email problem solved. apparently sbc decided to make some upgrades/changes to our line and sent an email to an account we never check. so we had no idea. i just had to call to find out and make the appropriate changes. haha at least it's working now. thank god.

johnross is my hero for the night because he gave me coffee and taquitos. yes, it doesn't take much these days to please jen immensely. i went to his place not too long ago to take his photos and he was very hospitable. not to say that other people weren't when i went to their house, but i was just dead tired and really needing a pick me up. so yea. cheers to johnross!

anyhow, i'm up to 46 faces now. it's quite incredible. i'm thinking i can probably swing about 65 by the time i'm done snapping away. that's fuckin rad. if i do go home this weekend i could get a bunch more i'm sure. but that's still up in the air.

the coachella lineup was announced and i think i'm going to get peer pressured into going both days. personally i think the second day is not too hot. arcade fire is playing which is amazing but i'm not stoked on any of the main stage bands. so i dunno. but "everyone else is doing it" so i swear i'll end up going. it just sucks cuz i have a lot of expenses this quarter. granted they are sort of frivolous but at the same time a necessary evil. i just bought a new scanner cuz my other one didn't work with my mac and i got rid of my PC. and now i'm strongly considering by this medium format printer that's $300 just because then i can print all my work myself and not have to go to the printers and spend mad amounts of money. i'm gonna be making a lot of books this quarter so i feel this is a wise investment. cuz then i can print at my own convenience and the way i want with the paper i want. but the thing is the printer is so damned expensive. that plus coachella tickets (before food, gas, and tshirt costs) is over $500. and i'd be dropping all that this week. plus the scanner is on my credit card. that'll be a hefty credit card bill. goddamn! so yea. i dunno....

my email is on the fritz and i can receive emails but for some reason can't send them. it's bizarre. i'm too tired to look into this further right now. gotta eat and shoot gino and brian and help gino with his project a bit.

the new powerbooks were announced as i heard from a little bird about a month ago. thank god i waited! i can get a faster powerbook for less money. fuck yea.

it's so goddamned hot in this room. fuckin eh. i swear we are all gonna die of heatstroke. haha

i'm stoked on getting my projects done and my portfolio. i can't wait to get started. it'll be awesome it works out the way i want it to.

my project is now my life. all weekend was devoted to it. i've driven over 100 miles up and down the 110, 10, 405, etc. u name it. i've been back and forth so goddamn many times to visit people's homes and snap their photos. i've gotten 33 faces so far. i hope this coming week proves to be just as fruitful as the weekend. it's crazy scheduling everyone since they all live in different spots and have different time frames that they are free. i went to one guy's house and he lives in a part of LA i've NEVER been too -- mt. washington. it was hard as hell to find his place and there is no cell phone reception up there. but i did quite like the inside of his place. so it was worth the trip. plus i am now aware of a new spot in LA.

anyway, i'm quite tired. running around all weekend. driving takes it's toll. squeezed in a little bit of fun tho. had milkshakes with ollie friday nite after work. then went to a party at justin's place. and last nite i watched sleeper with ollie at his apt. funny ass movie. gotta love the retro future look. ;)

tomorrow will prove to be just as exhausting i fear. school all day followed by shooting at least 5 people on top of all the people in my class. not to mention i told gino i would help him with his project. so yea. busy day. busy week really. gonna be shooting all week at random times of the day which is going to make going into the office tricky. but whatever. i'm not worried. it's best i ween them off of me anyway since i'll be leaving soon enough. not sure when yet. that's to be determined. oh and if ollie ends up driving up to norcal this thursday i think i'll hitch a ride with him and go see the folks and friends. shoot some people up there too. that'll be a lovely change of pace. we'll see if it happens. now it's time to get less sleep than i need. fun fun.

so i think i need to leave my internship soon. i dunno.... *sigh*

note to self: never have a crush on someone u work with. never blog about it. and never let it get to u.

ollie just cheered me up tho so that's good. we're gonna get milkshakes and go to a party. i can't wait. i feel better already. i seriously was just not into it today. maybe cuz i didn't like what i was working on. i dunno. no i know. but yea. at least the other design intern and i goof around a bit. i think i weird him out sometimes. haha

the interview today went well and i'll be doing some freelance work for them. so that's awesome. more reason to just leave the internship. i gotta get a job really soon anyway.

this photo is fucking amazing. only because i have NEVER seen anyone capture puke coming out of someone's mouth on camera. it's gross to look at but really amazing. i got this after surfing around the site formerly known as p_____ scene. you hipster folks know what i am talking about. i only went to the site cuz someone told me that the guy took off most of the old groups of photos and i wanted to make sure that the one i was in was gone. and it is. the archives aren't far enough back. thank heavens. but i started browsing around a bit cuz i always get sucked into photos and i happened to stumble upon this one so i had to repost it. i mean no copyright infringement. i'd give full credit if it weren't for the fact that doing so would make this blog just that much more searchable on google. and fuck that.

while posting this photo i was reminded of one i posted last month that michael gave to me. the baby with the marked up face. here is the link to it. goddamn that shit makes me laugh just thinking about it let alone looking at it.

the funk is over i think and i feel fantastic. i really think it was that shitty dream. it ruined my whole day.

i feel really off today. it's fuckin horrible. i just wanna curl up into a ball. these are the times i wish i was dating someone cuz then i'd just go over to his house and curl up with him. but no. bah. today is a wash. a total wash. i only marginally got shit done. fuck. i need to get cracking. i have a ton of shit to do. i have to get out of this funk. etc etc. i'm blogging entirely too much as a result too. ugh. it's all bad. today is just a bad day. period.

i just got a freelance gig that's gonna be really simple yet pay well for what it is. $250 to make a cd back inlay and design the cd label. all b&w with little artwork. cake work man. i'm quite glad i've kept in contact with this particular woman who i worked with on something through the internship awhile back. she said she'd keep me in mind for freelance work and i hadn't heard from her in ages since the last freelance gig i did for them. but here she is. back again. good stuff.

tomorrow i've got an interview with a company that gino and ian work for currently. some of my other friends used to work for this company as well. it's not something i'd really like to do but they need a pool of designers they can call upon for random work so i said i'd go interview. i mean hell, if i can pick up a few random freelance gigs from this that would be rad. so right now i'm redesigning my resume AGAIN. i just did it the other day and now i'm totally redoing the way it looks. i've noticed that i have two sides to me. the side that wants everything sans serif (preferably helvetica kerned irregularly) and lowercase. and the side that wants script writing couples with serif small caps. i think i'm going thru a design transition in my life. i'm down for everything to be really clean and beautiful. i want my faces book to be that way. definitely gonna go with serif fonts. that's for sure.

if my crush is the one who is reading this damned thing several times a day, then he probably now thinks i'm weird. *sigh* i am weird. i know that. but now i probably come off as even weirder. how shitty. i really wish i never checked the IPs that day. cuz i'd really rather not know that he knows. now i just feel so naked. oh well. such is the life of a blogger.

i just remembered i had another dream last nite. that jacob called me. wow. haven't thought about him in AGES! i wish i could remember what we talked about in the dream. i just remembered it all of a sudden cuz i'm scanning thru my address book looking at people to harass about taking photos. i saw his name and then it clicked. wow. yea. jacob.

they turned the water off for whatever reason and i couldn't shower which meant i couldn't go anywhere. bah. now it's back on. thank god.

last nite i had this horrible dream. i'm not sure if it's cuz i was talking about that awful metrolink crash yesterday but it was a bad dream indeed. basically i wanted to kill myself. i don't remember what the rationale was but it seemed to be good enough that my parents weren't opposed to this idea. the whole dream was about me preparing to die. i was gonna do it in some pansy way like taking medicine. but then at the last minute i started to panic about dying and leaving this whole world behind and not seeing what i'd make of myself as an adult and whatnot and then i didn't want to kill myself. i wanted to live and stick it out. and i started to cry and panic. then i woke up. it was an awful dream. as a result i didn't wake up as early as i wanted cuz after that dream i didn't want to get out of bed and start my day so i laid there and then fell back asleep. i hate when i have dreams related to my death. it freaks me out. but none top the one where i actually woke up thinking i had died for a moment. loss of breath. panic. fear. it felt extremely real. that's the scariest dream i've ever had.

anyway...

i'm fretting a bit over my project. the whole polaroid thing might not work! gah. i might have to switch to digital or print. fuck. oh well. i might just return this blasted camera and get store credit for it. boo!! i'm realizing that it's going to be hard to shoot everyone really soon cuz i have to do it during daylight hours to get the optimal photo quality. and shooting 20+ people in one weekend sounds impossible. we shall see.

dinner at ollie's was great. brian approves of ollie which doesn't matter anymore but i still do care what brian thinks about boys i like/date whether it be past tense or not. i'm glad ollie has been a good friend and hasn't flaked on me. i feared that would happen but so far we've both been quite good about it all. however, if he starts dating someone soon, i'm not certain we can hang out as much. cuz it'll weird me out too much. i just know it. not until i move on. ie, date someone new. which at this rate who knows when that will be.

the po po are out in full force. i've been driving a lot today and i've seen entirely too many cops/sheriffs on the road. i'm not sure what it is today but they are there. i had to drive *back* to school today cuz i had class early this morning and then this afternoon i had to meet with a career services woman who i will be working with til my ass gets a fuckin job. she was really nice and i enjoyed chatting with here. i think i was there for over an hour. i've had a good day of interaction. cuz after i left school i went to samy's to get some photo stuff for my project and first i was helped by a man who was joking around a lot with me cuz he could tell i was a student who didn't know too much shit. it's amazing how the digital market is taking over the photography world. it's sad really. cuz i went to by an FLD filter (one that cancels out the flourescent light) and they hardly make them anymore he said cuz everyone is going digital and u can just white balance on the cam. anyway, then i had to go to a separate dept to get my polaroid cam. the pro one that takes the cute little square and rectangular photos with the white borders. the girl that helped me was super nice. it was awesome. and now here i am. home. about to test out this lovely new polaroid. then i'm off to ollie's for dinner. brian and joe are joining us. ollie makes good dinners. goddamn the domesticated man...who is also handy with the tools. why did he have to dump my ass?

woo! i sent out a massmailing to a bunch of my friends about shooting them for my project and so far i've got 19 confirmed to help me out. awesome! not to mention one of them lives in a house with 12 people who she thinks will let me shoot them too. that would rock. i can't wait. i want to get as many faces as possible so the book will be super diverse. very exciting.

today in class we experimented with different forms of art and swapped them out every 10 min. the art and the form. so in the end we had the weird collages ever. it was quite fun. if only it wasn't so damned early.

i'm ridiculously excited about my senior project. i have decided to do stuff that is very photo intensive so i'll get myself back into shooting. i can't fucking wait. i love photography. i can't say i regret my education but if i could go back and change things i would. i would have become a photography major and probably wouldn't even be living here in LA or anything. my life would be completely different. but i digress....

so i have decided the theme for my senior project will be "portraits."

one sub-project is going to be a catalog of someone's daily life. and when i mean catalog, i mean a literal catalog. i'm going to monetarily asess someone's life. take photos of their interactions with things for one day and then make up approx. prices of those things and create a catalog entitled, "the price of being a [insert profession]." i will either do one person or a series of three if it doesn't seem too difficult.

another sub-project i'm going to do a series of three booklets depicting the differences in people through objects. one booklet will be wallets. one will be desks. and one will be thumbprints. i'll take a slew of photos and then put them into different types of packaging. not necessarily booklets. we shall see.

another sub-project is to take a slew of photos of people's faces. tight closeups. no retouching. just show the people just as their are. show the differences in people and note their race, age, name, and profession at the bottom of the page. or something like that. just a book of faces. for this one i want as many people as possible so the book can be really diverse.

another sub-project will be an instruction manual on how to take a portrait. basically a small guide to taking a photo and printing it (the b&w kind) from start to finish. i want it to be very boring looking. very old. like it was found in a box from the 70s. all b&w. no images. maybe line drawings.

another sub-project will be some sort of self-portrait. at first i was thinking of doing a journalistic sort of thing. chronicling my process of this project. but now methinks i need to delve deeper and do a self-portrait that has a lot of meaning about myself. boil myself down to the core. maybe do something about my OCD. i dunno. i haven't figured that out.

i had one other idea but i'm going to scrap it for lack of time and means of executing it. i've got my hands full already with the rest. now i have to flesh out the logistics of it. get the film. etc. get shooting!!!

tomorrow i have an interview with the career services woman at school. i can't wait. i have a slew of questions. they call it an interview but are they really interviewing me so much as i'm interviewing them? seriously tho. i've got probably as many questions for them as they have for me!

i have to wake up in 6.5 hours but i'm totally awake right now. this blows. i hate early classes.

oh boy...after further investigation i am nearly positive the crush has found the blog. the IP traces back to the office IP. i checked old emails. well...someone in the office has found it. i guess i shouldn't be so narrowminded as to think the crush found it. it could be anyone in the office. but somehow i think it's him. oh well. what can u do now? nothing really. such is the nature of blogs. i know that anyone can find it at any time. i take that risk when writing shit down. i mean my teacher once found it and that was fucked. most boys i have dated have found it. altho i don't think john did. thankfully. cuz i said some horrific shit about him. actually both john's. that curs-ed name! anyway, proceed as normal. act like nothing happened. i guess i underestimated my crush. i didn't think he'd ever search for me. why the fuck would he do that? unless he suspected all along? oh fuckin hell jen. stop thinking so much. it might not even be him. and even if it is, it's too late. move on.

note to self: can't post anything about the office anymore. even tho everything i've ever said (albeit annonymous) has always been good. still best not to post anything anymore. hmm...this will be tricky. i go there so much that my blog might start to feel really empty.

oh and one other thing before we lay this to rest. i re-read the entry that led my crush or whoever found my blog. and i mentioned something that hopefully no one will understand as i have amended the archives slightly. yes sir. it's not bad. but it's for the best.

every so often i check who's been reading my blog. IPs that is. cuz i'm a total nerd. just so happens that today someone with the IP from a sister label to the one i interviewed at today found my blog. not by looking me up. an eerie coincidence indeed. someone also searched for me today in a way which scares me about who it might be. could it be the crush? i dunno. i'm concerned only slightly because i doubt he would do that. he doesn't have the time for that bullshit. and even if he did, then he knows about my crush on him and is ok with it cuz we still goofed around today like we always do. so whatever.

been chattin with will via myspace recently. he asked me to be his valentine. i said yes. why not? i have nothing better to do on that "single's awareness day" as i heard someone call it. it's so far off we'll probably forget anyway. and if not then it's cool cuz he's hot and i haven't seen him since the halloween party at ryan's.

oh yea. i was tipped off about the secret beck show the night of last week which happened to be the nite of brian's party. sadly i didn't believe my crush who told me about it and therefore missed out. the crush has a tendancy to fib about trivial shit such as this. so i didn't believe him. altho i would have gone to brian's anyway. but yea. it sucks. boo friggin hoo. the ever elusive beck!

i love watching random people. i was driving home today from the doc's in BH and i saw these two backpacker girls walking down the street. now normally i might not notice but 1) i was at a red light waiting to turn left and 2) it's BH (bev hills) and u don't see people with backpacks in BH. u just don't. not unless it's some designer name one and it's trendy. these two girls reminded me of when i backpacked around and probably looked just as goofy and out of place. then i saw a business type man walk out of his building and take notice of the two girls. and i saw him follow their stride for quite some time with his eyes. it was very interesting.

but i digress...

i went to my interview today with the big record label. first of all the building is badass on the outside but not so badass on the inside. not to mention i think their is a spatial situation that can't be rectified without some serious overhauling of the building which won't ever happen. anyway, the HR woman was very friendly and she directed me to the art dept lady who i interviewed with. as i thought it was for an internship which i would consider if i thought it would get me somewhere. and this one doesn't seem to be the case. the art dept is only 6 people strong and is about twice the size of my bedroom. basically they do a lot of promo stuff in house but also hire a lot of freelancers. so even if i interned there i wouldn't get hired most likely and the internship would be some GD stuff but also a lot of filing and whatnot. ef that. but i did realize that yes a big label is probably not the place to try and work. cuz 1) i won't get to do what i'd want (make album art) and 2) there is a lot of red tape. we all hate red tape. so it was a good informational experience which is basically what i wanted out of it. i was offered the internship but i will decline. and that is that.

anyway, last nite i went out with the office folk. we went to this bar in santa monica to get gourmet burgers which were lovely. it was one of the owner's bdays and so we had a cake too. good times. vday came up at the table and i found out that for sure my crush is single. cuz i thought that he might be seeing one of the now former employees. but nope. cuz he will be gone for vday for business with a lot of the other people in the office. it's a tradeshow that i also won't mention for fear of searchable words. but anyway, one of the girl's in the office will be going was like "well then. u will be my valentine by default." so yes, he is single. woo! still doesn't make much difference for me but at least if i wanted to be bold i know i could. after food at the bar we went bowling. i was so damned tired tho i barely had any energy. it sucked. i rode home with the crush and one other girl from the office. when he dropped me off last outside my house he said something that i thought was cute in a stupid way.

crush: hey. we now live sorta on the same street.
me: yea. u live on 6th right?
crush: no actually i live on _____ right off of 6th.
me: yea. well i live on _____ right off of 6th.
crush. yea see we are in the exact same situation.

i could only smile. so lame. so cute. *sigh*

fuck! having creative block. can't think. must sleep. this blows.

i'd say roller disco was a huge success in some ways and not so much in others. it was a success because a shitload of people showed up. it appears as tho everyone told everyone about it. so people i didn't even initially send the email out to were there. that was rad to see. it wasn't even my idea! it was tinna's! but i have the email list so i sent it out. the downfall of the nite was stephanie breaking her hand. and this was after we had been sitting around talking about people breaking limbs due to skating. that really sucked for her. and it brought a bit of a damper to the rest of the nite. i personally was too chicken to really make a wholehearted attempt. especially after hearing about stephanie (i didn't actually see it happen). i also was extremely tired from going out for 2 wks straight! but i vow to use my skates 30 min a day everyday. altho i doubt i'll do it everyday. but if i shoot for that i'll probably do it like half the week.

ollie came over a little while ago and put together my bookshelf. he did it so fast that i bet it took him longer to drive here and back than to assemble it. it was actually quite simple but for me, anything involving tools is never simple. i'm just not programmed that way. on the other hand, he's having trouble setting up his email and that is something i *can* do. so yea. different strokes for different folks.

i have a lot of work to get done which sucks. i have to finish up my ideas for my senior project and do that website for my portfolio. i've got all the materials gathered which is lovely. now i have to design the site and make it work. not fun at all. i'm definitely not into interactive media the way i used to be. so sad.

oh boy. i said i was gonna hit the bottle and apparently i wasn't lyin. i don't know how much i drank but i have some sort of chest pain today. my outfit was hot but my shoes were not. they looked cool but they hurt a lot. which i expected. so i finally just took them off to dance. and god was the dancing fun. even if the floor was disgusting with bare feet. lots of random tidbits from the nite that are best left unblogged. saw a lot of people i haven't seen in AGES. i had a really good time as i always do at brian's parties. the night ended with a trip to IHOP which i swear lasted forever. i seriously just wanted to pass out by the end of it all. finally got to sleep around 5am i think.

tonight is roller disco and i'm definitely not feeling up to par on this one. how sad. my feet ache and this chest pain isn't helping. ollie supposed to help me today with building my bookshelf. i assume he still is. i have yet to hear from him.

gah!! it's not fair...

an AIM convo with the crush just now:

me: sorry i was so sassy today. i was just feeling it.
crush: Yeah you were
crush: Its okay...I'm sassy too
me: yea i know but u werent as sassy
crush: True
crush: Bitch
crush: :-)
me: oooh
me: that doesnt hurt but it should
crush: See i've got you used to my insults
crush: That's a big step
crush: Were almost dating
me: haha
me: almost!

...it's really just not fair...

party tonight!!! woo!! i can't wait. i'm quite excited and i have a whole bunch of energy it's crazy. good shit man. good shit. i already picked out my outfit the other day too. haha i'm nuts. i think a lot of people are gonna be there. i fear it will be too crowded. i hope not!

i found out my polaroid doesn't work!!! so now i have to buy a new one. how sad.

today at work i had so much sass towards the crush. god it was good. i love when u can be that way with someone. throw the sass and watch some come back. it's awesome.

anyway. ENERGY!!! i have so much. i better not expend it all before the party. that would be NO GOOD.

ok. i've been wanting to see bad education for awhile now and i fear it's gonna leave the theatre soon. it looks really intriguing to me and i haven't seen a foreign flick in awhile. so if anyone wants to join me in seeing this movie this weekend (it's playing a laemmle sunset 5), please let me know. thank you.

well, the interview has been postponed til tuesday. makes my life easier cuz i am still gathering all my shit. granted i took a few hours off to go out with josh and have dinner and hang out. but still. it's taking a long ass fuckin time. i also talked to my crush at work via AIM about this and he said that a lot of album art isn't actually done in house. he used to work at a label. i don't know why i never asked him this before! he also said that one of the owners knows a lot of people at the label i'm interviewing at so if i want the internship i should let the boss man know. we'll see. i dunno what i want. especially if the art dept doesn't do album art. cuz that's what i wanna get into. so we shall see. either way i gotta revamp my website. bloody hell! it's so difficult.

anyhow, today my polaroid came in the mail. i feel bad cuz i got it off ebay and the man sold it to me for $1 + $5 s/h. but then i got the box today and the postage was $8.55! poor man. he paid me to get the camera basically. i feel bad. i have to buy film tomorrow to make sure it works. but if it does i think i'll email him and ask if he wants the extra couple bucks cuz it was so damned cheap and i feel bad. the cam looks so rad and if it works i'm so stoked. it takes rectangular and square polaroids with thin white borders cuz it uses pro film. hot damn! i'm such a camera whore. this'll be my new fun little toy. oh yes sir.

my crush also informed me that the new loft is going well and he will be having a party very soon. a week or two. i'm quite excited altho i have a feeling i will just end up very drunk and very disappointed. so i dunno. maybe it'll crush my crush tho. i hope so. it's for the best really. except that it's not. cuz goddamnit. we'd have a lot of fun together!

so i have an interview tomorrow with a record label (it's a cool one but i don't want to name it and have it to be searchable) for an internship in the art dept. granted i don't want to intern yet again but i see this interview as my opportunity to get my foot in the door and see what the hell the art dept does and whatnot. cuz i still don't really know what the workflow is at a label's art dept. i really wanna get into album art and i think that's where it's at. i'm a bit worried because my portfolio isn't in order at all. so i think i'm gonna take today to sorta get it all figured out. maybe like stick the rest on my website and direct them to that. or print out some things. i'm not sure. i'm a little panicky about it but it'll be ok. it's pretty rad cuz i saw this flyer for the record label saying they needed interns for the new media dept. and i knew that's not what i wanted but i emailed anyway asking if i could get passed along to the art dept and so i was. and lo and behold i'm going in tomorrow. this is a label that has some of my favorite artists on it and it's a cool building in LA. so i'm sure u can guess which one. but yea. i'm stoked just to see the building.

ah! i caved last nite. i was going to have a quiet nite at home. and then justin d. called....he said that he and his friends were going to the shortstop bar and asked if i wanted to go cuz he knew that i wanted to go there once i found out about the photobooth. being that i don't know justin that well yet think he's pretty cool, i was quite torn with what to do. this would be my chance to talk to him not in the normal group setting that i always do. so i caved and went out. i met some of his friends but we ended up just sitting at the end of bar talking. he's so shy and quiet and self-conscious. good lord! it's cute but also difficult to work with. i can't ALWAYS be the one talking. i mean i can on and on for ages but it's not really fun that way. we took two sets of photos but both are shitty so i won't be posting them. it's like the booth malfunctioned and didn't light us properly at all. oh well. good times overall.

tonight i'm going to see justin e.'s band play at the viper room. should be good times. i enjoy the v room. tomorrow will now be my nite off cuz ollie is sick and called off his dinner and movie. so that's good. a nite of rest before the big party. woo! i can't wait.

oh and guess who called me today. noah! he knows that we both have class on wednesday since i called him last week so he called me this week to have lunch. but i had already left school. he said stuff about how he rarely comes to LA anymore cuz his friends here hate him. but i know exactly what he means. he means my new friend and neighbor down the street. she isn't talking to him anymore after he dicked her around for ages and ages. i got the story. i know what happened. i really don't care if i ever talk to that boy again. knowing everything now. i mean i'll be nice and whatnot cuz he didn't fuck me over that badly. but i definitely don't care to try and make contact with him like i used to. no sir. sounds horrible but i mean in the first place he did dick me over. so i could have easily just dropped his ass. but i'm nice and i don't like to do that. but yea. nw i just don't care anymore.

it's interesting how time really changes relationships with people. and how u can just one day like never talk to someone again. u drift apart and whatnot. it's sorta shitty but i guess it's just how it goes. anyway, enough of this babble.

i'm braindead. i think getting so much sleep did the reverse u would think. cuz my brain is complete mush today. i feel like a zombie. this sucks. they want me to cover a show tonight but i said no cuz i need a day off! as it is they have planned an office nite out next monday. so that's only sunday as a day of rest before it's back in the swing of going out. good fucking god. i can't keep up. sooner or later i'll just have to bow out gracefully from events. i can't go out every nite. i just can't!! i think i need to go home soon. i feel so out of it.

wow. i got a lot of sleep. 9.5 hours! i needed it. i've been out every nite since last tuesday. it's taking it's toll. tonight i will stay in. nice relaxing evening so that i can rest up for the rest of the week. cuz then i'll be out again til sunday. good god! last nite a whole slew of us went to the troub (yes again) to see two bands from usc. i knew a bunch of people there because they were all usc alums. good times. the bands were pretty good too. what sucked was it being so goddamned hot in there. it wasn't hot the arcade fire nite and there were more people there. wtf? i'm listening to the AF cd right now. god it's so good. it was good before but now it takes on a whole other feeling having seen them live. makes me get much more energetic for them. sooooooooo good.

quote from grafik magazine:

2004 was also notable as the year that saw designers (who, a mere twelve months ago would rather have been seen dead than ditch the trusty helvetica and univers) succumb to serif typefaces with an enthusiasm that would put ainsley harriot to shame. fonts like souvenir, italia, and even the most boring typeface ever, times new roman, which have been ashamed to show their faces for years, suddenly found themselves enjoying a renaissance. whatever next? a revival of comic sans? that would be really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

so please for the love of god. don't use the default TIMES NEW ROMAN in your word documents!

holy mother of god. the arcade fire show was phenomenal. yes, phenomenal. i haven't been to a show that good in ages. seriously. muse really got me going but not in nearly the same way. this show was a full body experience. from the moment they took the stage -- all 7 of them + the amazing violin boy who opened for them and is their friend -- to the moment they left from their encore, i was totally engaged. every song they performed was just so good. they had soooo much energy and you could tell they loved performing every minute of every song. every song they switch up who plays what for the most part. and whoever happens to get the job of wailing on this drumlike thing. oh man. do they wail. or just climb on the side pillars and bang on those. yea. it was just sooooo good. i can't really put it into words properly. you just had to be there. it's this overwhelming feeling when you are there watching them. i'm not sure i'll see a show that was this good for a long while. i'm so glad i went because i really would have missed out on a righteous (wow...who uses that word as slang still?) experience.

i've never been happier. and by god that's saying a hell of a lot. yesterday i was driving down the street and i was thinking about how great my life is right now. my 23rd year has probably been the best year of my life to date. surely i've got to worry about getting a job soon but i'm not worrying at all right now. i'm just taking things one day at a time and loving every minute of it. this is huge coming from the girl who a couple years ago was miss pessimist. i always thought the world was shitting on me and everything. and it was mostly to do with my lack of man situation. and now i still am lacking that man but i don't really care. cuz i don't need a guy to make my life good. sure it would be a lovely bonus. but i feel great right now without a guy. i really don't want this 23rd year to end because i love it so much. but maybe i can make 24 even better if i get a good job and find that man. who knows. i think i've just changed my outlook on life in the recent years. really trying to look at the bright side of things and letting myself be happy with what i've got. whatever it is that i changed in my attitude, it's definitely for the best because i wake up feeling really great most of the time. and that's the way it should be. god i sound like some daily affirmation. but damnit it's true. life is fucking great right now. except my back hurts. i seriously need a massage.

p.s. the other day i saw someone at amoeba wearing one of the tshirts i designed. i was completely stoked on that.

i'm definitely getting older. i can't hack it. going out every night. i just can't. i think i'm getting sick! i said i was gonna go out 9 out of 14 days. make that 10. tomorrow there is a show at the troubadour that i'm gonna go to. good lord! it's only the 3rd week of jan and i will have gone to 3 concerts! off to a damn good start. i think this may be the most social 2 wks of my 2005. that's sorta sad if it's true cuz it's so early in the year. but at the same time, i should have a real job by the end of this year. so i can't be this social. it's just not possible. to lay it out:

sun 1/9 - n/a
mon 1/10 - n/a
tues 1/11 - kaiser chiefs @ cinespace
wed 1/12 - out for sahar's bday
thurs 1/13 - movie and dinner @ ollie's
fri 1/14 - bar for devin's bday
sat 1/15 - at michael's bar for his bday
sun 1/16 - arcade fire @ the troub
mon 1/17 - again at the troub for a free show of many bands
tues 1/18 - n/a
wed 1/19 - augustus @ the viper room
thurs 1/20 - n/a (unless ollie wants to watch a movie again)
fri 1/21 - 5 way bday party @ brian's
sat 1/22 - roller disco!

7 days in a row! just too much. but oh so much fun. and goddamnit i won't flake on any of the nites. lots of people would totally flake and be like "i'm too tired." not me!

anyway, enough of my busy life. how about last nite? muthatrucka! we went to michael's bar to give him his cake and gift. it was a bit embarassing for him i think but he got lots of tips once people knew it was his bday. so that's good. we stayed there the whole nite. adam came too! haven't seen that boy in ages. i finally just called his ass and asked him to come on down. so we were at the bar all nite. everyone got drunk but me. i was the DD. had a good time tho. when we left rick and i had a tussle. he hurt my arm. it's fine now. thankfully. we started to walk to astroburger to get french fries but halfway the boys had to pee. so rick and adam went one way. lo another. but then lo was gone for ages. hoda left and passed by where lo was and called us saying she thought the cops caught lo peeing. so we had to figure out how to handle this. jen and i went over to the area while the rest stayed behind. basically the cops had seen lo walking down the alley. they didnt see him peeing. but they saw him walking down the alley and thought he was a threat. a druggie or something. cuz apparently the alley right by jen's house is dangerous. so they stopped him. made him put his hands behind his back against the wall and they searched him and ran a background check! once jen and i got there they were just running the check. the cop asked me if i would be feel comfortable walking down this alley by myself at nite. i said i would because it was pretty big and well lit. cuz it was. he said that was a false sense of security. fine whatever. i retorted with "well we used to live by usc where one of our friends had a bullet fly thru her house. i think that's more dangerous than this." the cop couldn't contest. then another girl walked down the alley with a pillow. the cop asked if she was our friend. she wasn't. he didn't stop her. wtf? they took lo's name down and let him go. fuckin eh. what a weird situation. they must have been looking for someone or something. i didn't know that walking down an alley was against the law. or reason to get searched. wtf? anyway, we finally made it astroburger and had our fries. then went home. but that was our nite. i didn't sleep til at least 4am i think. good lord. all these late nites. i think tonight i'll be crashing early since i'm going to the early arcade fire show. i can't keep up these late nites. i'll never make it through to brian's party which i plan to rage at.

oh yea. ollie seems to be terrible at calling me back when i leave voicemails. i sorta hate that.

less than 1 month to vday. i'll most definitely have no date...again...i think i'm ok with that.

there is a bag of pee hanging on our gate door. i repeat. there is a bag of pee hanging on our gate door.

drinking 2 nites in a row. soon to be 3. good lord! tinna and i went to ollie's the other nite and he made us dinner. we gave him decorating tips and watched garden state. i drank entirely too much wine. then we broke out the red wine and that did me in. we all spent the nite there cuz we couldn't drive. i puked and passed out in his bed. he didn't make me wake up when he left for work which was nice. he used to always make me wake up with him when we were dating. wtf? anyway, i think he said last nite he wants to make this movie thing a regular event. i dunno. i was sorta drunk by the end of last nite. i met his brother. i can't remember if they look alike. i don't recall any striking resemblences. otherwise i'd have thought his bro was cute too. we were all out for devin's bday. a whole slew of familiar faces at this bar in studio city. good times. joe spilled rick's drink and then later spilled mine! oh joe!

i think i'm handling this whole social interaction with ollie thing pretty well. so far so good. only minor tinges of pain here and there. and worries of jealously. but i consider that perfectly normal. as i've said before. at one point it will be 99% ok. but there is always that 1% that it will never be ok. because it just can't. end of story. so yea. i hope to soon approach that 99%. it will be for the best. meanwhile concerns over the crush at work arise. and the crush itself persists painfully.

some songs you should be listening to:

- chemical brothers (feat. q-tip) - "galvanized"
- louis xiv - "finding out true love is blind"
- the knife - "heartbeats"
- dogs - "london bridge"
- starsailor - "four to the floor" (jacques lu cont remix)

oh and i've decided finally how to contribute to the relief effort in asia. i'm going to buy this tshirt that the proceeds go to the one fund for helping out over there. and then i'm going to donate some cash to the red cross. i feel better now that i figured it out.

it was the red that did me in...

i lost my ring last nite! the one i love. the black rose carved band ring. so now i have to order one online. luckily they are popular now so i found a few sites that sell them. god i hope i figured out my ring size properly. i bought a couple other cute rings at the same time.

last nite was fun going out with sahar and her friends. they are fun people. and i learned a lot more about noah and her whole ordeal with him. fucking hell. i thought i had it bad with this boy. she had it worse. and for longer. and i found out that i was merely a disruption in the middle of it all. goddamn. i'm contemplating just not talking to the boy ever as she has already decided to do. sheesh!

i've also decided to purpose another old ass polaroid on ebay. i already have a slew of old cameras and i have an old polaroid. but i found one that i really want that's dirt cheap. let's pray it works. it's the super shooter and it takes both square and rectangle pro film. so it's fuckin rad. i can't wait til it comes. it'll be a bit cuz i have to wait for the auction to end and order batteries and whatnot for it. the thing that spawned all of this is my senior project class. i think i want to use polaroids so i need to get a proper cam that uses the pro film. and the cam i already have could work but this one just seems cooler. and it's not very expensive. about $10 with shipping. so yea. can't wait.

today i'm going to just do errands. it's already 3pm and i've farted around enough. tomorrow i'll get to work on proper stuff. the next few days are busy socially. i mean it all started with kaiser chiefs on tuesday. sahar's bday yesterday. dinner and movie with ollie tonight. devin's bday tomorrow. michael's bday on saturday. arcarde fire on sunday. then a breather til wednesday when it's justin's band at the viper room. then brian's bday party on friday. roller disco on sat. so basically in a 2 wk span i will have gone out 9 of the 14 nights! goddamn! way to go social life.

p.s. the crush is still sick so i don't bother him.

so i went with good ole josh to tower today and guess who i ran into....joey!!! holy fuck balls. i haven't seen that boy since i took him and his new wife to the airport ages ago. it was fuckin crazy to see him. he works there. at the music store. all the times i've been in there with josh (he works at the video section) i haven't ever seen him. and he's been working there for like 8 months he said. fucking hell. he's still married too! i can't believe he was there. he basically looks the same. it was just crazy. crazy man.

my senior project class at school sounds fuckin rad. i can't wait to get started. we basically get to do whatever we want. whatever format. different formats actually. they MUST be done in different formats. i can't wait. i can do photograhy. xerox. collage. metal. glass. whatever i want. my mind is racing with the possibilities. it's so exciting. i was so tired tho this morning. it was hard to be excited when tired. but i was. just not outwardly.

tonight it sahar's bday thing. and funny thing is i spoke with noah today cuz i saw him as he entered the parking lot at school. good ole noah. i seriously haven't talked to noah in AGES!!! same ole same ole noah tho. never around.

kaiser chiefs fuckin rock! the show was awesome. it was free. we didn't have to wait in line. good shit. saw a lot of people i knew. a lot of familiar faces. i have the capacity to remember like every face of every person i ever meet. i swear. it's fucking weird. it's useless too. i should be remembering much more useful things. but no. i remember the face of the guy who does promotions for cinespace. or the son of benihana. shit like that. good lord! anyway, it's pointless to name all the names. but suffice is to say i saw a lot of folks. it's hollywood. that's how it works. but back to the matter at hand. the music. goddamn. it was good. short set but fun set. definitely worth checking out if u get the chance. tomorrow they are playing a sold out spaceland show. i won't be going but anyone who can finagle tickets should go. yes sir. now i must sleep. i'm going to be dead tired tomorrow (today really) when i wake up in 4.5 hours for school. gah!

kaiser chiefs tonight @ cinespace. free! with james! how exciting. i'll be dead tomorrow for my 7:30am class. but whatever. this is their first US show. can't miss that. oh! and i heard a new beck song off the upcoming album. good shit.

it's fuckin gorgeous outside. my god. the rain is gone and it's sunny and bright with clear skies.

why do simple sandwiches always taste better when your mom makes them? PB & J. ham and cheese. always better when mom does it. i don't get it. never will. maybe it's a bit of that mom magic sprinkled on for good measure.

so today was my first day of school. my last first day of school. at least for awhile. it's my last quarter and as i've said, i'm in a bit of a panic. i only have 2 classes and i'm not really worried about them. i'm worried about when it's over. and i need a friggin job! one class is a portfolio class so that's good. i gotta gotta gotta teach myself flash. here is my extended to do list (in no order):

- practice rollerskating (altho with this rain its impossible really)
- make xmas gifts that i didnt finish
- finish my film from bali so i can finally develop it all
- paint my bookshelf pieces and then have ollie help assemble it
- learn flash/actionscripting
- organize my fonts by style rather than name
- sign up with AIGA and creativehotlist / post portfolio
- reprint my business cards
- get a boyfriend

that last one isn't actually written down. haha actually it should be more like "go on date with co-worker crush." today i went into the office after school and i swear it was cold as hell in there. literally and figuratively. i felt really off. when i first got there the crush seemed very cold to me. but then i realized that he's quite sick and felt awful. so then i felt a little better about the coldness cuz it's understandable. it just sucks when u have a crush on a co-worker and some days things are off and u take it personally even tho u shouldn't. esp at work cuz usually shit goes down at work and then things aren't happy go lucky. but i always seem to take it personally. for a little while. but then i got home and we chatted online and all was well. he apologized for acting so shitty. which he didn't even have to do. but it was nice that he did. i totally felt better after that.

anyhow, tomorrow is kaiser chiefs at cinespace. i'm on the list. not sure if i can get a +1 for james. hopefully he can go either way cuz i don't want to be alone! i know folks from work will go but i'm sure i'll be riding solo so until i see familiar faces i'll just feel awkward. i hate pretentious hollywood places. esp if i'm alone. i don't know what to do with myself. if i have one person then i could care less. but being alone is tough as it is. let alone in hollywood.

wednesday is sahar's bday. she has yet to tell me if she's still doing anything. if so i think i'll be joining in that fun. thursday i have plans with ollie to help him decorate his apt in exchange for dinner. then we're gonna watch garden state. the boy hasn't seen it! crazy talk! friday is devin's bday. have yet to hear from the others whether they want to go. saturday is michael's bday and i want us all to go into his bar with a cake and his gift. i think that would be uber cute and fun. if not a little embarassing.

reading tinna's blog and her star-sighting (tara lipinski who oddly enough i've seen in person too) reminded me that i saw adrian brody at swingers the other nite. i totally forgot. goes to show how much seeing stars affects me. been living in LA far too long. haha

i just realized that i haven't had an actual crush in ages. cuz i don't do that anymore. i typically take action rather quickly so i don't have to go thru this misery. wtf is this bullshit? crushes are for teenagers. not 23 year olds! fucking hell. i swear i could whine about this for ages and it wouldn't make a goddamn difference. sigh. at least it's totally helped me with the ollie thing. altho i haven't seen ollie in ages. that could change when i see him. but whatever.

i can't focus. i have to make an ad that i can't think of anything good to do for it. my mind is total mush and tomorrow is the first day of school. i'm internally panicking about the next few months of my life. not hardcore panicking but definite discomfort. i'm horribly frustrated about having a crush on someone that i am too scared to do anything about for the sake of my internship. not for the sake of rejection. since when does that happen? i'm in love with this broken social scene song called "lover's spit." the lyrics aren't really worth posting cuz they are just weird. but goddamn the song is lovely. i eagerly await macworld in SF this week to see if they announce anything new with the powerbooks before i decide whether to get my laptop now or later. i wish my bookshelf would magically get painted and build itself. i hope ollie still willing to help me. i dont think it should be that hard to put together. i cleaned my bathroom minus the floor cuz i hate cleaning floors. i also cleaned the kitchen sink and counter. the boys have to finish the rest of it. i realized i haven't talked to noah in ages and sahar's bday is this week. i wonder if i'll see him at her festivities. wouldn't that be a little awkward? nah not really. noah is ridiculous anyway. lo and michael are dating and the rest of us are single. i don't mind being single except when i actually like someone. and yea that sounds silly cuz i used to be someone who always liked one guy or another. more than one at once even. but not anymore. i feel like i rarely have crushes. probably because i have more guts now and actually do something about them when they occur. thusly crushing the crush or having it progress into nothingness as it always seems to do. either way, i'm pissed that i can't do anything about this crush cuz goddamnit i really want to. it fucking blows. gah. whatever. look how scattered my thoughts are. bloody hell! i need to focus. get my shit done. get on with myself.

i've been doing some research of places i could possibly apply for a job. this is starting to make me panic a little bit. 11 weeks to find a job??? bloody fuck! i really want to design cd album covers. i think that would be the raddest thing ever. but i know that not all cd covers are designed in house at the label. so i'm not sure how i would go about finding such a job. getting on the path to said job at least. i'd love to work for capitol records. i think they have a good roster of artists. but they aren't as huge as say universal. capitol used to have a job board and job hotline but now it's gone with the revamp of their website. what to do what to do. i have to look into this further. i don't even know the breakdown of a record label's art dept. what's an entry level position like? how does one even get an interview for such a thing? gah! it's definitely panic time.

some obvious and not so obvious realizations i've had recently:

- unless i go back to school or am unemployed for months, winter break was my last vacation for a long while
- i've never had a true valentine ever and this year will surely be no different
- i haven't talked to ollie in days
- i have 11 weeks to find a job
- i can easily waste an entire day without even noticing

today has been amazingly lazy for me. woke up late. lounged around. took a nap listening to the rain. god it's been so relaxing. i feel so retarded for doing nothing but it's just so peaceful right now. the house is chilly and the rain is coming down. this is rare for LA. gotta soak it in while u can.

last nite i was a complete and total moron. i talked to lo about it and he agreed that i wasted a prime chance with mr. coworker crush. ugh!! i did. and i knew it from the moment i got out of my car. i'm just a wuss. a frazzled wuss. if we didn't work together i'd have done something by now. i feel this crush is becoming larger and larger daily. and i don't know if that's just cuz i have nothing else in the boy dept to focus on or what. he got his haircut recently which hasn't made matters worse cuz i hated his long hair. haha gah. i dunno what the hell to do. i know that one of these days i'm going to bite the bullet. for my own sanity. but i'm not sure when. maybe when he moves and has a party. i dunno. he asked me to help him pack and i said i would. sadly i enjoy that sort of stuff. i love reorganizing. and packing is like organizing in a confined space -- the box. oh it's eerily grand to me. eerily...

woke up painfully early for orientation. took a nap. went to dinner with the coworkers. all expenses paid. got buzzed. went to a coworker's house. got more buzzed and played cranium and watched dave chappelle. got driven home by the crush who said to me, "where do you want to go? it's your call. you decide." led him to my house. wussed out. completely. must sleep now.

man. i could really go for some warm pie. how can i get that without moving my car?

gah. the crush on the coworker definitely persists. it sucks. i haven't seen or talked to him since we both left for winter break. and when i first got back to the office today all was well. it seemed very stiff and whatnot. but then it was only a matter of time til we were back to the goofy ways. the constant badgering. it's great. i love it. and then he drove me home and we talked on the phone and now online. *sigh* tomorrow a bunch of us in the office are going out for dinner and margueritas. should be interesting. especially since one of the bosses is going...i think. gah. this crush. i wish it would just go away. it did when i met ollie. but now that that's kapput... =/

awww. i just got em's xmas gift and it's awesome. it totally fits in with what i want to do for my bday. so she is the only one that knows. i can't decide where to put it yet. but i think i want to save it for the bday anyway. if all works as planned. she had so much trouble sending it and now i see why. but fuckin eh it's rad. thanks em! =)

i figured out what i want to do for my birthday already. it's really simple but everyone has to comply with my one request which isn't too difficult. nothing like last year when we all attempted to go to the standard downtown. altho i still want to go there damnit. just not on a weekend. maybe a thursday. i have to go once to see it in action. it's just so awesome looking. fucking hell. but yea. anyway, i know where i want to go and what i want everyone to do for my bday. now i just gotta wait 4 months. haha

omg. me and lo has the best laugh/conversation/etc just now. so fucking good. just about random stuff. but at one point we were totally crying. it was awesome.

after 5.5 years i have finally given away my PC. yes folks it's gone. i decided that the guy at work who needed a computer needed it more than me. so today i switched over the internet to my mac and gave away the old clunker. the desk will be gone shortly too. all to make room for a proper bookshelf as i've accumulated so many books over the years i finally do need one. what i've been using thusfar just won't do.

wooooo!!! usc beat oaklahoma's ass 55-19. fuck yea. it was a slaughter. 5 touchdown passes. 5 turnovers. it wasn't even close. it was actually not a very fun game to watch because we were doing so well. i seriously didn't think we would win by that much. i wasn't even 100% sure we'd win. but we just proved that we are in fact #1. no more co-championship bullshit like last year. what an awesome game. completely undefeated season. good shit. and did everyone see ashlee simpson get boo'd before AND after her performance? cuz i did. goddamn that shit was awesome. now i gotta figure out how to connect my mac to the internet without the PC. hopefully i won't fuck everything up.

so i've decided not to redo the blog. i thought a lot about how to make it all cool and stuff. and then i realized i didn't really want to make it all fancy. it's a blog. u are supposed to be able to read the text. fuck the frills. not to mention that changing the blog and then removing the old comment links that don't work and updating the archives was seriously going to take ages. so fuck it. the blog stays as is. maybe sometime later in my life i'll change it. who knows. for now i don't want to go thru all that hassle. if i had an intern that's exactly what i'd make him/her do. so with that being said...

i'm back! back to the blogging world. it's been awhile. tahoe was an AWESOME trip. this post might be the longest post ever. i'll try and cut shit down but it's many days of missed blogging. so i dunno.

so i went and got rick late as i said i was going to. we got to sonoma at like 1:30am and crashed right away. the next day the whole troop of us headed out for tahoe. 3 cars in caravan. kyla and eric to join us the next day. as it turned out, tahoe had not been getting any snow recently but the day we set out was the day it started snowing. 7 hours later we arrived at the cabin. it was a LOOOOONG ride. but a fun one. we played the "tahoe mix" cd and tried to guess who put what songs on there. (note: everyone going on the trip submitted 2 songs for the cd and it was a mystery as to who put what on the mix til we got to the cabin) so we occupied ourselves and once we got to the cabin we threw down our stuff and went to safeway to get some food. that was a huge ordeal but i regulated on the cart and we ended up leaving with enough food and alcohol for what we thought would be the whole trip. little did we know we'd consume much more.

so that first nite was chill. if i recall correctly we just stayed in and drank and goofed around. the next day it was snowy as hell. but we got all our gear on and went playing in the backyard and down in this meadow just filled entirely with snow. it was amazing looking. i've really only encountered snow once before in my life and that was in antarctica. but that wasn't nearly the same. not to mention with this being freshly fallen snow, it was so fluffy and powdery. sooooo much fun! we did that for a few hours then came back to the cabin and watched garden state. cooked some dinner. played some games. drank more alcohol. sounds boring but it was absolutely not. kyla and eric were supposed to come that night but they were stuck in the worst traffic/conditions ever. the pass ended up closing on them around 1:30am so they had to sleep in their car after 12 hours of driving!!! i felt so bad for them but there was nothing anyone could do. at least they weren't alone. aaron's brother josh and his friend adam came up that night as well but they made it in around midnight. they were only on the road for 10 hours. only.... the guys had to shovel the driveway for them. the snow was just insane! i found out that adam was a GD student like me. so as we were going to sleep (there were 3 of us in my room) we chatted about design and whatnot. i was certain we'd have a font talk before the end of the trip!

the next day ky called and said that she and eric were on their way. meanwhile the rest of us minus josh and adam got our gear on and headed for the slopes. squaw valley was the ticket. me, jessica, jen, amanda, and stacey all got a beginner snowboarding lesson. our instructer was super nice to us and very patient as we weren't all that good. especially at first. by the end of the lesson i felt i was getting the hang of it. it was definitely fun. just tricky. once it hit 4pm we all sorta convened to figure out the rest of the night. ky and eric FINALLY made it to tahoe and were actually at squaw too. the details of their ordeal are irrelevant. suffice is to say they weren't happy campers. but in the end the whole lot of us made it inside to a pizza and pasta restaurant where we feasted before heading back to safeway for some more alcohol and then finally back to the cabin to ring in the new year.

once back at the cabin everyone showered. we had to do it in shifts due to the lack of hot water. by the time i got in, everyone else was already drinking. maybe not such a good idea for some. i took a corona into the shower to start the buzz going. first time i've ever done that. once i got out everyone was partying it up. at 9 ollie called me from NY to wish me a happy new year. that was very cute. it's funny cuz i hadn't thought about him at all during the trip. probably because i was having so much fun and didn't want to bog myself down with thoughts of boy. i totally hadn't thought about the coworker crush either! anyway, we kept boozing it up and by midnight everyone was sufficiently intoxicated. i remember it very well though...

everyone was dancing and around 11:45 we decided to start pouring the champagne. by that point i had felt that aaron was definitely in my space and so was adam. i hadn't quite decided how to deal with it but i knew i was going to panic when the clock struck 12. i was holding my bottle of champagne and rick was holding the wall clock. the countdown began and i started running around the dance area. at midnight i saw the pairs of people make out. i didn't know what to do. i seriously felt panicked. aaron came near me and tried to kiss me. i gave him a peck on the cheek. then adam came behind me and i started to drink my champagne from the bottle. it got in my nose and then my nose started to bleed! so i got some tissue to stop it and i looked ridiculous. adam and i started talking about the fonts on my bottle and then we started making out. yes...with the bloody nose. fuck yea i rock. i got a guy to make out with me with tissue up my bloody nose. haha

adam is the guy in the photos. except the bottom one is me and ky with paul simon. basically the whole trip i was obsessed with this paul simon record cover and i'd carry it around the cabin and have it stare at us when we played games and whatnot. so it was only fitting that we take some photos with it! haha

anyway, so i panicked about whether i wanted to continue making out with adam. i ran to the bathroom to stop the nosebleed and call brian and ollie. left some drunken messages and went back outside. continued talking fonts with adam and making out a bit. but then....

we all noticed that amanda and jen were gone. turns out they were in one of the bathrooms not doing so well. so i went up to help them. and in that moment i became completely sober. i spent the rest of the night in the bathroom with them. stacey joined me. i left the bathroom several times to get people away from the door. also to get them water and bread. and everytime i left adam and aaron were like right there. in my space. and at this point i wasn't having it because i was totally sober and had a task at hand. stacey and i must have been in the bathroom for like 2+ hours. basically because jen was on the floor blocking the door so we could barely open it. and amanda wasn't in the best shape for just everyone to be coming in. but finally we got them both out. by that point it was like 3:30 or something and everyone was asleep. it was sad cuz i ended up sleeping in my clothes in someone else's sleeping bag on the couch! i could have been hooking up with a boy....not that it would have really mattered but still. those are 2 extremes indeed.

the next morning the house looked like a mess. total total mess. we all cleaned up and left around 4pm. it took us 5 hours to get to lo's place in sonoma. his kind parents made us a lovely dinner and then we hopped in the hottub. we spent the rest of the night chillin and talkin. lo had to take the girls to the airport super early the next day. me and rick just slept in and left around 1pm. we went back into SF where we had lunch with lydia. it was good to see her again. then i dropped him off with his sister while i did the rest of my random errands. we didn't leave SF til like 7:30pm. it rained most of the way to LA. i drove all the way til the grapevine where rick took over. we got back home at like 2:30am.

yesterday was spent sleeping in and reorganizing a ton of shit cuz i want to get rid of my old PC and get a bookshelf. this task sounds simple but really it's not. i did a LOT of reorganizing even tho it barely looks like it. and i threw away a ton of useless crap. and now i'm all set to give my old ass PC away.

phew....done! all caught up. and now it's time to go watch the game. the orange bowl that is. usc vs. oaklahoma. it'll be a doozy.