ok so i was bitching about the protests but guess what....i dont have to go to work!!! hell yes. this couldn't have been planned any better for my post-coachella experience. sadly i could have been in a car that returns monday but whatever. it's ok. but yea. my work is all about immigration as u know if u know where i work. so basically everyone is allowed to not go to work. most workers will be protesting downtown at noon. we have shirts and everything. i want to go and march with my coworkers but it's VERY impractical for me to go all the way downtown and fight TERRIBLE traffic when i could march with the second march at 4pm down the street from my house. so yea. that's what i'm going to do. rick is going to join me. and byron is going to walk to my house and join us. i'm so stoked. not only do i not have to work but i can participate in this event. and it's all because my work is so for it. AWESOME.

and u know what else is awesome....coachella!!! and we are leaving in 3 hours!!!! YES!

oh yea. my waxing appt went well. i forgot to mention it. it didn't hurt nearly as much as i expected. so that was good. my legs are a bit red right now but i suspect it will go away soon. it already seems to have gone down a bit so that's good. i sorta like this waxing business. so i think i might go back. i also really want a facial. so i think i'll get one soon. splurge a little. it's been YEARS since i got one. so it's due time to get a really good one. extractions and all. ill set up an appt when i get back from coachella.

i've decided that my life will reach some normacly post coachella. it will be a good 2 solid months since andrew and i broke up. i'll be really in the sync of being single. my freelance will be more stabilized. all will be great. i hope. i just got the cds and posters back that i worked on. they look good! i need to get the vinyls still. can't wait! but anyway. i hope to get back to the gym next month. and just overall get shit back in order. my life. my room. everything. i feel so haphazard and it's not good. the OCD in me is not liking this chaos.

ok so i'm all about protesting and standing up for what you believe. but i think monday will be my worst nightmare. the protests for immigration are slated for DOWNTOWN and MID-WILSHIRE. that is both work and home for me. not to mention i'll be returning from coachella really fucking tired. i foresee monday as living hell. why can't they do it elsewhere? i mean i get downtown. but mid-wilshire? why? there are NO PARKING signs all over my area. this is going to be a bitch. i just know it. boo...

i just deleted loft boy from the phone. i texted him saying "im so fucking tired i just want to pass out. would you kill me or not call me again if i asked for a raincheck?" and he replied "yep." and so i replied "poo." and that is that. done and done. easy as pie. i just can't lose sleep over someone i don't really give a shit about. haha i have more fun talking to alex than i do with loft guy. and that's a problem now isn't it? loft boy wasn't that cute and sure he was nice and fun but not that nice and not that fun. so anyway. we move on...

i can't wait for my waxing appt tonight. i've never had a pro wax before. i tried to do it myself and that was just a nightmare. cuz u are too easy on yourself and then it doesn't get all the hairs. and it fucks up. and u have bruises and shit. yea NOT good. anyway....

i can't wait for coachella. did i say this already? haha cuz i think i need to say it again. I CAN'T WAIT FOR COACHELLA!!! the idea that tomorrow night i'll be there. that's just making me giddy as fuck. all the good music. i can't fucking wait. and the weather is supposed to be nice. another hot one this year. not AS hot. but when i say that it's all relative. cuz the first year we went it was 115. last year it was like 100. this year its supposed to be btwn 95-99. so i mean. it's still going to HOT AS HELL. it's just to what degree of HOT AS HELL will it be. you know? oh i can't wait...

pardon the atrocious color scheme. i did not make this. but anyhow, look at the glory of it all. coachella 2006. there are a few glaring overlaps that are killing me. but this is my tentative list of bands i will see:

SATURDAY:
:: white rose movement
:: walkmen
:: tv on the radio or my morning jacket or kanye west (the toughest decision of the weekend)
:: sigur ros
:: franz ferdinand
:: daft punk

SUNDAY:
:: youth group
:: mates of state
:: 1/2 magic numbers + 1/2 phoenix
:: kaskade + a couple songs of matisyahu for novelty's sake
:: gnarls barkley (i'll jet early to get in close for madonna)
:: madonna
:: go! team
:: scissor sisters

so that's it. that's how i'm gonna roll. most likely. oh i can't wait!!!! i fucking love coachella.

tinna arrives tonight. stacey and i are getting our waxing. i didn't get to pack fully for coachella because i wasted my night chatting too much. with rick and alex. yes i talked to alex again. and it was supposed to be quick about coachella. and then it turned into like 2+ hours i think. we were admitedly a bit delirious at the end of it all but yea. anyhow, i think i'm too tired to hang out with chris. and he didn't call me last night like he said he would so whatever. i'm over it. totally. i wish i got to see his cute vintage vw but that's ok. i think i'll live.

oh and i had the WORST coughing fit this morning in the car. i had to pull over. i was right outside the parking lot and i started coughing. u know that nasty sort of dry cough. omg. terrible. i couldnt stop. i needed water SOO badly. so i stopped. chewed some gum. tried to compose myself. then coughed the whole way to work. byron was probably slightly concerned. i mean i was about to cough up a lung i think. jeez. anyway...back to work.

that's so weird. ok so this dude calls me while i'm at work and said he found my website from the AIGA and likes my work. he wants to possibly hire me for some freelance for his company. i said, ok let me call you back later when i can talk more. so i called him back just now and i found out it's not really work i can do. because it involves editing and motion graphics and stuff like that which i don't really know much about and don't have the time to learn (they are willing to teach me). so then i suggested psychic bunny and he's like, "oh yea. they contacted us a few weeks ago about our posting that we put out." how fucking weird. worlds colliding. he's like, "that's funny that you know them." yes it is. jeez. i didn't say i'm ROOMMATES with one of the guys either. i never say that. i always say "my friend" because roommate sounds wrong in that sort of situation. anyway, very strange. the guy was really nice. he had a very calm voice. i liked that.

i'm off to have dinner with ollie tonight. doughboys hopefully unless it's just super crowded. i intend to get a good night's rest tonight on account i don't really have much work to do. i basically just have to pack for coachella and upload some stuff. so yea. good, long night's rest for jen. i hope...no random talking for an hour to boys i like but am not attracted to. haha damn the man. every email i get from alex makes me like him more and more. how can i get past this lac of attraction thing? there must be a way.

i just googled myself and somehow it leads to this blog. i don't know how because i have removed any trace of my last name. bleh. whatever. i'm over it. u find this thing and u read at your own will. for better or for worse. maybe u read shit u don't wanna hear. or shit u do wanna hear. not my problem.

anyhoo, i've gotta pack for coachella tonight. because if i do hang out with chris on thursday i've gotta have all my shit ready. because friday i'm going to go home, take a quick shower, and go. no time for packing. part of me doesn't really want to hang out with him due to inconvenience but then i've "flaked" so many times he'll probably just never call me again. and while i wouldn't really care, it's sorta fun. so yea. i dunno. whatever. i think he's calling me tonight. i'll have to decide by then of course.

i had garlic chicken pizza last nite and i feel like the garlic is still in me. in my poors. i hate that. the worst time was when i had indian food with ky like a few years ago. omg i had the worst heartburn and just overall body rejection to the food. i mean it was so tasty but i felt it in me for days after. jeez! anyway, back to work.

oh boy. i haven't gotten ANY work done and it's midnight. FUCK....i mean ok. so i met up with this girl to work on her website. so technically that was work. but then i got home and it was like 10 o'clock. so i tried to call my dad to wish him a happy birthday but he was on the phone with my aunt. so then i was gonna upload some stuff and do my revisions and alex called. YES, alex called. he's never called me just to chat before. oh shit is all i have to say. i mean yea. oh shit. so we talked for like an hour. i tell u. if only i were attracted....so then after that i called my dad and talked to him for like and hour. and here i am. midnight and still haven't done my revisions. FUCK.

i'm listening to the jazz mix again from alex. there are only like two or three tracks i dont like. it's nice and chill. i dig it. it fits the mood today. it's very very slow here today. so yea. works well.

so coachella is a few days away and i'm super stoked. our car is going to rock. me, joe, guillermo, stacey. yea that's gonna be a rockin car. that's for damn sure. i have no idea how to pitch my tent so i hope someone can help me! hahaha i've gotta buy some snacks and shit. but i'm totally all set for the most part. i have to select clothes to bring. and being that i can't tell still if it's going to rain or not i'm in a quandry about what to bring. my layers and whatnot. so i'll probably overpack jsut in case. and by overpack i mean like a skirt and shorts. a tank and a tee. i always wear the same shit both days on account of it being so nasty so yea. it's still all going to fit in my backpack. even my sleeping bag and pillow! hell yes. go REI. haha what am i saying? i walked away from this for so long i am lost. goodbye.

yes i am awake. i fell asleep earlier and now i am up finishing up my roughs for this cd package. ugh! i'm tired...

i finally got a photo of joe and i wearing the beards. here it is.

joe was right. i do look good in the beard. haha relatively speaking. i look better than him that is. cuz his beard is just way too big. at least mine is more tame. and i like my hair and sunglasses in this photo too. altho i think i need to redye my hair. man, i'm going to miss joe. and man is his hair light...haha

so joe aside...i spoke with chris and i think we might hang out thursday night since we cant hang out all weekend on account of coachella. so i'm going to have to scheme up a way for this to work. i already told him tinna is in town for coachella and i'm lending her my car for friday. so if he wants to hang out with me, he's going to have to drive me all around so tinna can have my car for all of friday. so that's on him. and he knows it. meanwhile i continue to grow to like alex more and more with each email he sends me. why o why can't i be attracted to him? that would make this so much easier. cuz i think he's really cool and nice. but ugh. just not really attracted. maybe i could grow to be. i dunno...oh and shaun is playing detective trying to figure out who the mystery guy was that i danced with on halloween. we have a photo. but we have no leads. or at least we don't think so. he's asking around. oh the boys. look at me. i've totally reverted back to pre-andrew days. but hey. it's all fun. none of this is serious at all. so whatever. i'll do as i damned well please. if anything this is all one huge distraction from the heartbreak.

thou salt recover on monday...again...

so uh yea. i partied a little too hard this weekend. so this makes it the second weekend in a row of hardcore partying. and this coming weekend is coachella so basically we're looking at 3 straight weekends of hardcore partying. and don't let me get into the fact that joe is leaving to shoot his movie mid-may and then going straight into shooting for the tv show he works for which means i won't see him til late august because he comes back while i'm in spain. umm yea. that makes me sad and that also means he and i are gonna have to party it up on last time before he goes. so either the first or second weekend in may. shit man, i need a rest....and yes yes yes i'm sad about joe leaving. and this just means it wasn't, and never will be, meant to be.... =(

anyway...the weekend.

i went to shaun's party on saturday. had a blast. joe and i were a beer pong team again as usual and this time our name was "the beerdos" and we had fake beards. it was awesome. and we lost of course because we never play and never practice. but we have a blast the entire time. i proceeded to get trashed at the party and by 9pm zach was throwing us all around like we were toys. yes, i forgot about that til joe just mentioned it to me. maybe that's how i got the bruises on my collar bones. anyway, i had a blast. talked to some boys. none of which interested me. but at least i'm getting out there and talking. wanted to talk to the boy that i danced with at the halloween party since i'm now actually single and can attempt to spit some game. but he totally left right away and i missed my chance. joe was swapping spit with some drunk girl which sorta got to me but whatever. it doesn't matter now anyway. cuz i know it's not meant to be. clearly. i won't see him til the fall when my cell phone plan expires. yea that's a way to measure it.

i drank so much at shaun's that by the time i left at 2am i had the worst headache. i woke up 5 or so hours later to get going for disneyland with my coworkers which was awesome. though at first i was hungover. but had an amazing time. we rode the teacups 4 times and space mountain 3. the new space mountain is cool though i freaked out the first time i went on it. we spun those teacups so fast it was amazing. i took 2 videos of it and a lot of photos. here are a few:

anyhow, now i'm totally pooped. i woke up all achy. i think i'm sorta sick again. i gotta rest up for coachella but have so much shit to do. ugh. it never ends. maybe by late may i'll be able to rest. maybe...

man i feel exhausted. i just woke up from a really addrenaline-pumping dream. it was an action movie sort of dream. seriously. i went to lunch or something with some of my coworkers. and all was well. except one of them (one i never really hang out with or mention even who is cute though) had his hand on my ass! i allowed it though. because he's cute and maybe things could happen later. but then finish lunch and go to this club thing. and then i lose all of them. though in the dream it didn't feel like i lost them. you know how dreams are screwy and disjointed. so i'm wandering around and then i get into the "ring" area. sorta like a stage/boxing ring/put in the spotlight sort of area. and me and my coworkers were supposed to give a presentation about something. but then these other people come out with this presentation and it turns out they are bad guys. and they have these flame thrower sort of weapons. and now all hell is breaking loose. and all of a sudden it's like i turn into some heroine. and then keanu reeves is there. so i guess it's sorta like he's neo from the matrix though he's not specifically but that's his sort of role. and we are trying to battle them. and running around etc etc. and they sort of "capture" me in the sense that i'm free to roam this entire area that we are in. and u know how in some movies they don't really capture you. which is inevitably the downfall because u are able to do shit and then u turn the tables. anyway so i'm sort of wandering. keanu is in hiding. and then i get him from his hole and tell hm to meet me in the other hole he has. so he goes in. but then they come. and i can't get in there. and one half of the bad guys find out he's in there. and i'm trying to get him to come out. but he won't. and i found these papers that decode some top secret thing about the world. and i have to make sure the bad guys don't take them just for the sake of taking them and being pricks. so i stuff them in my pocket but i fear the whole time they can see them. and oh man it was just a huge panic. in the end i woke up. the "movie" was unresolved. thankfully. i felt so exhausted when i woke up. maybe i was moving a lot in my sleep too. i dunno. insane.

anyhow, doing work now. BOO. didn't finish it last night so i'm doing it now.

beer pong later. i hope the weather is nicer. it's so blah outside right now.

my sinuses are killing me. seriously my entire head is hurting and i just want to sleep. this is terrible. it just sorta came over me and it's consuming me entirely. i've gotten this before and there isn't much to do. i took some medicine but that's about all i can do. that and wait it out. man ever since saturday it's been quite the pill-popping week. ugh.

blah. sorta boring, half ass day. it started out all sunny and now it's just mild. i've got a lot of shit to do tonight on account of my weekend being really full. shaun's party tomorrow which could seriously go all damn day starting at 3. then disneyland on sunday. wee! so errands and work tonight. and errands tomorrow morning as well.

on the andrew note. i sent him a blank card and just wrote "thank you" on the inside. that's good enough. that's all i can do. i don't want to talk to him so that is best. anything else could possibly start a dialogue as rick said. and i don't want that right now. i can't do that. i'd rather just not see or talk to him right now. or for a long while. i won't be sending him any sort of gift. just a txt message probably. that's the best i can/will do.

i sit and type this as i listen to the jazz mix alex made for me. he's so nice to me and really a good guy. if only i was attracted to him....

tonight was alright. a lot of people flaked which was alright. its thursday. i understand. i had my weekend party time. but at least jessica, rick, and stacey went the distance for me. roscoes and beauty bar. lawrence made it to roscoes at the end. and alex made it to beauty bar (well i didnt invite him to roscoes so i can't really fault). oh happy 25 to me. good times to be had this coming year. i really hope it's fucking amazing. we'll see. chris just called about 30 min ago. i let that one go straight to vm. i'm not about to be making any bootie calls. hell no.

i haven't decided how to react to andrew's "gift." i feel like a total bitch if i just don't say anything. rick says i should send him a thank you postcard. that way i don't have to start an email/txt message thread. i think i might do that. sounds good to me. ugh....

so i just got home and i was wondering if i would get any sort of cards/gifts/etc. and being that my parents and some of my friends are super prompt, i got things ahead of time. and being that some of my other friends are super NOT prompt, i shall be expecting the trickle down of gifts/cards in the coming few days. all fine and dandy. but i did get one thing today. and it was from....andrew....

so i saw this envelope sitting there in the mail pile and i noticed it was from him. it was a regular letter-sized envelope. and it had a slight bulge in it. so i thought it was my key. because i never did get it back from him. and before i opened it i thought, that's sorta of dickish. send back my fucking key on my birthday. thanks fucker. but then i opened it and there was no key at all. it was one of these...not this one specifically but one like it.

it was wrapped in another envelope which he wrote "happy birthday" and that was it. now a few things... 1) this toy was the first type of toy i ever asked him to get me when he first went to japan. i asked for a replacement of the one i bought when i was in japan. and he could never find one for me. well i guess he finally did. 2) because of it's meaning to me it's sort of making me upset right now that he sent this to me. it's a nice gesture though at this moment a nice gesture from him doesn't really work for me. i was doing so well with not thinking of him til now. 3) i had wondered if he was going to send me a birthday sentiment in any regard - phone call, email, txt message. i didn't expect a gift of any kind. and so this is throwing me off guard in many ways and i feel i have stepped back a notch on the progress bar. FUCK. 4) do i tell him "thank you" in some fashion? i don't fucking know...

in other better news, i'm off to roscoes to have din din with good friends and good company. i had sushi for lunch with my coworkers and it was mighty good. but i've still got room in my tummy for roscoes. yessir.

well..here is it. i'm a quarter of a century old. and it certainly feels that way. i'm battling out my tax shit right now. how much to withhold in order for my work taxes and my freelance taxes to cancel out. i didn't have to deal with this shit a few years ago! gah. 25....

byron and laurel made me really cute cards for my bday. i love them. they are awesome.

i've gotten a bunch of birthday wishes from people. oh the love. it's fantastic. and i'm totally ready for my sushi lunch and roscoes dinner. oh hell yes. today is a good day...sing it ice cube!

i should be working but i'm taking out some time to blog. i feel compelled. i was just talking to dwayne and rick for awhile about joe and my liking him again and how i should i deal with this. and after much talk we really got nowhere. except they seem to think joe doesn't ever know what he wants which was something guillermo told me too just the other day. so d and rick suggest i play it cool and act like i don't care. dangle it out there then take it away. play hard to get so to speak. i dunno if this is the best approach. but here's the thing. so i was getting ready to write this post and i looked at all the photos from the weekend and i suddenly this wave of feelings came over me. i started to think about all of this and i realized this is just too fucking much. i am thinking about this entirely too much for what it is. and i have to say that sort of sickened me. i can't be worrying about this so much, or at all even. things only seem to work out when they just sorta happen naturally. so i think i need to chill and ease off this whole idea. i mean yea joe's fucking rad and i'd love to be dating him, but i sorta like being single too. i am kind of enjoying this freedom i have.

chris called me tonight and we had a little chat. and i was just like whatever about it. i think it's because i sorta don't care. and i bet he can tell. i mean i have no definite plans with him for the next few days. and that's totally ok with me. and for him it probably seems like i'm not that interested. and yes this is true. so he can do with that what he wants. i couldn't make plans with him for saturday because that's beer pong at shaun's party and joe's my partner. i can't have chris there. and i can't make plans after the party cuz who knows what's going to happen. i might get so trashed i won't be able to stay up past 10pm which is what happened the first time i played beer pong. chris understood that but it does also sound like a cop out. i mean if i cared i'd make it work. and i don't really care. i can't make plans with him sunday because i'm going to disneyland that day. so the entire weekend is shot. he didn't ask me about friday so that's fine. and tomorrow is my bday and i said i'd call him after i go to dinner with everyone and tell him what i'm doing. but we'll see how that goes. he's not an outright winner. he's just cool. but i'm not willing to make huge efforts for someone that i'm not crazy about. so yea. that's where that stands. so yes, being single is sorta nice. i know that's crazy talk from my mouth but having to answer to no one is really fucking great. now if i'm still single in 4 or 5 months i bet i'll be singing a new tune. but for now, i'm quite content.

anyhow, i had dinner with laurel tonight. we agreed to have our bday dinner together tonight since today is in btwn our bdays. we went to the empress pavillion and had a lovely peking duck dinner because i had told her about it and she loves duck. and she really enjoyed it. so that was good. we had a good chat and ate some good food. that was enough for me. i must say i have spent an assload of money recently with all these bdays and going out to lunch and dinner and gifts, alcohol, the whole nine yards. oh well...it's just money.

ok back to work. it's super late.

damn i'm tired. my meds are kicking in and i am soooo drowsy. i can't stay awake....

BUT! my coworker made this krispy kreme's bread pudding dessert thing for laurel and i since our bdays are yesterday and tomorrow respectively, the dessert is for today. right in the middle. i'm super excited about this because i tried some before and it's goddamn amazing.

so loft boy. alright. so saturday night i texted him at like 2am when the bar closed because i just felt like it. but then i couldn't get anything out so i just said "hi" cuz that was all i could type. so the next day i got voicemails. two were from him. one came right after he texted me back and then another came like 2 hrs later around 4am. first up, damn bro. two messages in one night? ballsy. secondly, i didn't call him back sunday on account i was hanging with joe and well, i dig joe more than i dig him. so i texted sunday night saying i'd call the next day. so i did. monday after work i called. got vm. so i just said hey, what's up? gimme a call. that sorta thing. he didn't call so yesterday i sent him a message online. and today he replied. i half didn't want him to reply so i could just let it all go. but whatever. i replied back with a half-hearted response. cuz well, i'm only feeling half-hearted about him. it's like he's cool but not that cool. i can totally do better. so yea. that's where that stands. i won't see him this week most likely because i have plans basically every day til monday. and i'm sick so i don't wanna be make huge strides here. meanwhile R hasn't emailed me back in a couple days. GOOD. that can just die like that. and jj and alex are still around but they are just friends. and i think they know that. i never put out any other vibe than that. so i think i'm good there. so that's the boy update. the consensus is, i need to meet more men OR joe has to figure out that we would be good to date each other. one or the other. oh and i haven't spoken to andrew in....(checking back) 10 days. damn good job jen. i couldn't remember how long it had been because i don't care. that's very very good.

ok back to half-hearted working. damn i'm sooooo drowsy....

today was a good day

yea i'm feeling the ice cube this morning. haha

ok so i got to work and checked my email and lo and behold, i got a second chance offer on ebay to buy READING TICKETS. FUCK YEA, STACEY AND I ARE GOING TO READING!!!! omg i was so excited. we can finally rest knowing we are going. thank the fucking lord. i swear. this ebay game was killing me. and now we are done and done. and if they release more regular priced tickets, we'll sell these ones on ebay to get our money back.

anyhow, it's jason and laurel (my coworker)'s bday and it's sunny and i'm sick. but forget the sick. everything else about today is fantastic. and the rest of the week proves to be good i think. my real bday is thursday and i think we'll go to roscoes. then saturday is shaun's bday where joe and i are gonna have the bestest fucking team name ever. (nevermind if we suck at beer pong...) then sunday is DISNEYLAND with my coworkers. FINALLY i get to go. i'm so excited for that. oh it's all coming today. 25 here i come! =)

as promised....photobooth photos:

joe and i tried to reprise our full body strip but it didn't work out so well. my favorite frames are the following:

1st row. 3rd strip. #2 and #3.
1st row. 4th strip. #1 and #4.
2nd row. 2nd strip. #4.
2nd row. 3rd strip. #2.
3rd row. 1st strip. #3.
3rd row. 3rd strip. #2.
3rd row. 4th strip. #3.

now here are some highlights from the night:

1st row left: jen and james in true goofy form.
1st row right: jen is freaking out.
2nd row left: i'm getting ready to rock.
2nd row right: rocking out.
3rd row left: joe looks like a munchkin and jessica's giving the evil eye.
3rd row right: 3 cute boys.
4th row left: typical james move.
4th row right: byron practicing his AA thumb while i get my drink on.
5th row left: we look like a bunch of hipsters.
5th row right: jen and her bro are so fucking cute.

thou salt recover on monday...

hot damn this weekend was fantastic. definitely in the top 5 for birthdays. that's for damn sure. photos are forthcoming as i have to compile them all and pick the best ones. also have to scan the photobooth ones as well...

so friday night i chilled. had to rest up for the big day. so i watched some arrested development with pat. just mr. polk was in town visiting. he is still here in fact and he's been crashing at our place for a few days. so we watched some AD on friday.

then saturday i got up early to have breakfast with joe. we did that and hung out. then i got ready for the party. went to get the alcohol with pat and cleaned the house a bit. took a nap and was good to go. the party had to get started at 8 sharp. people rolled in periodically and we got our drink on. sake bombs, irish car bombs, and flamming dr. peppers (courtesy of my coworker). hot damn that shit is good. i set the table on fire one by accident and one of my coworkers got his finger on fire! what a nightmare those things are. luckily only the alcohol is burning and not what's underneath it. luckily....

so we all got a lot of drinking done. a few of my coworkers were there which was fun times. then we all got in cabs/cars and headed to the short stop. my car was one of the last to make it. joe was driving and it was me, ollie, zach, and guillermo. i recall pissing at dennys with joe. that's about it. then we were there. at the bar. and we had to wait to get in. but once we got in. woo wee! damn. lots of drinking. photoboothing. and finally dance dance dancin. i feel like i'm regressing back to this same time last year. cuz out on the dance floor. there i am. going right for joe. i shake my head at myself but it's totally true. and he wasn't even really drunk cuz he was driving. but i was. and it was me and him. dancing up a storm. i felt like i was in the "underground" club part of dirty dancing. god help me i didn't look too nasty. please. i ran into jj and alex who i felt bad for cuz i didn't really talk to them. but i was just too drunk to care.

at the end of the night (well the end of the bar night) i left with joe and g and went to this other party. and turns out ryan fucking soelberg was there. i haven't seen him in YEARS. i think i started blogging after him but i used to have a crush on him and he's got the same bday as me. that's about all i have to say. so he was there. justin was there. and i was internally freaking out for a moment. then i just didn't care. so we just hung out and waited for the cops to leave. i remember hanging on to joe a lot. i think i was cold. i dunno. it's a blur. we had gin and tonics and i think i like those now.

so after we left the party we went to freds and got some grub. that was good shit. then we went back to g's cuz i swore i heard that pat was going to sleep in my bed cuz rick's friends were there visiting and were gonna steal the couch. or some such. so we went back to g's and pulled out the pullout couch. and all of us hopped on there and started watching a movie. and joe and i got snuggly. i swear i swear i didn't initiate it. and then i fell asleep.

woke up in the morning TOTALLY hung over next to joe who i swear didn't drink that much but appeared just as hung over. so once g got up we all decided to have brunch. so we did. in our nasty ass clothes from last night. no shower. nothing. oh man. after that we were like, let's keep this day going. so we decided to go see hard candy. but first we brushed our teeth. yes, that was all we needed. we went to see the movie. it wasn't very good. then we decided to keep going and got stuff to make gin and tonics and bloody marys. we went back to g's and did that. watched the omen. then we watched some making of shit and i fell asleep. next thing i know it's 1am and joe is like, "ok we need to go home. the weekend just keeps going." so he took me home and that was that.

so all in all. FANTASTIC birthday. i love joe. and i have regressed an entire year. damn the man. and i'm not even 25 yet. more later.

damn i'm super fucking tired. i stayed up way too late last nite. way too late. i hung out with chris and had a great time. we watched some arrested development. i showed him the subtle differences btwn helvetica and arial. OH, and goddamn word on PCs. it says it has helvetica but NO. it's arial. fucking bullshit. total lie. all LIES. haha chris is really easy-going and fun to hang out with. i've decided i'm not supremely attracted to him yet i don't seem to care. i dig his personality a lot. oh and he claims to be 6'4" but i swear he's not that tall cuz i think lawrence is taller than him. so then i kept saying how i didn't believe it and so we got the tape measure out. oh it was like when andy and i measured our heads... =) turns out that tape measures are not good for measuring people. move too much. so we didn't get an accurate measurement but i'm still contending he's like maybe 6'3" and not 6'4". whatever. anyway i stayed there far too late. like 2:30. i was going to spend the nite but he's sick and i CANNOT get sick for tomorrow. so i left and went home. didn't sleep til 3 something. goddamn i'm tired. but it's friday and it'll be slow today i think. and tomorrow i'm going to have breakfast with joe and then nap and get ready for my PARTAY!! woo!!

it's like one big party in here. the sun is shining and we are all having a great time. i love my job! =)

so since i've told people i'm taking spanish classes, they have brought it upon themselves to "help" me out by sending me spanish messages. folks, I'VE ONLY TAKEN ONE CLASS!!! i have the vocabulary of a baby. seriously. it's funny. this one guy i worked with on the cd package stuff sent me a message in spanish. he's the most fun record exec i've ever worked with. he's really nice to talk to as well. i often wonder how old he is. cuz i'm amazed sometimes. the people i think are old are young and vice versa.

oh i'm so excited for saturday. i can't wait!!!

bienvenido español

i started my first spanish class tonight after work. i gotta tell ya. learning a language is hard. i'm SOOO out of practice with learning a language. i was sitting there next to this one dude who works in IT or something and we were trying to piecemeal shit together from the french we knew. drawing associations. because i mean, yea, they are similar. latin based and all the structures and root words are very much the same. but nevertheless, we were stumped. i think learning the basics of any language is the hardest part. and this teacher is the same thought process that all my french teachers were, which is to speak only in the native language you are learning. no english. and i remember that being sooo hard at first with french. then once u get the hang of it, it's not so bad. of course i will not be learning nearly as much spanish and i did french. but u get what i mean. anyway, this shit was daunting but i'll keep at it. it's so informal and so free, why wouldn't i take advantage of this??

on another note, my joe's "rocker" jeans came and they are fantastic. fit so well. and are quite comfy. that 2% lyrca really makes the difference btwn straight up 100% cotton denim and a cotton/lycra blend. i have to get the jeans hemmed about an inch and a half but yea, they are great. the wash is nice. they are form-fitting. the pockets are cute. good shit man. good fuckin shit.

i am nearly caught up on all my freelance which is fantastic. maybe i can work on my own shit now for a change. and watch more arrested development. woo!

i'm going to take spanish classes at work for free. i'm so stoked. twice a week. tues/thurs 6-8:45pm. i'm so excited. i can learn some spanish for my trip. WOO!

so i just realized i have a week to get all the booze for my bday shit. damn. i have to go to bevmo i think. i haven't quite gotten a handle on how much i have to buy but i know it will be a decent amount. and then i've got to go to the japanese market during lunch to get sake. holy cow we're all gonna be trashed. i'm so excited for this day. fuck my actual birthday where i turn a whopping 25!! the 15th is going to be off the hook. and i'm ready to go down with the ship. i hope i keep in check and don't puke. i'm thinking if i stick to one or two types of liquor i'll be ok. i think...i hope...

i still can't decide if i want chris (aka loft boy) there. cuz like he's going to this thing that starts early but doesn't really get going til super late. so he was even talking with his friend about going out elsewhere beforehand. so if i asked if he wanted to come to my thing, he probably would. then go to his thing. but do i want that? i dunno. i think i gotta see how this midweek outting with him goes. then i'll have a better handle on it. it's really fucking weird for me right now. i know i said this already but i gotta just say it again. making out with someone other than andrew just feels really fucking weird and slightly wrong. i know i'll get over that but shit. right now it's just really weird. and it's probably cuz andrew and i only broke up like 5 or 6 wks ago or someting like that. which is NOT that long at all. damn...i guess i feel sorta slutty. but i'm not being slutty. but i can't curb this feeling. this weird feeling. but i mean this is really the only way to move on. i really hope this doesn't somehow blow up in my face. though if it did i wouldn't be surprised.

i just spoke with andrew and i think i can't see him for a long long time. it's just too much. even just talking to him was not that fun. angry moments. sad moments. fuck that. easier to just forget for awhile. i told him about chris. just that i went on a date with a guy last nite. that was it. i figured that since everyone seems to know i went out on a date, i didn't want him to find out from someone else. so i just told him. it was weird to utter those words but whatever. breakups fucking suck. and until i get married, i'll just have to keep doing this shit. why does that just sound terrible? damn...

ugh. my life is taking a turn for the complicated...

ok so yesterday i did something i didn't think i would do. i just went over to andrew's when he wasn't there. actually i didn't know if he'd be there. i got fed up with the run around and i just decided to go over unannounced. but then i felt guilty so i texted him 10 min before i got there to warn him just in case. turns out he wasn't home. i think marjolijn was and she was in the shower. so i couldn't get anything from the bathroom that was mine. provided it was still even there. i don't know. i did get a few things tho i forgot some and couldn't find others. the house was a total mess and i got super emotional and flustered being there so i just bolted. it was so hard to be there. damn....so then i called andrew later cuz i thought he was all pissed off and me and i left him a voicemail. then he called back but i didn't have the strength to pick up the phone so i let it go to voicemail and i went on with my day.

it was getting on 5pm when loft boy called. i seriously didn't think he was going to call. cuz he was supposed to call friday night. but he didn't. and we were supposed to go out last nite. so yesterday morning before i went to andrew's i called him and left a voicemail that said "hey it's jen. just wanted to know if are still going out tonight since i didn't hear from u last nite. i guess if i don't hear from u by like 6-7pm i'll assume we aren't going out and make other plans." so by like 4 i assumed he wasn't calling and i deleted his phone number from my phone so i wouldn't be tempted to call him again. i figured if he didn't call he lost interest and being that i wasn't all THAT interested, i didn't want to be tempted to call again and just make an ass of myself. but then at like 5 he called. turns out he had an impromptu party friday night for his coworker who was going away and it raged so late he didn't wake up til like 4pm. so yea. so we made a plan to go out later on last nite.

so then i decided to listen to andrew's voicemail. i figured i should before i went out with loft boy. so i listened and i got super emotional. cuz he was saying how he didn't hate me. things are miscommunicated. we need to talk. he didn't know mr bear away it was just in the closet. etc etc. so i got all emotional and texted him saying i couldn't talk then and i'd call tomorrow. i have yet to call today. i'm in a weird headspace.

so i went out with loft boy. i went to his loft downtown and met up with him and some of his friends. his loft is pretty sweet though they have their weird situation with the bathroom that sorta disturbs me if i'm going to be spending any more time there. i'll explain later if it's relevent. his roommate was out of town due to spring break (he's a teacher). loft boy is 27 going on 28 this year (older is great). works for a major search engine. went to ucsb. and is starting a band with the guys i met last week at beauty bar when i met him. those guys were interesting. all a bit younger. 20-22. so that was weird. but then loft boy's sb friends were like 26 and way cool. anyway so after mishaps and cab rides we ended up around the corner at bar 107 where we drank a lot and had good times. went back to this dude's loft space (around the corner from loft boy's) and chilled out there. awesome space. great for a party. then i went back to with loft boy to his place. crashed there. woke up to rick calling me to make sure i was alive. talked a lot in bed with loft boy. he made us breakfast burritos and then we talked more as he sorta strummed his guitar (he plays drums in his band tho) while looking out his huge windows. all these musician types. can't leave the toys alone. ever. he played some radiohead. that was rad. anyway, i left around 2. we agreed to hang out this week. he's cool. not awesomely insanely cool. but cool. like we seem to be on the same level. he just got out of a year long relationship a couple months ago. the girl was apparently not fun enough or whatever. i told him i just got out of a relationship a little over a month ago. so he knows. he's not cute cute but yet i am attracted to him. i'm not sure if it's because he reminds me of dominic. i dunno. or maybe i just like his mentality towards things and his fun nature. and i mean he's seen radiohead 22 times. DAMN. so yes, i will see this boy again. but man was it weird to make out with someone new. totally different style. i felt a bit weird about that. and sorta almost wrong for it. but i shouldn't. cuz i'm single and it's not like i broke up with andrew. he broke up with me. so i mean, i have to move on right? bleh.

my laundry is being a bitch to me. i have much work to do. i cancelled on R because well...i dunno. it's not going anywhere. and so i can't waste my time cuz i've got a lot of work to do today. bleh. and i gotta talk to andrew later tonight. double bleh. i can't decide if i should tell him about loft boy or not. methinks not yet since it's not relevent to him. and i dunno if it will go anywhere with loft boy anyway. ugh i hate this bullshit.

so i hung out with these boys last nite. jj and alex. nice guys. good people. i invited them to my bday function and i think they will show up late. we had good chats. got a little dance on. and of course rocked the photobooth. poor alex was a virgin at this and didn't know how to stake out his territory in the photo...clearly. but they are still fun photos.

my search for status denim is harder than expected but i will not give up!!

my photoshop is being insanely funky at work today so i can't work properly. sad. i'm tired and i want to just get on with the weekend. i didn't get to go to andrew's last nite as i wanted because he was workng late. i can't decide whether he is doing that to distract himself or just because work has become this beast. also i wonder if we were still together would he be working that late? i dunno! the fact that he constantly tells me he is working sort of depresses me. and he's not even my bf anymore. but i'm depressed for him. maybe i'll see him this weekend? tho at this rate it will literally be MONTHS before i see him. that both angers and saddens me.

on the boy note. aside from jj and alex who i spoke of and who are nice boys (both of which i have no plans of pursuing), R wants to hang out tonight. i'm not sure what i want to do about that. and i'm supposed to be going out with loft boy tomorrow. not sure where we are going. i suppose we should talk tonight about that. he said he'd call me. so we shall see.

LIVID

omg...ok so the parking at work is BAD. and today it was a nightmare. and normally i'm like, ok it's ok. just parking on the street. whatever. but some motherfucker STOLE MY SPOT. literally just stole it. i was waiting. had my blinker on. FUCKING ASSHOLE STOLE MY SPOT. i want to kill someone. ugh.

more later.

james and i are turning 25! he on the 14th and i on the 20th. i can't wait to party that shit up. it's going to be good fucking times. i hope...i haven't invited any of these new boys i met because i have to feel everything out. see if any should come.

on another note, i am in search of status denim as stacey calls it. my first pair of designer jeans. i am looking at joe jeans currently. i think i found the type i want but i have to find the right wash and size. so that's my mission for the next couple of days. find status denim!!

not much work this week which is great. going out to the short stop tomorrow with jj and alex. should be good times. i hope.

bored and tired at work. bleh.

i rescheduled meeting up with jj and alex for thursday at the short stop since 1) sami cant make tomorrow most likely and 2) its going to be raining tomorrow. shall be fun to hang out with these boys.

tonight i want to stay in and just relax. maybe watch a little arrested development or something. i dunno. do a little work. just chill. so i hope loft boy doesn't insist on going out. i don't see why he would when it's raining. but u never know.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH

reading festival weekend tickets SOLD OUT in one hour. FUCKING HELL. ok so now stacey and i have to decide what to do. because if we buy single day tickets then we can't camp. and that won't work. we could try and buy scalped tickets online. but surely no one is going to sell at face value. at least i don't think so. there is also the hope that they will release more tickets once they get word on whether or not they can increase the capacity of the festival. but they won't know for like a month. so basically we're fucked. UGH. don't get me started....

ok so last nite i went out to dinner with eric and his friend jack. we got sushi. lots of it. it wasn't cheap. but oh well. whatever. then we went to the house of the friend of this girl jack met. yea convoluted. whatever. not important to me except that i took one for the team and stayed out til 2:30am because of it all. eric ending up crashing at my place too. the loft boy called me which was right on schedule. he called when i was at dinner and so i called back. he was easy to talk to. no awkward silences. we agreed to maybe hang out tonight otherwise this weekend. he said he would call me today but now it's raining cats and dogs and i think it's not a good idea to go out tonight. so probably this weekend.

ok back to the reading festival ticket hunt.

IF ANYONE HAS READING FESTIVAL 2006 WEEKEND TICKETS PLEASE EMAIL ME!!!

i got this from tyson. it's fucking awesome...

alright. so it's monday. it's april. might as well let it all out. so here's the whole truth, the truth, and nothing but the truth...so help me thetan level 5...

alright so andrew and i broke up on feb 26th officially. but we didn't say "goodbye" and part ways til march 2. so after that i started my attempt at dealing with everything. and damn was it hard. so i created a lot of distractions for myself. going out to lots of shows, being really social, and befriending a boy who i'll call R and who i found on friendster cuz he had viewed my profile. u know how they have that thing where if u aren't viewing annonymously u can see who views your profile. so yea i saw this kid on there. he looked cute and funny. so i messaged him. we started the whole message game. talked on the phone. and we went out on night in the middle of the week. i determined a couple things. 1) he's really cute. he looks like a mix btwn fran from travis and chris from coldplay. 2) i could never date him for several reasons including he has LOTS of scientology friends and he lives at home. 3) he would be a good rebound boy to take my mind off of andrew. so the weekend of that week we met up, R took me to a party. totally random and totally beautiful. it was mostly old people but that's where i met jj and alex.

jj and alex are two guys who went to brown and moved to LA 2.5 years and 3 months ago respectively. they seemed cool so i got their numbers thinking we could hang out again. so the next day i texted them about the lacma party and alex said he'd go and jj said he couldnt. so then it got hairy. because jj was going to the short stop on the night of the lacma party and so was R but i never told R about lacma for the sole reason i didnt want to mix him with my friends since i saw nothing coming of him. so alex came to lacma and he fit in just fine it seemed. R found out about lacma but didn't care. so then we made a plan to hang out saturday.

so saturday rolls around and it was girls day out. jen, sami, amanda, stacey, jessica, and myself went to get brunch. we talked about 401K's, auto insurance, spider vains, and group gossip to say the least. it was good good times. we got our manicure/pedicures. here is a photo:

then we went shopping. sami proposed we go to beauty bar later since she was going already with her comedy troupe girls. so i was tentatively going to go but first i had to cancel on R and move him to sunday. so i did that. and i went out with the crew to beauty bar. there i attempted to talk to a boy i thought was cute for the first time in a LONG time. since i havent done that for over a year (even before i met andrew). my talking to said cute boy didn't work out that well but then i met one of his friends who i can't remember what he looked like but the girl said he was cute. i'll call him loft boy for now since he lives in a loft downtown. he seemed cool though we barely got to speak because it was the end of the night. he got my number and said he'd call me in two days since we all have seen swingers and that's how it goes. haha but he texted me yesterday and so i assume he will call later this week. i seriously think the text message has alleviated a lot of social anxiety for people. and even tho it's not a good thing most of the time, i do think it helps sometimes. i'm starting to be more of a fan of texting than i used to be.

anyhoo, so sunday (yesterday) i hung out with my friend dave. we talked about all sorts of shit including our crappy (lack of) love lives. haha good times. then i went home and napped. earlier in the day i had been texting andrew about possibly meeting up with him to get my stuff. though he seemed to be giving me bullshit excuses. maybe they werem't bullshit but that's how i interpreted it. so at 8:15 he called me. i froze because when i answered it wasn't his friend marjolijn who calls me from his phone a lot. it was actually him. i freaked me out. we talked for a few minutes and it was terribly awkward. partially cuz i haven't talked to him in literally a month. it was a month to the day. march 2 - apr 2. we left it at us possibly seeing each other this week. i hung up and had like 30 min before R was coming to my house. so basically i was in this really fucking weird headspace. so when he got to my house i told him straight up. and we went to little bar and had a drink and some good convo. i realize he's not as spazzy as i once thought. which was good. it doesn't forgive his other "faults" but whatever. then we went back to my place and watched arrested development. before andrew had called my goal was to make out with him cuz that's all i want from him. just cuz he's cute. but then after andrew called it sorta fucked me over and so yea. nothing happened. hell, i might have totally weirded him out by telling him that my ex just called. but whatever. i didn't care. i don't care. he seems nice enough but yea. i'm in a weird place with boys i've decided. and i dunno if i can even date properly. i dunno. we'll see about this loft boy. maybe he can break through (if he even wants to that is). and alex is cool and we email a lot. but i dunno. not that attracted to him. so that's the whole shebang. and now it's all out there. will i see R again? i dunno. do i care? eh, not really. i mean he's cool and all but it'd never amount to anything so it doesn't really matter one way or another.

now onto reading festival plans!!! here is the initial line up (just the big bands):

day 1: franz, kaiser chiefs, audioslave, feeder, b&s, special guest, subways, panic! at the disco, prmlscrm
day2: muse, artic monkeys, streets, yyy's, dirty pretty things, futureheads, cribs, wolfmonther, raconteurs
day 3: pearl jam, placebo, my chemical romance, maximo park, rakes, kooks

i'm so stoked. placebo. muse. fuck man. thats gonna rock my socks.

i kinda feel a little sick to my stomach.... =/

more later.