holy mother of god i was soooo unbelievably tired today. we're talking like it hurt to keep my eyes open. i had to step away from my computer several times because it pained me so much to look at the screen. it was horrible. but then when i got home i took a nice nap and all was well. the poster/postcard are done so the bulk of my pain is over. still some other freelance work to do but it's not nearly as taxing and stressful. phew!

back in LA. got back yesterday actually but was too busy to write. sunday night it was just me, eric, and ky. we didn't go see gabriel and dresdan and of course james scolded me GREATLY for it. oh well. we were tired. we went to this chill bar and just chatted. good times. then yesterday the 3 of us plus jason and some of his roommates went to zeitgeist for some BBQ food. zeitgeist is this biker type bar. a little intimidating if u don't know any better. that's how i felt the first time i went there. but now it's old hat and i'm used to it. so it's cool. that was nice just sitting outside and eating some BBQ while sipping on bloody mary's. at 3pm i had to get home to go to the airport. the weekend was entirely too short. got back to LA at 6:30. rick picked me up ON TIME! go rick! we went over to stacey's briefly to get some grub (thank god for the plethora of BBQ's!). then i went home and worked on all my freelance shit frantically so that i could hang out with andrew. he finally came over around 11pm. we watched some eps of the office which was fun. got super tired in the end. he spent the nite. that was nice....and tiring. waking up at 5:45am in very fucking painful when u stay up so late. but u gotta make sacrifices sometimes i suppose. andrew is a lovely boy. it's weird cuz i never really got the butterflies with him. and it wasn't this cat and mouse chase like it usually is. so sometimes i catch myself convincing myself of reasons to stop liking him. thinking "is this worth it? i didn't even have to try!" which is SOOOOOOO stupid. it doesn't always have to be difficult. sometimes it just works. right? anyhow, we agreed to see each other some time this week but not tonight cuz i really need to get my work done and do my laundry and get some proper sleep. god i'm tired!

i'm doing a poor poor job of contacting folks here. this weekend wasn't filled with too many meetings of old friends. i think it's due to my lack of energy. honestly, i'm fuckin tired. and i'm attributing a lot of it to all the work and running around lately back in LA. it's just too much! fuckin eh. and i'm pissed cuz i think that ian is probably gonna end up doing the whole damn poster/postcard project (at least that's how it seems via the emails i'm being CC'd on) which means i won't get paid and i wasted all those fucking hours of my life. fuck that shit. whatever. note to self, don't do things for filmmakers unless i know them personally. music is cool. but not movies. i dunno. i think i need to organize myself. collect my thoughts. get things all figured out. i'm all over the place recently it seems. physically and mentally. part of it has to do with fuckin boys. too goddamn many of them. but now that i met this andrew kid, i'm hoping things will settle down. we've been talking everyday while i'm back home and it's been brief but good. i think i'm starting to like this boy which gets me all excited. and i'd like to see him when i get back tomorrow but i just don't think that will happen logistically due to all the backwork i have to finish. oh well. but if things go well with this kid then at least that part of my life can be settled a bit and maybe i can then refocus again on side projects. i think right now i'm just in too much flux. blah.

ky and i just went downtown to the HUGE 3 story forever 21. muthatrucka. we were there for 2 hours!!! haha so good. we each spent about the same amount of money and walked away with some cute new clothes. god i love that store. but god it is hard to shop there. 3 levels of clothes. it's fuckin insane! we are both beat. i wanna go to this club tonight to see gabriel and dresden spin and i know that james will KILL me if i don't go. but everyone is sorta pooped out from the party last nite and honestly all i really wanna do is go to a nice chill bar. so i dunno. we'll see. anyhoo, time for a quick nap!

i'm in SF at eric's house post party last night. the zit on my chest is super painful and i have glue on my eyelashes. fabulous! haha i haven't really been online all that much til now. i got in around 8pm on friday and i was SOOOOOOO fucking tired i went to bed. well actually i took a "nap" and woke up at 1am. sifted through my 100+ watches looking for this one particular one. took a trip down memory lane whilst doing so. then went back to bed.

yesterday i met up with jason and hung out with him all day. we went walking around his area which i love. caught up on stuff. went to tartine which is this awesome french bakery/cafe. had a really good croque monsieur and eclair. kyla got back into the city around 5pm and we met up with her a little later to have dinner. then it was time to get ready for the party. so we did that and now here i am. waking up in the shotwell house. the party itself wasn't too big. good size. lots of worlds converged as usual. the cast of characters include (but aren't limited to): eric and matt (who live here), kyla, jason and his bf ryan (who's super fun), adrian (rick's friend), adrian's gf (?), joe (not "guy" but my old friend from home), dennis (from lowell), harrington (from lowell), and mutherfucking MAHL! yea it was super weird to see jon mahl here. i mean i've seen him since high school randomly here and there. but i don't think we've ever spoken since then. it was always joe out with the crew and mahl was just there. i saw him from afar. but this time he was here and super wasted and we were talking. so strange. anyhoo, it's time to get post-party food!!! yay.

woo! getting out 1 hour early. YES! i am sooo beat. now i can pack my last minute items without rushing. woo! had lunch with jessica. good times. 40 min til i leave!!!!

just when i thought i couldn't BE any more tired (read: chandler bing on friends...i think), i reached a whole new level today. i hope i make it through the day. regardless i'll be sleeping on the plane ride home. probably won't do anything tonight cuz i'll be so beat. why so tired recently? too much work. this movie poster is KILLING me softly. more and more "new photos." why didn't i get those ages ago!!! whatever. i don't wanna rant about it too much cuz i'm too tired to get worked up over all that bullshit. when i return from SF on monday i'm gonna have a mountain of work to do. once that shit's all done i'm totally taking a break from the freelance stuff. it's just too fucking much. or maybe it's that i took too much all at once. either way i'm in need of a serious break. SF will be a good cleansing trip. i can't fucking wait!!!

on a happier note, i finally did get to see andrew last night. we were supposed to hang out and i just knew, i...just...knew...i'd run into all sorts of hangups with this workload of mine. but in the end he came over around 10pm which was about 2 hours later than i would have liked. oh well. we watched bad education which was alright. not as good as i had hoped but the 20 sec no dialogue trailer leaves a lot of room for success and failure. it was a strange movie. the narrative is very convoluted and the timeline is downright screwy. we finished watching it around 12:30am i think and i wasn't really sure what to at that point. i didn't want him to leave but i also didn't really know what to do. but then we just started talking and that went on til about 3:45am. (i only got 2 hours of sleep!!!) i was super fucking tired. he was getting tired. i offered to let him spend the night but he reluctantly declined. it was so awkwardly cute because it was so obvious what was going on yet neither of us stepped up to the plate. but finally when he was about leave we kissed and that was nice. (cue audience reaction: "awwwww") he said he would try to call me today before i left and if not we agreed to see each other when i return. although that monday night i'll be entirely swamped with work. so probably not that night. *sigh* he's super nice. i love it. it's weird but i love it. we were supposed to go to amoeba together partially cuz i wanted to get james his cd that i wrecked. but then there was no time with the poster stuff and andrew offered to pick up the cd for me on the way to my house. i declined that offer for a couple reasons. but it was a very nice gesture.

oh and the best thing so far about him -- he brought me a new roll of masking tape! sounds like no big deal but u know how when u mention shit to people off-handedly and then they surface with something related to that? like if u say you're favorite color is fuschia and you get fuschia dyed tulips. something thoughtful like that. well i said that i left my roll of masking tape at ollie's months ago when i was doing the portrait book and i never got it back. i told him i needed a new roll because my drafting tape wasn't a good replacement since it's not sticky enough when it comes to affixing wall decorations. i've just been too lazy to get a new roll. well when andrew and i got out of the car after parking it, he handed me a roll of masking tape. there was a split second of "wtf?" followed by a wave of joy. it was awesome. major points with that. beats flowers any day of the week. haha

anyway, enough of that. i've gotta get to work. much shit to do and i'm tired as fuck. once i get home i gotta rush to throw the rest of my shit in my bag and head on out to the airport. hopefully the lines won't be insane.

i'm so fucking pissed off. all i want to do is hang out with andrew and get some mutherfucking sleep. but it doesn't look like i can do either of those at the moment. fuckin eh.

i'm so fucking tired it's unbelievable. all this freelance work is killing me. well that and andrew. if he wasn't around i would have more time. but i like having him around so therefore i lose sleep. lots of sleep. i think i got like 3.5 hours last nite. =( this movie poster is going to be the death of me. i'm so fed up with it. today i gotta meet with the old work's boss' wife to help her with some patterns. then i gotta run over and get MORE photos for the poster after i already got some last nite. hopefully i'll be back home in time so stacey can get me after work and take me to her place where michael's car is parked. i got my car back yesterday and so i parked his by her house since it was near the mechanic. i gotta get my ass over there to drive it back to my house. then andrew and i are hanging out the rest of the nite which again, doesn't have to happen, but i want it to. so it cuts into work time. we're gonna watch bad education which the former crush tells me sucks. oh well. we shall see. i have a feeling i will fall asleep anyway since i'm so tired! anyhow, the past couple of weeks have been hectic and of course that's when i meet a new boy. couldn't be when i was bored and alone. no no. has to be when i'm busy as fuck. oh well. one last thing. i bought a new fan online. it's a tower fan with remote control. it has an air filter, thermostat for climate control in the room, and sleep timer. it's a nice fuckin fan. a little expensive but it's worth it. it's hot now and i can't stand all the dust in my room. the filter should help. once it arrives in the mail i'm gonna dust the whole fucking room and then hope that this thing does the trick!

another day another dollar. i totally crashed out last nite. i went to the show, came back and did some work real quick, then crashed. i found myself in the middle of the night laying all funky on top of my covers completely confused. shameful jen. shameful. the shout out louds show was quite good. i really like that band. they don't disappoint. they are swedish. there are are a lot of bands coming out of sweden these days. all so good! sweden is a good country. very pretty. god i feel like a cavewoman. i can't say anything articulate right now. too fucking tired.

i hope my car is done today. i have a feeling it won't be ready til tomorrow. gah!! i've gotta finish up that freelance poster i'm working on. i'm SOOOO over the project. ever since i made comps and the guy was like "yea these are a good start. run with these and also try one this way and that." and then he later emails me with a comp he made and so i make a bunch of comps and the one that looks basically like his is the one he wants. fine. but then he wants the photos in the exact order he put them in. and so now the gradients look like shit. and then he emails me back the next day saying the director wants the photos cropped more. fine. but then he says that ian (who referred the guy to me) mocked one up and we are gonna go with that layout with the more cropped photos. so basically nothing on the page is my creation. cuz he even fucked with the title and everything. and i said we can't use ian's layout cuz we don't have high enough resolution photos. whatever. i don't like when people do shit like that. don't go over my head. i don't appreciate that. it's one thing when it's collaborative and we go back and forth on a design and it evolves. it's not cool when u get someone else to come up with a design and then have me render that. wtf? i'm not a production artist. i can be. and i will be if that's the intent of hire. but that's not how it was pitched. if it was then i'd go into it knowing that i'd have nothing to do with design and just merely production. bah. whatever. now i could care less what happens to the poster. it's not my creation in any regard anymore. if he doesn't get me better photos i'll just use those and they will come out crappy as i told him. whatever.

anyway, i'm going back to SF this weekend. i'm excited. i need a change of pace. i haven't packed yet though and i'm hanging out with andrew tomorrow night. so i've got a lot of shit to do. the poster needs finishing i think and the shit i'm doing for my old work needs finishing too. i think i might not be able to go to lawrence's show tonight cuz i've got a lot of work to do and i haven't had time with all these social events. gah!!! time to work now.

omg. i am so ridiculous. my stomach pains were so silly!!! dinner with joe was good. totally fine. at one point we both went silent and so we knew it was time for the talk. and we got all silly about it. he sorta leaned in and smiled and was like "ok so i'll just say this real quick..." and then i got all goofily panicking and he got all silly and we were laughing. anyway, it wasn't a big deal at all. cuz we've already discussed it all before. this actually had more to do with him than me. i was a part of it because i was involved in the hooking up but it had to do more with him and he just wanted an ear. so that was fine. phew! every time guys have to "talk" it's always bad. so i get so freaked out for the worst. i feared he was gonna say we couldn't hang out anymore or something cuz he didn't like us hooking up or whatever. i dunno! something lame and silly. but such was not the case. we had fun. unexpected indeed. and that was that. and if anything does happen with this andrew kid, i guess there will be no more hooking up or flirting with joe. how sad. he's just so cute! oh well....i wonder if he's reading this. he said he just recently started reading brian's blog cuz claire mentioned that brian had one and that's how she found mine. so i can't help but think that joe must be reading. hmm...whatever. it's not like he doesn't know any of this already!

as for andrew. jen picked me up and took me to the drawing room. i was sorta tired so i wasn't in top form. andrew got decently drunk cuz we bought him all these shots. and he liked the cupcake i got for him at mani's. he actually ate a decent amount of it. amazing considering he eats like a mutherfuckin bird!!! i felt a little bad cuz i didn't really give off a warm vibe to him. and that was partially cuz i felt a little awkward there. like the dude who's house he's crashing at currently was there and he shook my hand and said "nice to meet you. i've heard a lot about you..." i felt like i was being watched and judged. like when u like someone and u bring them around to your friends to get feedback. yea, that's how i felt. anyhoo, i'll try and hang out with him before i go home for the long weekend. i'm just soooo swamped with work right now. all these random favors i said i'd do. spreading myself very thin at the moment. most are paid but still. fuckin eh!

i feel pukey. yea that's right. pukey. i think i'm letting the boys get to me. like seriously. it's ridiculous. i think part of me is scared of whatever joe has to say. yet i have no reason to be because i already know he doesn't want to date. so what the hell could he say that would be worse? yet i feel pukey over it. and then andrew is just being too nice and it's weirding me out and also making me feel a little uneasy and hence pukey. i think if anything does happen we'll need to take this super slow. cuz i seriously wanted to take a break from boys and yet i haven't!

monday monday...la la la...so good to me...la la la...monday monday....

ok enough of that. good ole mamas and the papas. anyway, it's monday morning and i've got a ton of shit to aside from actual work. calling my doctor. taking my car in to get it fixed. freelance shit up the ass. so much freelance shit. a favor for rick's sister. the list goes on! i'm gonna have dinner with joe at 7pm and going to the drawing room at about 9pm for andrew. so i basically have btwn about 5-7pm to get shit done. and that's provided i can walk back home from the mechanic by 5pm. i think i can. it depends on how hot it is. haha goddamn heat!

i hope joe isn't too weirded out and our dinner is fine. i don't want any problems. but i think he's feeling weird about us. so strange. cuz i don't feel weird! if anything i think i'd feel weird. whatever. we'll see what he says.

as for andrew. he's so damn good about calling it's sort of weirding me out! i'm not used to that. i'm used to crappy men not calling me when they say they will. so this is a refreshing change. i have to just remind myself that this is a good thing. not a weird thing. cuz i swear i talk to this boy like over and hour daily. it's very strange to me. very strange! sometimes we talk twice a day! and he even offered to take me to the bar tonight for HIS birthday! and the bar is like really close to his house not mine! anyway, we'll see what happens with this kid. should be interesting at the very least.

what a lazy fucking day. last night's partying led to a day of total relaxation even though it shouldn't have been that way. when we got back today, everyone totally just laid around. like at one point me, rick, and adrian (he was visiting this week) were all laying on a couch in the living room totally passed out. it was awesome. of course now i've got mad amounts of work to do. gah! oh well. it was worth it. last night was fun!!

a lot of people showed up to get their drink on. they had a bunch of wine and people brought other stuff. i swear i didn't drink THAT much but i got really drunk. part of that was due to the hot tub. and drinking the wine in the hot tub. we had a little dance party too cuz we had music playing all night. i remember jumping in and out of the hot tub to dance. and it was so warm out i could totally just dance in my bikini without a problem. there were moments were the hot tub was painfully hot and also moments where it was crowded as fuck. it was awesome. i didn't go to bed til about 5:30am when it was starting to get light outside. by that point there weren't many of us left. joe was still up and all night i hadn't flirted with joe at all. usually i do but i know that we shouldn't do too much of that. not to mention the andrew thing. he wasn't there thankfully. i invited him but part of me didn't want him to show up because of joe. once i knew he wasn't coming i didn't have to worry so much about potentially fucking anything up. but nevertheless i still didn't do much with joe. i danced with him a little but nothing nuts. plus his ex was there. so i was definitely aware of that. but she left at one point and it was super late and there weren't many of us left in the hot tub. and then me and joe started getting very cozy in the tub and we ended up sleeping together under my sleeping bag. some shit happened and i was ok with that. but he messaged me today saying he wanted to talk to me so i think he wasn't ok with it. or something. i swear that boy is strange because i don't think i've ever known a guy who wanted to talk about hooking up with a girl. i dunno. whatever. we'll find out what he's thinking when we talk tomorrow.

meanwhile i chatted with andrew for awhile today. his birthday is tomorrow and he wants folks to go to the drawing room. so i'll be there. i don't wanna jump to any conclusions but i do think he likes me. and i think i like him. it's one of those situations where he's cool and i do enjoy chatting with him and being around him. so if he does like me i don't see why i don't give it a go. u know? so we'll see. it's funny tho cuz i JUST met him. if he does like me then it's like one of those "love at first sight" things or something. altho that's completely blown out of proportion when i say that. but u know what i mean. cuz i remember meeting him at the bonfire and talking to him all night. and then the next day. and then many times during this past week. and he's very diligent about calling me and everything. so yea. so strange. anyway, i'll just go with the flow and see where that takes me.

holy crap am i busy! i went from not busy at all to super busy. but it's great cuz it means no time for boredom! yesterday after work i stopped off at the old workplace and it was just buzzing there. shit's been moved around. people have left. they basically have no design people anymore. the one paid guy left. all of us design interns left. so they are in need of help it seems. which might be why one of the owners told me they might hire someone fulltime. anyhow, i am working on the sampler as i used to do because i am doing it as a favor to the woman who runs it. i told her i'd keep doing it for awhile because i like the project and i don't want to see it fucked up. then my old crush asked me if i could do a project for him. super easy. he'd pay me to do it. so i said yes. so all of a sudden my quick 10 min stop off turned into like an hour visit! the owner's wife also asked if i could do some work for her. paid of course. i helped her before in the past. anyhow, it was nutso and i'll probably be popping my head in there a few more times in the coming week. i love the energy there. everyone is so vibrant. i also got a crapload of new music to listen to. my stack is fucking high! i love it!

after i left that place, i came home and immediately showered and went to work on the freelance movie poster i'm doing. i had to produce some comps in an hour's time cuz i was going out with andrew at 8. so i pumped some out. called the man. got feedback and then andrew came and we raced over to lacma. saw the german poster exhibit. it was good. but we only had like 45 min to see it. then we went to doughboys and i ate a hearty salad. andrew apparently eats like a bird. jesus christ. no wonder he's so skinny!! he ate less than a half a sandwich!! i felt like a pig but whatever. i'll eat what i want to eat. i don't pretend to be a girl who pecks and her food. no sir. after that we went to the roost. he's never been. we just talked all night. good conversation. good times. i got super tired and when he took me home we sat in the car and just talked for like 30 min. but i was soooo fucking tired i started saying non-sensical things. it was fucking hilarious. i'd be talking and then all of a sudden my brain would shut down and i'd say something that makes no sense at all! basically i think i'd be awake and then start to have a waking dream for a second and say something related to that and then realize that made no sense and wake up and be like wtf? the best example i can remember was the following:

"oh man. this song is so good. david gray. he did this remake of this song. it was originally an 80's song. he made it sound so beautiful because the original was so shitty. it was like brown shit. and i know a guy that i can take it to and get it fixed for $150."

yea i said that. i totally said that! and then i realized it made no sense and laughed. god i was ridiculously tired. andrew just laughed at me. anyway, that was my night. he might be coming to the party tonight. no sure. he said he'd call me. i've just been working on freelance shit all day. more to go. but i'm excited for this party!!! woo!!!

wow. i was fuckin tired! i took a nap from like 7:30-10pm. crazy. i got into an accident today which delayed my napping. that and talking to andrew. the accident wasn't a big deal. a woman rear-ended me while i was stopped at a light. this isn't new to me. however this wasn't that bad. thankfully. we went to a mechanic close to my house and they said they could fix it for $200. so the woman paid me cash on the spot. hopefully this will be all fine and well. cuz insurance claims suck. i think i'll take it in to get fixed late next week before i go home. anyhow, i got home and talked to andrew for a good while. we have long phone chats it seems. we decided we're gonna go to LACMA tomorrow to see the german poster exhibit and probably get some dinner. something like that. we shall see how it all goes. this kid is interesting to me. and i like how we can chat for so long.

i am fuckin TIRED! man o man. eyelids are heavy. i can't wait to go home and take a nap! the week is definitely catching up with me.

yesterday i went to good will and the sweater is GONE! at the last minute as i took the bags of stuff over to the man i got this tinge of feeling bad about what i was doing. but i just shoved that feeling aside and got rid of the damned thing. i justify my actions by saying that if he wanted his fucking sweater, he'd come and get it. if anyone had something of mine that i really wanted back, i don't care if i hate that person, i'm getting that shit back! and i know he doesn't hate me or else he wouldn't even pick up the phone or reply to my messages. so yea. that's just laziness and/or him not really caring about the sweater. and if that's the case then it deserves to go to good will. i actually thought about just giving it to a homeless person on the street but that's a bit too much trouble. anyway, hopefully the disposal of the sweater will help me move on from this wretched mess.

after going to good will i met with the creative director of this magazine i really like. turns out he's basically one of the founders and it's a very small operation they run there. he's quite the talker and i think i was there for an hour and a half. NUTS! i can't decide if i'd like to help out somehow with the mag since it'd all be free labor. we'll see.

night time was spent with james and brian at spaceland seeing a band called the lashes. from seattle. decent band. james heard about them last minute and called me asking to go with him. so i did. and brian came along too. i was considering meeting andrew after the show because we talked earlier, but i was too fucking tired. so yea. good call on that one. i'm still fucking tired this morning. so i clearly need a nap when i get home!

oh! one last thing. the owners of my company (and for those of you who know where i work, u will giggle just a little) bought every employee a potted orchid plant. i'm not as big of a fan of orchids as some other people are but they are quite nice. i wonder how long mine will last.

man i can't believe how many men i meet that are duds. it's astonishing really. the sad thing is that i think some of thing probably are ok guys and just really suck with women. i do feel this about fucktard yet he is what he is and therefore the ties must be severed. because he called me last week i gave him one more shot yesterday. but when we spoke it was very tense. both of us were obviously miffed at the other for being retarded. me pissed that he's so aloof and socially retarded. him pissed at me for being so angry over this situation and so unforgiving. it was weird to have a tense and pissy conversation with someone i really don't know. i feel like when u don't know someone u don't usually get all worked up. not that we were screaming. cuz we weren't at all. it was passive agressive bullshit. in the end i don't even know why i called. he said he would still want to call me when shit cooled down btwn us. and i see that as a complete and utter lie. i even said that he didn't have to do that and that he shouldn't say shit he doesn't mean. he insists he means it. whatever. i can't believe that for a moment. the sweater is in my car with my other good will shit ready to be disposed of today. he said he'd like for me to keep it and not give it away cuz he wants it back, but he also understands me just wanting to throw it away. i said i'd feel bad if he did actually call me down the line and i had already rid of his sweater which might make him think that i'll keep it cuz i'm "nice." but that's certainly not the case. i may feel that way if that happens but whatever. i really wish i never met this kid. he's only caused grief in my life. 24 hours of total fun and weeks worth of grief. not a good trade off is u ask me. but at least the bullshit is over. sad that it had to end on such a crappy note. but i guess that's how bullshit has to end really. it's bullshit. it's inherently bad. time to start fresh today and move forward. summer is practically here and we've (the collective 'we') got a lot of shit planned!!! joe's party on saturday and home to SF memorial day weekend. god i need that. i really need to get away!!!

he's pissed at ME for being pissed at him?!?! fuck that noise. sweater is gone...TOMORROW.

i think i know the cure for my ails...

i'm meeting with a dude at a magazine tomorrow. i think. not for a job per se. the details are relevant but i'm too lazy to type them. but apparently the dude and i are neighbors. like he lives 3 blocks away. fuckin weird. i wonder if he's hot. haha

i'm a bit angsty right now. i feel like ruining something. i don't want to of course but i sure do feel like it. i wish there was a way for me to throw a glass bottle against a wall and not actually have it break or deal with picking up the glass when it does break. ah that'd be heaven. i could set that fucker's sweater on fire but 1) i think that might give me bad karma, 2) it'd be much more productive to give it to good will, and 3) i don't want to deal with putting out the fire. so i guess that idea is shot. altho it's really damned tempting. anyway i have shit i need to do but i'm feeling too lazy to do it. maybe if i shower it'll help. i dunno. fuckin eh.

lcd soundsystem was nuts. so much dancing!!! there were a few assholes to contend with, including this asian dude who i just fucking wanted to punch. he wanted to weasle his way to the front and god help me he better have been on drugs because he was in EVERYONE's personal space. i know that's the nature of a concert -- to be close -- but he was just ridiculous. he was basically humping the people in front of him. i couldn't handle him at all and luckily he wasn't near me for MIA or i'd have elbowed him in the stomach. he did however come around again for LCD and i was NOT having it. me and this girl banded together and wouldn't let him go foward and the moment he got in my space i fucking elbowed him. i think he got the hint. so yea. good show but assholes were definitely present. and yea i did meet a girl. so funny cuz i never people at shows but this one girl was really cool. i'll never see her again of course but he was cool. she had a boyfriend so any of my guy friends reading, don't think i let u down! haha

MIA was NOT my cup of tea. i thought maybe seeing her in person would get me into her music. NOPE. not at all. still not into it in the slightest. and i didn't find her attractive either. she was dressed in a tracksuit. not hot. where are the exotic clothes i thought i was going to see? haha anyway, i gave her a go on her album and live in person and i just don't like it.

the new star wars is quite good. much better than the other two prequels. this one is a lot darker and more relevant. the other two were setup/backstory for this one which leads perfectly into the 3 old ones. the dialogue is still horrendous but the movie is still quite enjoyable. u actually give a shit about what happens but at the same time u know exactly what is going to happen. the whole point of this movie is to show how anakin turns to the dark side and becomes darth vader. and that's what the movie does. anyway, i'm not good at reviews so that's all i've got to say. see this movie even if u can't remember or haven't seen the first 2 prequels. they are somewhat irrelevant in my opinion. surely they set up what happens in this one but u don't NEED to see them to see this one. now of course if u've never seen the original 3 then don't see this one cuz that's pointless. but who hasn't seen the original star wars trilogy???

and with that the weekend ends and the new week begins. tired as hell this morning yet i managed to get out of the house early enough to run over to sbux before work and still clock in 5 minutes early! yea...i dunno how i did that? i think andrew and i are gonna hang out sometime this week. when we parted ways yesterday he proposed that idea and considering i don't really have any plans midweek, i think it will fly. gonna meet with this guy today about making a poster and promo material for his movie. ian referred him to me. that could eat up my weeknights. we shall see.

yea i've been slackin on the bloggy. poor bloggy bloggy. haha so let's see. friday night i had originally wanted to see amelie and a very long engagement with friendster guy but he's a retard with a million excuses so no go. so then i was gonna see it with jessica but we decided we wanted to do something more social. so we went to see the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with brian and stacey. we saw it at the el capitan which is grossly overpriced and not worth it. but now we know that and will never go again! the movie was cute and fun. not that great but fun. after that we went to boardners where jessica and i met some dudes from vegas. then we went home.

yesterday was amanda's birthday bonfire event. lots of people showed up and it was a lot of fun. haven't done the bonfire thing in a few years. it was good times. after the beach closed at 10 we took the party back here. jen, me and jessica were in one car and we were jibberjabbering so much we TOTALLY missed the 405 interchange and ended up in downey!!! fuckin eh we are retarded. consequently there were a lot of people waiting for us at the house. oh well. the party raged on here as people got more and more drunk. i sat and talked with this guy andrew who is friends with sami, jen and all them. he went to SC and then moved back to NY for a year but now he just moved back out there. i've heard about him but this was the first time i met him. so we just sat and talked the whole night while everyone danced around us. he seems like a really nice guy. we're gonna go see the new star wars today at SC because they are having a special screening. should be fun.

so that's the recap. tonight is LCD soundsystem/MIA with james. he's super stoked. i'm just excited. i don't like MIA but whatever. james LOVES her and i will go early with him because that's what friends do. if i was going alone i wouldn't see her but it's cool. maybe seeing her live will make me like the music. who knows. anyhow, time to shower and get on with this day!

oh boy. ky sent this to me and i have wasted entirely toooooo much time looking at this site. go fug yourself

in other news. i might be making a flash site for shaun's boss' wife. here i go plunging into the flash world! i hope i can do it. i'm a little nervous cuz i really still don't know THAT much flash. i just read my books as i need to and find forums online that tell me what actionscript i need to do. i'm starting to sort of understand how it works but yea, still a long way to go to proficiency.

of course who would fucking call...yea that's right. the fucktard. however i did not answer, not because i'm a prick, but because i have no minutes left. i checked the voicemail and he just called to say hi and he sounded down in spirits or something. probably cuz he realizes his precious little sweater is gonna get it soon. hahahaha i'm horrible. i texted him back to call me at home but he didn't. oh well. his fucking problem. i wanna believe he's a nice guy and all. and probably he is. but i just don't have the patience to deal with excuses. normally at this point i shouldn't even be bothering with talking to him anymore. he's been so lazy about returning my calls and whatnot that in a normal situation that means to just give up. but i let it go further and considering i do have one of his posessions i should be courteous. but fuckin eh man. i ain't bending over backwards. fuck that shit. i want to like the guy and all but he ain't giving me much to work with.

anyway, i'm reading my new issue of print which is a bi-monthly, overpriced graphic design magazine. i saw an ad for this company and their website is fucking rad. check it out. orange32. if you click "print" on the first page they have a whole section dedicated to print tips, techniques, vocabulary, etc. it's fuckin rad. for a designer that is. although the site is well designed regardless of content. anyhoo, back to more music and print!

hmm...didn't realize til now how relevant jem's song is. haha oh jem. H-48!!!

just a ride
- jem

it's just a ride
it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
it'll take you round and round
sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down
it's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared, now dry your eyes
it may feel so real inside
but don't forget enjoy the ride

i got the code to work!!!

i also deleted the fucktard from my phone. he says he's sorry and whatnot. and his mom is still here. etc etc. but i can't deal with his excuses whether they are valid or not. all of our chat was done via text messaging of course cuz calling is too much effort for me plus i'm out of minutes! i warned him that i won't keep his sweater forever either. if he doesn't call me after his mom leaves, that shit is gone. seriously. GONE! it's taking up space in my room. every day i move it from my chair to my bed and vice versa. fuck that. it might as well just be gone from my room! i have no use for it and apparently he doesn't either. or he'd ask for it back. i know he wants it back but if he can't bother to call me about it, then he doesn't care enough for me to care. you gotta cut your losses while you can. and now is a perfect time.

so i was supposed to go to ikea tuesday night cuz cory was coming over to go bowling the next day and he said he would help me put the lights i was going to buy on the wall. but i was SOOOOO tired tuesday night i fell asleep and when i woke up it was too late to go to ikea. so yesterday i decided i'd go after work. only the ikea in carson had the lights i wanted. carson is like 30 min away with no traffic. so you can only imagine my fear of going there right at the start of rush hour. basically i had from 4pm, when i got off work, to 7pm, when cory said he'd get to my house. in any other normal city, 3 hours would be fine. but i had to question whether it was possible and when i did ask others' opinions they thought it was probably possible. isn't that sad? 3 hours to go to ikea and back and we aren't sure i'll make it. fuckin pathetic. anyway, i forgot to say that last night cuz i was so tired.

this morning i kept waking up paranoid that the time i saw on the clock was merely another time nested inside the real time and that if i trusted the time on the clock i'd be late to work. wtf? it's all to do with these damn actionscripts i am battling with and nesting .swfs inside of other .swfs and it not working. fuckin eh. haha that's just not right to make me lose sleep over that! i also dreamt this morning that we caught joe fucking some random chick he just met and it really upset me to see this. dunno where that came from but i'm sure it has some random relevance to my life and/or mental state. although i dunno what to say cuz i feel fine about joe. i'm definitely seeping into asexuality. it's probably for the best. i just gotta get friendster guy out of my life. i still have his sweater. and quite honestly, i'm losing patience for keeping it. i messaged him online on like monday about seeing a double feature tomorrow night. he hasn't replied cuz he hasn't been online. so if i decide to call him about it today and he says no, then i think i'm going to just downright give up. and if i don't hear from him for like another week or two i'll just fucking throw it away. sounds harsh but if he wants the damn thing back he's gotta fucking do something about it. right? not my fucking fault. anyhoo, time to figure out this fucking flash code.

i bowled probably the best game of my life tonight. 141. i got 5 strikes!! 2 times i got 2 strikes in a row. it was awesome. everyone said i was fueled by conversation cuz i just kept talking and getting strikes. it was awesome. that's all i have to say for now cuz i'm pooped!

thank god for friends who know flash! i was about to die i swear. but now the scroller works thanks to this dude i met online who knows flash. he has a good scroller and now my eyes won't have to bleed at work looking at tedious code wondering what the fuck i did wrong!

i meant to go to ikea tonight to get some new lights for my room but i fell asleep cuz my eyes were soooooo tired. and now it's late and i gotta just fuckin sleep. so tired!!! i think i'll just shower in the morning.

omg. the excitement is hardly containable!!! 10 days or less. 10 days or less!

lo and i are giddy as fuck. ever since i got home today we've been on a high. it's been awesome. oh the changes that are in store!

man. i realize that every time i see that fucker it's like i have to detox from the situation. it brings back too many bad memories i think. it's still mind-boggling to me how we ever dated. what was i thinking?? i attribute a lot of it to the confusion in my life. it was the beginning of art school. i was a little lost. like a dear in headlights. he was there. i didn't know anyone at school. it happened. i don't regret it but goddamn are the memories ridiculous. i really just thought i'd never see him again. why the hell did he come to my house? it's so weird. always so weird. every time he's in my area (altho this time he made a special effort) he goes to my house. and it's always weird. if i had just spent like 10 more minutes at the store i would have never seen him. damnit. oh well. what's done is done. and now maybe it'll be another year or whatever til i see him next. anyhoo, i guess i should get to work. i'm super tired right now though. =/

holy mother of god, john came to my house and we hung out. fucking hell. i seriously have not see that boy in probably a year. who knows. fuckin eh. i thought i'd never hear from or see him again. he lives in arizona! i knew when he moved because i saw it on his myspace page and i was like wtf? and i've talked to him like once since then. but he's in LA for two weeks working on E3 and so he came by to say hi and hang out for a bit. it was so weird. i was just talking to ky about him too because this annoying car at target was sounding off all the alarms in the parking lot with it's loud engine. and i thought of john cuz that's something he would do. and i HATE that. and then like 10 minutes after i got home he came to my house! fuckin eh. so weird. i can't believe i dated that guy. it's funny cuz i think we get along better now that we aren't dating. but still. i could never spend THAT much time with him the way i used to. it's so weird. so weird....and i saw him looking at the pixelblock thing i made for him but never gave to him. every time he's come here since we broke up he looks at that. and i know it bugs him. and just seeing that makes me happy. seeing him look at it knowing it was for him but he never got it cuz he was an asshole. haha yea, the simple pleasures in life.

omg. the weekend was nutty. friday night i wanted to do something so me and jen got an idea going and a group to follow thru. in the end it turned out to be a girl's night out. ye rustic and drawing room. and let me tell u, this is like the ONLY time we have been approached by so many men. it was weird. guy after guy in groups would come up to all of us. jessica gave her number to this one guy who i thought she didn't want to talk to but apparently did and now i feel bad in retrospect for insisting on leaving. i thought i was doing a service. we ran into ray too! haven't seen him since devin's birthday. it was a fun night overall. i got my hotwings at ye rustic which was awesome.

yesterday was really nutty though. brian's beer pong tourney and bbq. me and joe were a team - "pong kar wai." we wore wife beater's with the name written on them and sweatbands. when we got to brian's he slotted us against him and gino's team - "beer today, pong tomorrow." they also had matching sweatbands. we looked hilarious. joe and i beat them! first shot i sank. and i've never played before! it was awesome. everyone was all into it. in btwn games i drank beer partially because there was nothing else to drink. by the time my second game came around i was primed and ready to go. joe and i just barely lost but we drank so much beer so quickly that i got super drunk in a matter of minutes. and it was only like 5pm! so ridiculous! by like 7pm i was so drunk if i didn't keep drinking i was going to pass out. it was so early but i had been drinking for like 5 hours! so i kept it going and around like 9pm i did my first kegstand. it's hard! it's hard to drink upside down! but i did a little. we moved the party inside around 10 i think and i was ready to pass out. i basically just laid on the couch and went in and out of consciousness for the next like 2 or 3 hours. ended up sleeping on the couch at brian's and waking up at like 8am to go home. so ridiculous and so fun!

the rest of my day is going to be spent doing nothing special. i MAY tackle target just because i wanna get out of the house. we'll see. i feel like cleaning up the house a bit. we'll see. i got my tickets to the doves concert yseterday which i am SOOO stoked about. so much good fucking music recently. i'm already going to two more shows this month. doves next month. oh! FYI: YOU CAN BUY TICKETS AT THE WILTERN BOX OFFICE ON SATURDAYS FROM 10AM - 4PM TO AVOID SERVICE CHARGES. that's a nice little thing to know for shows that don't sell out right away.

i've really been liking my job this week. i like the people i work with and i'm working on projects that i enjoy. less fashion stuff and more print and web. i'm finally designing the corporate site and we're going with flash. so i've just been basically teaching myself on the fly how to do it. it's sorta cool. getting paid to create something and learn a program all at once. i'm also working on a print ad so that's cool. anyhoo, time to go out! los feliz action. i hope to get some hotwings at ye rustic. they better not be out!

i really like where i work. i dunno if i want to leave just yet. i like the people i work with. today i had fun and i was there for 11 hours! i had to make up time for coachella so i stayed late. and i didn't even bat an eyelash. i'm working on the website stuff so i get really into it. it's nutty. i found out about iframes. never knew about those. handy dandy little things. haha

on the flipside, my old internship just told me that they might be hiring a full time designer in the next couple of months. i'd love to go back there. i loved it there. i just HAD to leave. but i didn't want to. and if i could work there again i'd do it i think. i mean it's just down the street. i would save so much money on gas. could wake up late. go to free shows. get free music. it'd be awesome. so i'm sorta crossing my fingers that they do in fact need someone and hire me. i agreed to do their next sampler for free so they should know that i care and like it there. i think they know it. it's just a matter of budgets really. anyway, we shall see.

i'm pretty pooped but i've gotta do my laundry. boo!! i can't decide if i should do it now or not. it's such a chore and i have a LOT to do. i might just wait til saturday before brian's beer pong. we'll see. i think i have enough undies to last me. i think...

i ordered some more design books online last nite and i'm thinking i won't have enough room for them. i might have to rid of my statistics books or something. i dunno. i just can't get enough design books. i love them. i really need to create some new work. more so than organize my fonts. or learn flash. cuz honestly i really don't wanna code websites. i just don't. i wanna design and that's it. everytime i think about flash it pains me to think that i have to learn it. i wish i could just transplant the knowledge right into my brain. god that would be lovely. oh so lovely.

i'm tired. i'm not sure why. it's not THAT late. oh well.

i randomly applied for this design job last night and i interviewed today! i think i have a good shot at it. it's a design firm. super tiny. seems cool. if i get it i'll feel really bad leaving my current job. but it will be more in line with what i want to do. so yea. we'll see what happens.

went to see justin e's band play. saw linen boy there. yes, linen boy. from freshman year! he was there to support the first band. how funny.

i'm at work alone right now. listening to a melange of music. currently coldplay's "yellow" is on. it's brilliant. i love it. it reminds me of coachella and how good their set was. i can't even imagine what it's like to be on stage looking out at a crowd of 40,000 people. it must be overwhelming. i don't think i could ever do it. i'm the girl who gets a little rosey-cheeked when you have to introduce yourself to the class the first day of school!

anyhoo, work is going along smoothly. for some reason i'm feeling a bit "emotional." not that i'm upset or whatever. just sorta in my head right now. maybe it's being here alone and listening to the music. who knows.

i didn't meet any boys at coachella. so sad. probably for the best with all the other crap going on. i didn't need another boy thrown into the mix. my tan lines are ridiculous. only someone who sees me topless will know of the madness but yea. it's like i have a bikini top on but yet it's just my white skin. it's funky looking. oh well.

i'm looking fwd to this weekend. beer pong!!! me and joe are a team. "pong kar wai" is our name. haha joe's idea. if we lose we'll be "puking express." pronounced puuu-king. haha anyway, back to work!

wow. i'm amazed. i just called friendster boy and got a voicemail and just didn't leave one cuz i had nothing to say that i hadn't already said before. and then he called right back! and he was groggy as if he had been sleeping. cuz he had. he has to shoot tomorrow at 4am! so i asked why did he call me back if he's sleeping and he said because he didn't want me to think he was ignoring me! good job kid. good job. doesn't really negate his laziness but yea. i think part of it is laziness. part of it is apathy. and part of it is just being plain busy with work. keeping ridiculous hours due to working in production. anyway, we just chatted for a few minutes. said we'd speak again. and that was that. he should be the one to call me because he's the one who needs to get his shit back from me! so yea....and now i've got all this freelance crap to do and it's late! good god.

your FACE!!!!

haha...

oh man. we rocked the fuck out of coachella. kicked it's ass and said, "in your FACCCCCCCE!" haha

so many good times. we had the camping DOWN. 4 tents. big tarp in the middle that we called "the quad." we were really in sync with seeing the bands and so the experience was just downright awesome. last year was amazing too. i was completely in awe of it all. this year i knew what to expect and i think we made it all much better just because we had it all down so well. nothing beats seeing radiohead live but this year there were some amazing performances. to recap:

coldplay soooooo fucking good. goddamn they put on a good show. well worth the hassle of sitting through weezer and bauhaus and also being entirely squished. it was me and jessica just like last year for radiohead. we could breathe better though which was good. we had a really good view of the stage. very close. we could see chris oh so well and fell in love all over again. their new material is really good and i can't wait for their album. the crowd was really into the whole set and they just really engaged us. it was awesome. coldplay and arcade fire (i'll get to them) were the best performances in my opinion. coldplay has definitely gotten better (not that they were ever bad). i saw them 4 years ago in england and they were really good then but they are amazing now.

bauhaus UGH! NOT my style at all. i never even knew who bauhaus the band was. to me bauaus is a school in germany and a font. a good font too. but apparently this band is old and they were the beginning of goth/industrial music. so u can imagine why i didn't like them. not my style. they are creepy. the lead singer came out on stage hanging upside down from a cord and sang the whole first song that way! it was sorta cool but just weird. there was one part of one song that me and jessica liked. it got a little funky. and it was cool. the rest was just weird. but we had to watch them in order to get a good spot for coldplay. so whatever. it was worth it.

weezer HORRIBLE! goddamn the man. i think a lot of people are really over weezer. and i swear weezer is over weezer. i mean honestly, their new stuff is just not good. and their performance was weak. i didn't want to see them either but again i had to stake out my spot for coldplay.

wilco i caught half the set. it was good. chill. i cant say i was excited about it all but i enjoyed it.

snow patrol lots of energy. very cute little uk boys. i enjoyed their performance.

ravonettes honestly i don't remember it that well. so that means it wasn't that good. i think it was just ok. nothing special.

razorlight too pretentious.

stereophonics while EVERYONE else was seeing rilo kiley i went to check them out cuz i've been a fan for awhile and never seen them. and they didn't disappoint. good performance. solid rock session really.

radio 4 i didn't know who they were but there was nothing to do so we went to see them. not bad.

boom bip same as radio 4. nice ambient background music. good for chilling.

nine inch nails i don't really listen to NIN but goddamn trent puts on a good performance. i mean seriously. the lights are good. he has a lot of energy. it was definitely solid. if i actually like their music i'd have been in awe. we watched it from far away on the jumbo tron and i couldn't even see the stage so it sorta felt like i was watching a video. a little weird. i've never watched a concert like that where i can't see the stage but can only see the jumbo tron.

new order disappointing. i mean i didn't have high hopes or anything cuz i'm not a big fan but it wasn't that great. their can't reproduce their synthesized sounds as well as on the album. so that was a bummer. they are old too which is sorta cute in it's own way but doesn't make for anything exciting. makes me wonder what they were like in their hayday.

the futureheads i missed half the set due to conflicts but what i was saw was really good. they have energy. and for the love of god i can't get "hounds of love" out of my head!!!

gram rabbit weird. i didn't know who they were but we had time to kill so we watched a few songs. they gave out bunny ears to the audience which was cute. but their music isn't really my style and they aren't that interesting on stage. but apparently after we left they had people in bunny suits come out or something. or robots. i dunno. i think i missed out on the fun.

the faint i never was into them but they are good live. it's like one big dance party. i didn't even watch the band. i just watched the visuals they had up on the screen and danced. i felt like i was in some big outdoor club or something. it was rad. and i like their music so now i gotta look into that some more.

arcade fire holy mother of god. like i said up there. they and coldplay were the best performances hands down. i was concerned that they wouldn't live up to my troubadour experience. and for the first few songs i felt that way. but then i started to really feel the music and it was just like the troubadour if not better. a musical explosion inside me. soooooo fucking good. and were super close too! and win jumped into the crowd and it was just awesome. yea, whoa. really fucking good!

tegan and sara their voices annoy the hell out of me. a couple of songs are ok but then i can't stand it.

jem fun times. will and joe were all goofy trying to get jem to wave. and she did! that was the basis for many jokes later in the night.

shout out louds i didn't know who they were but they were really good. i'm going to have to check them out more thoroughly and get their album!

the prodigy the last thing we saw at coachella. me, joe, stacey, and jessica. we went from the faint's outdoor dance party to the prodigy's indoor (tent) dance party. good times. they were good. and a stellar way to end coachella....dance party!!!

kasabian good stuff. i didn't know what to expect. but they were good. and apparently a lot of people have heard of them cuz the tent was fuckin PACKED. i wish more people were dancing cuz i wanted to dance but it just felt weird.

autolux i only got to see a couple songs due to conflict of schedule but what i saw i liked.

sloan didn't know who they were. had time to kill. hopped from gram rabbit to them. they were decent. nothing special.

bands i missed due to overlap/conflicting schedules:
spoon
mercury rev
rilo kiley (i've seen them over and over so it wasn't a huge loss)
chemical brothers (they conflicted with coldplay!!! no fair!!!)
bloc party (i saw them when they first came to america and they sucked. so i didn't want to see them again if they were in conflict with other bands. and they were. but i heard it was a fun time)
secret machines (they also sucked when me and jessica saw them but i wouldnt have minded trying them out again)
m83
bright eyes
pinback
the bravery (i missed out on seeing them when they weren't well known because i didn't know who they were! so i really wanted to see them this time but i also really wanted to see the futureheads and also stake out a spot for arcade fire.)

aside from the amazing music, i was covered in dirt once again. got some ridiculous tan lines and my face looks sun baked i think. i feel gross from all the crappy food i ate so it's fruit, veggies, and salads this week for me. i slept a lot today because i was sooooo beat from the weekend. i meant to go to target to get new hair clips since the fucking asshole security man said i couldnt bring them into the venue. HAIRCLIPS!!!! they are "weapons" apparently. so is chapstick! i couldn't fucking believe it. and i said that to the man. "are you fucking kidding me?" he did NOT appreciate my foul language. but u know what, TOUGH. u take my fucking hairclips, i'll swear at your motherfucking ass. i said, "so if these were in my hair what would u do?" he said i'd have to take them out. THAT IS BULLSHIT! and it really is. cuz most people in the venue had hairclips in!!! whatever. fucking morons.

will and joe seemed to bond a lot over the weekend which was cute. especially since will is so much bigger than joe! haha last night we had some hilarious moments including will calling joe "nug nug." joe posing like he's a model. will meeting a girl named elzbit who's name is like elizabeth without the vowels! (we went off on that for awhile speaking without vowels...)

there was also, of course, a little boy "drama" if u will. after all, where can jen go and NOT encounter boy drama? haha joe and i were fine. no worries there. but he still was there. will and i had a run in or two. first time was whatever. second time was like "hmmmm....so...uh....what's this all about?" and honestly, will and i always have situations so it's not that uncommon. but i thought we were past that. i guess not. it's fine. whatever. our attraction for each other will never die i guess. and then there was friendster boy....who called me saturday midday and said he was in fact gonna roll on down to coachella. i couldn't fucking believe it! he actually took some action! so we hung out the first night at his camp area with his friends. but then i didn't see him at all yesterday. whatever. we'll see. i still have his sweater too.

anyway, GREAT FUCKING WEEKEND. now back to the rest of the work week! can't wait for more fun times this summer. we have a lot of ideas. ;)