after seeing before sunrise/sunset and garden state it makes me wonder why the fuck i ever dated certain people. even if it was just a like a few dates. how the hell could i have settled for something less than perfect? well not perfect, but really good. the chemistry and connection that the characters have in these movies is so awesome that it makes me think i really need to hold out and find that sort of thing. why settle for mediocrity? i guess in the beginning u don't really know what it's going to be like, but in these movies it's like instance connection. and i know these are just movies, but i feel like a lot of people meet in the real world and instantly it just clicks and works really well. so i dunno. why can't that happen to me? what's wrong??? i need to find that guy for me. i'd have to say that off the top of my head, kyle is probably the guy i've clicked with the best and most instantly out of all the guys i've ever liked. i remember the first day thinking he was weird but then after that completely clicking. and ever since we've clicked. and whenever we are together it always feels right. we work well together even tho we've never dated. like when he came out here to visit for over a week, it felt like i had this live in bf even tho we weren't dating. it was so awesome. oh well. whatever. i'm just all gushy right now. it'll pass.

watch out ky, after seeing the movie, i think my love for ZB has surpassed yours. haha i'm being all geeky now and looking at all the extras on the website. cuz there are a lot. and there is also a blog. ZB has a garden state blog!!! i can't get enough. i was in love with ethan hawke the other week, and now i'm in love with zach braff. only ethan hawke has that whole artsy fartsy thing going on whereas zach braff looks like the guy next door who i'd be childhood friends with for years before realizing how awesome he was, meanwhile he's liked me since we peed on each other. that sorta thing. u know? yea, i'm down with ZB. haha

just got back from seeing garden sate and it's really good. when it ended lawrence asked me what i thought and i said i didn't know. that's because it ended and i wanted it to keep going. even tho the ending was fitting, i just wanted more. i got really into the characters. so on the drive home i thought about it and i really did like it. i liked the characters. i liked what happened. the quirkiness of it. the portrayal of weird ass families and how it is to go back home. see people who have never moved on. feel like u have moved on to the point where home isn't exactly home anymore. yea. i really liked it. it was a good movie. definite dvd buy for sure. maybe even the soundtrack cuz that was really good too. now i'm all gushy again like after before sunset but in a different way. it will pass. i'll soon go back to being glad i'm single. but for the meantime, once more, i'm all gushy.

i just had this horrible dream where rick's bro tino had a really bad heart attack and barely lived while they were in mexico. in the dream rick called me from mexico to tell me. but it felt like i was in mexico myself. i'm not sure where i was, but i was all alone at a hotel sitting in my car. these 3 guys approach my car and choose to want to steal it. and then the one kid offers that if i fuck him, i can keep my car. and then the old man starts to grope me and i don't know what to do cuz i can feel them trying to take my keys away and then i wake up. just now. in a panic. thank god it was all a dream.

oh man. i really fucked myself over. i took a long ass nap and now it's late and my schedule is all wonky. way to go jen. way to fuckin go.

one more conclusion. i have too much stuff. my room is becoming a mess of art projects, free cds, old clothes to go to good will, and just other random crap that seems to be consuming me. the OCD in me is being quite bothered honestly. but i don't really have time to deal with it. not to mention space to organize it. like my style board. it's going to lay on the floor for the whole quarter probably cuz i have no place to put it and i have to turn it in at the midterm and final i think. so i can't get rid of it or dismantle it. gah!! i also have some free posters and other schwag from my internship that i am giving to people and i don't know what to do with it til it's distributed. ie, brian's rilo kiley poster. if u are reading this brian, when do u want me to give it to ya?

some new music i acquired for free and think is good:

- magnet: i'm not biased i swear. if anything i'd be sick of that fucking cd after working on the packaging for so long. but no, it's a good cd. he's from norway and it's mellow. good stuff.

- asobi seksu: i haven't gotten my hands on a copy of the cd yet, but i'm hoping to. it's good. female japanese vocalist over good rock music. the song "sooner" is really fucking good. a nice balance of good rock with gentle vocals. u can download some tracks at www.asobiseksu.com

- angela mccluskey: i raved about her one song before in an earlier post and now i have the cd. it's good. if you like her voice that is.

- midnight movies: another female vocalist (i used to really dislike female vocals). not too bad. kinda reminds me of the cranberries because of her voice yet not. the cd artwork is great. the cover is really rad.

- elliot smith: his posthumas release isn't out yet and i don't have a copy. but there is one and only one copy in the office and i've heard it and it's really fuckin good. can't wait for that release.

i have come to some conclusions today. 1) i need to purchase a cheap programmable coffeemaker so that i can set it the night before to make me coffee for the drive to school. 2) i'm totally attracted to the older guy at my internship in some strange way that makes me feel like a little kid like an old adult. 3) my flash class reminds me of business school and my teacher reminds me of the agent teacher at usc who i had to contest my grade to. 4) i feel like my internship is my part time job only i won't be getting any W-2 forms from them come 2005. but it's worth it cuz in this next issue, if all goes right, there will be my flier i did for the nike basketball thing (next to a small article i do believe), my cd sampler art along with the ad in the magazine for the cd samper itself, an ad for this music artist magnet who i just finished the cd packaging revisions on, and an ad for the the new clothing line they are putting out that will show the logo for the company which i also made as well. so that's a good amount of stuff right there in print that i can use for my portfolio.

anyway, tonight i have to finish my work for my print class. at least i get to sleep in. my two for the road dvd came in the mail today from england so i'll be watching that soon. and i will, come hell or high water, see garden state this weekend!!!

oh the pains of the end of the week. luckily tomorrow is a class i like. thursdays are like hell basically because of my flash class. i tried to go and take it pass/fail but they don't do that at my school! of course. so i push on thru. it's so painful sitting there knowing the teacher thinks we are all 5 year olds who don't know our heads from our asses. i wanna flake so badly every week but i keep telling myself, "just get thru this to get to the next level. just push on thru jen. push on thru." but man is it hard! anyway, garden state is out already and i can't wait to see it. that is my plan for this weekend. see that movie and nothing else. everything else will be work related i'm sure. homework catching up. crap like that. i don't even think i have energy to go out really. this week has been sooooo freakin long!

wouldn't ya know it. my flash hw won't load here so i did all that work for nothing. and the teacher thinks i didn't do it i'm sure. but it doesn't matter cuz he didn't like anyone's hw except one guy's. so whatever. i could have slept!!! i hate this fucking class because i hate my fucking asshole teacher. bleh. today looks like it won't be too good.

my flash teacher is letting me do my non-cartoon project provided it's well animated and the intro is a cartoon. fair enough. i'm gonna try and come up with something rad. but at the very least, passing. haha that's all i care about.

so i was totally totally totally running on empty today. woke up so fucking tired it was unbelievable. i was sitting in class with my newly acquired american apparel hoodie which i snagged from my internship and fits me brilliantly. everyone kept asking if i was ok cuz i must have looked ill. i was just really tired. i got home and ate some lunch and took a 15 minute power nap. i've never taken such a quick nap because usually i can't fall asleep right away and then my time is up and i have to do whatever it is i'm doing. but this time man, i was out cold for those 15 minutes. and it was glorious. i felt so refreshed when i woke up i couldn't believe it.

i went to my internship and being that it was this one design intern's last day there, i figured i'd let him use the "good computer" so he wouldn't be upset. plus he was leaving in like an hour so it would be silly for him to juggle his shit around. so i went and sat at an old PC and one of the owner guys comes up to me and says, "don't you need that (meaning the good one) computer?" and i said, "well yea. but brandon is leaving soon so i figure i'll just use this one til then." and the owner guy was like "no...it's ok." and then he walks over to brandon and says, "hey can you go use the computer downstairs?" and then he comes back to me and says, "ok it's cool." i felt soooo bad! so then i walked over to brandon and was like, "i'm sorry. i totally was gonna use another computer since i knew u were leaving soon and it's still to waste time switching computers." but he didn't care cuz he said he wasn't gonna work on anything and was just gonna leave early. so we chatted a bit while he got all his files and then he went and said his goodbyes to everyone. i felt so bad! oh office politics...

also, being that the "good computer" is near the doorway and gets this wind tunnel draft from time to time, it gets really fucking cold sitting there. yet the rest of the office is usually hot. so i'm sitting there all bundled in my lovely hoodie with the hood on and everything and the somewhat attractive older guy that works there says to me, "what are you cold or something?" and i said, "no one understands!!! sit here for awhile and you feel the draft and it's cold!" cuz seriously it is. but most people just walk by and enjoy the nice coolness cuz their area is hot. like everyone in the office doesn't understand except for like a couple people. so anyway, one of the owners comes and stands there and the somewhat attractive older guy says, "look at her. you'd think it was snowing." and then i went on my rant again. people just don't get it!! but then the former-rock-band-woman comes later and feels the draft and says, "wow it's cool here with tha draft." and i turned to the owner man and said, "see!!!" it's just funny. i should really come up with nicknames like john ross did in his blog about his internship. would make stuff easier. i'll look into that. haha

i emailed my flash teacher last nite with a long ass proposal for doing a midterm that wasn't a cartoon yet fulfilled all the technical aspects of the assignment. we shall see if the prick responds. cross your fingers everyone...

on another note. i'm so goddamned busy that i have no free moments. they are spent relaxmy eyes if nothing else. i realize that this is both hindering and helping my boy life. hindering because i don't even care anymore. my crush? what crush? we decided last week to not email daily and ever since i don't even think about him unless i get an email. i guess that's both good and bad actually. but like other guys who i could try and pursue or whatever. or just even think about looking around. i don't care. i have no time to care! at the same time that's helping cuz its completely solidifying my state of apathy towards relationships and men which is a first i tell ya. a first in a long time at least. the attraction towards the older guy at my internship is still slightly there tho. haha

TIRED!!! =/

what a fuckin mess. the people who made the original cd booklet that i had to make changes to totally set up the files wrong for printing. so now i have to redo it all. good lord! it's going to take like 4 steps just to do something seemingly simple. i'm doing it at home cuz this will take way too long on this slow ass computer. at least the other design guy that works here has sympathy for me. no one else understands!

really tired.

my friend in class thinks our teacher likes me. eesh. the teacher is young. like 25. but still!

style board is complete. i got the ok from the teacher. thank god! i knew the shoes were the end all.

cd sampler cover art is done. cd art is done. and ad for the magazine is done. woo!

the stuff i'm working on for the new artist named magnet is nearly done. the one sheet is done. the ad is nearly done. and the revisions of the cd booklet are half done. quasi-woo!

the logo needs revisions. the full name logo is done but the little breast pocket icon needs more exploration. so i'll be working on that in the coming days.

i think this one design intern doesn't like me. and it's a shame cuz we used to talk and he was nice it seemed. now he seems to just glare because whenever i get there i get the "good" computer and he has to move. i get the more "important" projects which constantly have me talking to the owners of the company whereas he doesn't seem to be doing that. i feel sorta bad but i didn't really try to make that happen at all. i just did the best i could with my work and they liked it. so sue me!

the guy i made the website for awhile back referred me to this director he worked with recently. coincidentally the director lives less than a block away from me. i think i might be making a website for him. as well as the website i am making for josh's new band. good lord i have a lot on my plate! and i hate my flash teacher!

oh and we got a new dishwasher the other day cuz our old one was a piece of shit. it was falling out of the wall, leaked water every night when we used it, and the soap dispenser was broken. here it is before they took it away. doesn't it look so sad and depressing just sitting there in front of our house? haha

oh my god....will just called me! it's been ages. i seriously thought we would never speak again. oh dear. will is definitely one that will be around for awhile i suspect. in and out. in and out. god he's hot though. so its alright. i don't mind. haha i know that looks are definitely not everything. but they certainly are when u are just fooling around. that's for damned sure.

oh and here is the style board i am working on for my coporate identity class. i am rebranding amoeba music. so this board is supposed to convey the look and feel of amoeba and also show it's target audience and basically just what the brand is all about. and yes those are my old pair of chucks. lots of duct tape!

i just had dinner with noah and once again am smitten. sorta. he cut his hair to the length it was when i first met him. he looks all cute. aww... he's going nuts tho. he quit smoking and he seriously wants to buy a boat and live on it. he's going to look at the boat tomorrow!

the more i look at my crush's friendster photos the more i think to myself, do i even remember what he looks like? cuz i swear he was skinnier and not bulky but maybe i'm wrong? and in the photos all i see is fratboy. which he actually was. but when i talk to him via email, i don't get that at all. and didn't get that when i met him in person. i guess it just goes to show that looks are deceiving. but does he even look like the person in the photos? i have no idea. whatever.

oooh. last nite was major freakin fun. me, jessica, brian, and two new friends joe and nathan (who we met through devin) all got our pre-drink on at my house. 4 or more shots in and we were ready to go! but the cab that i called never came. so we had to get another one and we almost didn't make it to bang! before the 10pm $5 cut off. luckily the people at the door were nice and took our passes and so we were set. no one was dancing that early but we didn't care and we hit the floor first up. then the podiums. then the stage. i think we were almost alone in this endeavour. but we didn't care. we were having a damn good time. especially brian who doesn't even like to dance! god it was good times. eventually devin and his friend came. then samira, jen, and amanda came. then one of joe's friends came. then adam came. and good lord we had a crew going. we spent some time in the mod room and a tiny bit of time in the back room. my feet are still hurting from all the dancing we did. we stayed til the bitter end, 2:30am. the last song was "karma police" by radiohead and we all got in a huddle and sang along together. it was a great way to end the night. then we went to get shitty ass pizza at the first grecos we could find. god it tasted great. then we all piled into adam's car (yes we had 5 people in the back!) and went home. good fucking times indeed. we need to do this more often. not necessarily bang! but just have lots of fun like this. oh man. good times. devin's friends are cool guys. i like guys who like to dance. and these boys do. tonight i should be having dinner with noah. that should be fun. i hope. i haven't seen that boy in ages and ages.

two things i forgot to mention about last nite. 1) i saw someone from my old internship. when she passed by, i made sure to keep my head down and looking away. don't want any conflict. 2) ryan thought that devin was my brother! haha so perfect. we don't even have to tell people that. they already assume. good times.

oh and i just talked to noah and i had made him feel bad about the whole dinner thing because i made it seem like he was in the wrong but he wasn't. so i had to clear that up cuz it sorta solidified the funk he was in. aww.

alright. so noah called me back. just a bit too late. so he's not a bad friend today. i'm the one who changed my mind about dinner only because we are going to bang! and there is no time to eat dinner now. meh. another day.

everything is just off today. OFF. it's sort of hard to explain how it's off, but it just is. i can feel it. everything isn't quite working out right. but at the same time it's not working out horribly wrong. so it's not a bad day. it's just an off day. BUT, we're going to bang! later tonight. so that should be fabulously fun.

my crush hasn't emailed me back as of late so it makes me wonder if i said something wrong in the last email. i'm too lazy to check right now though. oh well whatever. it's better this way. crush the crush. CRUSH the crush. haha

oh and i talked to OCD boy cuz i had some questions about class. fucker totally didn't want to be friends. he was totally just using that as an excuse to get in my pants. fucker. i absolutely HATE when men do that. fuck that bullshit. don't try to be my friend and then bail on that idea just cuz i won't suck your dick. please. common decency here.

off to try and complete more errands although so far nothing has been completed because the stores don't have what i need! i feel like i've wasted an assload of time. this blows.

oh and noah is a total flake. but what else is new? haha

i'm sooooo excited! FINALLY, two for the road has come out on dvd. it JUST came out too. woo! it's a Uk version but i don't care! i LOVE this film. this was one good thing that came out of casper's class. he had us watch this film and i love it. i totally would never have seen it if i didn't take that class. this and before sunrise/sunset are my favorite love story type movies. well...i like baz luhrman's rendition of romeo and juliet but that doesn't really count cuz that's a timeless love story. anyway, i just bought it and i can't wait to watch it!!

this class is a bit tedious. print production. it's interesting but tedious. i need to learn this stuff if i'm going to do print work. i'm just a bit confused right now. i just ran into the guy at school who i want to meet but never do. gah! i want to just like say hi but the opportunity is never there. he just seems interesting. gah! going to rilo kiley tonight. should be interesting. this whole "carnival" atmosphere.

i had a really weird dream last nite. lately i've been having vague dreams about being with some unknown guy who is larger in size. and then we he leaves me. i don't understand at all what this is about. it's really weird tho.

i'm having a cow right now. or an anuerism. i'm not sure which. i was at my internship WAAAY too long today. one of the last people to leave. ludricrous. all because the computers there are too fucking slow! but the good thing is, the cd sampler cover art is done. the cd itself is done. and all that is left for that is the ad. and that's nearly done. i got the one sheet done for this new artist. i also am almost done with the ad for it too. so it's good that things are getting done and that i am producing a lot of material for my portfolio. so its worth it. it's just time consuming. i enjoy the work too. i just wish there were more hours in a day. and that i could be awake for them!

oh boy and this flash class has really got be riled up right now. i just told OCD boy about it cuz he called and it got me all upset again. i'll deal with it. i have other things to focus on right now. tomorrow nite i'm going to the rilo kiley show with my internship. gotta take photos of the event and pass out some fliers or something. but it gets me in for free. so that's cool. that dave guy from friendster keeps calling me! i don't have time to hang out. i swear. gah. anyway, frazzled to say the least and now i gotta finish up two ads for tomorrow's class. boo.

looks like there is no hope. i'm gonna have to do some shitty cartoon bullshit. i tried to explain to the teacher my purpose for wanting to take this class and how it had NOTHING to do with animating cartoons. yes all flash is animation. but it's the animation of parts of a page. he doesn't seem to understand that. because when i said how i'm not interested in making cartoons he said, "well this is the art institute (he's new to the school). i thought people would be interested in art." i am! but not cartoon art. it's not like cartoons are the only type of fucking art! i can tell that we don't have anywhere near the same design aesthetic because his website is just NOT my kind of site. and i can't link it here in case he were to find out. but basically it's all cartoony and crappy looking in my opinion. i wanna make nice sleak designed pages. i don't think he understands that i merely want to learn flash for it's backend functionality in websites. not to animate cartoons or whatnot. he was like, "well what do u plan to do when you graduate? you can't always choose your projects. what if someone wants you to animate a characters face and make it lip synch (part of our midterm project requirements)? you'll do it because they'll pay you and you know how. it's good to have lots of tools in your pocket in case these things come up." to which i mentally replied, "i will never animate a cartoon face. i can't draw a good cartoon face. nor do i care to lip synch it." i don't think he gets that i'm more interested in print design. photography integration. etc. not fucking drawing cartoons! anyway, i could on and on. the point is that i have to do this shit to pass the class and i'm debating whether or not i can actuall knuckle down and teach myself what i need to know so i don't have to go thru this painstaking animation process. he said that he wanted us to choose something that interested us for the midterm so we'd do well. well NOTHING in the cartoon world interests me. i don't watch cartoons. i don't like cartoons! sure the shit is well made, but i don't really like it. and i certainly don't want to emulate it. ok enough rant. time to do some interning.

i'm dying. a slow flash boat animation death. i can't animate! i don't want to animate! some people came in with these full on flash cartoon things. good god. i don't ever want to make that. i'm a graphic designer!!! i just wanna learn how to actionscript a website. now animate a fucking boat. whatever. i guess this is the shit i have to go thru at 7:30 in the morning. god this class is unbearable. i don't know anyone in it and it's slow and i'm tired as fuck. yes i can articulate my rant much better now. only because i have forced myself to stay awake in this coma-inducing class. seriously. everyone around me is all into this animation shit. and i couldn't give two shits. oh well. i think i'm gonna talk to the teacher about why i'm taking this class and see if there is any way i can steer a bit away from the animated cartoon bullshit and make something that is a bit more "designed." or maybe this is just plain useless and i should try to just learn it on my own so i can skip all this crap. i don't know!

i feel like i'm in business school again. hating my class but knowing it's good for me. =(

so fucking tired. the week catches up to me every thursday. gah!! and it's so dark in this room and i don't know anyone. so it sucks. at least the other classes i can talk to people and joke around cuz i know them all. but not this class. eh. i have no energy to type out a proper rant. haha

i just got off the phone with josh about getting his old guitar strings for my style board and he said today was wednesday and i thought he was kidding. and then i realized that all day i've been thinking it was tuesday!!! fucking hell. i'm so lost. everyday runs today since it's the same stuff over and over. and i don't do anything "fun." haha anyway, all is well now. i have the days under control. phew.

oh and the crush is totally back on. i know how i can tell now.

BORING! we are in class "working" on our style boards but we can't really work on them that well. so we are all fucking around. i got some photos of OCD boy so if anyone wants to see what he looks like, i got a photo or two. i know kyla wants to know. haha anyway, one hour to go. thank god!

oh my. good times. me and kyla just had a long ass conversation on the phone about all sorts of fun stuff. and we came up with an idea. seventies sake @ shotwell. of course i have to consult eric about this, but i mentioned to her how we said that every time i go back to visit SF we'd sake and make it a regular thing. but then i was concerned about there not being enough time on this next visit. and then we started thinking and we were like, what if eric let us do it there? and then we could get a whole slew of people and then go meander around the mission. that would be so fucking fun. and then make it seventies themed. or at least for me and ky and we could wear our fros too. we got really excited and then realized that we didn't know if we could actually do it. so eric, since i know u read this, gimme your thoughts on this idea. maybe the saturday i come back. sept 4th i think it is. what do ya say? we had soooo much fun last time. i think we could have the same amount of fun again. maybe even more!

wow. i've been at my internship all day today. after going to school that is. and i'm not tired! i think i'm starting to get used to this early morning crap. anyway, it's sorta manic cuz i seriously am like *THE* design intern. cuz i got there today and one of the design guys was there on the "main" mac computer. and they had him get off it so i could use it. he must hate me. i wonder if they all hate me cuz the last two days i've been on that computer designing and i swear they've been doing crap intern stuff. like mailing things and packing things and etc. it's sorta weird. i have like 4 projects on my plate. refining the logo, finishing up all the things that have to do with the cd sampler, making a one sheet for this new album they put out (that is the easiest of them all) and redoing the cd insert and traycard for that very album. cuz there is a UK version and the US version has extra stuff. so i have to redo it. altho i may not be doing that cuz the guy that actually works at the company that does more web design stuff might redo it. altho we ran into a lot of issues at the last minute today. so who knows. it's manic i tell ya. manic! but i kinda like it cuz even tho it's a lot of work it's good for me in the long run. and it shows they really like my work and trust me. so that's good. i'm just really stoked on this cd sampler. it's totally mine. totally. oh and there's this guy that works there and he's a little bit older. maybe early 30's and like i'm actually sorta attracted to him. it's a little weird. cuz i know he's older yet i'm like intrigued or something. i dunno. i've never been attracted to someone that old who wasn't famous. yea, it's weird. haha

i swear my life is school, internship, and trying to sleep. i don't do much else. oh and email. especially since my crush and i email daily. and they are long emails so it's a bit time consuming. but in a good way. and also consulting kyla on her boys issues as well. that's my life as of late. i actually don't mind it. i feel really alive when i'm really busy. makes me feel like i'm not slacking off and wasting time.

don't dispair kyla, the crush will still be there in some capacity when i visit for labor day. haha

hmm...i feel my crush fading a bit. perhaps because u have that initial period where it's like "oooh he's so cool. i like him. blah blah." and he's like idealized. and then after that, u either keep idealizing him or u realize u were overreacting. i think the latter is the case. i still think he's cool and yea i'd still love to go on a date with him, but the whole "omg i have this crush" period is over. or so i think. maybe i'll relapse. who knows. it's all for the best anyway cuz i have learned already that having a crush on someone who lives far away from u only causes torment and never works out. blah. whatever. maybe i'm just telling myself this so that way i don't go through that torment again. i could see my brain doing that. whatever. bedtime for bonzo!

startin to slow down. last nite i totally went to bed way too late. i normally try to sleep by 12:30 so that i can get 6 hours of sleep. but this didn't happen. i didn't get to bed til 1 something and didn't fall asleep til at least 2am. it was all cuz i was working on my style board and making it really good. it took longer than i expected but damn it was good. me and this one guy in the class had the best ones. fuck yea. it was worth the lack of sleep. i got a red eye (drip coffee with 2 add shots) today which helped but now i'm starting to slow down. i'm at my internship working on this cd sampler project. it's a slow process of changes. but it's coming along. man i'm tired. anyway, i think i'll leave in about an hour. finish up my type homework and hit the hay earlier tonight. watch something go wrong with that plan.

i'm running out of my oregon bread!!! =( i love this shit. and i they don't sell it in LA. figures. they sell it at safeway in san francisco. that's where i got my loaf. everytime i go home and buy one or two loaves but that's not enough! i think they sell it in stores only in san fran and north. like portland. seattle. etc. god it's so good. i'd go so far as to say it's the best sliced bread i've ever had. the nuts make it so delicious. if anyone up in the northwest area gets a hankering to send me something, send me some of this bread! i'd love u for it.

recently i've been getting a lot of random friendster messages. i'm not sure why. but it's entirely too much. i don't have time for all this communication! btwn email and real life. how can i squeeze in numerous friendster messages? one or two is alright, but not several. and who are these crackheads messaging me anyway? they obviously don't read my profile that specifically says "do not ask to add me unless i know u in some capacity." fuckin retards. i don't have time for that bullshit.

oh and i just figured out yesterday that the boy i have a crush on reads this thing. not sure if he just started or what. not sure how often he reads either. but i know he does. also not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i haven't decided. i do know that he must not be weirded out by it because he still emails me daily. unless he's just humoring me. or maybe i'm just humoring myself. maybe i'm just doing this cuz it's safe. just the way most crushes are. safe. ah whatever. i don't have time to worry about this.

i'm now off to amoeba to really soak it all in. i'm doing my branding project on the store so i'm gonna go there and just take a lot of notes. it's one thing to come up with ideas from memory -- which of that place is pretty good -- but i wanna be inside and just feel it. live it. breathe it. and then probably by an old cheap ass 7" to stick on my style board.

wow. i really can't focus. damn movie. got me all mushy brained. thinking about love and fate. i wish i had someone to just curl up with right now. ah that would be great. *sigh* my contentedness to be single has been overtaken by this film for the day. i'll be back to normal tomorrow. it just has to pass.

in the meantime, i am officially in love with ethan hawke. i've always liked the movies he's been in. well most of them anyway. and now i love him again. just cuz of this film. he's so cute too. that whole artsy goatee look thing. yea, it's hot.

oh yea. here is a photo of me dressed up from last nite just cuz i rarely get fancy. i isolated myself from a very large group photo hence the poor image quality and the slight weirdness of the stark black background.

anyway, so i sorta feel asleep not long ago. i was laying on my bed listening to music and thinking when i just sorta fell asleep. not that long. maybe like 30 minutes. but it was while the sun was going down so it seemed longer.

i got my little pocket journal in the mail so i'll be taking that thing around with my everywhere. i'm gonna fill it up with random thoughts, ideas, images, etc in no particular order. then i can look back in it and sort through the randomness of my mind. it's handmade and it was a little expensive for it's size but it was worth it. plus i see it as supporting one girl's artistic work. so it's all good in the end. time to work on some style boards and then my flash animation. yay for being home alone on a saturday night.

just two more weeks til garden state comes out!

this connection to my website is funky. i've been doing some testing with the software my mac has. i don't exactly know what i'm doing but i haven't been able to post all day and just now i was testing pinging my site and at first it didn't work and then it did. fuckin bizarre.

anyway, last nite was fun. the play was....interesting...everyone we knew that went got all dressed up. we looked like grown ups. haha asa looked so cute. he always does. ever since freshman year i've thought he was cute. but he looked especially daper last nite in his suit. could never date the boy but he is cute. that's for sure. i'll post a tiny photo.

anyhoot, today i went and saw before sunset. SOOOOOOOO good. i don't wanna give it away but it was fucking great. i don't know which i liked better. the first one or this one. but it totally got me feeling all weird for them at moments just because u feel like you are on the "date" with them. and u feel like a 3rd party involved who wants it to work out for them just as much as u presume they do. anyway, really good. i'll have to get that one on dvd too. then curl up with the love of my life one night (when i find him that is...) and watch them back to back. it'll be good times.

so i think the next time i go back to SF i'm going to be the resident 3rd leg. yep. i believe so. i'm 3% jealous and 97% happy. 3% because i used to wish it was me in the spot, and 97% because really i wanted this to happen since club6 night. me...and my mother (yes my mother)...have been rooting ever since. haha

the rest of my weekend is shot because i have homework to do and i sorta wanna just hole up and do it. i kinda have no desire to go out this weekend.

i feel so awake. it fucking rocks. maybe there is a positive thing about this 7:30am bullshit. come friday i am alive and awake at noon. just cuz i'm so used to be up earlier. class was great and everything. we are in a room with no windows and in general artificial lighting blows chunks, but for some reason this lighting seems alright and it actually made me feel even more awake. normally i'd still be in class but we got out early. rock!

tonight i'm going with rick to his play thing that he worked on. a remake/adaptation of "one flew over the cuckoo's nest." i hope it's good. i'm sure it will be decent. it'll be interesting because they reset it in an office rather than a mental institution which i'm sure some would argue that an office is like a mental institution for them. hence the adaptation. anyway, me and rick are gonna get all nice and pretty. good times. i can't wait.

oh and to go along with eric's comment down below, here is a funny google search which got someone to my bloggy:

i'm a gamer and i live in iowa. i'm bored. entertain me.

oh and i'm still waiting on the kick in the pants. or the macaulay letter. i'm waiting eric...

i am awake. i actually woke up at 6:30 but i went back to sleep. sorta. now it's 8 and i'm actually out of bed. i don't feel tired and i went to sleep around 1:30. so that's 6.5 hours which is what i get on all the other days. i don't know what to do!! i don't need to be at class til noon. i'm gonna try to go back to sleep. we shall see. this just proves my theory about how i am NOT an early morning person. i could get to class/wrok/whatever by like 9:30 which is fairly standard in the design world. but 7:30 is ludicrous!! here i have just gotten the same amount of sleep i have been getting all week only i am not tired now because it's a shifted sleep pattern. gah!! i hate this bullshit. if i can't go back to sleep i guess i'll just do some homework? maybe go out early and take some photos for class like i have to?

fucking hell! it's so bizarre. apparently our IP doesn't like my domain. cuz i can't access the domain here half the time! yet i know everyone else can. and i can access my site from the actual root address. the 66.12.blah crap. so it's bizarre. i don't know anything about this shit but i called sbc and they couldn't really help me. fucking hell man. i can't update my site when i want to because of this bullshit! bah.

anyway, today has been LONG. i was extremely tired after class and then came home and finally took a nap. and boy was that nap fucking great. i woke up totally refreshed. fucking great. oh and i totally have the cd sampler. cuz they want me to make the cd art and the page that the cd will be attached to in the mag. fuck yea! that means the next issue of the mag will have my shit in it. when the time comes i'll let everyone know of this. i'll snag a few copies too to keep and show the 'rents and friends.

oh yes! how could i forget? noah called me today!! without me actually calling him. good for noah. that made me happy. he said we shall hang out soon. so i will just wait for him to call. why intervene now. might as well just wait for him to do a repeat performance here. haha

oh and that extreme low rise bikini panty. not all it's cracked up to be. good thing i didn't order it. i went to the store today and found it to be just average. i mean that's what i love about CK undies. they are very simple. yet i wasn't willing to shell out $9/pair for this. not at this time. i have other more important things to spend my money on.

so uh what the fuck is going on? i just went on a psuedo date with this guy who i just met. he's friends with matt kugelman and he friendstered me not long ago because he just moved to LA recently and wanted to find people to kick it with. so i figured that meeting up with him today would be reasonably safe and just a normal hanging out time. but then it totally turned into this psuedo date. how did that happen? how did we have that awkward end of date moment at the end of our hanging out time? and then if that wasn't enough, my friend julian (who i always had a suspician about) just called me and asked me out on a legitimate date. i sorta averted it in a sense, but i dunno. we may still be hanging out on friday. ie, a date. how does this happen? that's what happened with OCD boy. he asked to "hang out" and that was a total date. how the hell do i get into these situations? and why the fuck don't boys just flat out ask me out on a date. that's so much easier. cuz then i know what to expect. good lord. i don't get it. at least i can't complain about not having options. but still. the boy i really want to go on a date with lives 400 miles away and probably wouldn't want to go on a date with me anyway! and he's friends with the boy i used to like who wouldn't go on a date with me either! (well i never asked but i just assumed i slid right into friendzone.) so yea. what is this bullshit? haha i will say one thing. the boy i met at bang! who used to call me all the time doesn't call anymore. i think he finally gave up. i am thankful for that only because i just really didn't want him wasting anymore of his time. i said i'd go on one date if he planned it all out. but instead he'd always just ask me to see his band play. that ain't no date. screw that!

it's now 10pm and i'm tired. i have homework to do. at least the logo is done. it's way different than the original idea. but it's still cool. now i gotta work on the cd sampler tomorrow. i think that shit is mine. they really like me there. ROCK!

i'm hungry!!!

i am sorta getting used to this shitty as 7:30am thing. sad but true. haha i know i say this over and over but i do think OCD boy is attractive. i just can't handle it. that's all. so whatever. besides, i have another crush anyway. it's retarded but true. ah whatever. back to class. break is over.

kyla and i have totally switched places. it's really quite funny.

the logo is almost done. they wanted me to continue to make the letters skinnier which was really fucking hard. personally i liked them fatter but that's what they want, so that's what they get. but there are still some loose ends to tie up. at any rate, the co-owner/publisher man said i am "phenomenal" and that i am basically going to be THE designer there. surely there are other interns but i'll be the one getting the choice projects it sounds like. fucking SWEET! maybe this means i'll be getting the cd sampler cover too. ROCK! time to eat and do homework.

i got out of class super early today. like 8:30am. it's cuz our teacher is sick and didn't feel like teaching. plus it's the first week anyway. but the funny thing was, i hit more traffic driving home than when i drove to class! fucking ludicrous i tell ya. and when i got home lo hadn't even left for work! haha anyway, i thought that was funny.

so my internship is starting up a clothing line and they asked me to create the logo for it. first up i'm not really good at logos. i've never really had to do one but the idea of doing one is sorta daunting. i'm just now taking corporate identity this quarter so i'll learn about it. but right now i'm sorta clueless. but i tried and came up with a few ideas last nite. they liked one in particular but they said they wanted the lettering to be thinner. the letters were too chunky. now, i'm doubt it seems very hard to make letters skinnier. but believe me, it is! because basically you have to redraw them with the same proportions only skinnier. which is fucking hard to do. i now appreciate my type 1 class when our teacher made us do that. and then she went over our letters one by one to tell us how we didn't keep the right proportions. i thought she was crazy to go over EACH AND EVERY ONE with us. but now i see the point. anyway, so i spent a couple hours just now redrawing the letters skinnier. i hope they like it. that would be rad if they really did use my logo. granted i won't get a penny but it'll be a nice portfolio piece because i designed it. i like the way it looks i wish i could post it but 1) it's not actually done and approved, and 2) i just have it out there for anyone to grab. but i think it looks rad. still no word on the cd sampler.

i am smitten. properly smitten. bad. very bad.

i am so not used to this new schedule. i don't know when to eat. i don't know when to sleep. when to shower. this week is definitely an adjustment period. a shitty ass one. the next 11 weeks are going to suck ass. i hope there are some really fun moments in btwn to make it not seem so shitty. and OCD boy is in 4 of my classes if i haven't mentioned that before. and i somehow feel an obligation to like sit near him and talk to him. and i don't really want to especially since it's so early in the morning. i can tell without a doubt that i could not date him. cuz the thought of having class with him 4 days a week is daunting already. let alone date! haha i guess i should head off to bed. it's nearly midnight and i have to wake up at 6:30. i must learn how to use my daytime hours more efficiently. i'm not used to having that time to do my homework. my whole life i've down homework at night. this will have to change. or else i'll never get anything done!

ah the joys of telecommuting. i'm sitting here in my PJ's looking at underwear online when the guy at my internship called cuz he had some design thing for me to do. it's just a bit strange to me when i'm contemplating buying this bikini panty and being like, "yeah sure i can get that done before tomorrow. uh uh. just send me the info." but as strange as it feels, god is it great!

tubing was excellant. a lovely chance of pace from our LA urban lives. we all piled into lo's car and went up to kern county near bakersfield. so about a 2 hour drive each way. it was really hot and we had no idea what to do. at least the people in my car. but we got the hang of it. jessica and i ate it on the first big rapid. she also ate it on the second but in the end it was all good. a nice 2 hour ride down the river. then we BBQ'd at the end and just relaxed before heading back to LA. once we got back i had to shower and basically go straight to bed because today started the first week of summer quarter which means 7:30am classes mon-thurs. GAH!!! it wasn't TOO bad to wake up this morning but i can foresee it getting really bad as the weeks go by. dear god. anyway, good times all around.

TUBING in like 5 hours or something horrible like that. haha well it's not THAT bad but i think i have to wake up in 5 hours. gah!!! the night was alright. we had a decent time out at the bars. we went to this bar called the smog cutter which we've never been to before. it was small, had karaoke, and smelled like piss everywhere. yea, not too good. then we went to ye rustic and ended with the drawing room. that was all followed by a trip to fred's since we were right there. and guess who i saw....john from SC. haven't seen him in ages! he gave me this huge hug and my boob popped out of my top since it was like a tube top. haha no one saw i think. i hope...he's still hot as hell and now he's single. not that i would date him. but i could see some fun being had. haha hey, we're both single. we've done it before. it's not without reason...we're gonna have dinner this week and he says he knows someone who would pay me a crapload of money to make a website. so i just may do it. that would rock. kyla called me while we were both out at bars and we had a nice chat. i miss hanging out with her in the city. i miss the city. =/ time to sleep.

...everything is going just as i hoped it would... ;)

...and yes i do miss SF... =(

but to forget that for a moment....TUBING!!!! tomorrow. a bunch of us are going. i can't wait. some much needed fun. i can't say i've been feeling down, but i have been yearning for more...

and then who can't forget about HONG KONG and BALI?!?! me, jessica, and lo talked about it a bit today because we got guidebooks. god i can't wait. that will be fabulous fun. but that's a ways off.

oh and i know eric has been reading this a bit recently. so eric, i won't forget about my kick in the pants. i'm waiting. just waiting... haha

i'm in love with this angela mccluskey song, "it's been done." you can listen to it here. the other songs are good too. but that one is the best. her voice is very distinct. i like it.

oh and i had a weird dream about will last nite. haven't thought about that boy in ages. or seen him for that matter. i wonder what he's up to. us and our fucked up "relations." good god. and i wonder if noah is going to remember to call me when he gets back to LA. or maybe he's back already. who the fuck knows. that boy. i tell ya. so damned unreliable. when i was at orientation the other day i thought about how i saw him there at my orientation and we both were looking at each other. *sigh* it just wasn't meant to be.

the night wasn't a wash in the slightest. me and rick drank V8 berry blast out of the martini glasses that melissa gave me and ate ice cream, all to a candle in the center of our shitty ass "dinner table." it was lovely in that roommate sort of way. haha then rick got the idea that since we weren't gonna go out, we should go out right around 2am to the hollywood area and take photos of all the people coming out of the bars. capture all the drunkeness and lovely bar lights. so that's what we did. and it was fabulous. we had a lot of fun and even ran into harrison. good times. i hope the photos come out. it's sorta low light situations but with some long exposures and push processing, it could work. he shot color and i shot B&W. we shall see. i'll be processing my own film but not printing it. hopefully at least some of the shots will be good. some looked good in the viewfinder so i'm crossing my fingers. some were totally shooting from the hip. thanks to rick for coming up with the idea cuz i haven't shot any "photos" in awhile. digital doesn't count. so yea. i was getting sluggish. thankfully that's over. anyway, tomorrow nite we all vowed to go out to a new bar. so hopefully that will happen and it'll be fun.

tonight we are all lame. i wish i was in the city having fun with ky and eric. boo. i did however purchase that journal. total impulse indeed but i can't wait to carry that badboy around and just write random crap in it. it's not gonna be a real journal like my others. it's gonna be more of a notebook that i use for randomness. good times. i'm in a weird mood tonight. i've said some weird shit tonight and i think i'm slowing seeping into insanity. not really. but u know me. haha

i miss san francisco =(

they added a left turn lane down the street at curson. now there is even LESS parking in this freakin area. cut us a break why dontcha?

there are 4 design interns at my internship and this one guy is pretty good. i fear they will choose his cd sampler design over mine. gah!

i bought an anna sui lipgloss ring today. fun fun.

eric emailed me back last nite and it was like the dream i had. he totally didn't say much at all. damn eric. always so vague. =P and he asked for my address. if he sends me back my $10 it's war. haha i'll find some way to get it back to him. just u watch. something creative and fun. indeed.

i retired the popscene bracelet last nite since it had been one week since i got it. it wasn't totally worn out yet but i thought it would be good to just take it off. i stuck it in my journal. which leads me to this. i want this journal.

so my short relapse of wanting to get back with dan is long gone. i don't think i even told anyone about it. and i guess it's just as well because it was very brief. perhaps a moment of weakness? i don't know. it was all around the time we were spending all that time together working on my escalator for class. i'm not even sure that he knew. whatever. and now i chat with that dan guy who i met in SF who is also a computer engineer person. good lord. too many computer engineers and too many dan's! daniel from high school. dan from college. daniel in the band. good lord. this dan is cute and as i said before, i had wished i could talk to him more to know what he was like sober. and so we chat via friendster now and it's funny to me. cuz we talk about computer stuff and how sexy certain gadgets are. haha it's interesting. so yea. conclusion is that he seems cool. but it doesn't really matter anyway now does it?

and on the topic of guys. i talked to OCD boy today. god he's so bland. if he doesn't already know i'm not interested, i'm gonna have to set the record straight. cuz seriously, bland is just no good. i'm down for geeky and nerdy if you have some sort of flare. cuz i'd like to think that's how i am. but just straight up bland is no good.

my keyboard is getting dirty. i'll have to do something about that when i turn off the comp tonight. i finished up the cd sampler revisions. we shall see what they say. i really hope they choose my design so that way i'll have something done that is actually used for real in print. cuz not only will the cover be my design but so would the stuff in the magazine that would go along with it. or so i think. anyway, we shall see. i got a bunch of free cds again from the office. listening to the band called the shore right now. pretty good. i'll give it another go tomorrow to see if it's worth keeping. gonna go to barnes and noble and get books on bali and hong kong. woo! we are super excited about this upcoming trip. i can't wait. it'll be long awaited after what looks to be a tough quarter coming up. 7:30am classes coupled with interning and then a night photography class towards the end of the quarter. yea, that's gonna be a lot of work i can tell. and i'm gonna design a website for josh's new band too. all this stuff. at least i'm not bored. that's hell. i hate being bored like i was when the summer break first started. i was dying to do shit. now i'm like, can i just take a nap? haha

exhausted. well not really. more like lack of sleep. those are two different beasts entirely. i woke up too early and went to bed too late. gah! altho i suppose next week will be a lot worse. good lord. anyway, i went to school and gave my little quickie speech to the newbies. it was funny. i got my jabs in at kinkos. haha i couldn't really reach the mic properly so i was tippy toeing. then i went to my internship and actually worked there rather than from home. did some banners. meh. not too exciting. altho i figured out how to animate in image ready. it's really easy but i just never knew. that's all. and i am working on a cover for a cd sampler. hopefully they choose mine. the woman seems to like my design so it might just happen. that would rock. cuz that will be used over and over and will be seen by a lot of people. so we shall see. i gotta make some changes and do some mock-ups for tomorrow. but for now, naptime!

can someone inject some life into me? i just woke up from a nap and i feel like a wet rag that has been dragged across the ground in the sun long enough to dry in that hardened way.

who with pacbell DSL in san fran is searching for me? i see you! haha gah i'm tired. and i'm trying to come up with a logo right now. i hate branding. hate it with a passion.

back in LA. meh. i didn't even make a post when i returned. we all know what i'm going to say. i miss SF and LA blows. i'll get used to it again but yea. just hitting hollywood traffic at my arrival sealed the deal. haha last night was a bit hectic too. going over to jessica's for her birthday with a cake. meeting up with josh to talk about a website thing. and supposed to be meeting up with john since he's leaving for europe today. but i didn't cuz i had no time and plus i really just don't care. meh. i need to start looking into what sort of companies i could work for in SF if i intend to move back. gotta figure out what options there are.

vacation is nearly over and tomorrow is orientation at school. i said i'd go and speak for a couple minutes. gotta figure out something to say. something positive. gotta rest up the rest of this week because 7:30am classes are gonna kick my ASS!!!

so this is it. for real this time. i'm leaving tomorrow (well technically today...tuesday) for LA. i've had an amazing time in SF. i think this time will be the hardest it's been for me to go back to LA. probably because it was just such great fun. and yes i know that if i lived here it wouldn't always be this crazy fun, but i dunno. i'm getting sick of LA. i love my friends down there but seriously, i need a change of pace. not to mention i don't want to live in LA forever. that is 100% certain. so i sorta wanna get some roots planted back up here as an adult. because even though SF is my home, i haven't really ever lived here in my adulthood. and i wanna do that. so yes. i may very well be back here around my birthday next year. since that is when our lease ends and my school is finished. what a crazy thought!

so let's see. i went to 3 dance clubs while i was here. popscene @ 330 ritch, legends of house 12.0 @ club 6, and boblahblahblah (can't recall the name) @ milk. popscene was all i expected and more. i love that place and envy all of you who can go whenever you want. legends of house was not what i had hoped for. and milk was great fun. but maybe that's cuz i was wasted beyond belief. i went to only a couple of bars this time. zeitgiest and fly bar. zeitgeist in the mission i could have gotten into a lot if i had been in the mood for beer last night. and fly bar by ky's place was a great neighborhood bar. i WISH we had something like that by my place in LA. that would be perfect. actually, all the bars in the mission (not that fly bar is in the mission) are like that. i wish i could relocate that mission bar vibe to my LA area. but that wouldn't work now would it. that wouldn't be LA. gah.

seeing people...so i saw eric WAY more than i thought i would. normally i see him for like a dinner and maybe a drink. usually two encounters tops. one of which lends itself to crashing on his couch. but this time i saw him like almost every night. i hope he's not sick of me! haha i saw kyla a bunch too but that was a total give in. it was sorta like old times and living together. yet not. but still great fun. saw mel and matt as much as i expected since they are becoming an old married couple after all. haha =) didn't see robin, lydia, or matt nearly enough. just once a piece. bad timing i guess. hopefully that will change in the future. only saw tinna once but she's moving to LA anyway so i'll see plenty of her then. and joe and the crew i saw less than i expected too. but that was due to poor planning. that's why me and ky wanted to plan shit out from day one. but they wanted to go with the flow. and then look what happened! oh well. next time... and of course i met a boy (that dan kid) on basically my last nite here who seemed nice and was cute and of course i'll likely never see again. or if i do, it'll be via eric in many months when i return. all of which doesn't matter anyway cuz the good ones are always either taken or just never work out for me. but that's ok, cuz i still have way more faith in SF men than LA men. haha

at any rate, old blue eyes and mr. bennett sang it best...

i left my heart in san francisco

the loveliness of paris
seems someshow sadly gay
the glory that was rome
is of another day

i've been terribly alone
and forgotten in manhattan
i'm going home
to my city by the bay

i left my heart
in san francisco
high on the hill

it calls to me
to be where little cables cars
climb halfaway to the stars!
the morning fog may chill the air

i don't care!
my love waits there in san francisco

above the blue and windy sea
when i come home to you

san francisco
your golden sun will shine for me!

in case my future husband is reading (haha...highly unlikely), i had a discussion today with mel and matt about engagement rings since they will eventually get engaged. i said how i'm not a fancy jewelry sort of girl and don't want the big rock that's worth 2 months salary. it's just pointless. one idea i came up with is a ring made of money. that way it has some sort of value and my fiance can present me with something more than an empty black box. the bill used to make the ring would be a vintage U.S. $1000 bill. they are no longer in circulation. but u can buy one on ebay. yes sir. that would be so cute and fun. then our wedding rings will be bands that we can mutually design (if he's artistically inclined). thick platinum bands with some sort of drawing engravings on the top and the date and our initials on the underside. then he'll never have an excuse to forget our anniversary. anyway, marriage is so far off. but when i do find the right man, i hope i can somehow let him know that i don't want a big diamond cuz goddamn that would be a huge waste. we can go on an awesome honeymoon for that amount of cash! good lord. that would rock so much more than an actual rock. ok where is joe? we need to get the flybar show on the mutherfuckin ROAD....

top row: (l to r) BAD headshots! ky, eric, matt, lydia
second row: a man with a guitar in the alley outside the party we went to last nite. i think the lighting looks nice in the photo. a lot nicer than it did in real life.
third row: (l to r) rody action...me sitting on rody and dan holding rody like a "miniature chinese pony." there are now 4 of them but i stick with the original. it's the only way to go.
bottom row: marshmellow "strings" from the strawberry flavored rice crispie treats eric made at 3am. yay for random ass late nite baking.

i still need to figure out how to compress the video clip of the pizza joint. it's 10mb right now but that shit is fucking hilarious. the music on it is really loud just like it was in real life. so fucking random. but aren't most post partying late nite eating experiences?

i'll chime in more about my great SF week later when i'm not so tired. i should be on my way back to LA right now but i'm not. i'm a wuss. i love SF. and i'm entirely too exhausted to drive right now. been partying too much and too late. but good times all around indeed.

so i've decided not to go home later today. i'll be too tired since it's so late. tonight was really random. me and ky went to see the fireworks but they were a huge bust. then we went to this bar in the mission to say happy birthday to emily who i met in brighton. met one of eric's friends named dan who was pretty cute and seemed nice. too bad he was quite drunk so i couldn't really tell what he was like. and now i'm gonna be off to LA so i'll probably never see him again. gah. oh and we wound up at this random party in the mission with way too many men. and then we got pizza at this place with really loud music! i'll post photos and a video clip when i get back to LA. gah. i miss SF already and i'm still here. boo. LA sucks. i gotta move back here once i finish school. i just gotta. i know i always say this but seriously, every time i come back here i find more reasons to stay. namely the fact that more and more of my friends live here. gah!!! i must sleep now...

so. omg. how could i forget? me and ky went to the fillmore jazz festival and ran into joe and crew. and the crew included the infamous jon mahl! my crush from high school. i haven't seen him since graduation. he looks different and yea... let's just say that people change. i've changed. and if we met today, i would not be smitten in the slightest.

and while on the boy note. i have to say that this trip back has been so great and not to harp on eric over and over. but really, he's awesome. i sorta forget that all while i'm in LA and i've even been lagging with emails to him. but then everytime i return, i remember that he is rad. and he's definitely made me realize that OCD boy is just not up to par. i mean i knew that before, but as kyla said, it's just sorta reaffirmed that gut feeling. and even for kyla, she's met new people just from me coming back this trip and now she feels like yea, there is a lot out there. cuz she just moved here and all and didn't know many people. so hopefully i can bridge these friend gaps when i get back to LA, telecommuting style. *wink

so tonight is fireworks and who knows what else. it's my last nite and i gotta make it good. as mark says, "balls to the wall." and seriously, i'm so boring in LA. i haven't gone out this much in ages. dancing like every nite. fucking great! i love it. and now sake bombing will have to be a staple when i return to the city. it will just have to be. cuz last nite was so goddamned much fun. and eric even gave me a piggy back ride. oh i'm such a "kid."

aww. i just realized i'm going back to LA tomorrow. BOOOO!!!!

oh sake. sweet sweet sake. just when we thought the night was going to be a "bomb" it turned out to be glorious. 8 or 9 bombs later (we lost count) and we were all singing a different tune. i think the photos are very telling. let's just say that. top the night off with a little milk and blueberry jam, and i think we had ourselves a gay ole time. in more ways than one...

nevermind trying to seduce noah, i need to seduce eric. haha well no. that would be a painful mess. but i sure would like to plant a big on him while we are dancing because he's one of those people that always looks right at you while you dance. and you know me and eye contact. so either look away or just dive right in. haha alright, enough of that nonsense.

so last nite was good. me, kyla, lydia, eric, and matt went out to indian food for dinner. it was really good to see lydia and matt again. especially matt. i haven't seen him in like 9 months! we went to this indian place that was a healthy walk from the shotwell house. but it was a nice walk. i think we all enjoyed it to some degree. the food was delicious. then on the walk back kyla and i found out that our plans had fallen through. well, we didn't have actual plans per se, but the loose ones we had to go out with mark, joe, and all them for mark's birthday fell through. cuz joe was not in the mood and then mark decided to just hang out with dennis. so whatever. kyla and i just made other plans. we ended up going to club six with eric for "legends of house 12.0" night. matt was going to hang out with some of his guy friends and the way he and eric made it sound, kyla and i were not too excited about that choice for the night. only because we'd get really drunk and then not be able to drive home from some foreign house. and lydia was doing the whole chill night with a video sorta thing. so we went with eric. not that he's a consolation prize in this story because i think the two of us wanted to hang out with him regardless. but it was just easier now that we didn't have mark and them choosing exactly where we were going. gah. i dunno. people reading this may misinterpret. sorry. i can't word it right. anyway....

before we got back to the shotwell house we randomly ran into dom. it was the most awkward minute ever. cuz our group was returning from dinner and we were almost back to the house. we hit the corner when i realize that dom is going to pass us. so then we stop and me and ky are the only ones talking to dom really. and we are barely saying anything because it's EXTREMELY awkward. just given the situation going on there, it was not a good moment. and the rest of the party doesn't know him and there were no introductions so it was just painfully weird. and when we parted ways it was weird. and then dom wanted to talk to ky as we got back to the house. so they walked like halfway down the block and talked. and yea. it was all just bizarro. but it didn't damper the night. me, her, and eric finally made it to club six just past midnight and we made a good nite of it. the music had it's ups and downs and they didn't play "billie jean" while we were there which saddened me. but it was fun. then we went back to eric's for a bit and got ho-ho's at the gas station. then we finally went home around 4am. it was a looooong night. i was so damned tired. but tonight is sake bombing. woo!!! can't wait. gotta start calling folks to figure shit out.

popscene was glorious fun! at first when we got there i wasn't so sure, but then it picked up. it was damn good fun. there were a bunch of people there too. me, melissa, matt, kyla, tinna, her sister donna, eric, robin, her friends i don't know, joe, mark, harrington, dennis, lund, his gf, mike brown, and this other guy who went to lowell that i can't remember his name. it was a huge slew of people who all don't know each other that well or at all even. but it worked. and it was a lot of fun. if i lived in the city i'd go there all the time. i swear i want to move back to the city for that club and my friends. no joke. as robin said, it was like "escape on tuesdays" in brighton. that sort of music. different vibe of course but that same sort of music. gah it was great. as the night went on we lost some people. some left. we don't know where they went. and in the end we it was all sweaty and nasty and eric was gonna take me and kyla home since we had caught a ride with melissa. we couldn't find tinna and her sister that easily and joe was MIA. so we left the club and then i realized that i had tinna's phone because it rang! so we found her and gave it back. but no joe. so i hope he's ok wherever he went. and i bet kyla was really tired cuz she wasn't going to stay the whole night but then she was having so much fun she said fuck it. good for her! so yea. good times at the elusive popscene. at first i thought i had built it up too much, but no. it was an awesome time in the end.

oh and there were of course lots of hot guys. just my type. but i didn't even bother to take a second look because it's useless with me not living here. and then there was good ole eric there anyway who even though i've totally gotten over the whole crush thing, it's like everytime i see him i'm still like awww... eric... cuz he's just eric. cute and nice. damn boys!!! the ones i want i can never have. and the ones i can have i never want. haha sing it sista.

oh and joe told me that his friend from college is interning at vagrant. so that might be why i found that search for me the other day. cuz i bet she remembered that i interned there and maybe mentioned it and then they went and looked for my blog. or something. i hope she has fun there and doesn't get the run around. i could say something bad now but i won't. she seemed like a nice girl when i chatted with her so i hope this internship does her well. that's all i will say about that.

tonight is still sorta up in the air. but for sure me and kyla are going over to eric's to have dinner with him, matt, possibly logan, and lydia. we're going to some indian place that he recommended. so that should be good times. what follows is to be determined. but it will be fun i'm sure. god i need to move back to the city. i love my friends in LA but i also love my friends in SF. and there are always more and more of them it seems.

i can't believe i forgot to mention...me, jessica, and lo are going to indonesia!!! we had been trying to plan a trip for awhile. first for this summer break that i have now. but it was too expensive to fly anywhere and lo has too much work. so we decided on my break btwn summer and fall quarter. end of sept/beg of oct. first we thought of brazil or spain. but lo was in spain last summer. brazil was still an option but the plane ticket was only decent and the visa there is $100!! so then his mom suggested costa rica and indonesia. i didn't want costa rica but indonesia seemed interesting. we also toyed with thailand but it's going to be monsoon season and i don't care what anyone says, i don't want to have to walk around in heavy rains everyday. i also thought about russia but i couldn't find a good enough airfare. so then by chance i went to cathay pacific's website and found the "deal of the month." and guess where it was too....BALI!!! so that's where we are off to. bali. via hong kong. cuz they let u have a stopover there. so we are gonna go to bali and hong kong. maybe we can get to some other parts of indonesia. i'll have to do some research. but it was like magic. cuz the airfare was only good til yesterday nite. june 30th. and so we had to buy it RIGHT away. but we did. and it was awesome. so indonesia, here we come. i can't wait to figure out the rest of the details when i get back to LA.

so lydia cancelled last nite. she decided she was too tired to go out. so hopefully i'll get to see her some other time. that sorta broke up everyone's plans at the way last minute. so me and kyla decided to go to a local bar by her house. harrington, joe, and his visiting friend came out too. it was nice and chill. i liked it. then kyla went home to sleep and i went over to joe's and mark met us there too. so a chill nite. the way i wanted it. now today is POPSCENE!!! it's like indie rock, britpop, etc. i'll find out if it's like bang! or not. i've been wanting to go for ages and tonight is finally the nite. i know eric and that crew are coming. robin might. maybe lydia? kyla for sure. mel and matt. and joe and crew sans mark who has to work at 7am tomorrow. sad sad. oooh i'm so excited. should be good times. i just gotta figure out rides and stuff. i hope that someone can drive there and then i can just cab it back if need be. cuz it's only like 2 miles from my house. so that's not that much money. that way i don't have to worry about driving and not being able to drink. but i gotta coordinate with the folks. so we'll see what happens.