poor em. she's back in canada and sad. =( i'm sad to see her go. and i know jessica is too. she's been hanging out over here with rick most of the day. lo just came back today from a weekend up north to see his bro graduate. i'm getting my car fixed tomorrow morning at 8am. gah!!! i just finished taking the last (hopefully) photos of josh for my final. gotta process them and see how they turn out. tomorrow i hope to get off to the key club to see american eyes play a free show. i foresee this week being busy for some reason. even tho my calendar isn't full at all. we shall see.

so i was wrong. it's hit me....

i am in love with the current and old evian print ad campaigns. these images are from the old campaign "l'orginal." i think the colors are great and the bottles look beautiful. the new ads are less colorful but just as good. i wish i could find images of them. basically their flowers inside evian bottles. like each ad just had one flower in one bottle. the background is white and there is a tagline that says "natural source of youth." they are really elegant in their simplicity and i love them.

oh. i've also decided today two things.

1. once my fingernails clear up, i'm going to get a full manicure and pedicure somewhere. i've never done that before. i mean i once got fake nails for prom and i hated that. but i wanna just go and have them make my real nails look nice and my feet too. so if anyone knows any good places. i'm willing to spend a decent amount if the place is nice.

2. i'm too lazy to find a bf. or date. or anything guy-related. i think i'm just too content in being single right now. i find that i don't care to try. like OCD boy. i'm just too apathetic. and will. well, i know that's like a dead end thing but we could have some fun at least. but i'm too lazy to try. i'd love for some guy who liked me to just pursue me for once. then i could sit back and relax. that'd rock.

i'm gonna go get some food with emily soon because she leaves tomorrow. =( how sad. i'm gonna miss her a lot. i don't think it's really hit me yet and it might not even hit me until a bit after she leaves quite honestly. i think last year around this time i felt a lot more sad cuz there was lots of chaos. lots of movement. kyla was the only real person leaving but it felt a lot more sad because we were all moving and separating. now it's just emily leaving while the rest of us are staying. so it hasn't really hit me yet. but then in a week or so when i'll wanna go out somewhere random, she won't be here to go with me and i'll really realize it then. =(

well, last nite was a success in one respect. we did surprise emily. we wanted to give her a surprise goodbye party and when she got here, she definitely wasn't expecting everyone to be hiding in what used to be her room. so that was rad. it wasn't much a of a party party per se but it was chill. good times with good friends. i gave her a gift comprised of the following things:

1. WD40
2. pantene full & thick shampoo/conditioner
3. ankle guard
4. ben gay

the reasons i gave her these things are that during freshman year:

1. she got herself stuck in one of our trashcans and couldn't get out without help
2. she thought her hair was falling out in clumps because she saw hairballs in the trash and thought i was picking up the clumps of her hair that had fallen out
3. she got up one morning and her leg was asleep but she didn't know it and stepped down on it and fall out of bed twisting her ankle
4. there was an earthquake at like 2am one time and she woke up thinking she was having muscle spasms

good ole em. she's a funny one. and i'm gonna miss her dearly. i hope she'll come back to visit. or i can visit her. =/

since our "party" died early, we then went to dj andy's place although their party was over too. i love dj andy. he's so cute and nice. i think he'd make a great bf. and he appears single. which he shouldn't be! what a waste. haha brian came to our thing and so did dan! that was good since i haven't seen those boys in AGES!!! it really shouldn't be that way. will came too cuz i told him about it. it was a little weird with him there but he left early anyway so it was alright. man was his hair going nuts. and noah didn't come as i expected. i think i take back the comment about us being on the road to friend recovery. i spoke entirely too soon. haha i managed to get myself quite high last nite which was lovely. i haven't done that in nearly a year! so i didn't really drink at all cuz i was already under one influence. why muck it all up with another? so i made cookies while the party was lagging and they were gone instantly. they weren't even that good but people don't care i guess.

photoshop works wonders. this photo was rad before, but now it's fucking vibrant as hell. i love oversaturation. it's great. rick took this photo btw. this was like junior year of college at one of the many orange:house parties. yes folks, jen is going on a little nostalgia trip. haha

i forgot to mention. last nite i went to see american eyes at molly malone's with stacey and her friend. american eyes is the band that kevin from this engine burns joined recently. and stacey knows the lead singer of the band, dave, cuz she used to intern with him. the set was good. i like their music. it's just so funny cuz i met stacey through ryan who i met basically online even though he lived down the hall from me sophomore year and i met him once then. and then i found out that stacey knows jenopolous and samira who i met through rick. crazy world huh? and i'm gonna be seeing stellastarr with her in a couple weeks at the el rey and guess who's opening for them. run run run! the band that daniel from this engine burns took me to see the first time we met. and now he's their drummer cuz he left this engine burns. good lord the world is small in LA!

i was sifting through all my old photos last night when i came across these two.

ah the good ole days. when i was really close with brian and even closer with dan. where have those days gone? i never see those boys anymore!! it's quite sad really. oh well...

i all of a sudden have random errands to do which i brought upon myself. i just hope the bulbs on my car don't break. i taped them down but who knows.

bloody fuckin'ell. someone jacked the panels that cover my foglights!!! like the bulbs and wires are just chillin there. loose. hanging. wtf? who does that? at least that's all they took. it could be way worse. my whole car could be jacked. i can't get it fixed til tuesday morning. gah! so i just tried to tape the lights down so they don't bounce around too much. i won't drive that much but still. this fuckin blows. if it's only the panels they need to fix, it should only cost about $50 to fix. if there is more who knows. and it should only take about half a day. good lord. anyway, this weekend looks like it will be good. despite this minor setback. at least i don't have to drive to the show i'm going to tonight cuz it's down the street at molly malone's. sunday i need my car to get downtown though which sucks. and monday i don't have school so i'll probably make it a work day at home so i don't have to drive. so that's good.

i got the internship! yay! i knew the interview would be chill. and as it were, the guy i interviewed with sits next to the hot guy that i saw once outside. haha anyway, it's really chill and relaxed and i'd get to work on posters, promo cards, magazine stuff, and even the website since the guy who did it is leaving. so that's rad. i'll be starting next month once my quarter ends. so that's perfect timing. woo! i'm excited. now i get to see what's it like to work at a magazine. oh and they have concert hookups too. very rad. and it's RIGHT down the street which makes it convenient as fuck. but the hours are also incredibly flexible so it's great that way too.

i feel like i've been at school all damned day. maybe because i got there early to go to a meeting. then my concept class went the full time which it never does when we are in the studio. then i also went to another meeting right after that which led me straight into my history of design class which also went longer than usual. so altogether i basically got no break today. i mean i got a bit of a break during my concept class but i ended up talking to OCD boy the whole time so i got no alone time. he actually looked quite cute today. i think it was the shirt he was wearing quite honestly. it's now my turn to call him to do something. that's basically been determined. so i have to figure out what to do. i can't decide. i also can't really put my finger on that boy. cuz like before i was pretty sure he liked me. but then i wasn't so sure. but then this girl in my class told me she thought he liked me just from observing us in class. so i dunno. whatever. i also ran into noah today and i actually felt like we were back on the friendly level we used to be. kidding around and whatnot. it was good. i was happy with that quick interaction we had. so maybe we are on the road to friend recovery.

so i was taking a nap today and i woke up around 6:50pm all disjointed because unfortunately it's that time of the year where "6:50" on the clock can mean AM or PM because it's about the same sort of light either way. sure the shadows and light quality are different, but when you just wake up and are half asleep, at first it does seem the same. so i panicked for a moment not knowing what the hell day it was an whether i had to be at school soon or what. haha anyway, i got an interview with the magazine on thursday. i started looking at all the names of the people that work there and it's like 90% men. i think most of them are young too. just cuz the magazine is young and whenever i go to kinkos i always seem to see young bandish looking guys there. so i hope the guy interviewing me isn't too young and hot. otherwise i'll be all flustered. haha anyway, time to work on the perception of salsa dancing!

i think i'm gonna interview at a magazine for an internship. it's literally down the street from me. and this guy i hooked up with once during college works there now. and he's younger than me! he was cute. i saw his name on the list of writers and it made sense that it could be him cuz he used to write music articles and that's what he wanted to do. so when i was emailing the guy about an interview i asked if it was the same guy and it totally is. fuckin rad for him. apparently he's leaving tho. i wonder why. maybe he found a better job?

anyway....john keeps calling me. why? why the fuck does he call me? it's like he's nice and then not. i can't handle that bullshit. either be a fucking nice guy or just fucking walk. don't ride the fence. as for noah, he reads this things religiously now it seems. that's hilarious. he's reading the archives too. i don't care at all. i mean if i did, would i have this thing in the first place? nope. would i stick the link online? nope. i don't care to go back and read some of the nasty shit i wrote about him but i'm sure he'll find it himself and he can deem it nasty or not. i'm too damned lazy. haha i know he hates me now. i can feel it. probably cuz of the blog. who knows. i don't care. i wish shit was the way it was back in january. all happy and peachy keen. two people that didn't really know each other but wanted to know each other and wanted to be around each other. now it's like pulling teeth. or pouring alcohol over a wound.

the perception of salsa dancing. woo! the lesson was great fun today. we learned some steps and by the end we were all getting it. i didn't dance with OCD boy. but man was it fun. my feet hurt a bit but we had a good time. the whole class. now i gotta come up with some ideas. i have some stuff going through my head but nothing to commit to paper just yet. so we shall see. i think i'll come up with some stuff tonight when i can actually sit and think.

i talked to noah today because i wanted to touch bases and not have us hate each other. cuz i really don't wanna be hating people. so i called him. i could feel some sort of tension on the phone but whatever. he started reading my blog the other day and so now he'll know what i'm thinking. it's like the dylan situation. except not. haha i don't care. i bet john will read it too. and then he'll know how much my feelings for him fluctuate. haha whatever. he can be really nice or a total asshole. so he deserves my bitching at him. and he doesn't like it then he can stop calling me. cuz it's him calling me and wanting to see me. why? i'm not sure. i have no idea what he wants from me. and i won't even venture a guess out loud. anyway, so i hope noah and i can resume our friendship but i have lost faith so i doubt it will ever work because he's too lazy to try and make it work.

ok. john just came by and totally ruined any nice feelings i had toward him. he always manages to do that by being a total asshole. what the fuck?

anyway. the end of the movie is on. the final dance. it's fucking amazing. i totally wish i was jennifer grey at that moment. her character is so happy and patrick swayze loves her. and they dance so well together. god it's so good. i seriously forgot how much i love this movie. seriously.

let me rephrase that. i am in love with patrick swayze. when i watch this movie that is. i mean i'm watching it now and i totally want to be jennifer grey. i totally want to be his dance partner and learn all the dance moves with him. cuz it's so sensual. the way they move. good lord. i fuckin love this movie. i really do. it's old and you can tell by the way they dress but god i love it.

so i lied. well not really. i just got too tired to take more photos of josh. so tomorrow nite i'll finish up. but i processed the ones i took today and not a single frame is lost. yay! now i just gotta wait an hour to see if they are good enough to print. i'm sure there are 3 goods ones out of the lot. that's all i need. 3 good ones. anyway, i'm working on my type stuff and watching dirty dancing. god i love this movie. as i watch it i recall all the lines, music, dance routines, and everything. i was in love with patrick swayze i think. and i loved the dancing. god did i love it. haha i've seen it at least 100 times i'm sure. i was obsessed with it when i was a kid. it was comical to my parents i'm sure. either that or frightening. haha anyway, i hope it gets me jazzed for our dance lesson tomorrow. woo! i'm excited.

i had a panic today with my camera. it's not fixed as i thought it was. i was shooting stuff for my final project when i went to rewind the film and the lever broke again. gah! i was panicking and josh couldn't help me. but in the end i got it all sorted and i don't think i lost any frames. so that's great. i have to shoot the rest later tonight with michael's camera cuz mine is still broken. i just was able to salvage the film. i hope. i'll find out when i process it later on.

john just called me to invite me to the R2DJ show at the el rey. i have to say that recently i've been seeing and talking to him a lot more and it's been pleasant. he's been a much better friend than my actual friend friends. it's weird. i appreciate him trying to invite me to do stuff. it's just a bit weird though cuz i see him more than brian, dan, and noah combined. the boys in my life who i thought i'd be great friends with and see all the time but have dropped the ball as of late. i mean dan, haven't seen or talked to him in like at least 2 months! oh well. i'm not sure why john tries to do stuff with me so much but whatever. i welcome the company. it's better than sitting and twidling my thumbs. right? haha i have so much type hw to do. i know once i get started i'll get all into it. but it's just getting it going that's the hard part.

DONE!!!

my portfolio site is done. i wish i knew flash. then this shit would be fucking awesome. anyway, it's at the usual. www.squarefetish.com. feel free to give me comments on it. i tested it on my mac and PC using safari, IE, and netscape. surely there are slight differences, but it seems to work on everything i've tried so far. if your screen is 800x600, some things may be a little too big but most things should fit. sorry, but the design firms, who are my main audience, usually have their screens set at 1024x768 at least.

i'm being a total nerd tonight and staying in while everyone is out. i'm talking to kyla online about potential apts for her in SF and also composing my shots for my final photo project. i also have to create a quick website with my graphic design and photography on it for some possible internships i inquired about. so yea. total geek night for me. haha but i don't mind. i could be at shaun's show at the el rey but i'm just not in the mood. i'm down for a quiet night in. i need that for a change.

only the strong survive. at least that's the way it goes in my concept design class. i remember long ago when i registered for that class and found out that i was going to have the hard woman for my teacher. i got really scared and actually switched into the other class. then after my whole grade change fiasco, i actually switched back into the hard woman's class cuz i knew it'd do me good. grow some thick skin while i can. and now here i am, 6 or so weeks into the quarter and my poster is done and people have dropped out. the class was completely full when i switched back in such that i actually had to get a force add slip signed cuz i was going over the limit. after like two weeks this one girl dropped. i doubt it was cuz the teacher is hard. i think she had other family issues. but then last week this one guy was forced to drop cuz he wasn't "getting it" and therefore would never get his poster done. we called him "trader's joes" guy cuz that was his company. now this week "puma" girl and her extremely faithful bf not only dropped the class but dropped out of the school. i ran into them yesterday and because the teacher was so hard on "puma" girl to the point where she would cry, her and her bf are now leaving the school. fucking insane huh? i hope he marries that chick otherwise he's gonna regret it later cuz he was doing well in the class and his poster was gonna be beautiful. now today we all turned in our posters and got to see what they all look like full size and printed out. no more sketches, comps, or viewing it on the computer. today was the real deal. and as it turned out, some people's posters got fucked at the print shop. mine included. it's like there was a thin layer of spray mount on top of the poster and when u'd touch it, it'd smear the ink on the poster. needless to say, we have to get them reprinted. no cost to us of course. it wasn't our fault. my poster looks fairly good. from afar it looks great. up close u can see grain. oh well. "shell" guy never came through with his design and he got railed on today by the teacher. so much that he may leave the school too. considering he's already been thinking about switching majors. he's not very computer-minded and graphic design is all about computers. so maybe it's for the best. a few others in the class have to redo their posters because they aren't quite up to par and teacher wants to put them all on display. fair enough. at least they get a second chance.

next monday we start our perception project. the perception of ballroom dancing. specifically salsa she thinks. i pushed for swing but it's probably going to be salsa. i'm getting quite excited. i bet it's gonna be fun. our class is fun and we all get along really well. so it should be good times. i think i'll watch dirty dancing sunday night just to get me even more pumped. haha and even though next quarter i have four 7:30 am classes, they are all with this same group of people so it should be fun anyway. we'll all be tired as hell together. maybe i can sneak in some brunches with people after class. haha

james is here bringing me more than just good music as he normally does. woo! fun will be had one nite. maybe when i need a little inspiration. or clarity. haha anyway, so i was driving to freestyle photo today and that means i passed by dan's area. i've done so multiple times within the past month to go to home depot and whatnot. usually when i do that i call him up to see if he's home. but i haven't just because like i said before, i am fed up with having to be the one who initiates interaction with all my friends. so i just let it go once again today. even though i thought about it. i also just read brian's gf's blog and found out he had a BBQ this weekend which i wasn't informed of at all. figures. again, i don't even wanna try anymore. cuz why should it be me? friendship is two way. not one way. so whatever. i'm not gonna talk about this cuz i feel like a fucking broken record. in every which way. at least i'm still having a great time day to day. so that's good. and i'm excited about shooting my final project. woo!

oh yea. this is what my poster for rubbermaid trashcans ended up looking like. remember that it's not supposed to show the product. it's just one image and the company logo. maybe one word on the poster if need be. my word was "security." because rubbermaid trashcans keep your trash secure. and you feel secure buying rubbermaid trashcans because of the reputation they have. the poster isn't a technical masterpiece because it's actually quite easy to do the composite job. but yea. this is my poster.

the world won't let me hate noah. i keep running into him. this time while driving to school. we were right next to each other on the road. haha fucking crazy. anyway, i just bought an assload of photo supplies today for my final project in the class. we have to print 11"x14" prints and mount them on 16"x20" boards. 5 prints in total. it's gonna be rad if the photos are good. so i gotta make them good! i got my camera fixed today which was good. now i gotta start shooting. i'm so excited!!!

i heard on the radio this morning that chris martin and ms. paltrow just had their baby on friday. they named her apple martin. need i say more?

so we are done with our concept design projects. my trashcan project as i like to call it. we all went to the print shop today to get them printed. they will cost about $50 to print and mount cuz they are really large poster sized prints. fucking insane. our next assignment which is the final assignment is "the perception of..." and it's the perception of ballroom dancing. hollleee crappola. the class is all going ballroom dancing next monday. one lesson. isn't that fucking insane? i dunno if i'm stoked or mortified. we'll see. will OCD boy be my partner? who knows. i like this class. i'm glad i took it even though at first i was so scared of having the hard lady teacher. she's not that bad if u are smart about your work and whatnot. and she knows that i am. i can tell she likes me. i saw what people got on their midterm grades for that class and most got either B's or C+'s. i got a B+!! so that's rad.

i ran into noah today at school and shouted out from afar, "hey noah. do you hate me for hating you?" and then as we approached we talked and he admitted to parking his car on a higher level and further from the door (ie, less convenient) just cuz he saw my car and didn't want to park near me for fear that if i saw his car i'd get angry. that's fucking hilarious. he knows he's a shitty friend and he feels bad. he was too scared to call me and state his case or whatever you want to call it. so instead he tried to write me an email but failed to send it. figures. haha

anyway, i'm jazzed about my photo class but i gotta go buy a bunch of supplies for my final which is going to cost a lot. i also gotta get the knob on my camera fixed. but it should be easy. thankfully. now it's time to catch up on my typography hw. cuz i'm a bit behind.

my camera spool handle broke tonight when i was trying to rewind my film. and then i found out that the film broke inside the canister. so i lost some frames. but i don't think it even matters cuz it looks like the film isn't too good anyway. the processing looks off. it's nightmarish cuz i have to get this shit done!! on top of that, i can't register for classes cuz the online system isn't working. today is a wreck. from start to finish. goddamn. i also don't know if rick is the right subject for my final project. i don't know how i like the photos. but even still, i think the density is all wrong. but i don't know if i like his facial expressions either. gah. it's all a mess. i may not have anything printable for tomorrow and that's gonna fuckin BLOW. this TMAX film is a trainwreck to process. maybe i should switch back to TRI-X. that shit is as least easier to process. fucking hell.

omg. i'm fucking mad for photography. i totally wanna be a photographer. i would love to shoot fashion photography and close up stylized portraiture for magazines or whatever. i seriously am in love. i've been parusing photography sites trying to come up with ideas for my final project. rick is going to be my subject. it's 5 completely different shots of the same subject. i'm going for a density progression as well as progression in subject size. altho in a way those two go hand in hand. i think i have my 5 shots worked out. so now i gotta start shooting. i'm excited. i get really excited when i think about photography and see really awesome photos in exhibits and whatnot. and that's why i know that if i was a photographer i'd be happy with my life. but i just can't hack it. goddamn it saddens me. maybe if graphic design doesn't work out after a couple years i'll bite the bullet and go to photography school on the side or something. i dunno. i just really want to be a photographer. i'd love my job if i was.

someone has found me. and i have this horrible suspicion it's OCD boy.

i think i forgot to mention the UTI i got the other day. most likely from my shrooming shennanigans. good fucking god. that shit is horrible. at least i have medicine to make it all better. but still. fucking hell.

anyway, kevin's party turned out alright except that his fucking horrible neighbor called the cops on us cuz we were talking in normal voices outside and it was disturbing him. he apparently had to wake up at 5am this morning for work. i was actually awake at 5am due to my UTI giving me grief and i almost went over to the house and rang the doorbell just to make sure he woke up on time for work. i seriously almost did it. but then i was afraid kevin might get in trouble. so i didn't. otherwise i'd have been all over that shit. cuz he was a fucking asshole for calling the cops. and we think he called under two names cuz the house on the other side of kevin is empty and when the cop came he said two neighbors complained. so we think it was the one guy calling twice. what a fuckin prick. anyway, it was good times overall. the drive back was shitty but now i'm here and i think i'm gonna take a nap for a bit. then do some laundry and hw. i'm so fucked cuz i don't know what i'm gonna do for my photography final. i think i'm compose the shots tonight and then during the course of the week bang them out. i wanted to have dinner with josh tonight and i JUST remembered that right now as i'm typing this. but i sorta don't have time. so i think i'll cancel. it should be ok though cuz it was my idea anyway. so yea.

and i don't think i'm going to be friends with noah anymore cuz he's just a waste of my time and energy. i know that sounds harsh but it's true. i don't have time for half-ass friends. he ain't the only one. but since i know him the least well, i could easily just cut him off. last nite i wrote this silly away message before i left for kevin's. it goes out to all my half-ass friends.

you give a penny and i give a dolla. i can't do anything but scream and holla. u think i'm blind and made of money. well think again cuz you're wrong honey. i don't have time to play stupid games. so just sit back down and call me names. i can take the heat and you can get out of the kitchen. in the end of it all, it'll be you who's bitchin.

wow. i'm in a foul fucking mood. too much bullshit. i'm sick of my so-called "friends" being shitty friends to me. you have no idea how fucking pissed i am. earlier today john called me and we hung out and i was sorta rolling my eyes the whole time but now i actually think that it was a nice gesture of him to wanna hang out. cuz at least he's not trying to pretend he's my friend and flake on me or just be a bad friend. at least he just sorta keeps it real. i don't expect him to ever call me cuz i never call him anymore. so when we hang out it's just sorta random. but i do expect that my friends would at least make an effort. call me. wanna hang out. or when i call them, they'd wanna hang out too. and not flake when the say they're gonna do something. fuck that bullshit. i'm sick of all my lop-sided friendships. and i'm not gonna even try anymore. honestly. u don't make any fucking effort with me, i ain't gonna make any fucking effort with u. period. sounds petty? well tough shit. anyway, i almost wasn't gonna go to kevin's party just now cuz of all this fucking friend bullshit. i didn't feel like driving 2 hours by myself. but my friend julian from school just called and i had told him about the party. and since i haven't left yet, he's gonna ride with me. so that's rad. cuz he's fucking cheery and has positive energy. it's great.

as for my "date" last nite. i don't even know if words can describe it. it was weird. and i don't know how i feel about OCD boy either. cuz we are quite different. maybe that's a good thing. i dunno. i feel like he likes me though. i get that impression. but whatever. i'm in too shitty of a mood right now to evaluate anything. maybe i should have posted earlier while i actually thought the day was going well.

hmm...my great happy mood isn't so great and happy anymore. i've hit a slight bit of a slump. but not to worry. i'm sure when i wake up tomorrow all will be well. i went to see addison tonight at chain and as it were, i didn't see noah at all. that was exactly what i feared. getting there and watching the entire show alone. which i did. i tried calling him and everything. no dice. so then once the show ended i just left cuz i wasn't gonna stand around. from my perspective he wasn't there at all. then he calls me like 20 minutes later as i'm driving home and is like, "where are you???" and then i tell him the whole deal and he tells me he was outside talking to his friend who was having an issue or something. she's always having an issue it seems. whatever. then he felt really bad about it all. and he should. he kept apologizing and whatnot but i wasn't really saying much cuz i was pissed as all hell. so yea. whatever. i'm not really pissed anymore per se but it'll take a good night's rest to get it out of my brain. that's for sure.

OCD boy called me. we're going out tomorrow nite. it is a date cuz he called it that. good lord. so much pressure. we're gonna go explore his new neighborhood of redondo beach (he just moved there this week). probably dinner or something. i'm scared we'll take that stroll on the beach. i did that once with joe from LMU when i went to his frat function. god was that awkward! anyway, we'll see what happens. he's a nice guy but we'll see. now i'm off to see addison at chain reaction. i always say i'll go to their shows and then i don't. so i'm gonna go to this one. fun fun. and noah is totally ragging on me about OCD boy and my shrooming incident. i deserve it tho cuz i'm a bitch. haha

=( emily is finally leaving america. like she finally made the decision to leave at the end of this month. so sad. it's already sad enough that she doesn't live with me anymore. and now that she's leaving the country. =( this weekend kevin is throwing a goodbye party for her. man it's not gonna be the same without her around. first kyla. now emily. boooooooooo

ian introduced me to early mars volta the other nite and it fucking rocks. i love it. i still don't know where i'm going with OCD boy on friday because he cut out of class early to get his haircut. haha i wonder if he's fully chopping the locks or just getting a trim. we shall see.

i went to the gyno today and found out i weigh 118lbs with my clothes on. so i bet i weigh like 116. fuck yea. i've somehow lost weight. i used to weigh like 113 in high school and then in college i got over 120. and now i'm back down. woo! this is great news.

OCD boy just called me to ask me to do something this weekend. jesus. he ain't wasting any time. good lord! i said i'd do something with him. so we'll see. probably friday nite. man o man i hate dates. all the nervousness. altho i don't have much to worry about cuz i'm not the one asking him out. i'm not the one trying to date him. so i'll just go with the flow. julian also called me while i was talking to OCD boy. and so now i gotta call him back. julian's a riot. i love him. i'm just all talked out. talking all night with ian. then talking over an hour with kyla. OCD boy for like 30 minutes. and now julian. i can't do this! haha

HOLEY MOLEY!!! jen was a completely irresponsible girl last nite. as if it wasn't enough that i was fucking trippin balls during the day cuz i was all giddy and shit hanging out with OCD boy. then i got home and started talking to the president's club kid, ian. he just so happened to have an 1/8 of mushies left and somehow convinced my ass to join him in some fun at like 1am last nite. i don't know what made me do it, but i decided to go over to his place and partake. i barely know this guy! but the impulsive side of me shined through. we listened to music and made this weird ass fucking art piece that looks monsterous when sober. fuckin rad. his room looks like a tornado went through it. there were points where i could barely move my limbs. my hands felt like "magnets" for a little while. i was thinking about shit in a totally different way. i think i know why surrealist painters paint the shit they do. cuz i was all about that sorta weird ass imagery. man o man. it was fucking nuts. good fun though as he said it would be. goddamn. it wasn't like the high i got when i was in amsterdam. that was more euphoric. this was more trippy and body-oriented. goddamn. and of course we made out at some point. i mean how could we not? we're both high as kites and attracted to each other. i said i would go to class today even though i didn't finish my hw but then when i woke up it was nearly time to go and i felt so out of it. so i scratched that idea. what's one absence anyway? ...exactly... so yea. fuckin trip last nite. good times. what a way to formally meet someone. haha

ah....the one true beauty of being single. i can do whatever the fuck i want. like random shit like this.

so i think OCD boy may be interested in me in some degree. i don't want to jump to conclusions but i feel it. i feel it in m'bones. he always sits near me these days and he's quite helpful. he took me to lunch where noah and i went that one time. it was surreal. he wouldn't let me pay for it either. then he came with me to see aaron our insidetrack guy. and he made this comment that is hard to explain without long backstory but it sorta clued me in a bit. and he left with me to walk back to our cars. we parted with him asking if i'd wanna hang out with him sometime. i said yes. so we'll see. he's nice. he's quite normal aside from his hair. anyway, moving on to my photos...

so i was right. the processing was off. and lots of shit is blown out. so i gotta reshoot some stuff. i got two good shots out of it. one of this mechanic and one self-portrait. here is the self-portrait. i think it turned out well.

ooh i'm excited for this roll of film i just processed. i checked it out and i think there might be some good ones on there. we shall see. i'm a bit scared that the density of my film is off possibly due to processing. this is my first time using t-max 400 and i fear i may have exposed slightly wrong. the film is very sensitive. i just now realized i should have rated it at 320. that prolly had something to do with it. damnit! i also may have processed it at a slightly wrong time. i dunno. i'll ask my teacher tomorrow. i still think the photos look good overall. so we shall hope for the best. i chose to switch up the films cuz this one has a finer grain and that's better for people's skin. and my roll is all people. i love it! i think i'm gonna take the portraiture class during the fall semester. cuz i really like shooting people and inanimate objects. and in that class i'll learn to pose people and light them. and i can apply those lighting skills to inanimate objects as well. so i think that class will be very beneficial. i also wanna take the color printing class. but only one per semester or else i won't be able to handle it. taking a class that requires b&w and one that requires color is like taking a class that requires c-41 and one that requires e-6. u just can't unless u have two cameras. too much juggling of film types. anyway, i hope these photos come out. they look decent on the negs. i can always shoot more this coming week if need be. but i think overall these are decent. then i can start working on my final which i think i will shoot a person. i just have to come up with the ideas. same subject in 5 totally different shots. how exciting!

still in love song
- the stills

oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh

we were lovers
we were kissers
we were holders of hands
we were make believers
just loosing time

and you said you'd rather live in tv land
than say that you care
but you don't
that's heartless and i will not cry

but i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love

your dreams of acting onscreen
what do they mean
you'll be dancing sexless in your bedroom

and you find yourself out of a job
and before too long
you'll be selling lemonade to the overpaid

and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in
love

oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh
oooh ooooooh

i remember
it was summer
i was out of my head
but you weren't your self assured
waste of space

but i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
i'm still in love
and i'm still in love
and i'm still in
love

i fucking love that song. i ain't in love by any means but i'm in love with that song. that's for sure. i just finished processing my film and i was dancing while doing it and everything. i have so much energy it's fucking great. i swear it's the sun. the fucking bright ass sun giving me all this positive energy. i feel great. i was talking to noah these past couple days and he seems like he's in a funk. needs some zest for life. needs to get out and soak up some sun! good god. i'm such the pessimist but not recently. it's amazing. i'm not stressed and i'm happy. way to fucking go jen!

aww. poor bloggy's been suffering. i haven't been keeping up to date really. i didn't post yesterday. cuz that "yesterday" post is really from friday just past midnight. anyway, not much has been going on. friday was a bust. yesterday i got my smog check done for my car and then went to the hammer and getty with rick. two museums in one day! a first for me indeed. it's been museum time for jen lately. last week (or whenever that was) i went with john to lacma. this coming friday i'm going to moca. so yea. museum fix fulfilled. went to shan's party last nite. wasn't feeling it. just wanted to get out of the house so i wouldn't be bored. haven't talked to some folks in awhile. i've sorta just lost the gumption to even try. if they wanna talk they can contact me. i've even been lagging on my email. i just have no motivation. but it's not out of any sort of depression cuz i feel fucking great. it's all sunny and it's got me all happy and excited. it's great! i wish i could just shoot photos all day. i wish that was all the homework i had. i really should have been a photography major. oh well.

man. i was in such a horrible mood earlier tonight. i couldn't shake it. i was just so pissed off and upset for no specific reason. i didn't know what to do with myself so i just went to sleep for a bit. and now i feel a bit better. thankfully. of course now my friday nite is shot. not that it wasn't already. since no one called me to do anything. figures. no one ever does anymore. whatever. tomorrow i have a lot of crap i need to get done. going to the getty and the hammer. two museums in one day! and i think i'm just gonna go by myself. i can't wait for noah's lazy ass to go with me to the getty (he has to go as well -- we have the same teacher). i also have been waiting for rick to go to the hammer but if i go to the getty alone, i'm already out there. i don't wanna have to drive back here to get him. might as well just go alone. i gotta get my smog check done and i hope that i can shoot some photos of the men that work there for my editorial portrait shot for class. i also gotta shoot some headshots of michael. so yea. a busy day indeed. at least i won't be bored the way i was tonight.

fuck me. unless they add more classes to the schedule of classes, my summer 4 out of my 5 AI classes are at 7:30 in the goddamn mutherfucking morning!!! i will DIE. i guess i'll just go to bed really early every fucking day. do u realize how hard it will be for me to do this? seriously. it'll be like having a job. only waking up even earlier. bloody fucking hell. at least if i was going to have morning classes i could have some in the morning and some in the afternoon and stack them. but no. one every fucking day. u have to be shitting me. i seriously wanna take the summer off just cuz i don't wanna do that bullshit. but i wanna get out of this school asap. so i can't really flake on summer courses now can i. fucking hell. i dont know if i can do it. i'd have to probably leave my house at like 6:30am to get there on time. maybe sooner. i'm not sure how bad the traffic will be. holy fuck. that means if i didn't shower in the morning which i wouldn't, i'd have to get up at like 6 or 6:15am. fucking HELL!!! i'm seriously considering not taking a full load and staying an extra quarter just cuz i don't know if can do this. i might not be able to wake up for my classes and i can't learn and be productive that early. i just can't. fucking hell. maybe i'll just take off the summer quarter from AI and take a bunch of photography classes at SMC and then go back to AI in the fall. we'll see.

oh and the cute guy from the president's club. ian. i found him on myspace and now we are chatting. u can tell i don't have much work to do tonight. haha

this world is too fucking small. my dad just called me to tell me what happened to him tonight. he was in line for an adv. screening of "van helsing" when he started talking to this woman in front of him. they were talking about random crap and then they got on the subject of kids. and she has two kids. my dad asked where they went to school and they went to lowell which is where i went. so i'm sure u can imagine where this story is going. only it's even better. so my dad says i went to lowell and the woman says, "well did she know anyone on the football team?" my dad says, "yeah she did. daniel finlayson for one." and the woman pauses and says, "that's my son." for those of you who don't know, daniel was my first bf. so talk about small fucking world. our parents never met. in fact i never met him mom (she's divorced). so yea. she remembered who i was. my name and everything. and they started talking about us dating and whatnot. good god. it must have been so weird. it was weird to just hear the story! haha what a small fucking world i tell ya.

interesting. i just checked the tracker on this thing again and someone found my site by searching for: "jen [last name]" + love

i have finally met my match. my OCD match that is. this guy corey in my graphic design class. he's just as bad as me. i said i was OCD about stuff and he said he was too. i didn't think he could ever be as bad as me. but then he went into his little ticks and it turned out he's just like me with that shit. everything is in it's place. he never loses anything because like me, he knows where it all is. it was so comical. i know there are others in the world like this but i never really thought i'd meet one. haha

sorry it's taken me so long to return to the blogging world. coachella was fucking amazing but it did tire me out. i'm just now finally recovering. we left friday night around midnight and got back yesterday around 10:30am. so no showering in btwn. we were ripe as fuck by the end of it all. basically i had to take a shower right when i got home and headed off to school. i didn't get home til around midnight last nite. it was quite hellish. so today was recovery day. and now i feel fresh and with it. but man was it all worth it. sure i felt like i was covered in at least a few layers of dirt. i probably was in fact. and sure i sweated buckets to the point where it was all dripping off me like i was in sauna or something. and sure my back and feet hurt from standing for 6+ hours in the same spot at the main stage. but it was all worth it. all for the awesome music and great company of my friends. i ran into a slew of other people i knew from usc and art institute. i even spotted folks i didn't really know but recognized from bars, school, and friendster. haha oh and two people from the o.c. as well. ran into brian and gino who were never with us long and were too cool cuz they had "VIP passes." blah blah. haha the last i saw them they walked off without saying goodbye which sorta peeved a few of us. whatever. also ran into wakerly and charlotte which was a pleasant surprise since i didn't know they were even going to the event. also avoided eye contact with a few folks i didn't want to talk to. haha met some random people who were all not located in LA. one guy was a lovely irish boy named johnny. i met him while being crowded in to see radiohead. we had a good chat.

as for the music. oh my god. was some of it amazing or what? some wasn't as good as i expected but some was just fucking amazing.

radiohead: fucking brilliant as usual. i've seen them live once about 3 years ago but this show was amazing. mind u i had no room to move my body during the whole set and my back and feet hurt like crazy. but it was all worth it. the lighting was great. thom had strep throat but performed anyway. and quite well actually. he's such a spaz on stage and i LOVE it. probably my favorite performance of the weekend. but that's a bit skewed since radiohead is practically my favorite band. they even played "creep" in the encore which blew me away cuz they NEVER play that song cuz they hate it so much. i was glad i got to see that.

pixies: everyone else and their mother was excited about seeing them cuz they haven't performed together in years and years and this is like a huge deal. but considering i know like 5 of their songs, i wasn't too thrilled with their performance. they put on a decent show. not too flashy but they didn't have to be since they are so awesome in their own right. literally all of the major bands that played this weekend would say things like "isn't it amazing to be able to see the pixies perform?" just because everyone looks up to them and whatnot. but yea, i wasn't too excited about their set.

sparta: considering i have seen sparta before (the show that will took me to last year) and also just saw them at groundzero last week, i wasn't too excited about their set either. they don't have much new material since they don't have a new album and the set was the same as the groundzero one. still good though. but not terribly exciting.

kinky: i didn't actually see their whole set because i went to see something else but what i did see i thought was awesome. they have so much energy on stage and i like their music. i've never heard them before but i've heard about them. and now i think i'll have to listen to more of their stuff because what i heard was quite good.

death cab for cutie: i gotta say, i love their music but i wasn't that impressed. i missed the (international) noise conspiracy for them too!! i shoulda left and watched INC. but i was tired at the time so i probably wouldn't have been able to stand that much longer. but yea. death cab just didn't do it for me. maybe because i was tired? it just seemed like a boring set.

the stills: there are so many bands out these days with "the" names. the stills. the sounds. the killers. etc etc. i had hope for them. i like their album but on stage they are flat.

stellastarr*: unlike the stills, they were awesome. such energy on stage. good songs. great time. there are so many bands that are following in the footsteps on the strokes and white stripes and i think this band is more successful at it than the others. if only i wasn't sweating buckets at the time, it would have been a truly awesome moment.

beck: he was a last minute addition to the lineup so they stuck him in one of the tents rather than on a stage. HUGE mistake. beck is too popular for the tents. seriously there must have been at least 5-10,000 people trying get a glimpse of him in that small ass tent. i think i saw him for like 2 seconds while i jumped up to look over the sea of heads. he played an acoustic set too so it was hard to hear. very disappointing since he was one of the main people i wanted to see.

the cure: i was really excited to see them. not quite as excited as some others but really anxious since i've never seen the cure and they don't tour much. but man are they boring on stage. or rather, robert smith is. since he IS the cure anyway. and boy is he looking freaky. he's fat and old but he still wears the makeup and has the crazy hair. the first close up of him on the jumbotron was a scare indeed. the set was boring and my feet were killing me by that point. so i wasn't having it. the music still sounded great but it was boring. no banter btwn songs really kills it for me. i like to have some break up btwn the songs. and he just didn't do that.

flaming lips: on the flipside of the banter situation, wayne (the lead singer) talked TOO much. it was fun but they only sang like 5 songs! wayne came out on stage in a huge plastic bubble. he got inside the bubble and they pushed him into the crowd and people surfed him around for awhile before they even began their set. it was fucking awesome. i think in terms of fun, their set took the cake for the weekend. but he talked so much in btwn songs that they didn't sing much. the stuff they sang was good tho but still. i swear the guy is a spaz too. different than thom yorke but still a spaz.

air: i didn't see the whole set but it was what it is. air. their music is airy and they are french. what more can i say? haha i'm not a huge fan of air so i wasn't too excited. but it wasn't too bad.

belle & sebastian: i didn't see their whole set either but it was decent. some of their songs bug me but some are fun. and they had fun on stage so that makes the set more enjoyable. they talked to the audience and even invited some people on stage to play percussion. so that was cool.

thursday: i gotta commend the lead singer for pushing on thru cuz he said he has been sick the whole tour but that they HAD to play this show just cuz it was so important being that it's so large and also because they were sharing the same stage as the pixies. they did a really awesome job. lots of energy and i could barely tell that the guy was sick in terms of his singing abilities.

muse: definitely one of the surprises of the weekend. i was excited to see them but after i did i was really excited. they did an awesome job. and now i wish i had seen them in england while i was there. cuz i had tickets back then but sold them because i was too lazy to travel to whichever city it was they were playing at. they are really good live and i like their music. probably because they sound like radiohead. haha but still. great set.

saul williams: i wasn't going to watch him but he did two poetry sets. one 10 minute one and one longer one. so i went with jessica and rick to the 10 minute one and i gotta say, i'm really glad i did. i thought he was awesome. really powerful in his words. he speaks with such authority in his voice. it's great. he was just one of many artists who were really provoking the audience to vote this november. even if you don't agree with his words, u can't deny that he has an amazing way with them. and the way he delivers his poetry is just mind blowing. i wish i could speak that well in front of a crowd.

bright eyes: i'm sorta up in the air about this one. i thought the set was quite good. he didn't play the one song i really love but overall i think i liked it. it wasn't terribly exciting but i wasn't expecting it to be.

!!!: pronunced "chick chick chick." i wasn't going to watch them but i had nothing else to do and their name intrigued me. they seem to have a lot of energy on stage but i don't like their music that much. and i don't know any of their stuff. so it was just sorta background filler quite honestly.

2 many DJ's: they did a 1.5 hour set and i only saw about 30 minutes of it. rick and jessica saw the first 30 minutes and said that it wasn't that exciting. but when i got there it was fucking amazing. they are known for their mixing/mashups of songs. sticking really popular stuff like nirvana, beyonce, the strokes, etc all together and meshing it really well with house beats and whatnot. really great dancing music. when i got to the tent i just wanted to move my body the whole time. and so did everyone around me. i swear i haven't seem such happiness in people's faces in a long time. i was standing next to this group of friends who were truly elated to be dancing to such great music. it made me happy. if i didn't have to jet off to see the rest of belle & sebastian i would have stayed for the rest of the set.

elefant: i didn't stay for the whole set so i didn't get to hear the popular song "misfit" but what i did hear bored me. the lead singer is one of those egotistical brits who just sorta stands up there and doesn't talk to the crowd much because he feels he's better than us. i hate that. so it wasn't all the fun to watch. and i was sweating buckets at the time too.

and that's my recap of the music. there were a bunch of bands i missed out on because there were overlaps in set times and some things just had to be missed. sadly. those bands were:

- the (international) noise conspiracy (i REALLY wanted to see this set but it conflicted with death cab for cutie)
- kraftwerk
- moving units (i've seen them before so i know all their material anyway)
- junior senior (altho i did catch one song and it was soooo fun to watch!)
- phantom planet (i've seen them before so i wasn't too upset)
- black rebel motorcycle band
- crystal method
- ash (i've seen them before so it wasn't a total loss)
- the killers

sorry that was so long but it makes up for the many days of missed blogging. time to get some work done now.