wow. they just keep calling with more delays. i think rick has called me at least 5 times telling me that the plane was delayed further. how sucky for the both of us. cuz it sucks that he and his sister have to wait this long on the plane and in the airport. and it sucks cuz i'll be driving at like 1am probably. oh well. c'est la vie. i'm considering taking a nap. i dunno....

i swear this will be the last post of 2004. i swear....

plane delays up the ass. all will be well. but just a bit late. haha my mom is driving me nuts with her incessant worrying about me. details are irrelevant but seriously, she needs to chill. seriously.

peace in the middle east.

til 2005...

last night was fun and weird. we ended up going to the casanova lounge which is this bar i went to the first time i met eric and matt when lydia first moved to SF. i really like that bar. it's chill. pool table. couches. there were a lot of people that ended up going. lo, me, ky, eric, joe, brett (the guy i randomly made out with ages ago), dennis, fazio, mark, amelia, joe's cousin, and then a slew of random lowellites i haven't seen since high school. like this one kid sean. i always thought he was mixed. halfie like me. but apparently he's NOT! he goes to UCLA and we had a quick little chat. so random. got buzzed indeed. when we left we saw a man being put into the trunk of his friend's car cuz there wasn't enough room for him. so me and amelia in our drunken state walked up to them to ask what they were doing and why they didn't just try and put in on someone's lap. they said something and then asked if we wanted to go with them. then it got awkward so we walked away. meanwhile our pizza was ready cuz right next to the bar is the convenient cable car pizza. good stuff. i ended up spending the nite at ky's while lo went off with my friends to amelia's house. i would have like to have gone but i had to wake up early today to pick up jason.

however, that didn't occur. cuz j's leg is still hurting so instead of getting him from the BART station i just went to his house to get him. then we went back into the city to get ky and had crepes on cole. yum yum. had a lovely little chat with ollie this morning whilst working my way through the dreaded best buy. he said he's gonna help me change up my room. get a bookshelf and whatnot. help me put it all together since i'm such a klutz with tools and whatnot. good lord!

anyhoot, i think i'm gonna head out to lo's place soon. so this will be the last post of the year most likely. when i return i plan to revamp the blog and come up with a new design. still simple but a bit more snazzy. and add the comments back again. so happy new year to everyone.

peace out napoleon...

ugh. the subparness is definitely showing. btwn my allergies and now today i woke up with a headache. good lord! who wakes up with a headache? normally you go to sleep to get rid of one!!! i think i slept funny on my neck. shameful.

it's been raining here which is lovely. good to see some rain. perhaps this will make for better ski conditions in tahoe. woo! we leave wednesday!!!

hung out with mel last nite at her house. just talked for hours. good times. and we are gonna go out today. then later tonight everyone is gonna try to convene and go out to some bar or something. i hope it works out. i can see something going to wrong.

jason just called. he got into a freak accident up in tahoe and i won't be able to see him til tomorrow. poor thing.

i can't type anymore. i'm chatting with ollie and i'm trying to talk to my mom and i'm just too distracted. gah!

last nite i had a dream about the crush at work. i've never dreamt about him before. just last nite i did. we were somewhere. maybe his upcoming party? and it was like a little dance around the topic. but then we just went for it. but i remember there being jealousy over this other former intern who i have always suspected he likes in real life. i am uncertain of this but who knows. anyway, good ole dreams. i would say if only the real world was like dreams but no thanks. i've died too many times in my dreams to wish that upon myself. haha

money is definitely the best christmas gift of all. well...that and handmade things. but those are harder to come by. i've decided i'm definitely gonna use my christmas money in conjunction with my saved money to purchase a 12" powerbook. i already started researching the accessories i want. haha

i just finished a prototype for tyson's tattoo website. it's simple. you can view it here. it's damned weird designing on a PC. i can't really do it. it's just weird. i had such trouble making this simple site. i miss my mac dearly. this is why i need a laptop. i need to be portable. yes goddamnit. i'm a woman of the 00's. a woman on the go. i still have to redesign my blog before 2005 hits. i think that's the only other design project i will attempt to take on with this PC. other things still on the to do list:

- new clothing designs for the fall 2005 line
- new ad for the clothing company
- josh's band name design & website
- xmas gifts (but that's done by hand thankfully)

today i had THE WORST allergies. so bad that i literally just went to sleep for a couple hours. i was incapacitated. my eyes were all watery and puffy and i could NOT stop sneezing. it was fucking horrible. i feel better now. thank god. let's hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon.

oh yea. i've heard enough xmas songs that i think i might gag on a jingle bell while slashing my wrists with my modem cable.

ack. too much to write. been away from the comp longer than usual. the email piled up too! anyway, where to begin? how about with my allergies? they are flaring up like a mofo.

so the night i got into SF i got home. changed immediately, and went down the street to meet up with ky, eric, and danielle for dinner at trader vic's. the reason i got home so late was cuz i stopped at a target, big 5, and walmart on the way in search of some cheap snow boots for tahoe. no luck. but i did get a glimpse of what the red states look like. ie, walmart. i hate that store. it's pitiful and depressing.

dinner at trader vic's was only alright. our mai tai's tasted funny and our duck was like a pate. no good. and expensive too!! bah. after that danielle left and it was the famed tricycle again. haha me, eric, and ky. i don't mind being the third wheel in this case cuz i introduced them. if not for me they wouldn't be dating!! we went to this bar called anu or something. they are known for really good house music and by god it's true. the music was awesome. too bad they didn't have a coat check and there was no place for our stuff. finally we figured out a way to make it work so we could dance but by then the best of the night's music had passed. still good times tho. there was this one guy who reminded me of ollie with his beret and dance moves. except this guy was a lot more loose than ollie. i dunno if that's a good or bad thing per se. just an observation. then there was this man who was so ridiculous. he approached eric, and me and ky didn't know what was going on. we thought maybe eric knew the guy or something. but no. then we thought the guy was hitting on eric. but no. finally eric pulls us closer to him and tells us what the guy said to him: "so uhhh i think you and i could take on these women tonight. what do ya think?" not sure what eric said to him but he pulled us closer to him and the man didn't leave. we were totally weirded out by the man. eventually eric talks to the man again and all the words we could get from it were "she's my sister..." meaning me. we realized that man knew that eric and ky were dating and basically was going through eric to get to me. fucking hell. at least have some balls to approach me yourself! eric is not my pimp! it was comical to say the least. finally the man left. the sister comment worked brilliantly. and luckily the man was drunk enough to believe it since eric is as white as they come and we look nothing alike! haha

yesterday i hung out with ky during the day. did some last minute xmas shopping....for her. for me i am giving all friend gifts late. plain and simple. some people are getting handmade things that i just don't have time to finish. around 6:30pm, joe came to her house and rode with her up to her house in CP. i followed in my car. her parents invited us to dinner and joe was gonna be spending xmas up there anyway with his aunt's fam. i went for the dinner and to see her parents. dinner was damn good. i spent the night there and this morning me and ky went out for coffee and such. then i drove back into the city. on the way back i saw a car with the license plate "i [heart] my 71" which i saw just the other day. not sure if it was on the 5 or what but i definitely saw that plate before! it was weird. i remember too much useless crap.

i tried on my dad's ski stuff and it fits brilliantly. i also got some boots at target with ky. so i'm all set. just gotta borrow some gloves from lo or aaron. woo! jason just got back from tahoe and got in a shitty accident on the ski lift. he's on crutches. i hope to hell this doesn't happen to me! or anyone for that matter.

i got straight A's last quater. grades just came out. i'm effin pleased.

merry christmas to all those who celebrate. people at stores have been saying that to me. "merry christmas" my internal reply is "what if i'm jewish?" apparently people just like to assume now don't they. i don't mind. i'm not jewish. even if i was i wouldn't care. but i think it's funny. christmas is the day when NO stores are open. but hannukah. nah. how unfair is that?

oh and last nite i had a dream that someone was trying to kill me. it was a long dream. very eerie. and then in the end it was me who was trying to kill me. it was very weird. if only i had written down the details...

drivin back to san fran in a little bit. see ya on the flipside.

finished packing.

talked a lot with lo.

found out that a song that tyler put on my xmas cd like 2 years ago is by the artist ours and the song is called "realize." goddamn that's a burden off my shoulders. heaven knows i've been thinking about it night and day for 2 years straight. haha but seriously, i listened to more of their tracks on amazon and i like what i hear. might have to buy the album. amoeba in SF, here i come!

me and brian are pathetic. we were supposed to have coffee tonight but then we both fell asleep!! so sad. i woke up and messsaged him and he was like, "well jen. i just fell asleep on the couch and now i feel bleh. i dunno if i want to go anywhere." and i felt exactly the same. so sad. so no coffee/cocoa for us. just more packing. i HATE packing.

oh and i forgot to mention that last nite ollie tried to show me how to DJ. horrible mess. can't do it. just can't. it was fun to see what all the switches did. and to think that in theory if i practiced i could do it. but really that's just not too true. cuz i would be terrible at finding the base and then making the two sync up for a smooth transition. and with listening to one track in one ear and one in another, it's just a jumbled mess for jen's untrained ears. alas, jen will never be a DJ. haha

it's funny cuz a few folks have said that my encounter last nite with ollie sounded datey. and i agree. but only if u looked at it out of context. and even then it's a bit hairy. but in context i fully disagree. and furthermore, folks have asked whether i would have tried to make anything happen. flirt. whatever. to which i replied, no because that is not my place. i was the one who got dumped and therefore i would never attempt anything. it'd only set me up for failure...again. if anything ever happened btwn us, it would be because he made it happen. he made the attempt. i'm not like that. i have too hard of a time making the first move the first time. let alone making a move when i clearly know my situation is poor. who would do that? not i!

now, i would certainly ask out crush boy from work. but that's not really what i mean by a first move. cuz i don't have too much trouble with asking someone out. cuz i think almost every time i have we have gone on a date. but i'm quite the shy one to make the first physical move. the kiss and all. for some reason i feel that rejection is so much more embarassing than being rejected for the initial date. i'm sure most agree.

i still haven't packed my shit. how else can i procrastinate? haha

so yesterday started off sorta shitty actually. i woke up late and didn't get anything productive done. well, that's not entirely true. i got some stuff done. but overall it felt very unproductive. i went to the office around 5pm and finished up some stuff. everyone in the office left early except me and my crush. and once i finished my stuff i thought to myself, "well i could ask him to do something. but he seems to still be working." but he called me over to his desk to show me something stupid on his screen. and then he was like, "so what are u doing with the rest of your nite?" i said i had to stay up til 4:30am to take my roommate to the airport. so i had no plans except just to stay awake. and he was like, "you wanna buy me dinner?" he probably meant it as a half joke so i said, "me??? buy YOU dinner?" and he was like, "yeah..." and so i said, "alright but only if it's cheap dinner." i was willing because 1) i have a crush on this guy and 2) he's bought me dinner two times already. so it's fair. so then i chose doughboys because i love it and that was a good choice cuz it's one of his fave restaurants in LA. so we left and went there.

dinner was par for the course. same ole sneid remarks and bickering banter that we have in the office. he asked me how my love life was going because last he had heard i was upset over ollie. that's why he got me that book. i told him it was same ole same ole. single as usual. everything was fine. once dinner was over he took me home. i felt it would be out of place to ask him to do something or whatever. so i simply said goodbye and wished him a good break. then i sent him a couple IM messages which he replied to shortly after. (he doesn't live far from me.) he called me a beautiful, creative, intelligent woman. to which i made some sneid remark. to which he replied, "those were genuine words there. but boy you sure don't make it easy on me." that put me in a good mood. not that i wasn't already. oh how i wish i could ask him out...

meanwhile...i was talking with ollie. by this point we had agreed to watch a movie together and get coffee. so i set out for his place with before sunrise. got to his house only to hear the following words, "so i realized that my flight is at 6:30am and i haven't gotten everything done i need to get done..." i would have been SO angry if the words that followed were, "...so i don't think i can watch this movie with you after all." BUT, that was not the case. instead he said that he would stay up all night with me. so we started the movie but then i realized i didn't really want to watch it. but i didn't bring anything else. so we went to hollywood video and rented american splendor. it was decent. we enjoyed it. we were bundled up on the loveseat drinking coffee and beer. bad combo for my bowls. very bad. but it was very cozy and nice sitting there with him. then we watched some aquateen hunger force which was fucking hilarious. then a few episodes of west wing. i had an awesome time with ollie even tho we weren't dating. it was just us two there. watching some dvds. talking. being cozy. it was a fabulous way to spend my night.

at 4am i left his place so he could get ready for the airport and i could take michael to the airport. i felt *really* good about my time there. cuz i kept thinking that spending alone time with ollie would be awkward. but it totally wasn't. and i felt very good about this breakthrough. surely part of me is like "damnit, i wish this worked out right btwn us." but overall i felt very good. so even tho i was tired as fuck by the time i got back from LAX (5:30am), i felt damned good about my night with both the guy from work and ollie. so in these times where i typically feel a bit depressed because everyone is leaving for the holidays, i feel damned good. =)

time to pack, do my laundry, and get my last minute shit in order.

it's really fucking late/early and i'm dead tired. but i feel great because i just had the best nite i've had in at least a month. more on that later....when i get a proper rest.

i keep listening to that damien rice song. it's like my new interpol and arcade fire. i can't get enough of it. it's just so beautiful. it's going on my "xmas on the 5" cd. every time i drive down the 5 back home to SF i make a mixed cd. this is definitely going on it. and if i were in a sadder state in life, this song would almost certainly bring me to tears. thankfully i'm not at that sort of state. but yea. if you are reading this and you haven't heard the song, go and download it. it's just so pretty.

ok. we need to stop having dreams about OCD boy...now. it's starting to weird me out.

this damien rice song is so amazingly beautiful. i can't stop listening to it!!!

josh and i went out to coffee. haven't seen him in a little while so it was nice to catch up. shoot the shit as we always do. give each other hell. gotta love josh. my late night snack friend. and former late nite...ehem...haha it's been so long. i don't even see him that way really. and he doesn't see me that way. tonight we played strip show so to speak when we went to his friend's office downtown to get some shirts. we both changed into them and so it was like a little peep show in the office. only it doesn't even phase either of us since we've seen more than that with each other before. it's more like, "yep. u still look the same. keeping up the good shape. very nice." haha his sexiness no longer riles me up. it's for the best. he's a fuckin workout i tell ya.

anyway, i have all this random shit i have to do before i go home. since i may be buying a new powerbook i think i'll bring all my proggies with me in case i get the chance to load them up. we'll see. i haven to do my laundry too. fuckin eh!

last nite was interesting...

justin invited us to this party up in the hollywood hills. it was at the frank lloyd wright house. and how that came to be was because the dean of the usc architecture school's daughter lives there. and she threw the party. jessica and rick were at her company party and it was gonna be me, ollie, lo, and tinna going separately. but then tinna didn't want to go and lo was feeling down. so then it was gonna just be me and ollie going together. and i felt a little weird about that. cuz we haven't hung out as just the two of us since the monologue. and i don't have a problem with doing so. in fact i'd actually welcome it at one point to see how it would go. but if it was just gonna be the two of us going to this party where i (assumed) wouldn't know many people, it would be weird. at least til jessica and rick arrived. not to mention i was contemplating maybe trying to talk to justin. "talk" to justin. so that wouldn't work for sure. but luckily i convinced lo to come with us. so the three of us set out and it was like going to hell and back to find parking. all the narrow roads. all the steep hills. ollie's clutch just burning away. but we finally got a spot and went to the party.

when we got there it was a little weird. we couldn't find justin and there were just a slew of familiar faces. all these former artsy/hipster SC kids and all their friends. then we ran into some familiar people. including justin who looked a bit down. later on it turned out a whole slew of people got their cars towed for parking in the permit zone, including justin... =( but yea. ran into nathan (devin's friend), ryan soelburg (it's been FUCKING AGES), ryan's roommate ryan, ashlee (brian's quick thing), an old dude from vagrant, vera, and then all those first floor pardee boys (who we knew would be there for sure). so basically a bunch of familiar faces. the house was amazing. great view. awesome architecture.

the whole nite was like one mellow hollywood party. shannyn sossamon was there!!! i FINALLY got to see her in person. ever since i found out that ben (adam's roommate who wanted to fuck me before the date started) used to date her, i've been waiting to see her in person. i just find her so goddamned attractive. i mean in that way were i've want to actually be with her. i know it's weird cuz i'm so not a lesbian, but for some reason i'm just so attracted to her. i dunno. but i wasn't flipping out when i saw her. who i was flipping out when i saw was jason fuckin lee. OMG. i LOVE him! i mean goddamn. i wasn't the only one gawking. i have been waiting to see him for ages. i'm not really a starfucker anymore cuz it's LA and it's so common to see famous people. but certain people i still get starstruck over. he's one of them. others would be like brandon boyd, thom yorke, robbie williams (i think i'd shit myself...literally), ewan mcgreggor, jude law, brad pitt. i'm sure there are others. others that i really would love to see and haven't already. doing security for the oscars took care of a few, including keanu reeves. but there are still more. he asked me where the bathroom was. jason lee that is. and i responded. later rick asked him a question which yielded an awkward response but at least jason tapped rick on the shoulder. rick just had to one up me and jessica and get a touch. sheesh! hahahaha

anyway, so it was a very chill nite of just people watching. ollie got his first real LA experience. the rest of us were just indifferent to it all. we left around 2 and went to mel's for milkshakes. that was fun. then we headed back home. so the nite was decent all in all. i was hoping for a bit more excitement seeing as how finals are over. but alas that's all i got. i may try and pursue justin VERY passively when we return from the break. i dunno tho. part of me just thinks it won't work. part of me doesn't even care. whatever. we'll see.

today a bunch of us went to see closer. the new just law, natalie portman, julia roberts, clive owens film. it was goddamned depressing. all 4 of these fucked up people commiting adultry left and right. it shows love and relationships in a super negative light. i can't say i enjoyed it but i didn't dislike it. the song that opens and ends the movie is so fuckin beautiful though.

the blower's daughter
- damien rice

and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time
and so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory
no hero in her skies
i can't take my eyes off of you
and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time
and so it is
the colder water
the blower's daughter
the pupil in denial
i can't take my eyes off of you
did i say that i loathe you?
did i say that i want to
leave it all behind?
i can't take my mind off of you
my mind
'til I find somebody new

the guy at work who i have a slight on and off crush on is moving to a loft downtown next month. he said he would be having a party. i hope so. i'd really like to go to that. i dunno if i'd even try anything cuz i'd just probably ruin it all. but i dunno. we'll see. i wanna see his loft really badly cuz i fucking love lofts. he knows it too. he knows how jealous i am. goddamn him!

OH MY GOD. we saw jason lee tonight!!! more on this later...

i had a dream about OCD boy last nite. it wasn't too weird but basically he was contemplating leaving the girl he's dating now for me. i've had other dreams about him in the past having to do with him and i getting together and i dunno if this is because i subconsciously want it that way or not. cuz i know that consciously i don't. so i'm not sure. i know that if things had gone differently and he hadn't tried to date me right off the bat and had tried now, i would go for it. so i dunno. maybe it's all that in my head that makes me have these dreams. eh. it's time to party!

ocean's 12 was entertaining but not nearly as good as the first one. the first one is just so fucking clever and rad. the second one is too convoluted and trying to be like the first one. but not measuring up. it was fun to watch but u didn't that awesome satisfaction like u did from the first.

it appears as tho most people flaked on ollie. or just couldn't show. so it was just him, jessica, me and lo watching the first movie at his house. drinking wine. then we walked over (sans lo who already saw it) to the theater to see the second movie. we met up with one of ollie's coworkers. once the movie was over we called it a night. seeing him wasn't too bad. it gets better each time. of course it will never be 100% ok. that's just not possible. one day it'll be 99% ok. but there is always that 1% that is like "you fucking bastard. i *am* a good catch." but that's just the inner voice inside u rationalizing your insecurities. haha

anyway, i expect that with each passing encounter it will be better and better. i wish he wasn't so cute. why couldn't he be one of the guys i've dated where i wasn't *that* attracted to him? cuz it's so much easier when it's that way. oh well. tonight is justin's thing. the thing that got cancelled on his bday. it's back on. at a different place. so i think we'll all go to that. gotta make phone calls later about who wants to go. rick thinks i should make an attempt with justin. i dunno if it's worth my effort. cuz i don't have any sort of butterflies when i see him. he is cute and all. funny as hell. but i don't feel any urges when i see him. so i dunno. we'll see.

time to do relaxing things. things *i* want to do (aside from getting my oil changed and getting a few groceries).

done. finished. over.

i can barely contain myself. this fuckin quarter is OVER!! and now i can relax. fuck yea. gonna get drunk and watch ocean's 11 & 12 tonight. woo!!!

someone appears to be looking for ollie. i got 3 searches today for "ollie sixth sense laramie" that lead someone to this blog. unless it's ollie himself. which it could be. but i already know that he reads this thing. he has for awhile now it seems. i figured that out one day. so that would be pointless for him to click on this link if he was searching for himself. so maybe it's one of his little kiddies looking for him. it's entirely possible. half the girls have a crush on him. i know i would if he was my teacher. ;)

i went out to dinner with some folks from the office as well as pat's friends. they are funny kids. goddamn. i feel so unfunny around them. but it's also cuz i'm shy around new people. the guy sitting next to me i've met before but i forgot his name. and boy did he give me shit for it. in the middle of dinner he was like, "so how's your food? good?" and i was like, "yeah it's good." and he's like, "what's the name of it?" and i was like, "spaghetti..." and he was like, "oh i see. so you remember the name of your food but not my name..." and he kept knocking my leg with his knee that he would unintentionally move back and forth the whole night. to which i said at one point, "so....do you think you're gonna hit my knee all night...?" oh and the best part was this one girl at the table paid for the $170 tab on her company card. fuck yea!

my crush on the one guy at work wanes. altho it comes back at times. i haven't been in the office that much lately due to finals and whatnot. and yesterday i was a walking zombie. but today i was good and so as usual our bickering was back in full swing. gotta love it. if i wasn't so exhausted and didn't have to print my shit for tomorrow, i'd have joined the folks at his house for some late night goofing around. alas work calls.

back on track. i thought for sure i was going to pass out yesterday. i actually fell asleep at the office waiting for chris to come and proof the bluelines. good lord! but in the end it all got done. we had to redo a few pages. i felt bad about my mistake but there were others so in the end it was fine. i got home and was gonna take a nap but then didn't have time because we had to leave for bowling. surely i should have just slept but fuck it. it's balls to the wall. i went out bowling and ended up doing quite well. 109, 124, 121. respectable considering my top score ever is like 130 something and i was dead fuckin tired. came home and went straight to sleep!

today i had my type final. my shit turned out well. the teacher really liked it. i didn't do anything crazy fancy over the top. cuz there were a few that were just insane. packaging and all. two of them just rocked my world and i felt so inadequate for a moment or two. i remember ollie asked me once if i ever saw design that just made me think i'd never be that good. and i see it all the time. and i saw two pieces today that made me think i'd never have that sort of style. never attain that beauty. not that i wouldn't be as good of a designer but i'd never come up with something like that. which isn't bad per se. especially since one of the pieces was really cool but it wasn't my style and i'd never think nor want to do something like it. but then this other piece was just awesome and i would wish to be able to do that. and it's not even that i couldn't technically do it. cuz i could. it's just that i know i'd never think that way. have that sort of type sensibility. norman is the guy that did it and he's just an amazing designer. he will go far in the design world. i know it. his shit is just awesome. anyway, enough gawking. it's like when i found that jennifer sterling designer. goddamn i was in awe for over an hour. just staring at her website and all her work. fuckin eh!

i got my poster back for my class tomorrow. this shit looks tight.

it's printed on vinyl 24" x 36." so it's big! gonna stick it on my wall once i turn it in and get it back. all i have left to do is print my booklet for class and i am DONE. mofo DONE!

josh wants me to get going on his band's website. so i gotta talk to him about that. also his bandmate has a website that needs a webmaster since the current one is being a dick or something so i may take over that roll depending on how much i'll get paid. the site looks simple so i think i can do it. that could be cool. and tyson wants a super quick site for his tattoo art. it'll take less than a day. i'm doing that one for no money but in exchange for a painting. so the next few days i'm going to get all that shit in order and detox from all the madness -- finals and minimag. going to ollie's tomorrow to see ocean's 11 on dvd and then go to ocean's 12 afterward. should be fun. seeing closer on sunday. lots of just relaxing before going home and relaxing more! woo!

i got like no sleep last nite. i knew i'd regret going to see the movie. i was gonna see ricky's motion graphics thing but now i'm at the office with the bluelines here. i royally fucked up and exported one wrong page. so there are two of the same page which means we have to fix it before going to print but it was all my fault and i feel horrible. not to mention i'm dead tired. waiting for chris to come in to proof the copy. i feel like shit now. i don't know how much this mistake actually costs in cash but i feel bad.

i was gonna write about some trivial observations i've made recently while driving but i'm too tired and feeling shitty to do so.

i may regret this tomorrow (today technically) when i wake up but whatever. i went to see life aquatic tonight with joe and brian. it was...interesting...i can't say i really liked it. but i didn't dislike it either. it was just very weird. and for that i would recommend seeing it. i can't tell you that you will or won't like it. depends on how much weirdness and ridiculousness u can take. it also had some sadness in it too. i felt for bill murray's character because he seems so old and washed up. anyway, i'm listening to the cd james made for me. not the ollie one. the xmas one. he made cds for all of us in the house and i am loving it already. on track 4 and its all been good so far. and he even put an ordinary boys track on there!!! that's my former online friend preston's band. from brighton, uk. he knows of them! of course. cuz he's james and he's as much an anglophile as i am. at least when it comes to music. goddamn the man i need to get their album. import here we come. i should add that to my xmas list.

- ordinary boys "over the counterculture" -- u can purchase it at cdwow.com with free worldwide shipping

time to finish more work and get like 3 hours of sleep!

i'm going to repost my xmas wishlist again and remove the laptop (because it's silly and i think i'm going to buy it myself) and replace it with walt disney concert hall tickets. i forgot how much i wanted to go til jessica metioned that rick finally got her tickets to a show and now i'm like, "damnit, i want to go!!"

- epson perfection 3170 photo scanner
- seinfeld seasons 1 & 2 dvd
- seinfeld season 3 dvd
- type: no borders no boundaries no limits, by roger walton
- 2 tickets (so that means you go with me and one of the tickets is for you) to the walt disney concert hall
- dvds: before sunset, being john malkovich, breakfast club, chasing amy, garden state, fargo, fight club (special edition), in the company of men, twelve monkeys, usual suspects (special edition)

i took a nap after returning from the printer. it was the only way...

i have been instructed to run the cd over to the printer..it's only in glendale...only...

the gods really don't want jen to sleep. =(

the powers that be -- the MAN -- whatever you want to call it, don't want jen to sleep. =/ apparently the server at the printer is down. so it's been a nightmare to finish up this minimag process!! i'm currently uploading the files to our server in the hopes that the printer can just access our server rather than us accessing theirs. and if that doesnt work i'll have to make a cd for them to pick up. there are already 2 changes that need to be made on one page but we'll make them in bluelines. good lord! it's like the media kit but more stressful. but as much as i bitch, i love it. i love the crunch time. and i love getting this experience. it's just funny that i thought i'd wake up early. make a couple phone calls. be back asleep by 9:30, 10 tops. and now its noon! haha

people have been looking for me a lot recently. hmmmm....

boo! having technical difficulties on the printer server's end. so i can't go back to sleep. =/ i've been waiting for like an hour now too. *sigh* nothing ever goes quite as planned with these damned printers. never...

i abhor the sound of my printer. in the past week i must have printed at least 40 some odd prints. it's insane. i keep reprinting my type shit because it has to look fucking beautiful. and FINALLY i finished it all. these last prints look good and so i am done. saddled stitched that baby and i am G to the muthafuckin G. i've used up soooo much ink it's not even funny and my pack of special paper is probably half gone. but this is not the end. i still have to print two more booklets! only there are no bleeds to worry about. no pagination problems to solve. so it should be straightforward. not to mention our teacher isn't looking for it to be super fucking beautiful. so i can print it once and be done with it. no multiple printing to test for color shifts and whatnot. thank the lord. it's 4am now and i think i will go to sleep. i have to wake up in less than 5 hours to call the printer for the minimag. if all is well, i should be back to sleep by 9:30am. then i'll wake up later and finish up the rest of my finals. woohoo! the end is very very very near. i can taste it.

i JUST got home from the office. fucking crazy day. i went to bad at like 5am and woke up at 11am. i went straight to my computer where i stayed til about 6:30pm. i got up once to pee. once to eat. and once to shower. oh and answer the phone a few times. all i did was work on the minimag. we went through all the copy editing which took probably like 2+ hours. it was crazy. several small tweaks. SEVERAL...coma here. semi-colon there. change this word. rewrite ths sentence. etc etc. i FINALLY left my computer around 6:30pm to go into the office where i then sat at another computer with the girl i am working with. we got the cover all taken care of (those mofos at the unnamed record label are the biggest fucking bastard idiots ever...never sent us a printable cover shot!!) and then proceeded to export the stuff. in the middle i left to come back here and get another file and eat a quick microwavable pizza. and here i am. back at my computer transferring the files from my external to my comp. then i'll FTP them and continue working on my finals. my printer is driving me nuts with color shifts up the ass. i'm 2 red bulls into the nite. i feel completely fine.

me and rick are hilarious. we curl up on the couch together a lot and just start rambling. at some point it usually turns into a talk about dating and/or relationships and/or marriage. probably because we are single. tonight we talked about marriage. how we would want our weddings. we both want non-traditional weddings. mine more so than his i think. not that i have mine planned at all. but i just know i want it to be something memorable. and the more non-traditional and interesting, the better. some ideas we came up with were after we got all the RSVP's we'd send out replies with a notecard saying what color clothing you must wear to attend. that way we'd get a very colorful wedding by default. another idea was for the first dance to be a choreographed dance btwn the bride and the groom. rick wants to take a jewelrymaking class and make his wife the engagement ring. i want my future husband to do the same. because as i've told everyone and their mother, i DO NOT want a big diamond engagement ring. it won't make my style and it's a HUGE waste of money. i want something personal. and making a ring (even if it's not that beautiful or well-crafted) is so much more special than a 2 carrat blah blah blah (i can't think of all the names of the types of cuts and styles because i could care less) diamond ring. and i want the wedding rings to match and be platinum bands that we design ourselves. not physically make but design. that is a MUST. i will concede on things about the wedding if for some reason my husband-to-be isn't so keen on something *that* non-traditional. but i will not concede on the rings. cuz if i'm gonna have to wear this damned thing all the time, it's gotta rock. end of story.

rick and i can't decide who we think will get married first. and considering everyone is single, it's really hard. i know it won't be me. that's for damned sure. even if i met the love of my life tomorrow, i wouldn't want to get married til i was at least 28. i'm sure by then someone i know will get married. *ehem* mel and matt *cough cough*

i'm printing out my type finals. they look pretty damned good. gonna print everything and cut and glue it i think. then call it a night. tomorrow is minimag action at the office ALL day i presume.

i just got the urge...even if i am single...i'm blasting this badboy. fuck yea. i'm in a good mood. and i have a lot of energy. too bad i'm doing my finals. or i'd be out driving around or something. fuck yea!

i feel good
- james brown

whoa! i feel good, i knew that i would, now
i feel good, i knew that i would
so good, so good, i got you
so good, so good, i got you
so good, so good, i got you
hey!!

last nite was a lot of fun. i didn't think it would be that fun. but i also thought that when i saw ollie i'd have those bad tinges of pain like on wednesday. but i didn't! i don't know if it was simply because i was a bit drunk or because of the loud impersonal setting or god knows what, but i really didn't feel anything. which was awesome. cuz that's how it needs to be in order for this to work. of course he's still cute as hell, especially when he dances, but whatever. cute as hell doesn't mean jack in the real world.

first me and tinna went to doughboys. she'd never been. i had to introduce her to the lovely eating establishment. we got the soup/salad combo and by the time we left we thought we were gonna explode. we wanted to pad our stomachs for the alcohol we were about to consume, but instead we ended up just stuffing ourselves too much! horrible idea. we still got some vodka and juice and pounded back a few shots before the cab arrived. for me the shots barely did anything at the time and more than anything i was getting a stomach ache from all the food. it was bad. but it passed eventually. we got to the club and didn't have to pay thanks to tinna's lovely friend ann who's bf does sound for a few clubs in LA. that ROCKED. cuz the ticket price was $20 pre-sale! so we went inside and met up with ann and 2 of her friends and just hung out and talked because it was only 11 something. ann proceeded to tell us that on a good nite this place doesn't close til 8am. 8 fuckin AM!!!! are u joshing me? no fuckin way. i'd die unless i was on something.

anyway, we went inside to dance and then ollie came. so we had our little group. altho it wasn't always quite a group because a lot of people at this place tend to dance facing the stage with their backs to their friends. i personally do not mind this because i have trouble dancing with someone. of course there are the lurkers. the hungry men looking for their prey. we encountered such men last nite. allow me to explain.

first we had doug. tinna asked if i wanted gum and when i got my piece out, doug and some other dude asked if they could have some too. it wasn't my gum so it wasn't my call. but tinna let them have some. then doug proceeded to talk to me. and then got up in my space and tried to dance with me. i was having none of it and thankfully tinna noticed this and cock blocked him. woo!

then there was the staring man. at some point he spotted our group and spotted me. at this time it was just me, tinna, and ollie because the rest went off somewhere. staring man came closer to our group and i shit you not, persisted to be there for a very very long time. ollie at first was oblivious to this but once again, tinna saw and helped me out. we must have rearranged the order of our dancing a million times and this guy still didn't get it. still tried different angles. still stared. i was amazed. ollie finally noticed too and thought it was comical. personally i was just like, "why the fuck doesn't this guy get it? i'm dancing around avoiding him. how come he just won't go away?" later on in the night he came around again. i swear that man is crazy. haha

then there was "wow" guy. "wow" guy must have been on something. probably rolling. first he got all in ann's friend's space. she seemed not to mind. but then he made his way to the rest of the group. got in my space a bit. talked with ollie. kept hanging around. he looked at me and said "wow....." which led me to realize that he was on something. at one point he was there, staring guy was there, some other random guys who weren't really persistent but were obviously there, and wingman ("wow" guy's friend) was there. wingman kept talking to tinna altho he never really seemed to persist except in the talking realm. he kept going up to her and asking her things. i think the same things. he was probably on something too. or at least drunk. who knows. either way at that point we walked off the dance floor. being surrounded by all these men was like some horrible sitcom nightmare. too funny.

BT was alright. considering i haven't been to many of these types of clubs (and most were in england), i don't have a good handle on greatness. i enjoyed myself because i could dance freely and i felt happy. until i saw john's friend jerry. then i got SUPER paranoid that john was there. just cuz i thought john might be there anyway since i know he loves BT. so i kept looking around where jerry was but no john. i don't think. i never saw him. saw a guy who looked like him but no john. phew! i haven't seen john in AGES and i'd really like to just keep it that way. we've chatted on the phone of course but not actual physical contact. for the best.

we left around 3:30 and ollie drove us back. his car is still a fucking nightmarish mess that i love to tease him about because i know it gets him all agitated. he had to push aside half the shit to make room for a back seat passenger. i remember on our first date i said to him, "you have so much shit back there that if we had wanted to bring someone to dinner with us, we wouldn't have been able to!!" and that fact still remains true to this day. haha

anyway, good nite overall. i'm glad i didn't feel all weird and shitty. i hope that continues. of course i still wish it wasn't that way at all and that we were just together, but whatever. can't get hung up on the details. haha today is a total work day. more minimag compilation and finishing up those finals. woo!

and as promised, here are a few photos from justin's bday night. yay for small cramped kiddie merry go rounds! and isn't justin just so precious looking? what a cutie. oh and i seem to have lost my face. haha

woohoo! i finished my minimag layouts!! now we just have to wait for corrections and then compile the whole thing and export to send to the printer. yay! the bulk of the work is done. thank god. i think i need a small nap before showering and going out.

the office party was only so so. i didn't expect it to be exciting but i thought it would be at least like the last one. there seemed to be more people there at the last one. i dunno. but whatever. it was cool. some people were dancing up a storm and they were cute as hell. the older guy that i used to have the weird infatuation with was there! but i didn't speak to him. in fact i rarely speak to him anymore. rick and lo came and then lo left after a bit and jessica came. they got a bit buzzed it seemed but i decided i would be the driver for the rest of the nite so i stopped after like 2 beers. spoke with random folks. one guy was testing out a new popcorn his company was gonna make. it was pretty good. spoke with one of the owners' wife who said that if she could find her ski pants she'd lend them to me for tahoe. how sweet. pat got a bloody nose. barely spoke to joseph. there was a guy there who used to and maybe still does work at my old intersnhip. at least it wasn't one of the guys i'd actually know cuz then that would be awkward as fuck. cuz i did see one of those retards at muse the other nite. but she didn't see me thankfully.

after the office party tinna came over here and her, me, jessica, and rick set out for justin's bday bar thing. the bar was in chinatown which is a part of LA i NEVER venture to because it's like 2 blocks. just lame. compared to SF there is no comparison. so we went there and justin was all cute and drunk. we met up with stacey, jen, and samira and just kinda hung out and talked. we were all being really lame. justin was floating around because it was also his other friend's bday and so combined there were a lot of old SC folks there. so he was floating around while the rest of us were being lame and talking about acid reflux and rock, paper, scissors rules. haha finally someone said we should get food at fred's so we decided to leave. we went out and told justin and he got all sad and kept asking us if we were really leaving. and it was this long drawn out process to leave because he was clinging to us. it was cute and funny. me and tinna hopped on one of those kiddie merry go round for a quarter things and started spinning. we barely fit and then this guy hopped on the third pony and it stopped cuz we were too heavy! it was hilarious. jen took photos. so maybe i'll post one if they are any good. after that we again tried to leave with justin hugging us more and whatnot. then we headed out to fred's where 4 of the 6 of us got the mac daddy cheese balls. fucking hilarious. a nice end to the night. i was dead tired by the end.

tonight is god's kitchen. sounds like it's just gonna be me, tinna, her friend, and ollie. should be interesting. at least in my mind. for the rest it will be fine and dandy and normal. hopefully i'll manage just fine. me and tinna plan to get wasted over here before going. can't wait! first i gotta finish my minimag spreads and hopefully meet with the girl i'm working with. then take a nap and shower before going.

printer is now working again. no clue what went wrong. just unplugged and futzed around with it. works fine. hopefully this won't happen again. *crosses fingers* finals are coming slowly. most of the work is done. finishing touches. not too bad since i'm printing most of it at home. thankfullly. less money!

minimag coming along. one more section to do. office party in a couple hours.

justin's bday is today. we are all going out for drinks at some bar in chinatown. should be interesting.

tomorrow is god's kitchen. may just be me, tinna, her friend, and ollie. if so, i feel that i'll most likely need to get really drunk. or maybe not. maybe that will backfire. either way i want to have a good time and not worry about tinges of pain or whatever. not sure what to do yet.

rick has too much energy for me right now. i wish i could have some of his...

MY PRINTER WON'T WORK AND I NEED IT TO WORK. I AM IN A PANIC RIGHT NOW!!!

OH MY GOD!!! i just posted and then rick came into my room as i was saying that i am getting tired. and so he proceeded to try and wake me up. first with my face. he said u gotta start with the face and he shoved my head around. pinched my cheeks. grabbed my chin. wiggled my nose. and now i feel like my face has gone to war and back. haha i love rick. what the hell would i do without him? he's my late night buddy!

set adrift on memory bliss

i heard this song on the radio yesterday as i was driving to ollie's school and i thought to myself: 1) this is a really great song. 2) i haven't heard this song in ages! 3) must download this song immediately. well, 1 and 2 need no action but 3 was accomplished today and i am listening to it now. it's a rip off of spandau ballet's "true" song. but i still like it. i think one of the dances at my high school was named after this song. probably the boat dance. seems the most fitting. but i can't quite remember with certainty.

still awake even though it's late. more work needs to be done. i take these mini breaks or else my mind will explode, my eyes will pop out, and my upper right shoulder blade will cave in. seriously folks, i think i'll need surgery on that damned thing when i'm older. i know without doubt that it's due to using the mouse so much. cuz it's always my right upper shoulder and when i mimic the position my arm makes to use the mouse, i can trace it back to the pain. it's pathetic really. i'm only 23!!!! i think i'm going to get that mac laptop by the beginning of next quarter. just gonna plunge in and get the 12" with more RAM. it'll eat up all my savings from working this year but whatever. it'll be damn useful. maybe i can sit in a differnt position using it and my shoulder won't hurt. who knows!

i was chatting with folks recently about how their dating is going because i remember when we were all so gungho. so fresh with our new potential dates. this was back in and around the glorious "month of champions" as rick and lo have named it. everyone and their mother was going on dates. and now i am starting to realize that mostly everyone has had lukewarm success. looks to me like these potential folks weren't such hot tickets after all. sad but true. so maybe i did curse it all. my downfall was only the beginning of the rest that would follow. this is not certain but it could very well be from what i am hearing. sad sad sad. at least we have arcarde fire. i mean really, what else do u need when u have such a glorious album??

muse was fucking awesome. they have so goddamn much energy on stage. such presence. i love it. i think i like their music better live than on the record. and that's rare for bands. they just deliver sooo much more to the songs on stage. and goddamn the stage was awesome. they has these metal platforms and the spot where the keyboard was was on top of this metal thing that lit up on the front. it was awesome. i didn't keep track of how long the set was but it seemed long. and it was just oh so good. i remember seeing the for the first time at coachella and they just blew me away on stage. makes me mad that i totally skipped out on seeing them in england when i lived there. i had tickets and everything. but i had gone to so many shows where i had to take trains that i didn't want to go see them. so i sold the tickets. fuckin eh. it was a smaller venue too! oh well. anyway, good shit. gotta get back to work now. taking a break from the amazing arcade fire album to listen to some party ben mashups.

john left me a really ridiculous message earlier today. in the past i'm sure i would have thought it was funny and cute. now i just think it's completely ridiculous and stupid. i swear if i never see that boy again i won't be bothered in the slightest. that's what happens when you are a complete asshole to me and then try and be mr. niceguy later. fuck that shit. i don't have time for that. as it is i have trouble dealing with people who are/were really nice to me and i can't deal with seeing them cuz it makes me unhappy or whatever. anyway, muse tonight! woo! can't wait. need a little break. the reviews section of the minimag is taking ages. it's 4 pages long. i've got one more page. i'll finish when i return from the show. but i also have to do stuff for my finals. i slept too much so now i'll be paying the price tonight. c'est la vie. i was super tired last nite but i'm not right now. so i think i'll be good. plus a concert really revs ya up. good shit. time to go.

meh-sto-doh

so i just took a nap and i woke up saying that word in my head over and over. like a word that sounds like that. anyone out there have any clue if in any language that word means anything?

and yea. i was doing soooo freakin well with this whole ollie thing til i saw him last nite. now it's got my panties all in a bunch! seeing him really is a reminder of rejection. and it sucks. this is going to be harder than i thought. even tho i thought i was doing so well. boo! back to work.

i can't get enough of this arcade fire album. it's just soooooo damned good. it's vaguely a concept album. a lot of the songs sorta fit together. it's cool. and two songs are half english and half french. here's lyrics from one of the songs. they are all good though. but i can't post them all!!

crown of love
- arcade fire

you gotta be the one,
you gotta be the way,
your name is the only word,
the only word that i can say!

in type class and i'm in a lab! you have no idea how huge this is. this is the class where the teacher refuses to teach in a lab because she thinks it distracts us. but now we are here cuz it's the last week and she has to help certain people with "technical" issues.

the traffic was THE WORST today. i couldn't get away from it. no matter which way i went there was sooo much traffic. consequently i was like 5 min late to class. bleh. i don't even think she noticed. i was feeling sorta shitty (not just cuz of the traffic) and i looked over to the car next to me and there was this young guy in the car. i know i looked upset and he just smiled at me and that made me feel a bit better. =)

i woke up this morning thinking that last nite definitely was more difficult than i wanted it to be. but it's really the only way to get over it. just to deal with it. right? or to push it all away and let it go. which i'm trying not to do. i can't even be bothered with the whole "is he being flaky?" thing because when i see him anyway it's sad for me. but i definitely don't want it to be that way because noah is the perfect example of a flaky past guy. i think for the past 4 weeks now we've been trying to get lunch or coffee and it hasn't happened. 4 mutherfuckin weeks! it's just a bite to eat. it's not the end of the fucking world. how hard can that be? but for a flaky person it's hard as fuck. anyway, i contemplate whether i should tell ollie that seeing him is a bit painful. i know it wouldn't do anything but then at least he'd know that in case i got all awkward or something. i dunno. it's like rick and everyone else says, seeing the person is just a constant reminder of rejection. and rejection sucks and hurts. maybe he reads this fucking thing and will know anyway. who the hell knows. everyone and their mother does it seems. anyway, back to work mode. it's nice to be busy because it's a good way to focus my attention. more minimag spreads today. more work on the finals. muse @ the wiltern. since i got a lot of sleep last nite (well a lot by comparison), i can't sleep much tonight. this is decidedly so.

it's been a long day and i have work to do but i'm dead tired. so after this post i'm calling it a night and waking up earlier in the morning to get some shit done.

i went to ollie's school play tonight. the laramie project. good show. a lot of the kids did a really good job. i totally forgot that the kid from sixth sense goes to that school! i'll refrain from using his name out of courtesy. anyway, he was in the play and of course he did a good job. but some of the other kids did too and they aren't famous actors! i went with tinna and afterward, she, ollie, and i went to get some grub. we went to my "favorite" pasadena bar -- the yardhouse. got this beer that tasted like raspberry champagne. very good. got some pizza too. i hadn't eaten in nearly 11 hours and i was STARVING yet when i got my food i couldn't eat all that much because i was so hungry it hurt my stomach to eat. the conversation at the table wasn't too enthralling. i dunno if it was cuz everyone was a bit tired or maybe it was just me. after all it was a slight bit awkward, this being my first time seeing ollie since we had our lovely little post-monologue talk. i have to say that this friendship this is going to be harder than i hoped. even tho i knew fully well how it would be.

i've talked to ollie consistently since our last encounter but only online. and u know how online is. it's distant. so u aren't really dealing with the situation. and so when i first saw him tonight my initial reaction was a tinge of pain. that tinge is still there right now. just seeing his cute little face and knowing how rad he is. and how fucking rad i am (haha). and how it'll never be. and then this of course prompted me to have a chat with rick when i got home. both of us feeling the void in our lives. nothing really coming of the chat except that we both agree that meeting people at coffeeshops is possible. but basically just talking about shit. getting it all out there even tho there really isn't anything to get out.

anyway, i'll still continue to try and make this friendship with ollie work. i know that for awhile when i see him i'll just merely be thinking i wish it could work out. and how i know it won't. but i guess that's natural. i expect it to be that way. it always is. at least with me. but that's also cuz i'm always (well that's not true but that's how u remember it) on the receiving end of being thrown aside. kicked to the curb as the boys in high school would say. (what mean boys...)

i've already gone over my minutes for the statement period. 30 some odd minutes over. til the 14th. so basically like a whole fuckin week. it's cuz of damned work. always calling me. i think i need a new plan. fuckin eh. so i wont be answering my fone really which sucks cuz i have work!! maybe i can change the plan now. i dunno. i'll look into that when i get home. anyway, i'm just saying i'm gonna be harder to reach for the next week. fuck!

sooo....tired....

i was all into my work last nite and then i forced myself to sleep cuz otherwise i wouldn't get any sleep! gah. so much more to do on that minimag. going very slowly. oh well. i got two pages done. 2 of like 12 or something. but not all the stuff is in so it doesn't matter. i could only do 5 pages at the most right now. hopefully more will roll in today so i can work on it when i get back from ollie's play.

oh god that photo never gets old! haha everytime i go to my blog now i'm gonna burst out laughing. i can't help it. i know it's bad too...

i think i'll use haloscan for my commenting when i redo the blog. considering the month is sorta nearly over and i plan to redo the whole thing and change the linkage, might as well just wait to put the comments back on. sorry. i wish they were still there cuz i enjoy seeing what people have to say. but i want continuity once this good ole blog retires to the archives completely.

the minimag is coming along slowly. i never thought such a short page of text would take so long. but it has! i can see the sleepless nites on the horizon. oh well. can't worry now. waiting on approval to cut a couple lines of text. and more articles. and more photos. yes yes. we work RIGHTUPTOTHEDEADLINE. it's fabu. fab-fucking-ooh.

i can't stop listening to the new arcade fire album!! it's like interpol all over again. i can see why people like it so much. i'm totally hooked. it's like the polyphonic spree got together with the flaming lips and had bright eyes and bjork do cameos. their sound is all over the place but i love it. i fuckin love it.

i shouldn't be laughing but i can't help it...

my hands are freezing!!!!

i've decided i must change the blog. ring in the new year with it. it's due for a change.

i got a lot of my school shit done. woo! basically i'm just waiting on going to class and getting feedback. then i'll take that shit to the printers and be done with it! meanwhile the minimag is going oh so slowly. we hardly have any materials!!! the weekend looks bleak. but fuck you and you and you and your mother. i'm gonna go out and have a good time anyway.

oh the poor bloggy....how you have been ass-raped. =( first when my other server fucked me over i had to switch and in the process lost all of my archives in the sense that the only way to salvage them was to literally link the old urls. so basically the old blog entries aren't archived in this MT system that i have running on my server. which is ok i guess except the old entries would only match the new entries if i keep this current blog interface. but now i have noticed that the blog's comment system has been bastardized and raped. spammers left and right. after much adieu of trying to blacklist and ban and whatnot, i finally am going to just remove commenting entirely. so sad. cuz i like seeing people's comments. but unless there is a better way, goodbye comments. i'm also thinking of possibly redoing my blog. new layout. start fresh. i'll still keep the archives of the old blog and link them to the new one. fix up the old pages to remove all dead links to comments that don't exist anymore and create links to all the new archived pages. then just start anew. i'm thinking of starting this venture in the near year. 2005 brings a new blog? we'll see. same url and everything. just new interface. and maybe i can find a better comment system that doesn't fuck my bloggy in the ass. if you have any suggestions for a good comment system that works with MT and won't get spammed, let me know. right now i can't be bothered. i've already wasted a couple hours on this to no avail. my poor bloggy.

the power just went out for like 45 min! i thought it was gonna be longer and i was gonna have a cow cuz i have so much shit to do. i was in the middle of making my menu and i didn't save!! good lord. so now i must redo it. at least the power came back quickly or i would have been fucked. i plan to be up for at least 4 more hours and that would have been a LOT of time lost.

i await everyone's top 10 lists. i know there will be many. i don't do that because i have a shitty memory. i can't thnk of what movies came out this year. or music. or whatever. too much work for my poor little memory. but i await other people's lists. one that i know will surely make a few top 10's, including the place i work, is the debut arcade fire album, funeral. everyone was raving about it since it came out and i didn't know what all the hoopla was all about because i never bothered to give it a listen. even when people would play it in the office i didn't make an effort to try and hear it. but thanks to james shoving it down our throats (along with many other great albums of this year), i am happy to say that i agree. the arcade fire album is pretty fucking good. many layers of instruments makes this album sound different than all the other stuff that came out this year. i mean i too fell victim to the stills, stellastarr, franz ferdinand, snow patrol, etc etc. and it's all indie rock goodness. but this is just a little bit different. and i like it. i hear they are awesome live with all those damned instruments. and if i wasn't so damned busy, i bet i could hustle a ticket to their show tomorrow nite. alas i don't even have time to worry whether i could. i hear they are playing again in january so i'll try then. if u get the chance, pick up this album. songs 1 and 4 are my faves but u really need to hear the whole thing together.

let me make a little amendment to my christmas wishlist. in addition to all those frivolous material items i want, i'd also very much welcome something that was thoughtful. whether it's handmade or just something that took effort to get and that i wouldn't think to ask for but you know i'd love. for example, last year my dear friend brian did something of that sort. apparently months prior i had made an off-handed remark about how i would like a pair of white chuck taylors. so when christmas came around brian snooped around my shoes one night when i wasn't looking to find my chuck size and then searched all over the city for a pair of white ones. none to be found. so then he finally got them in texas when he went home. now surely chuck taylors are nothing special but he took a lot of effort into getting them and he knew i wanted them from saying so many months earlier. so it took thought and effort on his part and i appreciated the gift that much more. anyway, i like when people make stuff too. cuz that u can't get anywhere and that's the raddest of all. or if you are reading this and don't feel like getting me a gift, that's totally cool with me too. cuz we dont have to exchange gifts. i've got so much stuff on my plate that it will be fine with me.

on another note, i partook in the first of many social events that will disrupt my workflow and sleep patterns this coming week. went to see the machinist with lo and his friend aaron. good movie. built up a lot and i was totally wanting to know what the hell the plot twist would be. can't say it was the greatest plot twist but it worked well. so yea. it was cool overall. i need to see closer asap. that's the one i'm drooling over. oh jude....

christmas wishlist!!

since it's getting on that time again, i'm going to post my wishlist as i usually do with links to the cheapest places to buy the stuff. feel free to get me anything and everything on this list. i've love you that much more. haha

- epson perfection 3170 photo scanner
- seinfeld seasons 1 & 2 dvd
- seinfeld season 3 dvd
- type: no borders no boundaries no limits, by roger walton
- 12" display apple 1.33 GHz powerbook g4 with 768 DDR33 RAM, 60GB hard drive, combo drive, airport card, and video card
- dvds: before sunset, being john malkovich, breakfast club, chasing amy, garden state, fargo, fight club (special edition), in the company of men, twelve monkeys, usual suspects (special edition)

and here i thought the rain stopped LA people from going outside. i guess the holiday season is too strong to lock the angeleans inside. i thought if i just went out to get my roller skates and go to ralphs and target it'd be cool. a breeze. but no! i think i lost a little part of my life during the venture. target was chaos. sports chalet was fine and i got my skates!!!! but goddamn ralphs' parking lot. i didn't even bother going inside. the lot was so full it must be chaos in the store. i'll just go tomorrow and eat some random crap tonight. but yea. what a fuckin mess. took entirely too long. but now i'm quite ready to work into the nite on my shit. woo! gotta get it all done.

i just remembered one more thing. office party on friday! so i'll have to split my nite. the party is from 6-10pm tho and it's just down the street from my house it shouldn't be a big deal. i'll just basically be there anyway and just stop working. hang out. drink a few beers. then come home and go to justin's thing.

ugh and xmas is coming!!! i have all these ideas and no time to execute them!!! gah. i dunno what to do.

last nite was good times at the wine party. lots of familiar faces and lots of random wines. and the food was damn good....i had a good time. there was much cell fonage going on at the party. ridiculous indeed. apparently some folks think that me and a certain young gentleman would go well together but that neither of us would ever grow the balls to do anything about it. i personally think that he seems cool but i don't really know that much about him to say yes, i'd take that risk and ask him out. so i dunno. we'll see.

this coming week is going to be the hell week. i thought it was going to be last week because the minimag was supposed to be due friday or tomorrow. BUT...due to the holidays, people couldn't get the shit done in time so now the minimag is due the following monday. so this whole week is going to be pure hell. but the problem is that now it's gotten even worse with finals and social events. basically by next monday the minimag has to be done. most of my finals have to be ready to go to the printer. and i have to attend the following social events:

wed - ollie's play
thurs - muse @ the wiltern
fri - justin's bday/indie band thing
sat - god's kitchen

oh boy! i shouldn't even be posting this cuz i have so much shit to do. but u know me. i'm totally gonna push everything til the last minute.

foiled again!!! me and tinna went to get roller skates but then they weren't on sale. but now looking at the sports chalet website, i realize that the ones with the pink wheels were on sale and the ones with the white wheels weren't! gah!!! i dunno what to do. is this a bad omen? i want the damned skates!

it's lonely in the house right now. no one is home. i know i should be doing work but i don't want to. bleh. i'm kinda hungry too. maybe i'll eat something and then eat again at the wine party. we'll see.

three words: my. new. desktop.

with the help of james no less to reconfigure the positioning of the bears!

!!! i just realized that i had a dream about ollie last nite. we were going somewhere and then the nite was ending and we just decided to say fuck all and ending up hooking up despite the situation. i'm sure that's a wishful thinking dream more than anything.

it's damn cold these days...for LA standards. i need to find me a boy tonight to snuggle with! *sigh* the benefits of having a loved one during the winter holidays....body warmth.

last nite i went to see as vishnu dreams with tinna. it was a play about hindu culture. it's a small production. i enjoyed it except for this one girl's performance. but half of the people in the play are still in school. so it's understandable to some degree.

tonight is shaun's party. tomorrow is amanda's wine party. ollie will be attending neither. i didn't invite him to shaun's but i did invite him to amanda's awhile ago. but he's not gonna come. partially cuz it's for the best to have a bit more "cooling down" time and also cuz he's mad busy getting ready for his school play next week which i will be going to.

i was going to go buy roller skates today but now it's too late. i'll just go tomorrow. boo friggin hoo. it's just as well i guess cuz if i went now i'd just want to try them now and it's too dark.

it's so funny. i rarely see plays. and yet i am going to one tonight with tinna and today daniel f. called me up asking if i wanted to go to a play with him! but i can't cuz i'm already commited. if he doesn't go tonight i'll probably catch it with him another nite. and he said that he asked other people and they were going to some other plays tonight too. what's with all the plays?!? i remember when daniel and i were dating (this is the daniel from high school...he lives down here now) we went to his friend's school play and the audience was sitting ON the stage. it was super weird. but interesting. anyway, too many plays and too many daniels! haha ollie's student's show is starting soon and i'd like to see that as well. not sure when it runs. i'll have to find out. all these social events. i guess it makes sense because it's the holiday season and people are all out doing stuff. i like that. being busy never hurts anybody. and goddamnit, i'm gonna get some roller skates and fall on my ass and learn to skate for the roller disco. woo!!

oh and i think i've decided i'm going to be a total slacker next quarter. i was thinking about taking a photography class at smc. and then i was thinking about taking a jewelrymaking class. but now i think i might not take either. i would love to take them but i sorta wanna focus on my portfolio and also i really need a breather from school. the less classes the better....i think...we'll see. i may regret this decision but i'm sure it will just free up more time to work on the stuff i want to be working on. the random projects i want to do that don't yield any other reward than personal satisfaction...which is a damn good reward might i add.

had a great time talking with brian over coffee. our plans were entirely foiled because we wanted to go to insomnia cafe but then when we got there ALL the seats were taken. furthermore, every single person there had a laptop. it was truly amazing. i've NEVER seen anything like it. i gawked out loud and this guy said something to me. brian thought i knew him but i didn't. he was just being friendly/nosy/whatever. so we left and went to starbucks because what else was there to do? so sad. but we made the best of it and were having a great conversation only to find that this particular starbucks closed at 10! so we had to leave. =( so then we just went back to his place to chat. good times.

we had a lovely discussion about relationships. i feel a lot of my friends talk about this topic a lot now. probably because we are getting older and maturing to the point of actually wanting a substantial relationship. i dunno. we discussed the idea of compatibility. we used to think that having similar interests was very important. and now we both agree that it seems to be important at first but then after awhile u realize that it's not so much about that and more about compatibility of personality. i fully agree. case in point -- john. we had a lot of similar interests. it was awesome. at first...but in the end our personalities and what we wanted out of relationships was quite different. so that became disasterous! and then there was ollie. we both didn't have very similar interests at all. but i *thought* our personalities were very compatible. i guess not. at least to him. i guess. i dunno. anyway, either way i would much rather date someone with less common interests than someone with all the same interests. that way u can feed off each other and learn a lot more. it gets boring if u like all the same things. that's no fun. the only thing i really would prefer us to have in common is music taste. if only for us to go to the same concerts and not fight over cds in the car or whatever.

...unless i found a photographer....who cooks! omg. if i found such a boy, i'd have to marry him. that would be awesome. and we'd probably have very similar interests. but hot damn. a photographer....too good. it'll never happen.

anyway...

i learned of some news today that sort of displeases me. i can't decide how i feel about it but my knee jerk reaction was displeasure. more on this later.

i was super productive today at school. it was awesome. i finished my final for motion graphics which is the class i hate. but at least it's done. it's corny as hell. but everyone's is. it's the nature of the project. i also got a lot of typographic stuff done for my poster that i'm working on. it's shaping up nicely i think. when i got home my eyes hurt sooooo much though from looking at the screen for so long. so i took a nap. i can't say that i feel 100% better but my eyes do feel a bit more rested. so that's good. gonna get some coffee with brian tonight in the midst of working on my type homework. fun fun.

what....the....fuck??? i just found some shit from my second quarter class in the trashcan of this mac!!!! how the fuck did my files get there?? they aren't on my hard drive so someone must have accessed them somehow from somewhere and then dumped them in the trash yesterday. but what the fuck? who? how? when? that shit is soooo old. i feel like i'm in the twilight zone and some monster is gonna come out and eat my head or something. fucking hell.

monologue prep has begun. it's just a matter of a few more weeks...i think...i hope not. but i think...

i HATE this class!!! i'm getting super antsy and don't want to be in school anymore. it's getting REALLY bad.

i want to learn to roller skate....now...so i can whiz around my neighborhood. i have to find some cheap ass old skates.

WHITE RABBITS

i forgot to say that last month and look what happened. haha me, lo, and jessica said it in october in bali. like clockwork baby. and october was absolutely brilliant. goddamn the man and my bad memory! haha

so the guy that made these pieces of art does a lot of stuff like them. they're awesome. click the images to go to his website. i met him a little while back at this screening for the 24 hour movies some of my friends made. his movie was soooo fucking hilarious. and so when it was over i went up to him to tell him that and he gave me his business card which said on it "professional genius. donny. this is not a business card. it's a very tiny poster." i thought that shit was hilarious. it was a total illustration card too. i never took the time to go to his website. but i finally did and his shit is hilarious. and i like the rendering of the stuff too.

my and the single roomies have decided to institute a rewards system for dating. haha we sat around the dinner table talking about it just now. we did this before when we lived at the old house. we used to say if u went on a date u didn't have to do dishes for a week. but now we wanna up the ante. not sure what we'll do though. we haven't decided yet. i feel like i don't need a reward for dating so much as i need a reward for making it past the talk. that's where my weakness lies. i've been on a bunch of dates this year. but nothing that's lead to anything more than a few weeks. so that's my problem. we all realize we have different weakness with dating. so we wanna taylor the rewards system to each of our problems to help us along better. i don't know if we'll ever actually get this going though because we are lazy bastards. haha but whatever. i haven't got the time or energy to really worry about that shit. the next 3 wks are going to be hellish and i'm not excited about it. i wish i didn't have school anymore because i really wanna work on all these other projects. but i just don't have the time. i wanna paint some panels for my room and do some web stuff and make some stuff for xmas. but i just don't have the freakin time!!!