went downtown just now to meet up with daniel for lunch at the cheesecake factory. he looks the same as he did when i saw him like 2 years ago. still tall and i presume thin. it's hard to tell under all those damned baggy clothes! haha i bet he's still quite thin and he's just hiding it all. good grief. his face is fuller than it was in high school but that's just him turning into a man. same with his body frame. he's not gangley skinny. just thin. and his hair is still parted down the middle. time warp! haha he's still awkward but can talk up a storm if it's the right topic. good ole daniel. i got the avacado eggrolls and i couldn't finish them all. it's weird. i think i can eat a lot just not in one sitting. i eat like a lot of smaller meals. but that's good for the metabolism so it's fine by me. got some cheesecake to go as well. yum yum. i'll eat that later tonight. i think i might go get my oil changed now. then get ready for tonight. it's lydia's birthday so we're going out for drinks at this bar in the mission. should be good times.

i'm home! the drive was decent. always a lot of thinking time. i went to see ky's new place. it's way cute. i dig it. we hung out and started to tentatively plan the rest of my stay here. sounds like tomorrow is lydia's thing. her birthday. so drinks at the 500 club with her, robin, eric, matt, etc and whoever i bring on my end. then thursday is popscene with a bunch of people hopefully. friday and saturday will probably be some sort of bar or club action. sunday is sake bombing, 4th of july, and mark's bday. and then monday i return to LA. also gotta squeeze in some lunches, dinners, and desserts. ie, fondu, crepe, etc. and all with various people who only loosely know each other so really it's sorta scattered. but only sorta. anyway, i'm excited!! good times will be had in these few days.

also...i have already seen a slew of attractive down to earth looking guys walking around. damn LA. all the hot guys there are like music snobs, indie scenesters, hipsters, etc. altho i suppose these cute guys could be too. but if they are, they don't look it. and i bet half of them are NOT in bands. oh SF how i miss you. and your men...haha

me, jessica, adam, brian, and gino all watched before sunrise tonight. such a good movie! i love it. it's so cute and romantic. when i watch it i totally wanna be like them. meet someone and fall in love in one day. it's awesome. now i wish i wasn't single. i'll get over it but right now i'm all in gushy romantic mode. *sigh* i can't wait for the sequel to come out!!!

hmm...so i see that someone with a mac is searching for me under "jen, lipgloss, vagrant." i can only assume...

i think i'll be heading back to SF tomorrow. if i get my shit taken care of before then. i think i will. good times to be had. good times. today is noah's birthday so i called him and we spoke for a bit. most assuredly he did not receive my email yet. he would have said something about it i'm sure. unless he's choosing to ignore it in which case, so be it. at least we are speaking again. that's nice. he's just gotta keep it up.

this entry is garbage. i should just hit delete. but i won't.

tinna is down here with her sister moving in some of her stuff to her new apt but the electricity doesn't turn on til tomorrow. so they are spending the nite here. and since rick is working on his stuff in the living room, he said they could take his bed since he would be making noise if they slept on the couches. but i figured that would be weird so i'm taking his bed and they are in mine. no biggie. i can't believe i'm going home so soon! i still have crap to take care of here. and my brake light keeps coming one even though my brake isn't on which i think means there is a loose wire. fucking hell! the car is running totally fine except that light keeps going on and off. i guess i'll call acura tomorrow and ask them about it.

yesterday was such a lazy day. no one could get it together about what to do. we all just didn't have any gumption. finally we pulled it together and went out. first to nikki's for a chill time. talking and drinking. then met up with harrison to go to the 4100 bar in silverlake. nice place. really liked it. me and jessica had an "argument" with these guys who left their stools and came back. they said we took their seats but we said that they didn't save them! because no one from their group stayed there to watch the seats. they just had their drinks at the bar. but to us the drinks didn't look like they were anyone's because they had a napkin over one of them. so we "argued" with them for a bit. it was all nice and polite with a sharp tongue. in the end i made a compromise with them and said that they could have one seat if we got one seat. so then one of their people was standing and i was standing. it seemed fair. it was just funny more than anything else.

it's a lovely day outside and yet i'm not out there. and i have nothing to do too!! man this whole vacation thing doesn't work out well for me. i need to be busy even if i bitch about it. it keeps me going. idle hands... i talked to OCD boy for a while today. we had a nice chat on the phone. then i talked to nick who's actually in SF. he leaves tuesday though. damnit. i'll just miss him there. oh well. i can't wait to go home. i'm excited to do stuff. hang out. see kyla's new place. all that jazz. anyway, i'm trying to figure out what to do tonight. everyone seems to want to go out but doesn't know what to do. i'll make something happen!!

oh yea. i also bought a dress today for $15. regular $48. it's cute. black. not terribly fancy but nice. i wish i had a place to wear it. now i must find me a bf and we must go out to some place fancy. haha

i just watched city of god and i really liked it. i sorta knew what it was about but i didn't think it could be depicted so beautifully. i mean i heard that the cinematography was great and all and i believed it, yet i really never thought that gangs could look so good. the story was great and it looked amazing. i'm glad i finally kicked my ass into gear to watch it.

surfing around i found a photoblog that really tickles my fancy. polaroidairy. oh YES! i LOVE polaroids and this dude takes one a day and uses it as a document of his life. i sorta wanna do this. i really fucking do. polaroids are so expensive but if i did this, i'd go to like costco and stock up. goddamn. i really wanna do this. i dunno. not necessarily put them on a blog. but just take one a day as a diary sorta thing. could be fun. gah. i dunno. we'll see.

oh and for those of you who might wonder why i never change my blog, that's cuz i want it as simple as possible for the text is easy to read. i'm not concerned with fanciful design and whatnot. that'd make the text less important and in a blog it's all about the text. not the design. although i will admit i have seen some very well-designed blogs that don't clutter the text. but still. i don't wish to make a change. maybe one day. but that day is not now.

oh and speaking of handlebar moustaches (re: emily's comment in the previous post), here is a photo of my dad from vietnam with his handlebar. greased up on the ends and all. haha my dad must be about 20 in this photo. what was he thinking?? haha

talking with justin i realized something. i must make out with noah. once and for all. we don't have to date. we just have to make out once. or maybe twice. haha i must seduce him. seduce and destroy. or maybe just seduce. haha

it's late. i have this movie i could be watching. and no one to watch it with. rick is out. michael is visiting his dad in vegas for a nite. lo is with nikki. and just about most of my other friends are asleep. it's times like these that i wish i had a bf. goddamnit! oh well. being single is great overall i'd say. no one to answer to. i love it. can't be blamed for bullshit. it's all you. no one else. it's just times like these where i want the boy around. i gotta get myself in a nice long relationship so i can get my heart broken down the line and then find the husband. haha i'm taking applications right now if anyone wants to apply. haha

i went over to dan's just now to get my ice cream and he barely said two words to me! all he did was rearrange the keys on his keychain. hmph.

in unrelated things, i am retouching an assload of photos for my dad and i must say that i hate digital retouching. removing dust. changing color balance. etc. not my cup of tea. and lots of the photos are so old it's really hard to fix them. anyway, there are some of me that he wants and so i've decided to post a few up here just cuz it's like a trip down memory lane for me. jen as a baby, little kid, and geeky adolescent.

the top left is me as a baby obviously. look at how much hair i had!! lawrence said i looked like a monkey. haha i was a "monkey baby." my family used to call me pineapple because my hair would stick up all crazy like the top of a pineapple. and i even have more eyebrows than most asians do when they are fully grown! haha the top right is me as a geeky geeky geeky teenager. actually, i don't even think i was a teen yet. i'm gonna go with about 12 on that one. i was a tall kid. nice and gangley. braces. bangs. the whole nine yards. it's these years that left me thinking i'd never have a bf. oh wait, i still don't! haha at least i don't look like that anymore. my dad used to call me the "ugly duckling." no shit. he really did. my own father. basically he was saying to himself, "i know my daughter isn't very pretty. but one day she will be....i hope..." haha the one in the middle is me at about age 3 i'd say. god i loved to go to that park with my grandma. i loved the swings! look at how happy i look. aww... and the one at the bottom is signature jen at maybe age 4 or 5. me and my overalls with my bowl haircut. go asian bowl cut. gotta love it. i don't look to happy. that's cuz i was at my cousin's baptism. yea, i must have been about 4. i think that's the amount of years we are apart. or something like that.

i dun betta. that's right. i said that the flier i made for my internship yesterday was just alright and that the next one i would make would be better. well today i made one for this basketball thing that nike is sponsoring for them. and the flier is beautiful. at least i think so and so does the whole office. i did it from home and then when i went in to just give them the larger files everyone was like, "yea that's a really awesome flier you made." i think i impressed them all. rad. i wish i could post it but i'm not sure what they are going to do with it so i won't. but trust me, it's beautiful. anyway, i found city of god to rent so i think that's what i'll be doing tonight. if you care to join me, let me know.

don't worry baby
- beach boys

well it's been building up inside of me
for oh i don't know how long
i don't know why
but i keep thinking
something's bound to go wrong

but she looks in my eyes
and makes me realize
and she says don't worry baby
don't worry baby
don't worry baby
everything will turn out alright

don't worry baby
don't worry baby
don't worry baby

i guess i should've kept my mouth shut
when i started to brag about my car
but i can't back down now
i pushed the other guys too far

she makes me come alive
and makes me wanna drive
when she says don't worry baby
don't worry baby
don't worry baby
everything will turn out alright

don't worry baby
don't worry baby
don't worry baby

she told me baby, when you race today
just take along my love with you
and if you know how much i loved you
baby nothing could go wrong with you

oh what she does to me
when she makes love to me
and she says don't worry baby
don't worry baby
don't worry baby
everything will turn out alright

don't worry baby
don't worry baby
don't worry baby

james put this song on a mixed cd he made for me and i have been listening to it over and over. i love this song all of a sudden. it made me realize how feel good the beach boys are. god it's great. my roommates are going to hate me for putting it on repeat.

today i went into my internship and actually did some work. woo! i designed a flier for the issue 11 launch party. it looks decent. i could have done better i think. but i'll do better on the next thing i do for them. i like it there. at first i wasn't certain cuz i felt all awkward but that's cuz i didn't know anyone. now i feel like i'm getting the hang of it. maybe because my goal was to get a smile out of two guys that work there who seem glum half the time. or rather, not happy when i go and talk to them. and i got them to smile. so then i felt good. not like that's the point of the internship, but u know, u gotta have positive work environment. anyway, i think i'll like it there. i might go in tomorrow to work on another flier. this one is for a basketball thing by nike. i want to rent city of god and this is proving to be more difficult than i thought it would be. gah! and why isn't dan returning my call? i want my ice cream!!

the terminal was good. very enjoyable movie to watch. i love tom hanks. i don't like to see him getting old and sorta fat. but i guess most old men do. and he's like a dad age anyway. so yea. i totally crashed last nite. i was so tired all day. i didn't really eat much early on and i almost felt like passing out while i was on the promenade. thankfully i didn't. i'm going over to filter in about 15 minutes to start doing some design work. yay!

one more piece of good news for the day. i got a 4.0 this quarter!! yay. and this was the first time i took 6 classes at once. go me. 6 classes with a lot of fucking work too. i thought for sure i'd get a bad grade in form and space but i guess he was easy on the grading. cuz i swear i didn't deserve an A. for effort yes. for actual quality of work. no. but whatever. i'll take it!

first off. i reread my last post and i don't want any potential confusion. i didn't make out with dan. we just had a moment. or at least i did. maybe he didn't. haha i will say though that i hate when i sleep in two different boys' beds two nights in a row. i've done it before and it just makes me feel bad and weird. it's perfectly legit but still. i'm not like that. yet i guess i am. *sigh*

so now i have a good story. or at least i think so. about a month ago i was walking down the 3rd street promenade. u know how there are so many people there trying to get money from you, sell you something, or ask you religious survey stuff. well, some guy approached me and i thought it was gonna be more of the same. but then he said he went to berkeley and that he was a mass comm major taking this class and he wanted 2 minutes of my time. so i thought he was gonna ask me media related questions. nope. he wanted to sell me magazines. and normally i immediately say no. but i think i was in a dreamworld and so i kept listening. i had even bought some magazines that afternoon at borders. some artsy expensive ones. the kind i always buy now. so he was telling me he had a huge list of magazines and they were really cheap because some organization got them from the distributers and they were selling them at cost. or something. i forgot what it was. i can't say it made sense, but it also didn't make nonsense either. so anyway, i got sucked into talking to him about norcal. we talked about SF a bit and stuff and i kept thinking of magazines i wanted. he had some but not others. then i asked to look at the receipt he would write up for me. as i studied it i asked him about some other magazine and then it's like i clicked my brain on and was no longer in dreamworld. i was in the real world and this was a fucking scam! the magazines were entirely too cheap. so i said thanks but i couldn't buy them. he was upset cuz he was certain he had sold me on this. so then i went back to school and found an email for the director of the mass comm dept at berkeley. i emailed her about what this guy told me. this so-called class he was taking where he had to sell these magazines. she of course replied saying no such class existed. so yes, it was a scam indeed. how could i have even believed it for a moment? i know how. cuz i'm a magazine nut and the idea of getting some expensive artsy magazines really cheap was so appealing. anyway, so today i was on the promenade and i saw the guy talking to some girl. so as i walked by i pointed at him and yelled out loud enough for at least a few people to hear, "don't listen to him. it's a fucking lie. i emailed berkeley about it." and i just kept on walking. he looked at me amazed. i didn't stop to talk. i had done my good deed for the day. and now i feel good yelling that back in his face cuz he's a fucking scam artist. ah the joy....

going to see the terminal tonight sans james because he got really sick last nite and now can't go. and it's too late to postpone because others are involved. how sad.

aberdeen misses me. whenever i post that, u should get the idea. and if u don't, it simply means i haven't slept in my own bed in awhile. 2 days this time, to be exact. sunday night i went over to dan's to hang out and then it got late and i spent the nite there. that's what i meant about old times. we talked and just hung out the way we used to late at nite. and i really enjoyed it. i'm not gonna elaborate only because i myself don't really know how i feel about it all. i sorta propogated the situation i guess. but yea....

yesterday i went out with OCD boy. we went to see dodgeball. really stupid but really funny movie. if vince vaughn wasn't in it i probably would have hated it to tell ya the truth. there are some actors that make me wanna see movies and he's one of them. tom hanks is another which is why i want to see the terminal. if it was someone else, i probably wouldn't give a rats ass. i'll be seeing it tonight since sunday just didn't work out for me and james. we ran into major problems trying to get there. anyway, OCD boy... so i decided already that it wouldn't work out btwn us because we are too different. i mean not really, but there are just certain key things about him which make me not wanna date him. make me think it just wouldn't work. so going into this "date" i knew i had to get the whole friend vibe thing going. and it was going quite well for a long time. but throughout the nite i could just tell that the goodbye would be the doozy. since we've kissed before i could see trying to avert that again. but then it got to be ridiculously late because we were talking sooooo long. turns out he's not that weird. i still couldn't really date him but it wouldn't be as weird as i thought. oh and just some tidbits that i thought were interesting. 1) he used to drive a sports car but had to sell it when he moved to california because the insurance would be too high. it was a nice new sports car too. i saw the photo. that's why he got the buick. it was a gift from his grandparents. figures...haha 2) he once got a DUI which tells me that he is more irresponsible than i once thought. that coupled with finding out he used to do drugs makes me think he isn't as straightlaced as he seems. 3) he used to spin house and trance music. i saw that he had turntables but i just could never imagine him using them. but he did. he really likes that sort of music along with classic rock. and finally.... 4) he used to have short boy-cut hair!!! i saw it in his school ID. it was like normal boy hair. he just decided to grow it when he got here.

anyway, so it got to be so damned late and we were talking in the dark anyway. so i just decided to spend the nite. mostly because the parking on monday nights is downright atrocious over here. and with it being like 4am, i just knew i'd have huge problems. so i bit the bullet and decided i'd spend the nite. and this was after i had told rick that i wouldn't be doing that at all! haha of course i knew this could become an issue. and it did. BUT...we talked about crap beforehand and in the end we only made out a little because i just couldn't handle it. like i think he's somewhat attractive and all, but the idea of us being in class and having made out a lot just made me feel really weird. maybe just because it's him? i don't know. he said he wouldn't feel that way and that we could just be normal friends and all, but i just couldn't deal. so i stopped the making out session. so that's that. we are on the level and all is well. which is great.

onto non-boy news. i started my internship yesterday. met some fellow interns. there wasn't really anything for me to do yesterday so i left early. got some free cds. always good. tomorrow i'm going in and working on a poster for one of the artists that the magazine manages. never heard of the girl but whatever. i'll think of something rad. today i'm gonna go to the hobby shop and pick up some materials to make some stuff. yea that's vague. but some people that read this can't know what it is or else it spoils the surprise!

and BIG thanks to john ross for dropping off the trail mix with rick. i don't see any dried fruit in there other than the typical raisins, but that's ok. it's a tasty treat indeed. and a LOT of it. thanks john. =)

it was kinda like the old days and it was kinda nice...

last nite i was the mom schleping the kids around town in the big SUV. haha i decided to be DD willingly and drove lo's car as we went to asa's party and then to the cat and fiddle. we stayed at the party longer than i wanted. everyone except lo was really really drunk and rick was trying to dance with everyone. when we left the cat and fiddle pat felt sick so i took the troops back home to drop him off before going to get some late nite grub. but then rick and jessica went to take care of him. in rick's own words, "haven't you heard the stories where the frat guys leave the one guy home alone and he dies?" none of us had heard those stories so we're not sure what he was talking about. and we're not frat guys who shove all the booze imaginable down one man's throat either. haha but whatever. so at that point it was just me, lo, and neil. swingers was too crowded so we went to mel's which was almost as crowded. we got out lovely milkshakes and they got some real food too. this morning i woke up to "noises" which i haven't heard in ages. i saw that coming a mile away. neil said goodbye to me as i was half asleep. me, adam, and jessica are going to see a series of music videos for the LA film festival later on. then me and james might go see the terminal after that. good times now that school is OVER!!!

tinna came and went. i picked her up at LAX at 9am and i just got home from dropping her off. we went around the city and looked for apartments. found some good stuff so it looks good for her. i'm glad. i'm just really tired now. so nap time for me! and i dont think i'll be going out tonite because they are all going to asa's party and i don't feel like going. perhaps i'll see what brian or dan is up to. i mean i could call OCD boy but i won't. cuz i said sunday and i'm sticking to it. sunday is less datey than saturday. so that's much better.

so tinna didn't come today. she's coming tomorrow at 9am. so i gotta wake up early to go get her. we'll be going around the city looking at apartments. i can't say this sounds fun, but i'm glad to help. i went to roscoe's with rick, neil, pat, and "coworker tom" tonight. good stuff. filling as usual. and i just got back from hitting up the bars in hollywood. a whole slew of us went including one of rick and crew's friends from granger who just got into LA the other day to intern at toyota. he came out along with his friend. they were nice guys. definitely not jaded by LA...yet. haha some guy at the beauty bar gave me a cd. maybe it was for his band? or his friend's? who knows. the weird thing was that there was a whole big group of us and yet he specifically gave ME the cd. like he reached his hand out to me and only me with the cd. it was weird. after the bars the whole gang split up and me and neil got slurpees on the way home. but they were disappointing because the cherry flavor was all out. BOO!! i talked to noah tonight because i cracked when i had to call him and ask how much his rent was so tinna would know the price range for the hollywood area. yea...basically a poor excuse to fone. he was surprised cuz he thought he'd never hear from me again and was too scared to call me. i can only half believe that. because the half of me believes that he just didn't care to call me. bad friend indeed. time to sleep!

finals are OVER!!!! woo. i have no idea how i did. i know i got at least 2 A's. not sure what i got in concept design. i actually ran into my teacher today with my form and space project. she said she liked it. i wonder if she was humoring me. i know she thinks i'm a good student. but yea. who knows. we'll soon find out what i got tho. anyway, the LACMA party last nite was fun. the beyond geomtry exhibit was cool. but i like that sorta shit. i ran into some people from school including the cute boy i shroomed with who isn't that cute actually. haha i also ran into him today after my class. i would have stuck around to see his exhibit but he said it would take like 2 hours to set up and fuck that. lots of people came over last nite before we went to the party. it was rad. good ole deanu came by and i haven't seen him in at least a year! crazy shit. and john called me last nite cuz he wanted to know more about the party which i apparently should have told him about. bah! i never talk to him anymore so of course i didn't bother to tell him. plus i assumed basically every young artistic person in LA knew about it. or so it seemed. i wonder if noah knew? this guy from school asked me if he was gonna go cuz he knew that i knew noah but i said we don't talk anymore so i had no idea. again i say, it's sad that we don't talk. i miss noah. his birthday is coming and i think i'll text message him that day. that is all.

tonight i have to pick up tinna from the airport around 5pm. she's flying in for a day or two to check out apartments here in LA cuz she's moving here soon. it was a last minute decision which she can do cuz her mom works for united. lucky lucky! i hope she finds her place soon cuz she has to move by august i think. anyway, i'm beat. time to take a quick nap.

i just woke up from the fucking weirdest most disturbing dream. i mean i have had worse, but it's been awhile. so here's what happened:

so i have to call OCD boy back today because he called me to hang out and i gotta return that call. i don't know what to do because i don't know how to let him know that i'm not interested. so i'm scared about it. so in the dream it starts off with me and OCD meeting up somewhere. it's sorta like a house slash movie theater slash outdoor park. something strange like that. we hang out and like immediately he's all over me trying to kiss me. i cave and we are kissing everywhere as we like run around. frolic if you will. so we are doing that and i'm realizing this just isn't a good idea. so somewhere i break away for a bit. to give it space or something. but then he sees it as me not caring about him as a person and maybe leading him on? i'm not sure. because he calls me and leaves me a voicemail that says something like that. like he's way pissed off. next thing i know, i'm in the "house" we were at and there is chaos. OCD boy comes back and shows off the sheep he just killed. it's all nasty and bloody and the owners of the place are freaked out that he killed their sheep. they are stunned and he's running around like he's a certifiable maniac. i'm freaking out. everyone else is too. it's like complete chaos in the house. then he goes around and is trying to kill this giant chicken. there's blood everywhere. lots of screaming. i'm in complete panic because i'm the person that is connected to this freak. i don't know what to do but i remembered that lo and nikki had gone to see a movie there. so i run out to try and find them. it just so happens lo is coming out of the bathroom when i find him. so i'm yelling and screaming in a panic. i just have no clue what to do cuz OCD boy is fuckin crazy and i'm scared he's going to do something to me cuz he's pissed. so i take a time out from the situation and run away for a bit. then for some reason i go back to the scene of it all and call him. it was like a pyscho killer movie. he answers his fone and i ask where he is. cuz by now everyone was after him cuz he killed the animals. he said to meet him on the top floor or something. so i go. i have no idea why. and he's there dressed up in a costume like a gangster cuz it's his gettaway costume. i see him and i'm scared. i swear he's crazy. he's going to make a run for it he says. i tell him not to stand around and wait but to just go. and we kiss and then he runs off. i freak out that i may be connected to him in some way. i go back to the "house" and there is chaos because everyone is still looking for OCD boy. and so now i'm scared that they will find out that i know he's in disguise and gone. and then i wake up.

u have no idea what a panic i was in just now when i woke up. until i figured out it was a dream i was soooooooooooo worried.i don't think my discription is doing this dream justice because it was really fuckin weird. i can't really put into words the craze and fear i felt while in the dream. and the mood and the setting. yea i just can't explain it. but it was so horrific. i have no idea what this whole dream means but i know it means something. it must symbolize my fears about this whole situation. how i'm scared to lead him on and that things will be fucked in the end. but why was it that he was so crazy? i don't get it. i have to think about this a lot more. but not now. i'm half asleep. i just had to get this out there before i forgot.

"jen, you look like you're dressed like a valentine's day card." - doug spice

i miss noah. i know i shouldn't but i do. i was eating at el torito with some people from class and it reminded me of how he and i went there on the last day of class. it's sad that he's such a fairweather friend. and i assume he doesn't miss me cuz he never calls me or anything. so i really shouldn't miss him. but i do. it's been hard not to call him and ask him to do stuff. but i've held out because i told myself i would. i have to be firm with myself. even if that means not talking to him. i did that to dan once. a few years ago i didn't talk to him for 2 wks. it helped. but then after that we talked. whereas with noah i don't see that happening. just cuz i don't think he cares. oh well...

so we did our presentations today. it was fucking rad. our class rocks. we had a runway modeling show thing for one guy. cuz he made a dress. and this girl in class modeled it. she does modeling as it is, so it now makes sense that she's so damned good at that runway shit. we had another guy play his instrumental song. that was good. and then of course we had all the rest of us with our projects. we did a good job. and we had a lot of guests. it rocked. now i'm not sure what to do with my escalator cuz it's so friggin big. i don't reall yhave space for it. not a proper space that is. at least that class is over. i mean it was fun and all but it was a lot of work. i'll visit the next quarter's class to see how that goes for them.

i don't know what to do about OCD boy. cuz like i thought he might be getting the hint and all. but no. i guess not. cuz after class today he called me and left me a voicemail about hanging out now that our finals are over. so i gotta figure out what to do. i was looking at him the other day and i do really think his face is quite attractive. his hair is eh. and his body is just normal. so that's decent. but aesthetics aren't everything. so it means nothing really in the end. cuz i just know in my heart that we wouldn't work out. we don't click well enough. it's funny too cuz just today at lunch the people mentioned how he's getting married. and then i was like, actually he's not anymore. and i thought to myself, "u guys have no idea." haha goddamn boys at school. it's always so fuckin weird with me. but i guess if i'm in that position, i bet others are too and i am totally unaware. anyway, one last final on friday. i'm all done with the work for it though. so i can sit back and relax. woo! tomorrow i'm gonna sleep in so much it's crazy. yay!!

DONE!!!!

yea i know. BAD photo. but it's the best i could do at 3am. the escalator is about 2'8" long. 2'8" tall. 9" wide. it's made of wood, plastic, and rubber. it doesn't work as i said before but i still like it. the rubber was a pain in the ass. but at least it's done!

stellastarr* woo!! good times. the show was awesome. they have so much energy on stage and i love it. their music is great. but without the stage presence it wouldn't be nearly as good. run, run, run opened for them and they were great too. they need to work a bit on their stage presence but they were good. that's the band that daniel from this engine burns is now the drummer for. i saw him before the show. he's so cute. i love that boy. the first time we ever hung out he took me to a run, run, run show. haha anyway, great show. my escalator is almost done. just gotta glue one last part down. hopefully it'll stick too. then i'm DONE!!!!

my eyes hurt. i've been awake too long. i got out of photo class early which was great. some really awesome photos on display tonight for our finals. really great stuff. very inspiring. too bad i was like practically dead to the world. i didn't have the energy to critique. i could barely keep my eyes open. i got a bit of a second wind just now cuz i came home and found parking RIGHT outside my house, RIGHT away. fucking great. on the worst night for parking too. there is a parking god. i have to finish up the escalator. i think i can do it. if not, tomorrow afternoon. i'm too tired to respond to the million emails sitting in my inbox. i'm too tired to even read them actually. it's quite sad. soon it will all be over. woo! but until then...

in my world it's still sunday. why? because after spending a whole day with dan trying to get the escalator to work, it just wouldn't. so i left his place around midnight with all the parts and set out to put it together and paint it so it looks like the working model should have looked, only it doesn't work. i have glue all over myself. paint all over myself. i had to drive to a few ralphs to get more epoxy gel. and now i'm going to take a "nap." i have yet to figure out how to extend the bottom. and dan still has to give me the plastic pieces for the handrails. but that will be later on in the morning. "tomorrow" morning.

just got back from the weenie roast with lo. fuckin great show. my faves were the strokes, velvet revolver, and the hives. the rest of the bands were really good too. but those three took the cake. the lead singer of the hives was hilarious in his own swedish way. and they had so much energy. scott weiland was fuckin sexy as all hell. i wanna find me a guy that's got his sex appeal. his uber skinny body with tattoos and musical talent. haha god i love the way he moves around on stage. awesome. and the band itself was just pure rock. fuckin great. and then the strokes were just dead on. smoking while playing. drinking in btwn songs. julian sang great but would make weird comments in btwn. shit that just didn't make sense. haha but it was a great fuckin set. and then right at the end during the last song, all went to shit. if it weren't enough that julian was obviously drunk and slightly upset about people leaving the show to get their cars and get out of the parking lot, some asshole rushes the stage and knocks julian over. like runs into him and fuckin slams him onto the ground! but julian gets up and continues singing once he takes a moment to sorta recover. he then goes down into the crowd in the pit area where someone fuckin steals his necklace right at the end. so here's how the whole set and concert ends. julian gets slammed to the ground. gets up. goes into the crowd. the music ends. the rest of the band members leave the stage. julian yells into the mic, "give me back my fuckin necklace!! GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKIN NECKLACE!!! that shit means a lot to me. give it back!" obviously no one does because then some chick down there yells into the mic, "GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN NECKLACE!!!" no one does. then he says, "you're gonna be jinxed forever if you don't give it back." then he gets back up on stage and sullenly walks off waving to the crowd. defeated. what a shitty way to end a concert! but damn were they on fire. no pun intended. haha oh and the best fuckin part was how the stage revolved so that once one band finished, the stage turned around and the next band went on no less than a minute later. so basically there was like 6+ hours of continuous music. it was so fuckin rad.

i've decided i LOVE swiss graphic design and i need to move there and be a graphic designer. haha oh and for those of you who don't know, helvetica is one of the 5 classic typefaces. the only sans serif one. and it's from switzerland. now it all makes sense...

oh yea. something i forgot to mention. the title sequence of coffee and cigarettes. now, it was by no means a masterpiece, but i loved the simplicity of it's nature. it was simply black and white with some simple san serif typeface. maybe helvetica. i wasn't 100% sure. but every other title slide was reversed. so the first one had a black background with white text. then the one following had a white background with black text. then vice versa and so on and so forth. the thing i loved and hated all at once was that the swap back and forth really made you notice the credits. you couldn't help but see them. not one single slide passed by that went unnoticed -- unless you had your eyes closed. and that was because the contrast from slide to slide was so jarring it stunned your eyes. i hated it for that and loved it at the same time. such simple title slides really got to me. normally the names just sorta float on by and u don't even really take notice. but here u had to. they were bold and in your face. yet so simple. good stuff. yea, i'm a design nerd. just say it now. just like u'd laugh if i told u that my current favorite typeface is helvetica neue 25 ultra light which looks like this:

i had some weird dream involving noah last nite. i haven't the faintest idea what it was about but i know he was in it. that's all. and i know it was weird. i can just feel it. u know how when u wake up and u just ever so slightly recall your dream but not enough to make a coherant story. yea, that's me right now. i bet it had to do with how i feel like we aren't even friends anymore. who knows. maybe something today will strike me and i'll remember. or maybe not.

i went to see coffee and cigarettes with jessica tonight. as i heard from others, it's okay. it's not great. it's not bad. i liked about half of the skits. the one with bill murray and wu tang was great. cate blanchett in two roles was good too. iggy pop and tom waits. alfred molina and steve coogan. and meg and jack white. those were the best. the rest were just alright. i'd recommend it if u wanted to see it already. afterwards jessica and i both felt the urge to have some coffee and a cigarette. i indulged and got a red eye and drank it at home while smoking a ciggie. and now i'm all buzzed. it's great in a strange way. i also looked into the LA film festival and see that there a few things i want to see. sadly though, before sunset is screening and it's sold out of course! bloody hell. and the beloved garden state is screening at the opening nite gala and it's sold out of course. but tickets were $100 each anyway since it's the gala event. so i wouldn't have been able to go anyway. but yea. if anyone wants to go, i want to see the following 3 things:

- eclectic mix
- sexual life
- man with a movie camera w/oranger

they are each $10 a piece. u can buy tickets at the virgin megastore i believe. and that's probably what i'll do. every year i say i wanna go to film festivals and i never do. back when i lived in SF i'd get all excited about the festival there and never go. and same with LA. but by god, i wanna see at least one thing this year!

also...stones in his pockets is apparently in LA now. it's a GREAT fucking play. it's set in a small irish town and it's a comedy played out by just two actors. they do all the parts. i saw it in england when i lived there and it was really well received. critically acclaimed. and now it's here. i'd love to go again but it's a bit pricey. maybe if someone really wanted to go i'd go with them. but i doubt that will happen. it'd be an awesome date. at least for me. but that means finding an awesome guy to go on a date with before july 18th which is when it's run ends. gah! no time. anyway, just another good artistic piece out there that i thought i'd share with the LA public.

at school. bored. finished most of my work except the escalator. don't know what to do. i ran into this guy who i see around occasionally and i think he's cute in a hugely messy/hippy way. like i'm talking big messy hair. (surprise surprise) facial hair. he's probably an animation major or something. who the hell knows. we smiled when we passed. i'll probably never meet him. just the way the first week here at AI there was this cute guy in my illustrator class and after that he dropped/switched the class. i see him around from time to time and once he commented on how cute my purse was. but i'm sure we'll never meet. oh well. whatever. i had a weird dream last nite with julian in it. and it also involved building stuff. (surprise surprise) i want to leave. i'll try to do that during the break. i hate this class. i just wanna pass and move on. building 3D stuff is NOT my cup o tea.

i went to the turtle bar!!! woo. i missed the turtle races but it was still a cool bar overall. i gotta go on a date there sometime. but i want it to be a special date. so it's gotta be a special guy. anyway, i'm looking at trailers online right now and there are a grip of movies i wanna see this summer. i don't really care who i see them with as long as i see them. except for before sunset cuz that's a really romantic movie and i don't wanna see that with someone i'd feel uncomfortable with. so either not a first date sorta date, or with friends.

- coffee & cigarettes (out now)
- dodgeball (june 18)
- the terminal (june 18)
- before sunset (july 2)
- garden state (july 30)

go me! i finished my posters for the two classes. i already finished the mondrian piece last nite. so unless my form and space teacher tells me to redo it or mess with it, that whole class is done. i'm about to finish up my type 2 book. so then all that is left is the ESCALATOR and to "study" for my slide identification test and my photo 2 test. but that "studying" will be very miniscule and most like take place btwn classes. so really i'm almost done with my projects except for the ESCALATOR which i'm freaking out about just a little. BUT, since everything else is done i can devote a lot of time to it once dan is free to help me. so that's a good thing at least.

i just finished my mondrian 3D piece that i will use for both history of design and form and space. i realize that i fucked up slightly cuz one piece isn't quite level. oh well. i can't change it now because it's tacked down and super glued. i'd have to redo the whole thing. and fuck that. i know for history of design it will be fine. cuz my teacher is so chill and i have an A+ in that class. but for form and space it might be a slight problem. oh well. whatever. i hate that class anyway and i doubt i'll get an A anyway. so whatever. that whole class is about building 3D objects and i suck at building stuff. so whatever. i can live with a sucky grade in that class cuz quite frankly i deserve it. i can't carve plaster to save my life. ie, it breaks on me all the time. i can't cut wood properly either. and apparently i'm a retard at super gluing it together. even though it should be simple as fuck. oh well. i put off taking that class for a couple quarters and now it's finally gonna be over. i know i'll pass but i might get a shitty grade. whatever. now i gotta make the posters to accompany this piece. that shouldn't be too hard. then i'll just have to worry about my typography book which is easy and then my escalator which i'm still in a panic about. but i'll live.

i just read brian's entry about the decision and i thought it was hilarious. i ask all the guys out there that read my blog to read his entry and tell me what u would do. cuz i'm curious what most men would do in that situation. i know what i would do but i don't have a proper grasp of the situation since men and women bathroom dynamics are different.

rick doesn't think that OCD boy and i would work out. and i agree. at least in the long run. we are really different and unless it's like crazy opposites attract the way adam and emily worked, i just can't see it lasting more than 3 or 4 wks. u know, the typical time it takes for the "talk" to come up. i had this dream last night with OCD boy in it which made me want to at least give it a shot. but i know in the long run it wouldn't work. i can just feel it in my gut. so i dunno if it's really worth trying it out. cuz then shit could be awkward at school. and i don't want that for sure. i just don't really know what to do. how to deal with this. i bought myself 2 wks cuz of finals. but after that i'd have to do something about it. i really want to say that to him. not exactly those words. but something about how i think we are really different and because of that i'm not so certain it would work. and i don't want shit to be awkward at school if it doesn't work. but at the same time, who wants to hear that? i mean would i want to hear that from some guy i liked? i dunno. altho with guys like noah and stuff, i'd rather have had him give it a shot then not at all. but maybe i just have a weird sense about stuff. i dunno. anyway, i won't worry yet.

the world is indeed TOO fucking small. so i had to go mount my final project photos at SMC and i was waiting for this guy from class to come and help me out cuz i didn't really know what i was doing. so i went and got some pizza at this place across the street that has really good pizza. i go there like once a week i'd say. and so i was sitting there eating when i looked outside the window. across the street is the school and the bus stop. and i saw a guy that looked really familiar. he looked like he was hitting on some asian girl at the bus stop. and as i looked longer and harder and he turned sideways, i was right. it was john! and once i realized it was john, i *knew* he was gonna come to the pizza place cuz he was the one who first took me there and introduced me to abbott's lovely pizza. i internally panicked for a moment but then realized i couldn't do a damned thing about it cuz he was going to see me one way or another. and sure enough he came in with some friends and so it was awkward and whatnot. he asked me why i never call him and i said that he never calls me really either. but then he mentioned how the last few times we talked it was cuz he called. and he's right. but i just don't have anything to say to him. everytime we hang out we're off somehow. plus i'm really busy and just don't have the time. so whatever. we had our awkwardness in the pizza joint and then we were on our separate ways. he'll be off to europe soon and once he returns he'll probably forget i exist. so no worries.

also, another part of this small world is within the band scene. i swear it's incestuous and everyone knows everyone. i went to see american eyes which is the band who stacey knows the lead singer, dave. i also know kevin who was in this engine burns. so that's weird in itself. the two bands colliding like that. but then one of the opening bands turned out to be this band called transit and one of the guys in that band is this guy named josh who i met online ages ago before he even moved to LA. we were supposed to hang out and whatnot but once he got here and got settled, he got really into the "scene" and we never really spoke much after. message on friendster here and there but nothing more. sometimes i see him at bars or on melrose or whatever. it's just funny how that works out though. also, since kevin was playing, charlie, josh, and travis were there. so that was rad to see them. well not charlie cuz i don't really know him except through the band. but it was rad to see josh and travis randomly. i still have to show josh the final photos of him. cuz i mounted them all nicely and whatnot. i decided i will post them here all small. just so people can get an idea. so here they are. all five.

i love photography. and i've decided to take the portrait class in the fall semester. that means medium format. studio lights. maybe some toning. so exciting!! i can't wait. it'll be a lot of work i bet but i'm excited. oh and i talked to OCD boy for a bit tonight. gah. i just don't know what to do. he knows i'm really busy and he is too. so it's buying me time. but i just don't know. i'm all confused inside my head about boys right now anyway. so whatever. i'll just be thankful for this finals period where i don't really have to worry cuz nothing is expected. now is NOT the time to worry about boys. now is the time to panic about finals!!

new lab. killing time. excruciatingly HOT!!! i saw noah pass by earlier and if i wanted to i could have called out his name but i didn't. cuz i don't know if we are speaking or what. i also saw that ian kid cuz he has class in the room i was in. he's actually not *that* cute but he's fun and i dig it. i have 2.5 hours to kill. some of which will be spent eating. but still. what the fuck should i do??

oh. this kid who totally looks like a cartoon character just walked in. haha

at school. terribly bored. scanned my final project photos. i wanna stick them up here but i want them to be in a row the way they would be laid out as a set but then you will lose a lot of detail cuz they would have to be so small. so until i can think of a way around that, they aren't going up. i think that noah was weirded out by my last email. but maybe that will be a quiet way to end it all? how shitty. but whatever. like i said before, i'm sick of being the one to try. so if he won't try then so be it. tonight i'm gonna go see american eyes play. i have so much work to do but i'm gonna take an hour or so out of my busy schedule to have some fun. i need it. my room looks like a disaster these days because i have two projects laid out on the floor and no real order. i can't stand it. the OCD in me is going nuts. but it has to be that way.

busy busy busy. that's what i am. so many things to get done in the next two weeks. i shant even list them. they are all fun to some degree though. so thats some saving grace.

i think OCD boy really likes me. or at least i'm sure that he does to some degree. cuz he totally flirts with me in class. and he called me tonight while i was in class and left a voicemail saying he just wanted to say hi and see how i was doing. we just had class together today! so yea. why else would he call? gah. i just don't know what to do. part of me gets sorta excited when i think about it. but the other part of me thinks we wouldn't be right for each other. like it wouldn't work that long cuz my eye would wander and we are just quite different. he's like marriage material. and i'm not looking to get married. which leads me to another concern. back in the beginning of the quarter when i barely knew him but got a vibe that he might be interested, i found out from my insidetrack coach which happens to be his as well, that he was getting married soon. that he had a fiance. this was right when he had emailed me to complement me on a piece of work hanging up. so i emailed back saying thanks and purposely said congratulations on the engagement because i wanted to find out if in fact he was getting married. and it turns out he wasn't. they called it off. but when i first thought that was true, i remember being slightly bummed that i had read the signals wrong. but now i see that i was right all along. BUT, does this mean he is looking for a wife? cuz i certainly wouldn't be that person. and in that case, us dating would be pointless. i supose i can't *really* think about that, but it's just a thought.

how could i forget? HUGE thanks to dan AND eric for helping me out with my project. more work is to be done indeed so more thanks will be in order. bigger and better thanks that is.

so being the person that i am, i went and looked up more about red light cameras. haha the way it works, it seems as though i wouldn't have gotten a ticket. cuz i swear it was yellow when i entered the intersection. so maybe there was another car? i didn't bother to notice. or maybe it was a close call. who knows. i'll just wait til my parents call me and bitch me out. cuz that's exactly what they will do.

a bird shit on my car today and i think i may have gotten one of those red light camera tickets. i'm not sure but i feel it in my bones. the worst part is that i think that shit will get sent home because i think my stuff still goes there. so my parents will find out. the ironic thing is it was just now while i was driving and my parents called me and so i was driving down la brea talking to them and then at the last moment i realized i was going through a yellow light where the camera was. and i think i saw it flash. so i think it got me. i didn't enter when it was red but still. i swear it got me. gah. whatever. i can't do anything about it now. but it still sucks. i think it's like a $250+ fine. bleh. i should just get rid of my car. it's causes me nothing but grief recently. the rest of my life is going really well. but everything surrounding that damn car is just pure hell!

does someone hate me? cuz i think someone does. i just went to move my car and someone lightly keyed one side of it. fucking hell!! why? first my light covers were stolen. now someone keyed it. fucking hell. i hope that person's car gets royally jacked one day. cuz they fucking deserve it for all the shit that's happened to my car. now the resale value has gone down even more!! whatever. i'm gonna run that mutherfucker into the ground.

ack! i just ran into ian, the boy i shroomed with. i haven't seen him since that night actually. and i barely talk to him online anymore cuz i barely talk to anyone online. god he's so cute. yet not. he's just like this wacky fun guy who's all into artsy shit. he's the type of guy i want to date if i was dating anyone right now. just sorta fun and easy-going.

oh yea. i think i really wanna shoot nude photography. naked women can be very nice on the eye when shot well. and i'm no lesbian. but i do appreciate attractive women. clothed or unclothed. i've been seeing some gorgeous nude shots of women recently. like in magazines. i think shooting nudes of women in both color and b&w would be awesome. also fashion photos. basically artsy/culture mags with somewhat crappy content but gorgeous phots and layout are what i want to be apart of. check out atomica magazine. they have some good stuff. their most current issue is called "sensual" and it's got some nice stuff in there. also black + white magazine has some good shit too.

i love dan. me, lo, and dan went to home depot tonight to get the materials for my escalator. needless to say, if this doesn't work, this is going to be one hell of an expensive fuck up. so everyone cross your fingers. if there's anyone i trust about mechanics of this sort, it's dan. but even dan can be wrong sometimes. so yea, cross your fingers. this weekend is going to be filled with lots of building. yuck yuck. i'm not sure what i'm gonna have to do for dan, but i owe him big time. especially if it ends up working. at the very least, i'll get some good quality time in which him. which will be nice since we haven't done that in ages. i miss all the late nights we used to spend together just doing really random shit. i think i forgot why i liked dan in the first place. cuz he's really good to me and he's smart. when we stopped off at his place on the way home and lo was raving about the kegbot they have, i just was thinking how rad all those engineer boys are cuz they are so smart and know all this shit that i have no clue about. and it really turns me on quite honestly. i mean surely i love boys who play instruments, have tattoos, and do good design work. but i also love boys who are nerdy as fuck. i mean i wanted to make an escalator but without dan's help i never would have come up with a way to make it. i just don't have that knowledge. so yea. fuckin rad indeed. now if only he was a better bf. then we'd be onto something. haha

in other news...haha i think i know what i'm going to do about OCD boy. cuz i was thinking about it all today and how i'm all wishy washy. cuz he's nice and all. but he definitely doesn't wow me or give me butterflies in my stomach. usually with guys i like it's like the moment i see them i want to know more about them. but i remember seeing him the first day i went to class and i was just like, oh here's just some other guy in class i don't know. not like when i met john that first day and when he sat next to me i got that sorta nervous tingle. or when i saw noah at orientation and instantly wanted to talk to him. or even when i saw dan that first day of class and thought, i dunno who that boy is but i want to get to know him. so yea. that's definitely not there. and that's not to say that i couldn't grow to like OCD boy that way. cuz i could. but that's sort of the problem in this situation. cuz normally u tend to like meet a guy and go out on some dates and whatnot to get to see if there is chemistry and if u click and whatnot. but in the end, if it doesn't work out, the consequences aren't that great. but here, if i let this go further and he likes me more than i like him and then i don't want to date, it could be sticky because we will have all these classes together. so i think i'm going to basically let him make the next move and when he does, i'm going to bring this up. cuz i'm not necessarily opposed to trying something out, but i want to make it clear that i would rather us be friends and not fuck up our class relations than try to date and have it go bad. and no this not a noah situation. because whatever his fear was regarding us dating, it could not have been surrounding the idea of bad class relations. cuz we don't have any classes together anymore. whereas with OCD boy, this shit could be bad for the rest of our quarters since we could be in ALL the same classes!!

anyway, so at least i came to a conclusion about it all. cuz seriously, i'm lost. just in this past day i've felt really confused in the boy dept. it's bad. cuz i was doing so well in not even caring. i mean i still don't really care that much, but i feel an obligation to care. i still can't believe we kissed. i mean i can. but i can't. i look at OCD boy as like a husband sorta guy. a little plain. mature. responsible. enjoyable to be around but not crazy wild fun. if i was looking for the hubby, he'd be right up my ally. cuz that's the sorta guy u want to marry. or at least i think so. not the hot guy with tattoos who smokes way too much. he's good for a nice one night stand. or something of that sort.

umm...i'm just a little lost. well not really. but sorta. so OCD boy. i was always pretty sure he liked me. or was interested. i felt it from day 1. maybe that was a complete misread, but i swear the day i walked into that class he looked at me. like in that way. but nevermind that. cuz now i know for sure. it's even apparent to this one girl in our class. she said it to me the day we went salsa dancing. and today when we were talking about building our stuff, she said that he should help me. haha he even offered. but i got dan on that shit and unless dan is willing to relieve his helpful duties to me, i want dan to help me. just cuz. it's dan. i trust him with that stuff. not to say OCD boy isn't competent. but u know. i trust dan a lot.

anyway, so when class ended he said that i should give him a call when i got out of my night class. so i did. i had an urge to go bowling with the usual crew that goes so i called him and invited him. and he came along. and when it ended he came back here with all of us. we hung out for a long while. and considering i didn't, and still don't, know what i want, i just prayed that he wouldn't get "tired" and try and sleep here. cuz i couldn't deal with that. but as we were talking i got the vibe for sure. i mean i got it on our date that one time. but u know how it goes. the more u get the vibe the more shit could happen. and so i was good to not let any of it happen. and then we got to talking about john somehow and i basically told him about him and he seemed quite interested. if only he knew about noah as well. john was first quarter. noah was second. and now he's third. with bits of the past creeping up here and there. oh and then there's will. haha but he's not relevant. anyway, OCD boy seemed so interested in my whole john thing in that very platonic way. so then i started think that maybe i was all wrong. but no. i wasn't. i walked him outside and we did the whole stand there and awkwardly chat. he asked to hang out this weekend but i told him that i had a lot of work to do on my escalator (oh yes, she approved it) and my other projects that it just might not happen. he understood. offered once again to help. i forced a hug goodbye. but then i turned my head to him and that was it. lips locked. he asked first though. i said yes. it was a good kiss at least. but now i'm all concerned. cuz i don't know where this is going. do i want it to go anywhere? i dunno. he's nice and all. i guess i could see myself dating him. i'm not sure. but i'm sorta content to be single right now. also, say we start dating. what if it goes horribly wrong. we're gonna be in the same classes like every fucking quarter til we're out!! like next quarter i'll see him 4 days a week! that's NOT good if shit goes bad. anyway, that's totally jumping the gun. a gun that may never even fire anyway.

so that's that. i guess it's good that noah didn't come when i invited him. and quite frankly, i really should just stop trying with that boy. i say that over and over and then i feel bad for thinking that way. so i try again. but then he lets me down in some way. and i even tell him i should stop trying. and i think he gets defensive about it and says how it's not personal, etc etc. but whatever. i don't see him making any effort. maybe he's just like this with everyone. but somehow i doubt it cuz when we used to hang out he'd get calls like really late from his good friend and he'd like jump through hoops for her practically. so somehow i doubt that he's always like this. i think it's just me. and in that case, what the hell is the point in trying? and why would i ever want to date him when he's flaky as hell? unless that's only to me. i bet that's it. i bet he's a great bf (well...) and a great friend to everyone else. just not me. gah. i really need to stop caring. this is just getting ridiculous. it's so back and forth. so til he calls me and makes an effort, fuck this situation. i have a lot of other shit i have to worry about. like my escalator and photography final. and this OCD boy situation.

anyway, i said how i'm too lazy with boys to care. i don't mind being single right now. i want a boy who tries with me. and i don't have to make the effort. so fuck that. no making effort with boys. not noah. not will. not OCD boy. not anyone. i mean calling OCD boy to invite him to bowling tonight was effort enough. but at least he came. so it wasn't for nothing. but still. anyway, tomorrow is darkroom action. then home depot run with lo and dan. then drinking at 10:35pm. followed by twice the amount of drinking at 10:40pm. don't ask. i can't explain it. but if u wanna get wasted, come to our house by 10:35. cuz we have a lot of liquor to kill.

oh my god. BIG YAY for dan! i want to build this model of an escalator and actually make the steps move and he came over and helped work out plans to make it. i could never have figured that out. i only got a 2 on my AP physics mechanics exam. haha i have to talk to my teacher about all of this tomorrow. the model itself would be like almost 2' high and about 2.5' long. something like that. made of wood. maybe painted. and using either a hand crank or maybe a motor since dan said he has some motors laying around. if my teacher says this is too over the top, then i'll probably just sculpt a model escalator. so we'll see. but if this works, i owe dan BIG TIME. here's dan, MIA for like over 2 months and now he's like helping me out big time. how could i ever doubt my friendship with dan? he's just lazy at calling. he always was. i'm an ass. now i feel really bad. but it was good to like hang out. even though we were "working." it felt like old times and i liked that. oh how i've missed dan in that period of no correspondence.

good fucking god. i am tired, dirty, and $262.59 poorer. that's right. my fucking foglights cost that much to replace. $90 for labor and the rest for the parts. each light was like $80!!! no wonder someone stole them. they cost so damned much. surely i probably paid too much for labor, but parts are parts. unless i got some cheap ass knockoffs. but i don't wanna do that. anyway, what's done is done. at least they didn't steal the whole car. so that's the good thing.