he likes me!!!

he who? likes? omg!

i've been lagging on the blog obviously...friday night devin's friend gabe had a party that we all went to. and i met a boy! he's from PA and he just moved here recently. he teaches 7th and 9th grade history and drama...i think. he's cute. and he DJ's too. oh and he dances well. i can't keep up. he used to go to raves so u can imagine. it's a very stylized dance. anyway, i met him at that party and at the end of the night me and jessica invited him to the party at ryan's last nite. so he came and he DJed most of the night. which was a bit sucky because it was hard to talk to him. but i did a bit here and there. and rick, being the drunk friend who wanted it to work btwn us, asked him if he was interested in anyone at the party and he said me! so now it's a matter of time and effort.

will showed up late to the party and i thought it was going to fuck me over. i mean i think will's hot and all but it's futile. it's a path well tread and i don't need to keep going down it because it dead ends now. i did get to talk to him for a bit which was nice. and of course he looked good. but yea. i have to just let it go. the reason i didn't date will was because of SC john. just because i had my crush on him and his hotness. now i can't repeat this same mistake just because of will and his hotness. that would be me not learning from my mistakes!! so when will said he was going to go and sorta hinted at wanting me to go with him, i just said goodbye and let him go. i'd love to be friends with him but he never calls me back half the time anyway. so i assume he doesn't really want that.

i talked to the guy some more before he left. he told me he's taking his 7th graders to catalina for a week but when he gets back we should go out. so we will. i'm excited and nervous. but i said i wanted to meet someone to date for awhile. and he could be that someone. so i'm excited. maybe there is still some hope for this holiday season. now we gotta get jessica someone to work on too. i think joe guy. cuz he's rad and cute as well. at least in my eyes.

and here is my costume for the year:

a dress made of pictures. of myself. magnified. front and back. it looked better and weirder in person. i got a lot of compliments on my creativity. couldn't have done it without lo and rick. lo for the idea. rick for the execution. and we wouldn't have even had a party without lo and ryan. they made it all happen from start to finish. the house looked fucking amazing!!

in my hate for yesterday i totally forgot to mention that i saw spike jonze and danny masterson (that 70's show) last nite at the show. danny was way shorter than i imagined and spike was just so cute. i love him. he was all scruffy with the longish hair and beard. but he's just so cute!

today i went shopping on melrose for a halloween costume and didn't find anything. found a few 70s type dresses but nothing fit. one that i tried on was sorta tight but then i couldn't get out of it for the life of me. i tried sooooo hard and it wouldn't come off. i was almost about to face defeat and utter embarassment by going out and telling the people that worked there but then i gave it one last go and got the sucker off. it was a frightening ordeal. i've had incidents before where it's a bit hard to get off a piece of clothing. but never this bad. no sir.

today was all sorts of badness....

i got 1 hour of sleep last nite because i was up all nite doing my type homework. and that was because this past weekend was all social. party + visiting friends = no free time for myself. plus i had to work on that fucking media kit that will never end. but i'll rant about that in a minute....

so i went to school tired as fuck. got out early. came home. took an hour nap. woke up. my coat arrived. still not sure if i want to keep it. business cards arrived. they were messed up. went to the office to finish up the media kit only to leave 4 hours later with it still not done. this time it was because those who proofed it however many times over didn't actually catch all the flaws. the urge to kill was rising. or at least break the computer. i actually cried when i got home because i was soooo goddamned frustrated i didn't know how else to let it out. it was either that or break someone valuable. i spent so much fucking time getting that shit to turn into hi res PDFs. the woman at the printing company was sooooo nice to me and walked me through the whole thing. and then i was rushing to get it done because it took forever and finally once it was done there was a typo. so i fixed it real fast and made a new PDF. rushed out to the door to bolt home and eat real quick before the interpol show. not more than 2 minutes at home i get a call from the guy i have a slight crush on there. he tells me there are 2 more changes. i wanted to fucking shoot someone. i swear. so now i have to go back in there tomorrow and fix this shit. i have already spent countless hours on this thing and i seriously want to bury it. one thing i have learned though. don't have crushes on people u work with. 1) it will never work out and 2) u'll take shit way too personally. lesson learned.

interpol was good. the secret machines were so fucking bad. they strung all their songs together by basically playing them all exactly the same way. elongating them and drawing them out so they run together. fucking lame. they didn't talk once to the crowd. they had spotlights shining behind them for 75% of the time which were so fucking bright u couldn't really look at them on stage. just horrible. bad bad performance. interpol was good though. considering the type of music they play they seemed really into it. so that was good.

now i'm tired and i'm gonna cut my shit out for class and call it a night. i have so much work to do and i don't have a halloween costume yet! i was supposed to look today but that didn't happen. and now it looks like tomorrow i won't have time either. fucking hell. no one emailed me the changes i need to make. so i ain't doing shit til i get that email.

oh yea. and john keeps calling me. i'm gettng concerned....

josh just brought me coffee. i love josh.

i'm having a fucking cow. and if i had enough time, i'd explain why.

i took a nap earlier and i feel better. but i realize now that i am definitely feeling the lack of man right now. being that it's the holidays and all. =(

i feel sort of depressed. i think it's the weather. i'm not sure. but i feel down. =/

wow. i just talked to john for over an hour! yes, john....the one i dated from school. it's been ages since we've had a real conversation. one where i wasn't rolling my eyes or whatever. it was actually a very good chat on the phone. we're gonna hang out sometime. we'll see how that goes. i also hung out with josh a bit tonight. fun as always. we totally bicker like we are an old married couple. we even make reference to it too. it's great. i love josh. i am deathly tired and must sleep. i'm sure i'll have more to say later.

last nite didn't go quite as planned but it was interesting nonetheless. we started off by wishing rick a happy birthday and giving him his bday cake and gift. then we began the party hop. first to the cinema kid's function to see the 24 hour movie screening. some of them were hilarious. we didn't stick around to see who won but i'll find out eventually. we then were gonna go to my friend matt from school's party but we took a detour. we skipped out on one party and swapped it for another that i found out last minute hosted by another guy from my school, miguel, who i don't really know that well. it was over at SC and i have totally been to parties at that house before. i never saw miguel but i saw ian who i met miguel through. ian was the guy i shroomed with once. he was looking cute as usual and so we chatted a bit. and when we decided to leave early he gave me shit for it as i expected he would. but it's ok. then we went to matt's. but it was basically over. so sad. we stayed a bit though and drank some beer. matt liked my friends and we all chatted in the kitchen. so that was the night. not terribly exciting but fun because we were all together. next week is halloween and i still don't know what i'm going to be. interpol on thursday with jessica where we vow to meet the loves of our lives. then parties the rest of the weekend. or so we hope...

yay! the party went quite well. the security came twice but the party went on til like 2am or so. so that's decent for our neighborhood. a whole slew of people showed up. some of which i don't remember but apparently they were there. so that was rad. will came! and i think he looked hot. i dunno. i honestly can't remember. i also don't know if the girl he came with he was dating or not. they didn't act like it but i wasn't sure. cuz he also came with a guy. so yea. u can't tell with these things. people thought we were gonna hook up but we didn't. partially because he passed out on my lawn and in my bushes!! jeez louise! the 19 yr old boy from school who i have the fascination with also came. but then he left early because there was drama btwn his friends and some other people. a few others from school came which was cool. overall it's a huge blur though honestly. i can't remember a lot of what happened and i feel like i missed out on stuff during the nite. i don't remember talking to any one person for very long which sorta sucks. i can't really remember what i was doing that took up the whole night but it was something. i know i moved around a lot. and jessica was the one who lost to the alcohol last nite rather than me as usual. so rick and i helped her out and she crashed here in my bed.

tonight we know of 3 parties and it's rick's birthday. so we are gonna party hop. woo!

party tonight!!!

so i fainted last nite. it was completely out of the blue. i was at the jimmy eat world concert with stacey, samira, and jen. stacey and i had had some beer before the show and i don't know if that was the cause. it might have been. the beer dehydrating me and then going into the really hot venue. maybe? i dunno. it was weird. the only ever time i fainted in my life i was at a show with stacey and samira! so random. but that time it was cuz i got hit super hard in the chest area and basically got the wind knocked out of me. this time i just fainted. i felt fine one minute and the next i started to see spots and colors. i turned to jen saying i didn't feel well but it was too late. i couldn't get out in time. the next thing i knew i was down on the floor with people looking at me. then they got me out toward the door but i wasn't really ready for that and i sorta passed out again. and apparently some man picked me up. like fully picked me up like a child and put me in a chair outside. and then there was all this water and people asking me if i was ok. god it was sorta weird and freaky. i have no clue why it all happened. i hope it had to do with the beer and not me lacking a vitamin or iron or something worse. i just emailed me dad about it to see what he says. way too weird.

anyway, it's been raining a bit here in LA. pouring last nite actually. i figured the rain would hold a lot of people up this morning but i didn't think my teacher wouldn't show up! but he didn't. we waited a good 30 minutes and he didn't come so we made a list of attendance and left. i saw him floating around later in the day so at least he's ok. but i hope we aren't in trouble for leaving. one guy waited even longer for him and he didn't show. so i think it should be ok because a teacher can't expect students to wait like an hour and half! and i know that one guy did. so me, cory, and cisco went to eat breakfast at carrows because we had like 4 hours to kill. it was a damn good breakfast. i was so stuffed. then we went joyriding. and by that i mean cruisin around in cory's old ass buick. haha we went to the print shop and then to 3rd street where i went coat shopping and they did whatever. and we pointed out typefaces at least once on the journey. goddamn we are design nerds. cisco said it right though. we are trained to notice that shit. delicate type. bad type. etc. so don't blame us when we sound like retards! we're just doing our job.

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY ABERDEEN!!!

my teddy bear turned 13 today. yay! =)

i've come to the awful conclusion that even when i try to sleep a good amount i still am tired. and i realized it's because i don't get good sleep at all. i wake up lots of times and toss and turn. and that's why i feel so fucking tired all the time. last nite i went to sleep "early" at like 1am. and i woke up just now at 10am. so that's a great amount of sleep. but i'm still tired. and i think it's because i woke up at like 5:30am and ever since then i was rolling and tossing and waking up every so often. this fuckin blows.

thanks to brian i have become aware of the song "ghostwriter" by RJD2. it fuckin rocks. everyone needs to download it NOW.

the corn maize was not so mazey after all. the corn was like 1' tall max. good lord! i was not impressed. and frankly i was in a less than exciting mood anyway. everyone else mustered up the umph to have fun. i applaud them. i just couldn't hack it. oh well. i think it's cuz i never really had a daytime to myself so i felt cheated. i dunno. it's raining here in LA finally. of course i just got my car washed the day before! oh well. i saw it just now and there arent too many rain spots actually. so that's nice. our party is this friday. woo!!! here is the flier:

for some reason i'm in love with hot pink/magenta these days. that coupled with blue. it's all the rage...inside my brain. anyway, tomorrow i'm going to USC to get the homecoming tickets. it's going to be so weird going back there during the day. i'm sort of excited actually. just because i haven't seen it like that in so long.

some new music i recommend:

* elliot smith - from a basement on the hill
i've been hearing this album for a couple months now in the office and it's quite good. and now i actually have the cd and it rocks. when u want mellow stuff that is. it comes out tuesday fyi.

* the music - welcome to the north
i've heard of the music before but never listened to them. i never liked the band name quite honestly so i didn't even try. but we got the cd in the office and it looked cool so i thought what the hell. and i actually quite like it. some songs are whatever because they sound the same but there are some solid tracks sprinkled throughout. it also comes out tuesday.

* interpol - antics
i can't stop listening to this album!! it's just so good. and decided to go back and listen to the old interpol just to compare and goddamn they have gotten so much happier. i mean it's interpol so take that with a grain of salt of course but it's still much more upbeat and way less "i want to kill myself."

i'm too lazy to write about last nite. so let's just say it was fun. el rey. drinking. party. late nite. good enough. if we could just add hooking up then that would be great. tonight is the corn maize. woo! at least i'm not tired.

just got back from eating dinner and seeing michael moore speak at usc. i wasn't one bit surprised to see that a fuckload of people were there. they had the republicans who wanted to shout and sneer stand in certain areas away from where the main section of people sitting was. still they could be heard ove and over. and even when michael moore wasn't making fun of them and was talking about the letters from the people in iraq and the people who had died there, the repubs still went on with their chant. VERY disrepectful. even if u don't agree with michael moore, when he had this guy go up there and speak about how his brother died recently fighting in iraq, you should at least give that guy a little respect. fuckin eh. i thought that was just poor judgement on their part. the protesters that is.

anyway, michael moore brought out several people and spoke for a long time himself. both mocking the repubs and bush and also being serious about the situation and wholeheartedly encouraging everyone to vote. he even gave our ramen and underwear because this tour of his is called "the slacker uprising tour." he's trying to get all the lazy ass slacker types to get off their asses and vote. and he gave our the "slacker food" which was ramen. that was funny.

tom morello from RATM was there. he came out and sang some songs. he seemed really fuckin determined to get bush out of the white house. it was intense. his last song was really good.

overall it was just damn good to see young people out for a cause such as this. and even though i basically knew what he was going to say, i still wanted to see him say it. just being in the crowd felt damn good.

i'm ridiculous. this was me sitting outside during break at school. i wanted to sit down in the sun but didn't have my sunglasses so i just threw my sweater over my head. i realize how silly i looked now that i see myself. but whatever. i was tired and wanted to block the sun. i am running off an hour of sleep this morning + an hour and a half nap just now. god i'm so exhausted. and now i have to do my hw and wake up for 7:30 class. =( but at least we get to go to the geffen and moca on friday for class. woo! gotta love field trips. especially to musuems i quite enjoy.

tomorrow is michael moore at usc. should be insane. can't wait. friday is justin's band followed by the after party at brian's. saturday is the corn maze. next tuesday is jimmy eat world at the glasshouse. and next friday is our party. so i've got stuff to look fwd too. good times.

i am way tired. fucking hell. i just can't get on a schedule to save my life. i feel like it'd be better if i had all 7:30 classes cuz then at least i'd have a routine. this back and forth bullshit of late and early is tough as fuck. oh well. daniel (as in my first bf ever) is coming to LA next week to look for places to live. we're gonna hang out sometime. and then dan the man from san fran is coming down in november. we'll also hang out sometime while he's here. woo!

michael moore is speaking at USC on thursday and i'm gonna be there. thanks to justin for informing me!

i saw i [heart] huckabees today and it was damn good. funny and witty. thought provoking. ridiculous. the whole nine yards. dustin hoffman reminded me of my old teacher with his moppish hair and both him and lily tomlin did such a good job of being these odd characters. mark wahlberg (bless his soul for leaving that "marky marky" crap behind) was hilarious with his random outbursts and obsessions. oh good ole mr. law was looking cute as always. a very good film for those who like things just a little off kilter. a little quirky.

on another note, the boss' wife is gonna pay me to help her alter some patterns. not too shabby. and i have to redo the media kit. a bit shabby.

i had lunch with noah's friend sahar. she's quite the talker. it's great. she's very nice. she's the one who lives down the street from me and brought us cookies that one time. good stuff.

i'm actually starting to get the hang of this after effects thingymabob. rock!

must get motivated. must. get. motivated...

oh fucking hell. if it's not one thing it's another. either i stay up all night because i have to, or i stay up all night just because it's fun. last night was the latter and as a result i didn't sleep until 7am! and now i am once agan fucked in terms of my sleeping patterns. i'm so tired right now and i could totally go back to sleep. but i'm trying to fight the urge. last night was fun. a bunch of us went out to the roost and then later went back to brian's. it was good times. i'm just fucked now. i have a lot of homework to do too. ugh! no good. all i want to do is sleep!

omg. this jetlag is killing me. i feel like i have mono or something. good lord!

i'm runnin on empty and i can't believe it's working out so far. last night i fell asleep at like 8pm and woke up at like 11 or 12. i stayed up ALL night doing my hw because i had an INTENSE brain fart. seriously. it was bad. so i was up all night doing my homework and at 6:30 am the 19 yr old from class calls me about homework as he's driving to school. he thought our class was in the morning and therefore i'd be awake but in reality he got his classes switched and his other class that i'm not in is at 7:30. but luckily for him i was awake anyway. or else i'd have been pissed that he woke me up. so we had a nice 30-40 min chat while he drove to school. i really like that kid. not so much in "that" way anymore. but i just enjoy having a good chat with him. we are gonna drink together soon. maybe next week. we shall see.

anyway, so i slept from like 8-9am today and then also took a 15 min nap this afternoon when i got home from school. i was at the office really late tonight too because it was madness in there. too many interns floating around today. i was helping lots of people but not actually getting any of my own work done. so i had to wait for them all to leave to even begin work. and then i was late to getting lawrence and jessica from the airport and i felt really bad so i rushed as much as i could down the freeways and everything. the internet said their flight was getting in on time, not early! even still i was late. i'm sure they will get over it.

i feel the energy waning as i type this. perhaps sleep is in order despite needing to do a few things before i go to bed. we shall see how this goes. SC vs. cal tomorrow. go SC!!!

i'm in a panic over my first assignment because i can't think of anything good. it's 4am and i'm so stuck!!! i even took a nap earlier because i was tired. gah. my brain is still in vacation mode and it desperately needs to get out of it NOW!!!

so i'm back in action. back in LA an hating it already. of course. who wouldn't hate LA compared to bali. it's amazing there. the descent into LAX was forboding as LA looks very much like a circuit board from the sky. i knew i would be displeased once more. just like all the other times i've left LA and come back. i always come back unwillingly. adam picked me up from the airport and i got home to find rick sitting on the couch. he jumped for joy when he saw me come in and then promptly said to me, "eeeh. i don't like the braids." yes folks, i got my hair braided on my last day in bali. it cost me like $5 so i said what the hell.

i wasn't too thrilled with the outcome but i made a pact with myself to keep them until today -- the first day of school. and now that the first day of school is over, they have come out. and my hair is a big poofball.

it's sorta fun having my hair all poofy and wavy. it's *never* like this. the first day of class was good despite the lack of sleep last nite and the fact that cory was being annoying in class. and here i had all these dreams about him in bali. positive ones that actually made me wonder if maybe i did like him. but no. today proved once again that i could never date the boy. ever.

yesterday i woke up at 2pm. i couldn't help but sleep that late. good ole jetlag for ya. i'm fighting the urge to take a nap as we speak. i spent the day lounging and not really doing much actually. and then around 8:30pm i got an invitation from one of the guy's in the office to go with him to cinespace to see the band bloc party. i decided to go for 2 reasons. 1) i had nothing to do and assumed i'd stay up late bored due to the jetlag despite having 7:30am class today. 2) this guy is pretty rad and i could see myself liking him if i let myself which i can't because we work together. so i went and quickly remembered how much i hate hollywood and how being in bali just 2 days prior really didn't help the shock of being in such a "hip" place. so hip that we cut the line because he knew the guy back there and so hip that i am now on one of the famed is not acclaimed scenster photo websites. p scene baby. p scene. i can't really say the real name for fear that someone may search for it and read this. but let's just say that if u know the LA scene, u probably know this website. and if u are like me, u think it's ridiculous and u'd hate to see yourself on the site the next day. but there i am in all my glory. at least the guy who runs it (he wears a sweatband, gym shorts, track jacket and had curly hair, facial hair, and big glasses) didn't post all 3 that he took of me. oh thank heaven. anyway, i've already got homework and i'm battling whether i should go see supergrass tomorrow for free. i think it's at the avalon so that means it's an early show. but still. i may be too tired. we shall see.

anyway, i'm waiting for lo and jessica to return so i can get all the photos compiled. so until then i leave u with one shining moment in bali....

instead of getting over jetlag i get drunk at cinespace with a coworker. go figure. more to come. including photos from bali.

back in LA. =( got so much shit to do and it's already past midnight. will write more later when i have a chance. and show a few photos.

[hong kong: 10.04.04 - 9:41pm]

in the hong kong airport waiting for my connecting flight to LA. i miss bali so much. such good times. scuba diving and surfing. the best! i LOVED the surfing lesson. we all did. me, jessica, and lo. such unlikely candidates to like surfing but we did. jessica did the best. i did the worst. of course. since i'm such a clutz. haha but i stood up a couple times. oh fun fun. we are gonna try and continue the surfing adventure back in LA. it just won't be the same though. i miss those kids already. lucky ducks getting a few extra days. oh what i'd give... this airport is so lonely. even though there were 2 perfectly good brits (i think) to talk to awhile back i didn't. and there are 4 americans waiting for the same flight as me yet i'm here alone. although these american boys are such beachy jock boys it's not worth the time. but still. i hate being alone in airports. it's so depressing. i met a nice spanish lady on the plane and she told me about her stay in indonesia. actually it wasn't indonesia techically. due to massacres and referendums, east timor is now free. and that is where she was. it was a nice chat. then she moved seats and i had the whole row to myself. that was nice. watched farenheit 9/11 which was so good. i can't believe it took me this long to see it. they NEED to re-release it before the election. although it won't matter since people who saw it are all liberal anyway. won't really make a difference. anyway, i have so many bali stories that won't make it on here because it's just too much to type and recall, but it's all in the journal and memory banks. and that's good enough for me. *sigh*

[bali: 10.02.04 - 2:21pm]

still in bali. of course. don't want to leave!! gonna go to the beach soon. yesterday we went scuba diving. my first time. it was hard at first but then me and jessica got the hang of it. we are taking surfing lessons tomorrow. woo! i'm a bit scared but what the fuck. we are here and u only live once right? we were supposed to go out clubbing last nite but fell asleep. weak sauce indeed. tonight is saturday and it's PARTY night. the nightlife here is insane. some places don't get started til around 3 or 4am!! and they have this after party tonight from 5am on. yea it's nuts. the other night i had a very victorious bargaining moment. we bought 10 pieces of jewelry for Rp 700,000. we wanted to pay Rp 650,000 and the starting price they wanted was Rp 1,600,000. i knocked off a whole Rp 900,000 which is about $90 US!!! a triumphant moment indeed. it's so amazing here. i can't even explain. the beaches are amazing. the food is great and dirt cheap. u can get a meal for like $6 US in total. thats drink, entree, dessert and tip. yes it's great. the people are really friendly too. i don't want to leave!!! for sure i must honeymoon here. for sure. i'll make sure my husband to be realizes the joys of bali. "bang for your buck!"