today is a great day. it's sunny. i'm not tired. i don't feel behind for once. later i'm having dinner with brian. i cut the back of my hair on a whim at 6:45am. it's all gravy man. gray-ve. i have also decided to drop my photo 4 class at smc and will use that time during the quarter to learn flash with the books lo and stacey gave me. i feel this is a good decision. the photo class is portrait photography which means i'll get to learn studio lighting and how to use a medium format camera properly. however it's thursday and friday night. so that means i'll be missing out on a lot of stuff. plus it's time consuming and i think i need to spend that time on something more relevant to me. such as flash. surely i love photography but once i get out of the class i won't have access to a studio so where will i ever light my subjects in that way? nowhere really. so it's useful yet not. and i think flash is more pressing at this time. so i'm going to drop it. i think it's a wise decision. i just have to be strict with myself and block out time to learn flash. force myself. i haven't quite figured out a consequence of not doing it. but i'll come up with something so that way i make myself do it.

i had a dream about the 19 yr old boy. oh dear! it means nothing i tell myself. it means nothing....it means nothing...

i'm actually enjoying this typography for once! we are making our own typeface and i'm finding it to be fun. it's sorta like a puzzle. trying to make the letters look similar yet they are made up of parts of other letters. good stuff. for once i'm not complaining about this class. yay!

andy called me earlier and we talked about the dan incident. he actually still finds it amusing. he realizes how drunk dan was and what was going on so he's not upset. good for him. if i were him i would have been so fucking pissed. but he said that he knows people who get like that when they are drunk. so he understood even tho he didn't agree with it of course. he really like wakerly he said. maybe they bonded over C++ and their facial hair. haha

i am so out of it. i feel like someone beat me up. i have zero energy and i have all this shit that needs to get done. i don't feel like sleeping cuz i think i've been asleep all day. but i just feel so out of it. the dunes were rad even tho i never made it up there cuz i was too out. the campfire rocked. we all had a blast. ryan supplied us with special brownies which knocked me out so hardcore. i barely had any of the brownie and i was so out of it. omg. it was fucking intense. for the small piece i ate, that was one intense piece. i ended up puking but that didn't even bother me that much. it was all to do with everything leading up to that point. it's so hard to describe how i felt but i felt like i was trippin and i knew it. and i was aware of it. and trying to take charge and manually override all my weird thoughts. but in the end it got the better of me. and now i feel so wiped out. but the weekend was awesome. and this weekend will be awesome too cuz i'm going home. woo!! can't wait for the good times to continue. if only i didn't have so much work to do.

well. dan just called. that's good. i wasn't going to make an effort to talk to him since i really wasn't sure what the deal was. he didn't apologize per se but he was making sure everything btwn us was ok. and it is. -ish. i'm still a bit sore about it all. but i'll get over it.

oh man. last nite went from awesome to fucking horrible in like no time at all. i'm not even really sure what to say about it all to tell u the truth. i was all pumped and psyched to go to brian's party. it's just what i've been needing lately. so i was excited. i got there and as the party got going there were a ton of people i didn't know. but also a ton that i did know. so that's a sign of a really good party! i got quite drunk and was talking up a storm with various folks. there were some speed bumps tho. one being that devin invited his friend chris who i rescheduled the "blind" date for. so that was awkward. and i know he wanted to talk to me but i kept going away. but on the flipside devin's friends joe and nathan came. the bang! guys. so that was rad. i hung out with joe a good deal. i like that kid. brian was all happy and drunk which made me happy just seeing him that way. noah's friend came and brought a bunch of girls which was rad. she and i were going off about how noah is such a funny weird boy. it was hilarious. then we drunk dialed him. good times. adam kept wanting to stuff $5 down my shirt! so weird. justin, who i'm not normally attracted to, was looking good last night. maybe it was the hair and clothes? i dunno. it was just a nice mix of people. but then was dan....

dan came to the party fairly early with his crew and immediately bereted me for "not having faith" in him to take me to the airport next friday. but when i asked him to take me he had told me he wasn't sure if he could because he might have been going to portland to visit his sister. so what does one do when one may not have a ride to the airport? one asks someone else as a backup. so i asked noah cuz he called me one day. and then when dan emailed back the other day saying he could take me but he'd most likely be whiny and hungover, i told him that i had asked noah and i could just get him to do it if it was a problem. so dan walked into the party pissed about that from the start. but it was a playful argument. that kind me and dan tend to have when we are at parties. no big deal. until my friend andy arrived....

andy is this guy from school who i am friends who and we always say we are gonna hang out. so i invited him to the party cuz i thought that would be our chance to finally hang out. so he came with his roommate and it was cool. we were talking here and there. i was bouncing around. he seemed to be having a good time. he was talking to eric about programming and web stuff and whatnot. all that C++ geek talk stuff. haha and then at some point in the night andy and i were in brian's room waiting for the bathroom when dan walked into the room and started telling off andy for looking the way he did. i was shocked cuz i thought it was a joke at first and so did andy. but then it wasn't. and it wasn't funny. and for the next hour or whatever, dan and andy are arguing and fighting in various parts of the apartment. i'm not sure to what level and what about, but they were. and various folks knew about it and tried to intervene. like wakerly and eric. i felt horrible about it because here is andy. i invite him to this party where he doesn't know anyone and my ex is fighting with him. why?? because that's how dan seems to get when he's drunk. he takes things to the limit. pushes buttons. doesn't stop. and it's always towards guys i bring to functions. i'm not going to make any jumps to any conclusions but i'm sure you can see what i'm thinking about all of this. anyway, so i feel bad for in some indirect way causing this bullshit to occur. andy appeared to take it in stride altho i'm not certain. finally andy left towards the end of the night and i just like gave him a hug and said i'm sorry about it all.

then dan and i are in the kitchen talking about it. i didn't want to get into it. i was trying to stay out of it all. but he starts going off to me about how he and andy weren't really going to fight. and blah blah. and then he's saying how andy is a poser withdyed blue black hair and whatnot. to which i yelled in reply, "look at my fucking hair. it's dyed blue black. are u calling me a poser too?" and then it got ugly. cuz i guess it then seemed like i was taking sides. and u know what, in a way i was. because as much as i love dan, i can't believe he just had the nerve to walk up to my friend and fucking tell him off for the way he looks. and start bullshit. and then to point out a feature that i am guilty of as well. i mean if we wanna get into it, i have a bunch of weird piercings too. and a tattoo. and dyed hair. how is that different than andy? i don't get it. anyway, so dan starts yelling at me and out of nowhere fucking gets up in my grill and yells out, "I AM NEVER FUCKING TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!" and so then it was me screaming back about how that's bullshit. over what did this happen? why? etc. all to dan's blank face as if he couldn't hear me. i walked away to brian's room and wakerly was trying to make it ok. and tell me that's how dan gets. etc. and then i just got so angry and sad and i cracked and started crying. and joe consoled me. and then everyone left. and the rest of the night is useless to tell but basically i ended up eating a slice of pizza. get left at brian's by myself because of a chick. and walking home alone at 4:45am wearing brian's oversized sweater crying down the street. and that was my night. awesome to horrible. fan-fucking-tastic.

but today is kelso dune. i'm gonna go with a clear mind. clean the slate. and hopefully wash all the bullshit away. hopefully...

brian's party is tonight!!! yay!!! i can't wait. i need to unwind from the hellish week i had. i just got back from the internship. normally don't go in on fridays but they needed me for some quick stuff. so i did. and the older guy came over and talked to me for awhile. he's been doing that the last couple days. yay! i slowly find out more about this mystery man. haha i don't know why i'm attracted to him but i am. i still don't know how old he is tho!!

i cracked and caved to my urges and ordered some stuff from muji online. the uk shop. i love muji. it's japanese. it's clean. it's awesome. i ordered some stationary stuff and a travel clock that looks pretty rad. surely it's expensive since it's in british pounds. but whatever. i love it.

i finally finished the rough draft of the school paper this morning. and i'm in the class now. after all is said and done, my biggest beef with this assignment was how i had to make all the shit work fit. now we have MORE stuff to put in it and he tells us that we can in fact cut shit out. thank fucking god!!! so now the stress is over. woo! well sorta. there is still stress for other stuff. haha

i bought some new film today for the kelso dune experience. woo! kodak ultra color. i'm excited about this new pro film. i'm expecting brilliant vibrant colors. i hope i'm not dissapointed. if it's good then i'll take some to bali with me. i haven't decided how much film to take and what kind. i know i'll do a little cross processing. and if this ultra color works out, some of that too. but will i do b&w? it's so beautiful that i think it will be lost in b&w. maybe i'll take one roll for HK. i could see HK in b&w. maybe it'd make it feel older. hmm...

i also bought some listerine. the tartor control antiseptic kind so that i can help fight my possible onset of gingivitis. i'm scared! i don't wanna have to have gum surgery again!! i'm also rubber tipping and wearing my mouth guard at night. i wanna lay off the flossing for a bit cuz it causes my gums to bleed and i feel like that won't help the cause. what i really need is to relieve stress cuz that's most definitely not helping the cause. in fact it's probably the reason i'm getting this way. gah!! back to the fucking newspaper.

i'm not sure what's worse. laying out this fucking newspaper or all the type homework i have yet to do. this newspaper is a piece of shit. all the articles don't go together at all. so there's no cohesive way to make sections. it's just random shit on random pages. the images are all over the place. why the fuck are there 3 pictures of some drawing class when there's no article attached to it? wtf is that shit? and there are these "animation colleges" and i have no idea if it's a typo and they mean collages or if it's colleges and i'm just not understanding the images. i do know that they are ugly as fuck. goddamn mutherfucka.

i think all my stress is causing my gums to bleed. and considering i have sensitive gums to begin with, it's making it worse! i have to combat this now with much oral care or else i'm going to get gum disease!!! i have to start wearing my mouth guard again at nite and using my rubber tip to stimulate the gums. i don't think i can reduce stress tho so i dunno. i'll see if the bleeding goes away. if not i'm going to have to see my periodontist and then he'll get very mad at me and tell me i have to have some sort of gum surgery i'm sure. gah!!! =(

i'm not going to my flash class tomorrow (today) because i have to work on my newspaper and i was on a roll with lo and stacey's logo design. so i figured that stuff is important.

oh and we got these people to come clean our kitchen because it was so godawfully dirty that no one wanted to clean it. it was due to a combination of things including the dishwasher breaking, the garbage disposal breaking, and us being lazy. but now it's spotless so we must maintain it. must!

ugh. i'm worried about my gums. which is in turn causing more stress. no good.

yesterday i woke up after only getting 3 hours of sleep on monday nite. i didn't feel too tired actually and i think it was because i only went through one sleep cycle. but then yesterday night it all came crashing down when i fell asleep on rick's bed around 11:30 or something. now today is panic mode as i have much shit to do by the end of the quarter. the problem is i have set plans that i must work around -- brian's party, sand dune, san francisco. this is highly chaotic. what a fuckin mess. i do it to myself. i must learn to work faster and be content with things that may not be "perfect" in my eyes but will do. otherwise i'll never get anything done! i rescheduled my "blind date" for next week and i think the guy hates me. but honestly i don't have time to date anyone. not him. not anyone. so it's nothing personal since i don't know the guy. i just really don't have time. so even if we go on this date it won't matter in the end cuz unless he's awesomely stellar, i ain't gonna date him. i don't have enough time for myself let alone for others!

omg. i just had a panic attack. i couldn't find the right version of this postcard i made for my internship and so i thought i must have uploaded the wrong version and i was in a panic because if they already printed it then i would have caused an expensive mistake. but i went to the server and downloaded the file and miraculously it's the right version. i don't know how it is, but it is. thank fucking god. i was in a huge panic.

in other news...noah's friend sahar who lives down the street from me brought us cookies! she's so nice. we've been chatting on myspace and she's quite nice. we should hang out. i don't know if that will happen. but we should. i invited her to brian's party. she said she might go. that would be cool. i bet she's fun drunk. i could see that. her cookies are really good too. not too hard and not too soft.

i'm having major nasal problems today and it has nothing to do with being sick. cuz i'm pretty much over that. it's all to do with my goddamn turbinates being swollen. part of me is like, if u just got that surgery u would be better forever (in theory). the other part of me is like, it's surgery!!

i hate my type class. i hate the projects we have to do. and it's sad cuz i like type. i just can't handle this same ole same ole cutting up letters and putting them together. i'm tired of it. i think i just can't see it in the right way. so i get frustrated and begin to hate it. and then once i hate it i get more frustrated and then it's a downward spiral. gah! anyway, i have to finish this shit. mount it. and then do internship stuff since i slept during the day. i gotta get that shit done cuz it have to be ready before the mag comes out. so i gotta show progress. i just want a break!!! i can't wait for our trip when i can just be free of worries for 10 days. thank fucking god! surely i'll have my photo class in the back of my mind as well as these projects for friends, but i'll still be worry free. oh i can't wait!

monday monday, la la la, can't trust that day, la la la...

still a bit sick. working from home today. got lots to do as always. u can tell who the compassionate owner is at my internship. i sent an email saying i'd work from home today because i have to finish the web stuff which i have to do at home anyway and also because i caught a cold. one replies with "cool. thanks. can u change this....on this....?" the other replies with, "oh jen. that sucks that you caught a cold. i caught one last week. it's been going around." people are funny aren't they?

so i can't recall if i mentioned how i was hired to make a sales sheet for the company that works with my internship sometimes on record stuff. the connection is irrelevant other than i was corresponding with this one woman a lot about the content and whatnot for the cd booklet i was revising. so she asked if i wanted to make a sales sheet for the company because they needed it quickly and would pay me $200 for it. so i said sure why not. it doesn't take long to make a sales sheet really. and u sorta have free range to do whatever u want with it as long as the content is there. u can be as dull or creative as u want. so i made it saturday morning when i woke up. took me like 2 hrs. today i find out that one of the band members made his own version and so they are going with that one even tho they love mine. but, they are still gonna pay me the $200. woo! i didn't even have to go through the revision process and i still get my money. rock!

dude this sucks. i'm sick. not like bad sick. but definitely not 100% up to par. i think it's a combination of a lot of things including not enough sleep, being outside in the cold last nite, and drinking from rick's glass when he was still a bit sick. oh well. i'm taking lots of cold medicine to hopefully nip it in the bud cuz i don't want this getting worse. i can't afford to be sick!!

yesterday i had coffee with bob dylan man. always good times with that boy. he's so quirky and funny. i love it. we had coffee for like 3 hours. maybe we'll go out again sometime. who knows. either way is cool with me. also went to sunset junction which was fun. ben kweller was good even tho we had to wait forever for the sound equipment to work. bought a new duct tape wallet. it's rad cuz it's colored. also bought a ring similar to the one my teacher has cuz when i saw her wearing it i thought it looked rad and never thought i'd find something like it just cuz what are the odds. but sure enough, outside vendors came through. good times. today is a day of trying to relax while being productive. got a lot of hw to do. sucks. oh well. c'est la vie.

what a fucking mess everything is right now. it's not horrible. but it was just extra unnecessary work for me. so my lipgloss domain was all fucked. it wasn't the domain but the web hosting service. one day out of the blue it just wouldn't work at all. nothing. the domain. the IP behind the domain. my email. all fucked. i had been having a bit of trouble accessing the domain on my computer here before but it always worked elsewhere and the IP behind it always worked too. and my email. but then one day it just all shutdown. i didn't know what to do. in the meantime i was cancelling my old web hosting for my squarefetish domain so that i could actually consolidate both domains onto one web server that help more than one domain. so i did that. i bought new webspace and set up the squarefetish domain. i wasn't going to do lipgloss yet since i didn't want downtime with my shit. but then there was downtime anyway, so i thought i might as well just migrate. but then the problem was i couldn't get into my blog files to import the blog. so now the migration is complete. my email works. both domains work. but last nite from 2-5:30am i spent time reinstalling my cgi scripts for this blog. but i couldn't import my old one. so the best i could do out of it all was to basically link the "new" blog to the old one. so while it all looks the same to u, it's not. i redid all the posts for this month on this "new" blog so that way it would be more consistent with the archiving, but basically later on you'll notice that as the months go on, when you click on the old archives they won't link to the new pages anymore. the new pages will link to the old but the old won't link to the new. sad sad sad. and if i ever wanted to change the look of my blog in anyway, the old one wouldn't match. so yea. it's fucked. i'm demaning a refund from my old web hosting provider as they fucked me over. so now i'm awake at 10 something and i've only gotten like about 4.5 hrs of sleep! my sleep schedule is still fucked!

let's see. what else? well my left eyelid on the bottom has been twitching lately. i'm gonna go with lack of sleep on that one. not entirely sure tho. sucks. that sorta shit happens from time to time. something around the eye area twitches for like a month. then it goes away. at least my cankersores finally went away. those damn things are horrible. i hate them!

and now to talk about guys. specially guys named chris. 1) i got sucked into going on a "blind" date with devin's friend chris. i met him briefly the night we all went to bang! and i know i'm not attracted to him but i agreed to it just cuz. i dunno why. i wish i hadn't. we haven't set a date yet. i want it to be lowkey. cuz i'm not down for something crazy. probably a dinner next week. that sounds best. 2) i'm having coffee sometime soon with the "bob dylan" guy who i had coffee with before for like 4 hours and had a blast. his name is chris. i met him on friendster over a year ago. we message here and there and we've decided we are due for some more coffee. this time he gets to pick. that guy cracks me up. i could totally see myself dating him. but i know it won't happen. 3) the chris i hooked up with at usc many moons ago works for the place i intern at. well sorta. he used to be there a lot but "left" right before i started interning there. i knew that cuz i asked them if the guy's name i saw in the mag was his. and it is. but he's still associate editor so he comes in now and again apparently and he came in yesterday. i haven't seen him since senior year at some random party. he looks about the same. has a beard now. still skinny as fuck. froofy hair. not dyed anymore. in it's more natural dirty blonde state. still fuckable. haha just kidding. we never fucked. anyway, it was funny cuz seeing him here isn't a surprise to me since i know he still has ties with the place. but of course he would never expect me to be there. so when he walked in he gave this like "whoa what the hell?" look. we chatted a bit. he's doing well with the writing and whatnot. that's cool. but he still needs to pay the bills since there ain't much dough in what he's doing. but good for him. he's a good writer. i always like his articles.

lastly, the 34 yr old at school. he's a video production guy. we had coffee yesterday. i've been avoiding it but i finally said yes. and at the end of our 1+ hour coffee session he's like, "i'm so glad u could take the time out of your busy schedule to have coffee with me. but when can i carve out some night time weekend time with you?" dun dun dun!!! no fuckin way man. no fuckin way. he's too old for me to be dealing with that. so i'll be skirting that issue in weeks to come as i already laundry listed my busy schedule for the next 3 wks. haha there's the older guy at my internship who i dig but this guy at school is no intern man. that's for damned sure. if intern man wanted to carve out some night time weekend time i'd do it. albeit strange, but i'd go for it. why the fuck not? haha on the flipslide, there is this guy in my classes/major who i see 3 times a week because i have 3 classes with him and he's only 19 and yet i am intrigued. he's not even my type. and yet i have some weird intrigue. it's strange. but whatever. i won't act on it at all. cuz i know that would be a mistake.

right now my blog is a mess because my old web hosting fucked me over and i couldn't export my old blog. fucking hell. i have a lot to rant and talk about from the past few days but i'm too tired to do it now.

we have a new type assignment. THANK GOD. it's similar but not. i was so fucking sick of that other shit we were doing. it was fun at first and then it just became tedious. it was making me go nuts. and the one boss at my internship knew that and so when i came in today he gave me this look like, "is everything ok now?" cuz he kept telling me to relax since i was stressed out recently. but now all is well. the craziness is over for a bit i think. i got my midterm grades. 3 A's and a B (in type of course). dunno what the flash guy will do for me since i'm still technically in the class. probably give me an F. i don't care. it doesn't matter. next quarter i'll finally get to stack my classes again. no class monday or tuesday. so a long fuckin weekend for me. probably spent taking photos or some other work related thing like internship stuff. which reminds me, i saw the new issue today. they got done really fast because they still have to insert the cd sampler. one of my ads fucked up in printing. at least in the copy i saw. it wasn't my fault tho. looks like mis-registration to me. oh well. i didn't really like that ad anyway. the cd sampler ad looks good tho and so does the sampler itself. anyway, i gotta finish the website for the sampler. or at least get started on it. i actually don't have much to do tonight. i mean i should be working on other hw but i bet i won't just because. i'll give myself a break for a night. i deserve it. michael and crew are going out to a club. i sorta wanna go but i think i'll be too tired actually. so i'll probably bail out before they leave. we shall see

i am so goddamn mutherfuckin sick of doing this type shit. i can't think of anything anymore. my brain is numb to this bullshit. ugh. i don't even want to get into it. i just don't want to do it anymore. ugh!!!

i just got my paper samples today. too bad my midterm was due today and i already printed and presented all my stationary. haha two big boxes of paper came. i have probably at least 100 sheets of premium bright white smooth paper in varying weights -- 70, 80, 120, 130 lb. so basically writing paper and cardstock. it's hilarious cuz i was showing it to lo when i opened it and telling him how it's all different but from quick glance it all looks exactly the same!! it's all 19"x12.5" and white. but they are all different. anyway, if anyone ever needs that sort of paper i've got a ton. maybe it'll come in handy someday. or maybe not.

i felt ill earlier and realized it was a combination from drinking coffee and only eating a muffin within a 9 hour span. good lord! i ran into julian right after i made that post about seeing john. what's with the boys today? i can't handle it. anyway, still have more work to do. it never ends. or maybe it's that i'm slow. that could be the problem. but even if that's true, in my "slow" world, things have to get done no matter what. so i guess it doesn't matter. i can't really go any faster because it's not the technical ability. it's the concepts. i can't think of what to do so i sit and slowly do it hoping something will come to me. sometimes it's the technical tho. this is one of those times actually. ugh!

omg. i'm trippin on the coffee and i'm in a panic. i have to finish my type shit at school. i didn't finish the website for the cd sampler. and there are problems with the booklet i revised. so i have to re-upload the shit. and i saw john coming out of the elevator but he didn't see me thankfully because i bolted in the other direction. but it didn't help my panic. i also left my coffee thermos at home because i had so much other shit to bring to school. so i had to buy coffee. ugh. i'm all jittery and i really think i need to cut something out of my life. not sure what but something. because i can't handle all this. i totally know what lo felt like with work and now i see just why he fuckin quit!

ugh! i'm itchy all over. why??? i didn't finish my type hw which means i'll have to finish it at school tomorrow because it needs to be printed on laser printers so that it's good quality. then it'll take like an hour to mount the fuckers. ugh! i haven't started on the website that i'm supposed to have done for my internship by tuesday. granted it's a microsite but i haven't even started. today i spent too much time not doing hw. i researched sprint phones and went over places to stay in hong kong. all necessary research but it took away from getting my work done. and all the while i'm thinking, "i need to get my work done. i need to get my work done." and then also thinking, "i didn't even have a weekend! i didn't even have a fucking weekend." which is true. i didn't go out at all this weekend. it's as if i didn't have one. the only difference btwn this weekend and the rest of the week was that i didn't physically go to school or my internship. but i did work for both. i'm staring to question my decisions to work this hard. even though it's all for the best, part of me thinks i'm wasting my youth at this very moment. not that i'd be doing anything much better but for my own sanity i really shouldn't be doing all this crap. i haven't even touched josh's website. or lo's monumental indentity package and website. and these are things i'm basically doing as favors and to get more portfolio pieces and flash experience. that's why they are on the backburner. yet they are still on the stove to begin with. and to top it off, i'm starting photography class in 2 wks! i'm not sure this is all going to work to be honest. i may have to drop something. what i'm not sure. i can't go on not having weekends and being stressed out with a fucked up sleep schedule. i mean i still woke up butt ass early even though it was the weekend. what the fuck is that all about? ugh. i need to sleep.

yes it is 6:40am and i am awake. why you ask? because my whole goddamn mutherfuckin schedule is messed up! that's why. i got tired at like midnight last nite so i crashed and now i'm awake. i'll make myself go back to sleep but yea. this blows. i have work i need to get done too. fucking hell. i think ill wake up at 9 or so. ugh.

i love love love this photo for some reason. the colors are nice. the composition is excellent. and it's like cute without being cute. this girl shanna took the photo. she takes a lot of good stuff. she's friends with josh. that's how i know her. she revamped her site recently and added new photos. this being one of them. so i thought i'd showcase it for her. but yea. her stuff is good. and she's gonna jet off to NYC to study photography. fuckin rad if u ask me. ok, back to sleep.

i've been noticing recently that spammer types have been commenting on my blog. i think some program just searches for blogs and posts comments. or some person working for some shitty ass company. i've gone in and deleted the comments because frankly they aren't even on current posts. but my interface here with movable type shows me the most current comment posts even if it's like months and months back. so down with the spam commenters!!!

i need to finish this roll of film and not sure where to shoot it at. i know it will take precious time to shoot photos but i don't care. i gotta finish this roll. i finished my coporate identity system but i have yet to mount the pieces. that will be for later tonight or tomorrow. i have to find out what size board i need. eagerly awaiting the teacher's response. i also am stressed about my web hosting company because i fear they will just auto-bill my credit card for another year's worth of service and i don't want that. i want to cancel the fucking service. it appears as though they are not available by phone on the weekends. so come monday i'm calling their asses and if they already billed me i'm demanding a refund. the customer service is so funky there. i'm switching web hosting so i can consolidate this site and my square fetish one onto one server with two domains and multiple emails. it'll be glorious once it's all set up. i can't handle having two separate companies with two different expiration dates and whatnot. it's bad enough my domains aren't registered with the same company! anyway, off to shoot some photos somewhere. gotta get in the swing of things. photo 4 class starts at smc in 2 weeks!

once again i'm on this weird ass fucking schedule. i had a mental block last nite with my newspaper layout design so i went to sleep. i've now been up since 5am working on this thing and i don't feel the least bit tired. my whole time clock is off. i hate this bullshit. oh, i got a copy of the thrills new album that comes out next month. quite good i think.

ooh i forgot to post yesterday. oh well. busy as a bee. my sleep is all fucked up. i keep taking random naps. i don't think i ever get a full night's rest. it's just spurts of rest throughout the day. today in flash class we started basic actionscripting. woo!! finally something i care about. i think the rest of the class is going to have to do with that. yay!!! that's what i want to learn. i can't wait. this weekend is devoted to midterms. gah! gotta get shit printed asap. no good. i also gotta do my work due tomorrow. doublely no good!

the end is nowhere near. aside from being tired all the time, i'm happy with my life. i'm really glad to be busy and like what i'm doing. i just wish i had more time to sleep! that's all i want. i don't even really care about men right now. i just really want more sleep. haha i'm working on the website for the record label my internship is starting. pretty simple site actually. designed the skeleton today. they also said that the clothing like that they are starting needs more tshirt designs so if i had any ideas i could submit them. if only i was an illustrator. i'd rock that shit. i may come up with something but i doubt it. oh well. i'm helping out with pre-registration crap tomorrow. i already know that i had a "hold" which is ridiculous! it's a graduation hold. i'm not graduating you dumbfucks!! my school's administration is retarded. ever since day one they have thought i was graduating in the fall quarter. but i'm not!!! i'm graduating in the winter quarter. good lord. now i gotta stand in some long ass line to get the hold cleared i'm sure. so stupid!!!

man am i fucked. i swear my body is revolting. all the caffeine and lack of sleep. and i'm at school now printing shit. made a special trip here just to print. good lord. i'm gonna get a doughboys salad on the way home. i need something that feels really clean and healthy. i didn't go to my internship today because i had too much work to do. and i had to take a nap. altho when i woke up from my nap my heart felt weird and i felt like i was having an anxiety attack from all the crap i have to do. a lot of it is favors for people. freelance work. but still. i wanna do it. i don't wanna let them down. so i stress. it's sad. time to leave this joint.

fuck! i have 5 mosquito bites so far from last nite. i *knew* there were bugs flying around. i could feel them!! fucking hell. i'm such a target for mosquitoes too. when i was a kid and i'd come down here to socal to stay with my grandparents, i'd have so many pink caladryl spots on it me it was unbelievable. i got so many bug bites. i hope no more turn up. but i fear there are more. so far they are all on my back/neck. i swear there will be more on my legs/arms. =(

wow. there is someone in LA who looked at my blog 10 ten times today!! wtf? they keep refreshing it. someone on a mac using netscape and/or safari. that's sorta weird and in a way creeps me out. so whoever u are. i know u are reading this. and that's fine. i don't care about that. but the fact that u have looked at it 10 times today already does weird me out.

i have super glue all over my fingers from trying to glue my broken sandal last nite. lo tried to help too and also got glue all over his hands and also on his pants. this just goes to show u shouldn't try these things after u've been drinking. haha last nite shaun's bandmate knew of this party way way way the fuck up in the hollywoood hills. so we all went. it was cool. amazing view. topher grace from that '70s show was there and i was enamoured. he's so skinny and cute. james duvall was there too. but i've seen him around LA a lot. so no big deal. we talked to a lot of random folks who were nice. surely there were some snobs, but we conversed with the cool folks. stood on this back porch area for a long ass time just looking at the view and chatting. it was good times. the bartender was serving up strong drinks. all u had to do was tip him well. so we did. in the end some of us wanted to go to these girls' house for an "after party." i was just dead tired and wanted to sleep. plus my sandal broke getting into the car. now i'm all tired and pooped cuz i stayed up so late. =( but i must get a lot of work done today. so i must push on through.

wow. i didn't realize how long this type 3 assignment was going to take. i've done 3 of 9 word explorations. here's what i've come up with so far. basically it's the word "vociferous" using 3 different typefaces. one per experiment. the top was cutting up and adding to the letters. the middle was cutting letters and using them to subtract from the original letter. the bottom is both adding and subtracting. i hope and pray i am doing this right because i spent awhile on this shit!

man. i have a lot of hw this weekend. oh well. now i gotta get ready for the hollywood party we are going to. friend of a friend of a friend or something like that. sooooo LA. haha

god i can't get enough of this garden state soundtrack. it's soooo fucking good.

when i'm not doing work i'm sleeping. it's crazy! i have a lot to get done. luckily i'm up early. but before i get my shit done, i'm gonna go on a small shopping spree for indonesia. look for a couple more skirts/shorts/tanks. american apparel is expanding and i think it's fucking great because i LOVE that company. their clothes are really basic but i love it. and they are sweatshop free too! they have more stores now. even in europe! they opened a store by the beverly center so that's where i'm at today. we still gotta figure out this indonesia thing but i think that flying around sounds like a bad idea according to lo's mom. plus my own personal fear of flying, especially on janky planes, is taking over. but we've got some resources via lo's mom that will help us out. i'm down for an adventure. i can't wait. i also think i might try my hand at getting my legs waxed before so i wont have to worry about shaving since it'll be hot all the time there. we shall see.

man. my sleep schedule is SOO fucked. last nite i was having a major brain fart on what to do for this poster for class. so around 1am i decided i would take a "nap." around 3am the alarm went off and i was still tired. so i went back to sleep and somehow managed to set the alarm for 6:30am. and when the alarm went off i woke up fairly awake. and i've been up ever since! i'm not tired and i got my poster done about an hour ago. i think it looks good. maybe some revisions but basically i like it. i was inspired by a cd sitting on my desk. we had to do a 2 color job and create a logo. not too hard. but u gotta make good use of the 3 colors. cuz one is automatically black. so u gotta think what will look good with black and what sort of imagery would support that. i went for hard graphics rather than a duotone image. and of course the words and logo are more legible on the real image. but fitting it on this page often shrinks lots of things down to illegible sizes.

anyway, i think i'll get my day going and head off to the paper store to look for stationary for my coporate identity systems package. and then go see if i can get out of taking career devlopment next quarter since i was a business major and learned all the bullshit already.

i totally crashed last nite. konked out early and woke up at like 6am this morning thinking, "man...i have to wake up for real soon." oh well. at least i wasn't tired today. told my flash teacher my plans and he seemed alright altho bewildered at my decision. i think he thinks i'm crazy. whatever. i know what's best for me. i just have to keep reminding myself to drop the class in the 9th week or else i'll be royally fucked.

went to my internship today and finished up my projects. and now i have new ones. to design two temporary websites for them. one for the clothing line (that will be simple because they have no content, it's just a dummy page) and one for their record label that they are starting. so basically it's more design intensive than it is web intensive. so it's not bad i guess. i was sitting there idle while uploading my last project and the one owner guy sorta looks at me funny like "what are you doing sitting there idle?" not that he cracks the whip, cuz he totally doesn't. he's a nice guy. but i'm usually never idle. so it was sorta funny. i said i didn't know what to do and he was like, "oh there is always something to do!" and then he told me to start on those sites. and when i left he was like, "oh yes. there is always stuff to do. i don't want you to be bored!" it's good. i don't like being bored. the other day when i had nothing to do i was going nuts.

oh and i got the garden state soundtrack today cuz they got some in. it's good. i recommend highly. it comes out next week. the cd sampler i worked on is also done. i got one of those. i like it. it looks rad. it'll be inside the next issue of the mag. and then i'll start working on the next sampler. but we haven't decided if it should be the same design with a different color to be sorta like a series or not. part of me wants it to be something different so i can make a new design and part of me wants it to run in a series because it's easier on me.

man. this nap thing is not working out the way i want it to. i keep getting disrupted by phone calls and whatnot. no good!!! i've got a correspondance going with the teacher at smc who teachs the flash 2 class. excellant. sadly the AI adv. flash teacher hasn't emailed me back. of course. but i think i already have my plan anyway. it involves some juggling of classes and whatnot but i think it can be done.

so my friend andy said he could teach me actionscripting. so i think i've got a plan. i think i'll withdraw from my flash class on the last possible week which is like the second to last week of the quarter. i'll tell my teacher that i'm going to withdraw so i can just go to class and learn the material but not have to do the tedious assignments. then i'll enroll in the flash level 2 class at SMC and meanwhile learn with andy. or maybe not take the class and just learn with andy. either way, i'm pretty sure i'm going to drop the class here cuz i hate my teacher so much and i don't really have the time to do his animation assignments. so that's the plan. the idea of dropping the class makes me so excited. then i won't hate going to school at all. cuz right now i have this bitter taste in my mouth for thursdays and if i lift that weight, then all the rest of my school stuff will seem fun. this flash class is like the black cloud over my head! isn't that horrible? it's like business school all over again. haha

today i don't think i'll be going into my internship cuz the bosses aren't gonna be there. so i can finally take a fucking nap!!! i'm running on empty. but i still have to deal with the cd booklet bullshit. gah!!! i swear it's going to interrupt my nap somehow. i just know it. =/

super tired. can't hear a damned thing. the hives show was really good. so much energy. gotta love the lead singer. fun guy. brian got free tickets from work at the way last minute. that's why i ended up going. couldn't pass up a free show. even tho i am tired out of my brains. gotta print out some type specs before i can sleep. fun fun. at least i probably won't have to go to my internship tomorrow just cuz neither of the bosses will be there to give me any work to do. but we still have to clear up some problems with the cd booklet that i revised. the printing people are having issues. goddamn!!

i'm actually not really doing anything at my internship right now. it's sorta rad. i'm working out logo ideas for class and reading flash tutorials. easy day for me. it's cuz the owners aren't here right now so i can't really do anything til one of them gets back. but my crush on the older guy is totally there. it's fucking manic. he's not even super skinny. he's just thin. and he's older! but i'm totally into him in some weird ass fucking way. and i don't know if it's cuz i have nothing else going on in my guy life. so i'm bored. or if it's cuz whenever u work somewhere or whatever, u always look for the best looking person u can find there. altho he's not the best looking so i dunno about that. or maybe it's just cuz he's mysterious to me and it's appealing and attractive. i dunno. but whatever it is, it's sorta funny to me and sorta disturbing. i'm bored right now. i feel so unproductive.

i'm totally hyped up on coffee right now. WOO!

early as usual. last night's show was alright at best. the opening band who i had never heard of was the best. robbers on high street. the second band was alright. ambulance ltd. the drummer looked like a younger, thinner version of jack black. the keyboardist looked "challenged." and the lead singer looked anorexic. i like skinny boys but this was a bit much. elefant's lead singer was totally pompous but not in the hives lead singer way. in this shitty ass way. made for a crap performance. anyway, it's gonna be another long day. gah!!!

good lord. i totally dig the older guy at my internship. it's not even funny. it's so weird for me to be attracted to someone so old. not that he's an old fart but u know. a different generation. that's a first! famous people don't count of course. i really wanna know how old he is. but i can't ask that cuz then i'll feel even more like a little kid around him. haha

i keep thinking i'm seeing john everywhere. it's disturbing!!! i think it's cuz i don't want to see him. i know he's in europe so he can't possibly be here in america, let alone at school since he's not enrolled. yet i still keep thinking i see him. this also tells me that he has a very generic stylized look. what the fuck was i thinking? i have no idea. no fucking idea.

apparently i look like i'm stoned. it's just cuz i'm so tired and my eyes are sorta bloodshot. haha so sad. this logo stuff is hard. i'm having a hard time and i know other people are too. i knew this class would be hard tho. branding really isn't my thing. i don't think i could make a career of that. too much relies on that one tiny image or logotype that you create.

this quarter is dragging on and i'm really working a lot more than usual. which is good i guess. i gotta go shoot more type photos. i'm starting to get confused on the differences btwn 3D, addition, and subtraction type. i know what distressed is. it's just hard to drive around the city taking photos. it takes a lot more time than u expect. type just doesn't appear out of nowhere! but what we'll do with it will be cool so this beginning process is shitty but u just gotta push on through. cuz the end result could look really rad as i saw in some of last quarters projects. i wish there were more hours in the day to get stuff done. but then i'd probably pass out from exhaustion. haha

tonight is the elefant show. going with jessica. so i won't be going to my internship until later in the day since i need time to do my hw. my programmable coffee maker works like a charm. i went downstairs to eat breakfast and the coffee was nearly done. good stuff. and my starbucks coffee thermos keeps the coffee really fucking hot! good stuff. i'm going to be an addict. sad but true. ok back to class.