triathalon!! anyway, i hope he comes to my bday thing next weekend. cuz it will be so much fun and i want him to be there.

so i was making dinner when i hear michael talking to someone as he was leaving the house. i thought he was talking to lawrence but then all of a sudden noah was standing in front of me in the kitchen! i was like, "what are u doing here? how did u get inside my house??" and then i looked at what he had in his hands and i realized that he thought my party was today. poor thing. how embarassing. haha so he stayed and chatted for a bit with us. it was hilarious. he totally got the date wrong. he was all ready to sake and everything. haha i give him so much shit it's terrible. and his roommate josh remembers something i said to him awhile back and he wants to prove me wrong all the time. god i can be such a bitch. but it's only cuz noah deserves it. and he can take it well too. such a good sport. anyway, off to nikki's party!

spring mutherfuckin cleaning. yes yes. we are slowly gonna get this house back into looking decent. not great. just decent. i went out and bought supplies to clean and cleaned the kitchen counters, stove, vacuumed the rug and stairs, and took out ALL the newspapers. and when i say ALL, i mean a pile as tall as emily. it took me like 10 trips. it was insane. and cleaning the stove was downright nasty. it's still not 100% clean but it's the best i could do. i didn't have a good enough cleaning agent to get rid of all the grease. oh i also bought this swiffel duster thing so i dusted my room a bit. i HATE dust sooo much. now i gotta shower cuz i feel so disgusting. then do some hw. woowee. what a fun day! haha

sitting here waiting for my film to dry i decided to whip out my old journals and sift thru my blog archives to see what i wrote about will. looking at the actual journals was hard cuz u can't word search. and it was all so muddled up with lots of entries about SC john. but that makes sense cuz he was the reason i didn't really give will a chance. i liked SC john so much that it overpowered everything. i barely wrote about will. it was weird. cuz now i like this guy and it's like almost a 360. but it's really all about timing. cuz around the time of will there was ben and joe. but they were brief. and then there was SC john for a long time. josh was mixed in here and there. then mike at the end of the semester who i totally forgot! anyway, i also realized that SC john and AI john had a lot of the same qualities about them and i must learn my lesson to NEVER date another john again. not that i ever really dated SC john. cuz it was more like a crazy weird pseudo-platonic, filling each other's voids, sort of thing. but still. nonetheless. DO NOT EVER DATE A JOHN AGAIN!!! period. haha goddamn those were some stressful times. much like the times with AI john. good lord. anyway, i talked to will tonight and hopefully i will see him tomorrow. i hope he'll come with me to nikki's party. or at least see him somehow.

i just shot a whole roll of photos and i don't think i'm going to like any of them. how sad is that. boo hoo. my photo creativity comes in spurts. it also comes with i don't have to shoot LA. haha i hate shooting LA. it's so ugly. there aren't even many one ways streets to get any sort of effects. sheesh! oh well. c'est la vie. people are napping right now and i'm contemplating going to this party that emilio from my school is throwing. could be fun. it's a change of pace at least. rick's going to dwayne's party. i might just fly solo to this one. altho that could be weird. i dunno. we'll see. oh and i hate john. did i ever mention that before? cuz it's true. haha

wow. i NEVER watch tv and tonight i watched 3 hours worth. first i watched the hour of friends leading up to the 2 hour finale of the apprentice. man o man. what a night of tv. friends has only 3 episodes and left and it's sad. i haven't watched the show in years but i totally am right back in it. i have to see the final episodes. rachel is moving to paris probably!!! and the guy that offered her the job (played by stephan eckhardt) reminds me of noah. haha like that's what noah would look like when he's 35. haha i always thought that actor was cute for a slightly older guy. and now it all makes sense. haha anyway, the apprentice was really long but oh so good. i was rooting for bill and he ended up winning. poor kwame. i hope he gets a good job after this. cuz he left an awesome job (by business standards) on wall street. and he's a really good businessman it seems. anyway, it was awesome to watch and now it's over. sorta like the last episode of the first season of survivor. i was glued to the tv. haha and when donald announced who would be hired, it turned out they were on a tv set and all the doors slide open and revealed the audience and whatnot. it was surreal. anyway, school tomorrow. BOO. gonna shoot photos tomorrow too. i finally have some ideas that i think will work. so i'm excited. i'd have shot them tonight but i had to watch my show!! haha

p.s. i'm totally not myself tonight. it's like i'm cracked out or something. haha

bloody hell. i don't want to go to school tomorrow. i haven't even had the class yet (last friday was a holiday) and i already know i won't like it. it's called form and space and basically we build 3D objects. fun fun. haha i hate building things. and i heard the teacher is hard. good lord! i just want the week to be over. it's been a long fucking week i swear. i went to this leadership workshop today (cuz i have to attend at least 2 for the president's club to get my $100 stipend). the workshop was a TOTAL waste of time. good lord. i didn't learn a single thing and it was literally a waste. oh well. one more to go to next week. it's on personality types. i'm actually interested in that. i hope it's decent. they are always on thursday which is my day off from school yet i have to go anyway. boo!!! i also randomly applied to these low end scholarships from these random companies. i figured that most people wouldn't apply so i'd have a better chance of winning. who knows. i was bored. if i do win any of them, i bet i won't even remember that i applied. haha

on another note. emily is gonna move out at the end of this month. =( how sad. i don't want her to leave!! i dunno if she is moving back to canada or what. she hasn't decided. i hope not. i'd rather her live in LA and find a new place to live. the man came to inspect our house and we have to remove the "partition" (ie. emily's wall) within one week. so yea. she has to move out. how sad.

on yet another note. i think i have finally completely severed ties with john. amazing huh? sorta sad but not cuz he really is a total asshole. it's better this way.

i should be doing hw but i'm going to rest my brain tonight and read this book that we are supposed to read for class but i want to read it anyway cuz it's a comedic piece about a well known graphic designer's experience at art school. i have been wanting to read this for awhile now but i haven't gotten the chance. so tonight is the nite. then the rest of my days are shot with hw. i know it already. tomorrow i am going to try and shoot my window lighting photos if i can. then friday and saturday i will try and do my night shots. hopefully i'll have like 2 or 3 rolls of stuff to try and print come monday. then i'll have one more shot to finish in one week. hopefully this will all work out. i can't forget to watch the apprentice tomorrow tho cuz it's the final show where the donald chooses the apprentice! i've been waiting weeks to find out. so i must watch. otherwise i'd shoot my night stuff tomorrow nite. i have to go to school tomorrow to a workshop since i'm in the president's club. but that will force me to wake up and do my errands. so that's good.

i feel like the weekend is here even tho it's totally not. it's only fucking wednesday. i still have another class today too. but i found out that basically it's all the people in my design class. so that's cool. and i heard the quiz is easy so that's good. my teacher didn't totally knock down my stuff today. my idea of "security" as the essence of rubbermaid trashcans is decent. i might refine the word to be something a bit better, but basically i'm on the right track. that's encouraging. some people still aren't and that sucks. and yea, she's not terribly forgiving in the class. but it is a lively class and one girl cracks a lot of jokes and it eases the tension. so that's good. i actually got a call back from the R&D man at rubbermaid who i wanted to talk to. so i'll call him tomorrow and try and get more info. really nail down the essence. then i can proceed with better images. cuz my images were shitty. it's funny cuz when i went up there to speak, i totally sounded like a fuckin business major. but that's what i was. i can speak the marketing bullshit lingo. it was amusing. anyway, off to class soon. no class tomorrow but i gotta go to a meeting on campus. then friday i have one class. so yea, the weekend is far from here. but i guess it just feels that way cuz the burden of this hellishly hard design class is over til next monday. so it feels ever so much like the weekend is here. haha

i've researched the fuck out of rubbermaid trash cans and i bet it still won't be good enough for my teacher. but this is what i came up with. the essence of rubbermaid trash cans is: security. rubbermaid has a 98% brand awareness. it's the leading brand in trash cans. some of their higher end trash cans have a lifetime guarantee. they are durable, sturdy, reliable, affordable, tough, rugged, functional, and streamlined. all of this because they don't leak, rust, chip, peel, crack, or dent. they are easy to clean, weather resistant, keep odors inside, and have reinforced bottoms. basically u don't have to worry about you trash. it's secure inside a rubbermaid trashcan. you also have mental security knowing all of these things about your trash can. and also because it's made by a well known name brand. i went to 3 stores today and at all 3 stores the majority of the trash cans were rubbermaid. home depot only sold rubbermaid and this one brand that made steel trash cans. so that's what i think the essence of rubbermaid trash cans is. security. i don't know if she'll like that idea but i think it's pretty good. cuz it encompasses all the other ideas i had about the trash cans. now i have to figure out to depict security with images. and it can't show the trash can itself. man o man, this is going to be hard.

also, adam said he was going to grow out his beard for my birthday and then i remembered how noah said that if adam grew out a stache, he would too. so then i called noah and asked if he would still do that and he said he would. so as of now they are both gonna grow out staches for my birthday. haha that's fucking great! i'm such a bitch to noah tho. it's bad sometimes i think. but whatever. he seems to take it in stride since he knows he deserves it. haha

i was just about post some random crap (and i will in a bit) but first i read brian's latest blog entry about being an adult and it really made me sit and think for a minute about how i really still feel like a child. not a 5 yr old child. but a totally dependent student who is really unsure what her life will be like this time next year. i haven't made that leap into adulthood the way most of my friends have. i haven't felt the burden of scrapping by for rent because i can't find a job in this shitty economy. i don't have lots of free time to fool around because i'm taking more than a full load of classes (6 to be exact). i know who i'm voting for in november but i'm not entirely sure why and that bothers me. i still bitch about what he said and she did. and my love life is a crazy mess.

i really can't wait to get out of school and try my hand at the real world. i know it sounds crazy to some people because the real world is scary and chances are i won't have the job that i want. i also worry a bit because i don't have the free time to do an internship and i want to. my whole life still revolves around school. "jen, wanna go do ______ with us tonight?" "no sorry, i gotta finish up this assignment. it's due tomorrow." that's STILL my life. god i can't wait for it to be over. anyway, enough of that. i have to go find out all that i can about rubbermaid trash cans. so i'm gonna go to target and home depot. get a look at the consumer trash cans. see what i can glean since i tried calling their head office and no one could tell me what the hell the trash cans are made of and why they are better than other brands! what the fuck sort of company is this? they don't know about their own product?? good lord! at least i have a lot of classes with the same people now because i've finally settled into the 4th quarter group of students even tho i'm only in my 3rd quarter. i see a lot of the same people over and over and that's comforting. we're in this mess together. haha

i also talked to will today online who told me that he's been really busy and in a horrible mood and that's why he never called me back. cuz he didn't want to lash out. he's going to mammoth for a couple days to wind down and cool off. him and his outdoorsiness. haha he said two days of mountain biking and camping should do the trick. that would never cure my ails. but he and i are quite different in that regard. i could never do a triathalon and he did one last year! i invited him to my birthday thing and he said if his parents aren't coming into town that weekend he'll come. that could be fun and interesting. =) ok off to look at trash cans!

oh yea. the new president's club photos are on the wall and it's embarassing as fuck. at least the photos are smaller now that there are more people to display. the little bios they have underneath our names are excerpted from the application stuff we wrote. good lord! oh well. the semi-cute guy is up there and his name is ian. i have nothing more to say about that cuz i don't know him. haha i bet he's an asshole. all guys i think are somewhat attractive are assholes it seems. altho will's not an asshole. at least i don't think so. but he also hasn't returned my calls since yesterday. so i think that's pretty assholish actually. fucking hell. i hate men. haha

i just had my first class with the dept head woman as my teacher today. it was tough. she wasn't too nice at times but overall it wasn't that bad. but we all totally got it wrong and she expected that. now i have to rack my brains over rubbermaid trash cans. gah! i have to come up with a good idea. it's hard. i can't think right now. i just woke up from a nap. i have a bunch of things to do this week. it sucks. i want to see will. he's not answering his phone. boo. i have to shoot a lot of photos. at least half at night. gah! i have ideas but no time to do them it seems. maybe on my off days. gah. this quarter is either gonna be really long and grueling or really fast. i can't tell yet. i can't wait for my birthday. i'm excited. there will be like 15 of us or so. josh said he'd join us at the standard. that would be cool. i wanna see josh in a majorly social setting. see how he does. i doubt he'll come but if he does, it would be nice. i never invite him to things like this cuz he's so anti-social. haha but the more the merrier i say. at least at the standard where the numbers don't matter to me. time to wake up!

this daylight savings shit is really screwing me over. it's nearly 5:30 and i feel like it's 3pm. it's too weird. i have to come up with 7 ideas for a poster by tomorrow. gah. they have to be good cuz i have to impress that woman. well, more like i want them to be so good that she thinks i am a good designer. or at least that my ideas have potential. that's actually what i want. cuz that way i can learn from her yet already i posess a good design sense. anyway, i gotta research the type of poster and then come up with some ideas. perhaps look at magazines for inspiration.

i just came back from trying to help justin pick out furniture and whatnot for his new apt but it's easter sunday and so most places are closes. boo!! but he reminded me of a bet we made awhile back. well it wasn't really a bet. but basically he was so certain that by the end of may i would find a guy. that my spring/summer looked promising. and i totally forgot we had this discussion. i said that if he was right i would take him out to dinner. so today he asked me how the boy dept is going and i told him about will and how i'm not really sure what's going on. but if he sees will at my birthday thing then chances are that means i have to take him out to dinner. so yea. how funny. i totally forgot.

ugh. my nite was about to end peacefully. but no. i got a message from john online. it was a reply to my shitty messages to him. basically telling him much of an asshole he was to me and that whole bit about the music reminding him of me. and how it sucked. he replied with not so kind words. and so basically i told him to fuck off and that if he doesn't want to be nice and whatnot and like me for who i am, then he can just delete me from him phone and i'll be out of his life. cuz honestly, that's what i want. he's already gone from my phone. and i won't see him around campus randomly for at least 6 months. so yea. i wanted us to end on a good note like the last day of class last quarter. but no. now it's all ending on this really shitty fucking note. oh well. c'est la vie.

the rest of the nite was good overall. went to see shaun's band at the viper room. they put on a good show. it was me, jessica, brian, and lawrence. brian seemed to be in not as good of a mood as usual. altho i haven't seen him in ages anyway. so perhaps that's just how he is now. but we all agreed that he wasn't his usual peppy, happy self. and he wanted us to take him home right after the show instead of hanging out some more. oh well. i prolly won't see him til my birthday thing anyway. so what's the dif? i got to see josh briefly tho cuz he was working and the store is across from the viper room. that was cool. haven't seen josh in a couple weeks. oh and the rest of us got donuts before going home which was fun. =)

i sorta wanted to call will tonight and see what he was doing but with the show and all, it just didn't happen. so perhaps tomorrow. i don't really know what sort of schedule that boy keeps. btwn work and school. and i never know if it's too late to call or whatever. but i do want to see him again soon.

bloody hell. i was totally unproductive today. i had lunch with dan which i planned to do. that was it. everything else i wanted to accomplish i didn't get done. BOO! oh wel. whatever. i doubt i'll be doing anything at this point so i might as well do some hw. do my type hw. it's not too hard. just gotta come up with diffferent ways to typeset 5 sets of words. cut and paste. photocopy. done. not too bad. maybe i'll call up will? he text messaged me today. eh we'll see.

john's a fuckin asshole. he called me not long ago to tell me that basically whenever he hears royksopp he thinks of me (cuz i told him about them) and that it sucks. why the fuck does he have to tell me that? just fucking delete me from your fone and never fucking talk to me again. it'd be so much easier that way. that's what i've done. good fucking god. what a prick.

wow. i slept waaaaay too long. i woke up like half an hour ago and it's too late to go to the darkroom!!! boo. i think i'll do some hw tonight. and try and plan out some shot ideas for my lighting assignment. anyway, the other day i made a list of stuff i wanted for my birthday. well, now i know EXACTLY what i want. but it's a little pricey. $80. if my friends wanna get it for me *hint hint* i could chip in like the $30 that makes up the difference since i know how much we usually spend on each other. cuz i want this WAY more than the books i listed. those were just fluff gifts that i thought would be rad books to have. no no. this is much better and more useful for fun photography.

fisheye adapter (don't be confused, you have to select your country before it displays the item)

i want this fisheye adapter really badly cuz a true fisheye lens is way too expensive. and i checked on ebay and they don't have any cheap there. so yea. i really want this. i just got the email today from lomo and now i'm drooling thinking of the possibilities. haha

oh and this guy's work is truly amazing and artistically inventive. check it out. it's all done with him setting up shots in dark environments then using a really long expsoure (sometimes 10 minutes) and "painting" in the light on the subject to give it that look. no photoshoping. all done with the photographer going into the image with different sorts of flashlights and filters. that also means the subjects have to be completely still the whole time. and if you look at the photos, some of the positions and clothes they are in would be very uncomfortable for that long.

also, i think will reads my blog. and i just figured this out just now. i could be wrong, but i think he does. he prolly wonders why he wasn't invited to my bday thing. hmm...that's cuz i'm not sure what's going on. oh well. it'll all sort itself out later. haha i can't be bothered to worry.

i am ridicuously tired right now and need to take a nap. i didn't get much sleep last nite because will took up too much of the bed with his awkward positions and whatnot. haha plus he lives in venice which has just about as bad of a parking situation as here. probably even worse. so most people park in the "$5 beach parking" lots over nite. but that means waking up early to move your car. so we woke up at like 7am. good god!!! but whatever. u gotta lose a little sleep sometimes right? sacrifices sacrifices. his apt is small and cramped and has a bed that pulls out of the wall! i've never seen one of those til now. and furthermore, there's two kinds. the ones that pull down from the wall. like from up high you pull out the bed in which the underside of it forms one of your walls. or his kind which pulls out like a drawer in the wall. it's fucking bizarre but interesting. his neighbors are eric clapton and julia roberts. but he has yet to see them. they own the nice luxurious houses nearby of course. anyway, good times. not really sure what's going on just because it's not like some random date with a guy i don't really know and i spent the nite. this was like me hanging out with a guy who i sorta dated for awhile and now it's almost like falling back into place. or is it? who knows. i'll worry about it later. we spoke of things in terms of us seeing each other more. so who knows.

i left his house around 7 something and drove my ass back home because it was too early to go to school and take care of the grade thing. so i came home and slept for like an hour. then drove my ass back out to santa monica. saw the dept head who isn't as mean as she appears. i showed her my work and she wasn't rude about it at all like i expected. she merely looked it over and decided i should get a B. then upon further inspection decided i should get a B+. certainly i wanted an A, but i went in there hoping for a B. so i was happy with it actually. and then i talked to her about other stuff and decided to ironically switch back into her section of graphic design 4. so now she's my teacher! haha after all my bitching i decided that she would be good to take. cuz she will be mean and i will get trampled on i'm sure. but she'll push me to become a better designer. and that's what i want. so i'm gonna try really hard to do well in her class. so there's irony for ya. haha i also switched out of my flash class cuz i had it last nite and it's geared too much toward animation. there is a flash class that is taught by a web design guy and that's the section i need to take. but it conflicts with my photography class. so i dropped it and i'll take it next quarter. so i picked up history of design & architecture which is required for the major and it's taught by my old fundamentals teacher. so that's cool. cuz he's a really nice guy. so that's the school situation. it took a long time to do but it worked out. and i ran into the dean and thanked him for bumping up my paper to get my major changed. good to know people in higher places. haha

then i drove my ass all the way back home again. (so that's 3 trips btwn LA and santa monica so far today...) took a quick shower and met up this guy i met online to talk about taking photos for his band. but then it turned more into a date i felt. and it was awkward. at least for me. but i kept it on a certain level. and my tiredness helped with that too. we didn't even talk about the photos! haha anyway, now i'm home once more. about to take a nap. then later tonight i'm going back to santa monica (so in the end it will be 5 trips btwn LA and santa monica) to use the darkroom at SMC. fun fun. =)

a few things. john's roommate william is in my flash class and he told me all this random crap it was funny. he said that john would totally be metrosexual if he was better looking. haha and he also told me that they were gonna expell john but then he showed them all his work and they decided not too but told him to take the quarter off. and he's taking summer off too. so now i'll really never see him. simple enough. i sent my broken orbit gum packages to wrigley's in chicago and gave them a new package idea. basically to make it look like a cigarette box. i wonder if they will even read my letter. haha and right now i'm gonna hang out with will and see his beach apt. woo!

the world is COMPLETELY and utterly shitting on me. the dept head teaches today til 4:20pm and so i left a note on her door saying i'd come by at 4:30 after her class was over. well i got there at 4pm and sat and waited til nearly 5:30pm. she never showed. but the note was gone. so i know she got it. i ran into a girl who was actually in my design class last quarter. the other "good student" and she got an A and was shocked when i told her i got a C. she also has the dept head's class today and she said that she let them out early. oooooh. she told our teacher he could NEVER let us out early. fucking hell! she prolly left early for the day. which fucking blows. so now i'm gonna come back tomorrow at 10am to see her even tho i don't have class tomorrow. bloody hell. and get this. i did the math on my grades and it's not mathematically possible for me to get a C. i'd have had to fail the final. and an F is 64 or below. i'd have to have gotten like less than 64 on it. that's just not fucking possible. after seeing that girl in my class i am 100% convinced that this was a mistake. and i'm just unlucky because the mistake happened to me and my teacher was fired. so literally the world is shitting on me. this is so unfair. and i'm working my ass off to make it right. and i just know that in the end it won't be right. it makes me want to cry. =(

i'm so bored and i went searching online for that cute kid (of course...) and i found an AI project he did and the funny thing is, i've seen it before. it's good. he's a good designer. damnit. now i want to talk to him. but of course i'll probably NEVER see him again except at these stupid meetings. gah. whatever. i have like 2 hrs to kill. i gotta get some lunch.

there's a new member to the president's club and he's cute! well not THAT cute. but he's 11th quarter GD and that means i'll NEVER see him. boo. i think his name is ian. i'm not totally sure. and he's like irish or scottish or something. anyway, new preoccupation for awhile. haha just cuz this grade thing is getting me down and i need something else to think about. i see the dept head today after her class. i'm just gonna go thru with it and see what happens. cuz i'm so over it. oh and i keep running into noah like everyday. good lord. i have way too much free time right now. this fucking blows.

oh and two guys are in this empty lab with me getting down to the supremes. it's funny. =)

*sigh* i've lost hope. i called my teacher and left a message. still no call back. so tomorrow i will go to the dept head and have her look at my work and hope for the best. i have some arguments for my work but in the end i just know she's going to think it's shit. i just know it. and i'm already prepared for it. not that it's shit but it doesn't conform to the ideals of layout design. no 3 column grid and whatnot. she prolly won't give me the benefit of the doubt because she didn't like my teacher (hence him being fired) and even tho that has nothing to do with me, it does. just because i'm sure that's how her brain works. she hears his name and negative thoughts come to mind. and that just doesn't work in my favor. i have to just keep reminding myself that i like my work and he liked my work and grades don't matter in the end of it all. but whatever. bureacracy wins over everything all the time. so i can't fight the man now can i?

what's with all my type teachers have cool ass bags? my type 1 teacher has this bag that i saw at the moca gift shop and it was all stitched and rad and expensive. and now my type 2 teacher has a feitag bag which is a bag that is made of recycled freeway parts. it's really rad. and also expensive. i want one! damn my type teachers!!! haha this guy is funny. he seems nice. i think i'll like the class if only cuz my teacher is funny. haha i have a lot of time to kill and i gotta try calling my teacher again. this time i'll leave a message if he doesn't answer. i'm sorta scared that he'll be mad but i guess that's the worst that can happen. and in which case, it doesn't really matter cuz he doesn't work here anymore. but that doesn't mean i'm not scared. gah!

jen does NOT give up without a fight. i found another email for my teacher online. so i emailed him there. i also did a search and found his phone number. so if i don't get an email, i'll probably just try calling him tomorrow. what's the worst that can happen? not much really. it's worth a shot. i will not go down without a bloody fuckin fight!! and now, two photos i printed tonight. i liked the way they turned out. =) more to come...

i bitch. but things could be a lot worse...

so i thought the world was shitting on me in the men dept. but no. it's shitting on me in all ways imaginable. except parking. there it's picked up. something has to give right? so i went to school today to see about this grade stuff. and first thing i encounter is the ascinine ways of our school yet again. in order to get my schedule of classes i had to waste like 15 minutes getting a form stamped for no reason. i won't even get into it. then i looked at the list of instructors only to find that my teacher was in fact fired. he's no longer on the schedule of classes. so guess what that means, i have no way of contacting him. now u'd think that the school would be helpful and let me have a fair shot at finding out whether my grade was a mistake or not. but no. the school is a piece of shit. if he was still working there, i would get the opportunity to ask him about my grade before trying to appeal to the dept. but no. that can't happen now. and basically i'm fucked. i have to now show my prints to the dept head who is a fucking bitch ass woman who won't like my stuff cuz part of the reason my teacher was fired was because she didn't like what he did with our class. so here i am, royally screwed. i swear i want to cry. sure grades don't really matter. but this is fucking bullshit that i don't even get the chance to talk to my old teacher. and to top it off, i ran into john who basically clumped me in with his bullshit ways and said that he knew we'd all get bad grades (he got a D) because the teacher had us all pegged for slackers. like hell. i am in NO WAY the same sort of student that john is. bar fucking none. and that pissed me off so much when he said that. ugh. anyway, the world is shitting on me and when i show the dept head my stuff she'll prolly hate it and tell me i'm shit out of luck. fucking great. this reminds me of the incident i had with one of my cinema teachers at USC. and that made me cry because my teacher was the biggest fucking asshole in the world. ex lawyer and current talent agent. yea, he's a real gem. anyway, i can't even bitch about this anymore cuz it's all useless. the only hope i have is of talking to my old fund. of design teacher and him giving me contact info of my teacher. then contacting him and finding out one way or another. and even if by then i already showed the dept head my stuff and she doesn't give me a better grade, if my teacher said it was a mistake, they would HAVE to honor that. that's my only hope. everyone cross your fingers for me.

p.s. i hope the girl that started this whole mess FAILED the fucking class. my karma is shot to hell as it seems, so what's the difference at this point.

i just processed my film and there are some rad shots on there. the ones of the metro blurred look really fucking cool. and the shots of the palace of fine arts are really rad too. woo! now i gotta get ready and go to AI and try and sort out this grade mess. gah!!!

just had a lovely chat with joe tonight. we swapped photos and whatnot. i got to see what jon mahl looks like these days. still looks the same. shaggier hair. looks good. joe wasn't at the outting last nite cuz he's in CO now. but if i had come a week earlier he would have been there. that would have been cool. damnit!!! we were talking about harrington's weight gain and he said that since he's so tall and whatnot, his clothes are huge. and like a mumu. and then he said to picture him in a mumu. omg i couldn't stop laughing. any man in a mumu is fucking hilarious. haha if harrington finds this we could have another "plaino" situation on our hands. good lord! anyway, good times chatting with joe. he always cracks me up. it's great.

my birthday is coming and i know what i want to do. sake bomb and go to the roof bar of the standard downtown. i wanted to rent out a room but 1) it's really expensive and 2) hearing that blaise's shindig got broken up at 10pm deters me and makes me think it won't be worth the effort. i don't want us all getting kicked out!! so i think sake bombing at O2H and then going to the roof bar to get more drinks and be merry will be best. we can either cab it or have some DD's. whatever people want. and people can crash here after if they want too. it's all up in the air really. depends on what others want. as long as i get my sake bombing and roof bar, i'll be a happy camper. here is the flier i made for it:

and here is my bday wishlist:

- graphic design for the 21st century
- taschen's 1000 favorite websites
- doisneau paris
- area
- gift certificates to urban outfitters

back in LA. good to be home to my nice, big room. the drive wasn't too bad once i got rid of my massive hangover. last nite was loads of fun and i'm so glad so many people showed up. now to recount in a coherant state. since whatever i wrote last nite was surely a bit of babble. haha

so me, mel, and matt got the the bar first. it's called butter and it's got this white trash theme going on. they serve things like tv dinners, spaghetti-os, ding dongs, twinkies, etc. random weird stuff. they also have $2 jello shots. so we got there first and got a round of long island's. what a way to start! then mark came with harrington, dennis, lund, and his gf. pardon me, but i call most of those boys by their lasts name partially cuz in high school some of them were on the football team. anyway, mark looks about the same. his hair was different. sorta big. harrington looked the same but heavier. prolly all the beer. so sad cuz i used to think he was sorta cure. dennis looked totally the same but that's cuz he is really normal looking. lund had HUGE hair but otherwise looked the same. and i've never met his gf before.

so when the guys got there, me, mel, and matt got another mixed drink and a round of jello shots. then kyla, dom, amara, and her bf came. so we got some more jello shots i think. i cant remember. i know i had more than one. the guys went to check out this other bar but mark couldn't get in cuz of his white shoes. prolly more cuz it was 4 guys and one girl. we all should have gone. oh well. so they came out and we hung out more. it was great to see them and catch up. we finally went to this bar/club down the street that harrington got free passes to from his sister. when we got there was a photo booth!! so we took these photos. we were totally unprepared so they are sorta wonky.

after that everyone sorta dispersed and i went to get a drink. i ended up talking to this guy at the bar who bought me a drink. we had nothing in common. he was drinking grey goose (expensive vodka) and red bull. i got a malibu and coke. he was 28. from el salvador. went to cornell for engineering but does i-banking now. his bro goes to art school in SF but this guy isn't into art at all. and he didn't like my orange drink purse! so basically i had to get away. and when mark rounded up his boys to leave cuz he had to go to work early today, i went to say goodbye to them and used that as an excuse to stop talking to the man. oh yea, he took a photo of me too. wtf? haha so then it was me, mel, dom, and ky upstairs chilling at a table. amara and her bf left and i was now the 5th wheel. but it was ok. we left at like 1:45am and crammed into one cab.

i was entirely wasted when i got home but my mom was still awake!! she stays up late a lot. so i had to try and not talk to her much so she wouldn't see how drunk i was. she has this weird hang up (my mom has a LOT of weird hang ups tho haha) where she always wants us all to shower before going to bed. so we are clean and don't "dirty" the beds. so i had to fucking take a shower. and i've never showed that drunk before. good lord. when i woke up this morning i was soooooo thirsty. i drank sooooo much water. i had a massive hangover and i had to hide it from my parents. so i just ate some toast and drank a lot of water and tried to leave in a timely fashion. and that was that. so i'm home now in LA and just doing random shit.

wow im so wasted. i'm backspacing and trying really really hard to make this look good. mel, matt, ky, dom, mark, harrington, dennis, lund, his gf, and kyla's friend and bf, and me all went out. good times. harrington looks heavier. dennis is still plain yet cute. mark's hair is out there. lund's hair even is even more out there. we went to butter and this other place. some guy bought me a drink. i'm totally drunk and backspacing like a mofo. i lost an hour due to daylight savings. and i gotta drive home tomorrow. gah!!!

my eyes are itching like crazy. it's fuckin insane. prolly cuz the weather here is different. the pollens are different. so it irritates my eyes. good lord it's bad. anyway, gonna have din din with ky and dom. then a whole group of us are going out to a bar called butter. should be fun. i'm ready to go out! woo!!! then tomorrow the long drive back to LA. the stay has been good here so far. mom is getting a little on my nerves but not TOO bad. anyway, off to dinner.

whoa. i was just sitting here when i realized that i had a dream about john last nite. and of course that inherently means it was weird. good lord. he needs to just get out of my brain!!! i mean i like him and all, but it's really for the best if we just don't communicate and whatnot. better for my sanity that way.

today looks to be another lovely day. why would anyway want to do anything but relax? the man who was on the edge of the bay bridge for 13 hrs yesterday finally got off at like 11:30pm last nite. crazy shit man. maybe a mid-life crisis? cuz he was described as a 37-38 yr old male from the sacramento area with a red BMW. so maybe. who knows. it backed up traffic in the east bay for many many miles. really insane. anyway, they finally got him off and he's in custody. of all days to do that on tho. yesterday? it was beautiful yesterday. oh well. today i'm gonna go out with mel, matt, dom, kyla, and two of kyla's friends. should be fun. we picked this place called butter. we'll see how it goes. i hung out with mel and matt last nite. got some boba and then watched a walk in the clouds which mel and i have a funny memory about. but we didn't really remember the movie and as we watched it, we realized it's just not that good. haha the acting in it is really bad. and yet the dvd cover says that siskel & ebert gave it 2 thumbs up! weird.

i need a haircut.

and i fucking HATE AT&T wireless.

will is single...

it's a lovely day outside. good lord. it's odd for SF. but it's a nice change of pace. i went out to golden gate park and took some photos and then sat and read a bit. it was nice. nice peaceful day.

and speaking of nice and peaceful. so i was driving and i came to a red light on geary blvd (major 6 lane street with divider). when it turned green, i didn't go for a second and in that split second i looked around and noticed that not a single lane went. and it was green! but the beautiful thing is...NO ONE HONKED. it was fucking amazing and great. in LA if u don't go within half a second of it turning green, the person hehind u honks. so it was lovely and i noticed it and took it all in. god SF is great. =)

even tho i know it has to be a mistake that i got a C in my class, i keep having dreams about ways that i could have gotten a C. like insane reasons why i would have dropped from an A to a C. it's really stressing me out. i can't sleep well. this sucks. anyway, i haven't been in the mood to write much on the blog or in my real journal lately. not sure why. lots of thoughts in my head that just sorta remain there with my inner dialogue. today is a sunny and nice day. so i think i will go out and take photos and whatnot. then try and meet up with mel after her classes are over.

i just hung out with jason, robin, and lydia today. jason most of the day. we went to SFMOMA and then some other random places. took lots of photos. good times. picked up robin at school and said hi to dom for a bit. then ate dinner with lydia as well. good stuff. good to see them all. jason leaves tomorrow and it's sad. i'll miss him! =( but it was good to see him in both LA and SF.

i think i might go take more photos around the city tomorrow and also see my old high school. just cuz i haven't seen the new science wing. then hang out with mel hopefully. i'm all disjointed right now. maybe cuz it's april fools? altho the only april fools i experienced was live 105 playing random ringtones during songs and whatnot and confusing both me and jason in the car. then we realized what they were doing and it was hilarious. just cuz it totally worked at first. we were all confused. anyway, my eyes hurt. so time to end this.