what's with me and measuring things? i swore my head was bigger than andrew's so i insisted we measure. and then with loft boy i swore he wasn't 6'4" so i made him measure. and last night i made alex and i measure our ears. and i was right. mine are bigger!!! haha what a funny way to end a long and lovely weekend. to recap...

friday was the crazily long split up night. after work, laurel, byron and i went to fred's for dinner. i think i really fucked myself over by having coffee in the morning. because then it made me not want my lunch. and then i didn't want dinner. and that just ruined everything. i didn't eat all my dinner. then proceeded to take 2 shots and a mixed drink at the good luck bar with my coworkers before i had to leave for the karaoke. it was good quick fun drunk times. alex got to meet a couple of them which was good. one of my coworkers pulled a brian from last year. cuz last year when i brought andrew to jessica's house early in our relationship, brian says something like "oh yea. no i've totally met you before. i remember you and jen sitting right there before..." but that was NOT andrew with me. that was JOE! and we were making out. but so was brian and he was drunk. it's an honest mistake and brian realized it and andrew just sorta laughed cuz he knows i've made out with like half my guy friends. anyway so on friday i introed alex to my coworker and he nearly slipped and said "oh is that joe?" cuz i was ranting about joe ages ago. and he thought it was joe. but no. goddamn people. everyone thinking i'm with joe. haha clearly this coworker and i don't talk about guys very much.

anyway, after good luck bar alex and i drove back to my place where i proceeded to drop my fucking phone and it literally broke. like the flip top fell off. so then i was freaking out and i was drunk. we all headed over to amanda's to pre-drink before walking to karaoke. karaoke was fun but around 1am i got a massively bad headache. so then i fell asleep. i mean i didn't eat properly all day and started drinking at 8pm. and had about an hour and a half interlude so by 1am i was basically becoming hungover and wanting to passout. but i couldn't. ugh. it was fun tho. james said he wouldn't sing but he did. oh yes he did!

the next day i went to verizon to get a new phone. turns out it was under warrenty. so they are sending me a new one but i haven't had a phone all weekend. it's been a blessing and inconvenience all at once. after that kyla hung out with deanu and i went to alex's and we just sorta chilled. drew stupid pictures with crayons. he got the crayola 96 crayon box!!! i organized it by colors like i did when i was a kiddie. so fun. we are ridiculous. that's all i have to say. later he, kyla, and i went to the cozy inn where we ran into justin and ted. we played some shuffleboard and then went home.

sunday kyla and i went to cafe tropical but they didn't have soy milk so no coffee for ky. but i got the guava cheese pie and it was tasty. then we went to dusty's for lunch. then we went to santa monica to the AA and to get gelato. i nearly got into an accident in the stop and go traffic on the 10. a mercedes a few cars back slammed on the breaks and hit the car in front which then hit the car in front. and that car was behind me. so i was one away. NO GOOD! but at least i wasn't hit and it appears as tho no one was hurt. then i got my gelato for free cuz the man either liked me or fucked up. i'm not sure. later that night a whole slew of us went to see xmen 3 which i thought was alright. but i'm no hardcore fan.

yesterday i took ky to the airport and then alex and i went to stacey's for the bbq. it was good gluttonous fun. we left around 6 and went to melrose to look at shoes. didn't get anything. then we went back to my place and hung out and just were stupid. we are totally fucking ridiculous. i love it. i think we could hang out for hours and amuse ourselves somehow. haha

back to the grind today. sans phone. about to go to lunch. good times this past weekend. and more good times in the coming weeks. many plans in the making. woo!

jason and kyla are here!! wee! so good to see them. =)

i'm sleepy this morning. i had to go to the doc. the annual. fun fun. nothing like doing that shit bright and early at 8am. haha i have decided i will only go to asian women for my annuals from now on. she consulted me about seasonale which i might check out depending on the cost. we shall see. the idea of it is awesome. but it might cost a fortune. and that doesn't sound so awesome.

last night we all went to little bar. alex got to meet kyla and jason. i think all went well on the friends meeting/merging front. alex is personable overall. so he meshes well i think. i like this boy. he suits me well. or so it seems. he's slightly neurotic the way i am. and he likes playing with toys and having stuffed things. haha ah...we get along so well.

tonight is outting with my coworkers followed by karaoke with my peeps. i can't wait. i hate singing but i'm sure ill be so tossed i won't care and i'll belt out a tune or two.

*sigh*....no radiohead tickets for me. or laurel. or jessica. or brian. or arian. or sai. or stacey. or alex. or jen. or or or.....

lawrence got two. shaun got one. and byron got two and he doesn't even want to go. i hope he has mercy on laurel and i and lets us buy his...

*sigh*

laurel and i are listening to "high and dry." we are lamenting together. today is such a sad, sad, day.

oh yea forgot to mention. when alex and i went shoe shopping last nite the man at the store who hit on me on the weekend totally remembered me. name and all. only i was with alex so he probably thought "so this is the guy she is seeing. damn him..." hahaha he was still very nice and accomodating to me. but yea. so funny. and creepy!

so i broke my fucking rule. gah...

so um yea...today is really beautiful. actually yesterday was too. it rained on monday so all this sun has been the backlash of the rain. tomorrow and the rest of the week it's supposed to cool down. just in time for jason and ky to come. woo! it's going to be a busy weekend. i have work to do and social events to attend. watch me fuck something up somehow. tonight i'm going to try and hammer out as much as possible. starting with getting my much needed haircut. tomorrow a group of us are going to the little bar for it's one year anniversary. woo! one year. man it hardly feels that way. tho it's been just over a year since andrew i got together. our anni would have been may 14th. and not to say alex and i will make it a year by any means (that's just so far off to say) but we'd set our anni at may 9th if we did. so close. jeez. creepily close...

annnnyway. i'm excited for this weekend. then the following weekend is a little break. the one after that i go home to san fran for mel's bridal shower. very excited about that and going home and going to H&M. then the week after that alex and i tenatively planned to go to joshua tree. tho now he got this other idea to just fly to some random place for a cheap price (< $100 round trip) so maybe we'll do that and go explore. we'll see.

for now, back to work. i just got a ton of work. gah. but it's almost time for lunch!

so today is andrew's bday and today alex returns.

i won't be speaking with andrew today as i thought i would. turns out he's in japan. he replied to the email i sent to him saying he was in japan and would probably be in china next week. all that damn travel. the very root of our break up. gah. anyway, so i replied saying i'd like for him to call me when he returns if he feels like it. tho really i just want him to call so we can talk. cuz i feel like we need to resolve some things. and i just mean more of the peace of mind stuff. because i feel sad and guilty about moving on only because i assume he hasn't. but i'm sure he's moving on and doing better and i want to hear that. i want us to try and be friends though we can't if we don't start the process of speaking to each other again. it's basically been 3 months now. that's a long time. i think we can do it. tho it won't be easy. i think this is the first time ever where i actually wonder if it will be possible for me to be friends with my ex. not because i don't think andrew is a good person but because it might just be weird and painful. i'm not sure. we'll see. but i want us to talk in the coming weeks. and i think all my thoughts about this made me dream about his last night. because i woke up feeling like he was in my dream. i can't pinpoint the dream but i know he was in it. and now i wish i could remember the actual dream...

on the total flipside note, alex comes back today. i'm actually quite excited to see him to be honest. we are supposed to go shoe shopping. whether or not we buy anything is irrelevant. the fact that we are going shoe shopping excites me. haha i like this boy. he's fun and quirky like me. good times.

so it looks like this ME weekend is going to really pan out. it's already 8pm on sunday and there is no way in hell i'll be seeing anyone. wow. what a success. it's been great just dealing with me, myself, and i. i am currently dying my hair. waiting for the time to be up so i can rinse it out. i didn't get my hair cut this weekend which i should have. i realized the guy i want to cut my hair doesn't work on sundays and i ran out of time yesterday. so i shall go this week. probably wednesday. but everything else is slowly getting done. i got some new shorts today. yes, shorts. they are super cute. i'm going to bring them to spain with me.

today i wasthisclose to buying the most gorgeous shoes for the wedding. the anne klein's i have been eying for ages. they were on the SALE rack at macy's. sadly it was about a size too big. GAH. i wasthisclose. man o man. those shoes are fucking gorgeous. hands down the best gold shoes i've seen in my hunt for wedding shoes...oh well....

so i talked to alex today. he's been overwhelmed with his sister's grad stuff. i don't understand it all. i guess i just don't know what it takes to be a super smart girl at yale. i mean she's in all these societies and they have all these grad events. a ball. like 4 grad cemermonial things. good lord. i can't even remember everything he told me. but it was intense. like wtf? just walk on stage, get your fake diploma and be done with it. haha why all the hoo ha fuss shit? anyway so i got to talk to him for awhile because he was btwn activities. it was fun to talk to him. we have decided to go shopping for shoes together next week. haha i think that's so awesome. a man with a shoe fetish. i love it.

anyway my hair is ready for the rinse. woo!

wow. i just had a moment there. perhaps writing to andrew on the one night where i'm home totally alone was not the best idea.

i'm better now though. and eating pasta. a late late late dinner.

blah. i just sent andrew and email to give him a heads up that i'll be calling him for his bday on tuesday. i don't want our phone convo to be insanely awkward like i imagine it would be if he didn't expect my call. though writing him an email was also awkward and difficult. i wonder if this will ever be truly ok. maybe not. i think sometimes u want it to be but it's just not possible. shitty huh? we'll see. maybe it's possible. currently whenever i really start to think about him it hurts a bit. and i can't really pinpoint the pain. because it's not like i want to get back with him. when i think about that idea it doesn't really go over well in my head. but yet it hurts to think about him. everyone else i've ever dated i feel fine about. hell, most of them are still around me at social gatherings. maybe andrew is too fresh still. or maybe i was truly in love and getting rid of love is a lot harder. i dunno. only time will tell really. but i'm proud of myself for actually moving on. and alex is really awesome. we're very well matched. in some regards more so than andrew and i were. because when u get down to it, andrew and i made a good 35 yr old married couple. anyway, enough of this. i'm just now on the T's of my cds. i might not be able to finish this ipod shit after all. it's nearly 1am!!

so the ME weekend is going really well. my will power prevailed and i turned down a few offers to go out both last night and this night. it was hard to do because i am such a social butterfly, but i did it. and it's already 10:30 so i'm totally in for the night. woo!

today was a total pampering day. i got a pedi in the morning followed by an AMAZING facial at bliss spa. i have to tell ya, i LOVE the bliss spa. i got my waxing done there and not only did it last a long time, but it didn't hurt and it was red only for a day. today i got my facial that cleaned out my skin so well and didn't leave ANY red marks! usually i get red from facials. and when i say usually i mean like 5 yrs ago when i had my last facial. i decided to treat myself to a really expensive good one to get rid of all my dead skin. and man did it do the trick. my skin looks great right now. i am convinced that bliss is amazing. pricey, but amazing. i'll be getting any future spa treatments there for sure. look at me though. i'm becoming such a "girl." pedis and facials and waxing. massages sometimes too. all this pampering. i guess i might as well. i have the money to do it so why not?

and on that indulgent note, i am developing an intense shoe fetish. i even bought another shoe rack to accomodate more shoes. i mean granted i dont own that many shoes compared to many women, but i find myself buying more shoes regularly. and more odd ones. i'm all about the weird ass shoes. i've already spotted 4 pairs i want. gah!!! alex has a shoe fetish as well. he bought two pairs today he said while he was back east for his sister's graduation. he forgot to bring dress shoes so he had to buy a pair and ended up getting two! and he spied one more he wants. i love it. a man with a shoe fetish. awesome! if only he liked to wear tighter clothes...

so i'm FINALLY putting ALL my music on my ipod. i'm breaking down and just barreling through. i'm on the S's currently. i'll finish tonight if it kills me. tomorrow i'm going to get my haircut, redye it, run some more errands, and then do work at home. it will be a glorious second part to my ME weekend. woo!

so i got a pair of shoes like this. except in black. and they weren't all shiny. matte black. but this height and shape. yes folks, i got a pair of hooker heels. 80s pumps. haha i love them. they are really pointy and really high. they hurt like hell but they're hot as hell. i'm really tall in them. i didn't realize it til i tried them on in front of alex and i was slightly taller than him! i intend to wear them on rare occasions. i got them in the fashion district yesterday during lunch with my coworker, laurel. i told her i wanted a pair of shoes like that but i didnt wanna spend very much. like less than $30. so she suggested the fashion district and lo and behold. $20 flat. cash. done and done. i can't wait to wear them out somewhere. and then my feet will hate me forever. haha

anyway, so i hung out with alex last nite. and it was weird. he lives super close to sami and just in that general los feliz area. i was parking and determining if the amount of red i was in was alright and as i did that i saw one of andrew's friends walk by. luckily she didn't see me and i bet she doesn't remember me cuz we met like once or twice. but i saw her and it freaked me out. she was with a guy but it was not andrew. thank fucking god. i dunno what i would have done. it's weird though. cuz i'm finally getting more used to hanging out with alex. like i think i'm finally getting over the awkwardness of the first few "dates" and succumbing to the reality of it all. but as i do this and feel myself truly "moving on," it makes me really sad inside. i find myself thinking about andrew more and how much i really wanted it to work. and how it just never would. i think about how strange it is to think about someone daily yet they aren't in your life in the slightest. it's a real mindfuck i have to tell ya. i even think about mr. bear and i miss mr. bear. but i know having him would really fuck with me. but my love for teddy bears is so great it saddens me to think he's living in a closet. =/

blah. the good thing is i really enjoy hanging out with alex. he's so strange. so metro in one sense and so not in another. and he makes weird noises the way i do. he has just as many stuffed animals as i do. and he's as goofy as i am. takes my shit well. and dishes it back out. i love it. so yea. suffice to say we are getting along quite well. even if people would all think he wasn't my type at all. cuz on the surface he totally isn't. but once you get to know him he totally is. which i think is why it took me over a month to realize this. anyhoo, he just made me another mixed cd. this is now my 3rd from him. the first was a jazz mix. the second was a mix of songs he thought i would like. and now this is a mix of songs he thinks i will like and thinks i should like. i like how he makes me mixes of shit i don't know. whether i like it or not at least it exposes me to new music and i love that.

so this weekend is the ME weekend. i can't wait. tho it looks less and less like it will be all ME. booooooo. work is calling left and right and already i might not be able to get my haircut tonight like i wanted to. blah. alex is gone til tuesday which is good for my productivity. i wonder if i'll miss him. this will be a little test to myself.

something i just realized...what's with me dating boys from pennsylvania? and ones that haven't lived here that long...

will, ollie, and alex are all from PA. and ollie, alex, and andrew i all met within a few months of them moving here. i could draw a venn diagram and both ollie and alex would be in the middle. anyway, just something that occured to me.

the marathon date wrecked me and then yesterday i got so fucking busy that only now can i finally update.

so let's see. once the moment passes it's hard to really capture the energy, the minute feelings toward things, etc. but i'll try my best. in a (jen) nutshell, here is what happened.

so friday night i went to see MI:3 with alex at the dome. it was disappointing that dome was. $14 a ticket and the screen isn't all that cool or big. whatever. what a rip. but the movie was a good time and i wasn't disappointed. it was just as i anticipated. after that we got dinner at fred 62. tho it was probably about 11pm. i got paranoid about running into andrew but other than that dinner was great. i love fred's. it's been far too long. after that we were gonna possibly go to a bar but i didn't really have any desire to go to the local bars for a couple reasons. namely running into andrew possibly plus i wasn't really in the mood for any of those dive bars. so we went back to his place (he's in walking distance from fred's) and we made cranberry/vodkas and watched bottle rocket. now that movie is NOT all it's cracked up to be. everyone always says "have you see bottle rocket?" when i refer to other wes anderson films as if to say "why haven't you seen the definitive one?" well bottle rocket let me down the way office space did when i finally saw it. oh well. it's one of those quotable films except i can't quote movies cuz i can't remember that shit. so once the movie was over it was about 2am. so we hopped into bed, had some fun, and went to sleep.

we had to get up early so i could buy futureheads tickets and he could shower. so we did that. then went to my place so i could shower. then attempted to go to the nomadic musuem in SM because it was the last week. holy hell the line was so long. so we skipped it. we saw the structure which was really awesome and then we left. got some brunch at mani's then went over to brian's for beer pong.

sweet sweet beer pong. u done me wrong this time. haha i decided to play despite the lack of joe in my life. alex and i named ourselves "popcorn" on account we wanted a non-sequitor after we couldn't come up with anything clever. we made it to the second round where we lost and got really drunk. by 7pm the sun had beaten up to a pulp and i was spewing out the most random shit about cranberry juice helping UTIs and whatnot. stacey and i got the "brilliant" idea to take a nap and then go back out around 10pm. so she, alex, and i left and she went home and alex and i went back to my place. we set alarms for 9:30pm and took naps. when i woke up at 9:30 i was dying. i felt queesy, my head hurt, i felt achy, everything was wrong. i was...gasp...hungover. haha so i called stacey and we agreed going out was NOT happening. but then alex and i proceeded to continue the "nap" waking up off and on til finally at like 2am i agreed we had to actually sleep. ie, get under the covers and sleep. so we did and then at 7:30am i woke up and complained i had been in bed too long. i mean it had been basically 12 hrs. and so we laid there chatting til about 9am when we found it acceptable to wake up. he left for his aunt's for mother's day and i tended to myself.

all of sunday was errands, picking up james, and working. it was also a day on contemplating this whole alex thing. and i realized we must slow down. i can't just jump into another relationship. i can't. i think when i was younger i used to think that was ideal. go from one to the next. helps with the previous one's healing process. well i was wrong. going from one to the next is not preferable. at least to me. i have moments of panic over it. moments of sadness. everything. so i expressed this somewhat to alex and he's totally cool with it all. communication is key so all is well for now. and i'm glad about that. i have my hangups and i still think about andrew a decent amount. not in a way where i want him back but in a nostalgic way. and regardless it fucks with my head just a bit. so must proceed with alex slowly. we are having sushi tonight and hanging out. possibly the first sleepover where the next day work is involved. we'll see how that all goes. it's always awkward at first. cuz of everyone's morning routines and shit.

annnnnyway....i have an assload of work to do as well. it's hard balancing work and attempting to date someone. cuz the whole dating process is so time-consuming. luckily i have talked to alex about this and he's totaly ok with it all. not to mention neither of us want to define anything right now. so it's all very chill. i just know he wants to hang out a lot. or so it seems. and that's fine and dandy but i can only give so much of myself. and that's just how it has to be right now.

i've decided that this weekend will be a ME weekend. alex is out of town and i read that mayday is this weekend. so a lot of the kiddies will be filming and such. and surely there are others around but u know what, i've got to take care of myself. get my shit done. i've got a list a mile long of shit to do: pedicure, facial, haircut, redying my hair, altering my bridesmaid dress, picking spain hostels, redoing my website and business cards, going to the gym, amoeba, washing my travel pillow, and practicing spanish. that and i'm sure some freelance will spill into the weekend. so yea. lots to do. i can't wait for the facial. i haven't gotten one in AGES. it will be glorious. and my hair is totally in need of a cut. all this needs to get done this weekend because the weekend after kyla and jason come. and i want to spend a lot of time with them. not doing errands.

man i have so much shit to do. it's overwhelming. i have to figure out how the fuck to get it all done and still have some fun. tomorrow night alex and i are going to see MI3 at the dome! i've never been to the dome before. i'm so excited. we got our tickets online already because we wanted to get good seats. i hope it's good. but again, i probably shouldn't be going out and instead should be working. oh well. then saturday we are going to the nomadic museum in santa monica on account it's the last weekend it's going to be here. i waited far too long and now i suffer. after that we are going to brian's beer pong party. yes folks, it looks like it will be a marathon date of sorts. though i don't really see any of this as a date on account i feel i've known him for so long that it's not really a date. but i also don't want to use the term "dating" because i don't feel like we are doing that either. i'm still very here and there with all of this. i get these shitty pangs of pain every so often just thinking about it all. i never thought a breakup could do this to me. the aftermath and all. damn it sucks. but i gotta move on somehow even it means dealing with all this shittiness internally. anyway, so that's my fun for the weekend. then the work involved is cd packages (yes i have signed on to a few...none of which are big name people), getting mel's wedding programs printed (hopefully), picking james up from the airport, and other random crap. i am trying to do as much shit online as possible. ie, buying mel's bridal shower gift, my holga cam and film, and the shoes for the wedding (still haven't figured those out yet). life is busy. yes i do love it, but sometimes i wish i had a break. i seriously need to redo my website. SERIOUSLY....i swear i'm going to have to take a day off sometime and just shut myself off from the world and prep all my files for the website. maybe one weekend. i'll just literally shut down camp and not talk to anyone. hmm....

let's see, what else? andrew's bday is coming up and i said that i would call him. so i think i will. i mean i said this to myself. not to him. i feel like it would be a good time to call him. then the day after is joe's bday and i told him i'd call him too and relieve him for a few minutes from his movie making mayhem. then the day after that radiohead tickets go on sale and kyla and jason come for the weekend. i have memorial day off which is splendid. and then we hop into june. june is slated for bridal shower, underarm hair lasering, and possibly going to joshua tree with alex. maybe joe was right, these 3 months he will be gone could very well go fast. hells bells. we'll see. i can't believe nearly half the year is over. that's fucking insane. i swear i'm going to wake up and be 40 with a kid. jesus. back to work.

so i parused some old blog entries for some reason and i realized something which i knew anyway but reading it just makes it even more clear -- i was really pessimistic back in college. i don't know how i became so much more optimistic but i'm sure glad i am. i have so much confidence now and i'm not sure if that's because i got more optimistic or if i got more confidence as a result of my optimism. either way i'm glad the transformation happened somewhere along the line because being depressed is not cool. i think i was just way too "emo" back then. i always thought life was shitting on me. nothing ever worked out. no guys liked me. all of that shitty mentality crap. i feel like everything is better now in all realms of my life and i am insanely more positive than i used to be. phew! and screw that lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem shit. i'm awesome and if u can't see it then u are blind. ok enough procrastinating.

so we kissed.

i might as well just throw that out there. i could have seen this coming miles away. my question is, was this coming since day one? i remember when i met alex. he seemed sort of shy and quiet. i was with R at this random party. alex was in a group. at first i thought he was with this girl but then i realized he wasn't. he later told me he couldn't tell if R was my bf with whom i had no chemistry or what. and therefore he was not going to get my number. but then we ALL exchanged numbers. and that was that.

it's funny cuz i remember thinking i'd never like him this way. but then we emailed so often i really got to know him that way. and then he called me and we started our phone relationship. we hung out a few times. and he just grew on me. rick said not to rule him out cuz i do let people grow on me. and yea. he did. crazy huh? my fear is i'm going to ruin this if it goes somewhere. for a few reasons. namely the fact that i currently feel very weird about dating someone that's not andrew. like i didn't feel that way about loftboy AT ALL. and i think that's cuz i didn't care. but i care about alex. like if we start going out and i break it off, i'd feel bad. so yea. i dunno. we'll see how it all goes. we sure can talk a lot. i mean a LOT. i wonder if that will dissipate at all. i recall when i met andrew we talked a LOT and even on the phone. but once we started dating in due time the talking decreased. perhaps because when u first meet someone there is so much learn. i dunno. anyway, we'll see how it all goes. alex and i are going to the nomadic museum on saturday followed by brian's beer pong. yes folk, he will be my partner. no this is no betrayal to joe. joe isn't here. so why not? i feel bad and weird, but whatever. it's just beer pong. joe would want me to go and have fun anyway. i also think alex and i might go see MI3 in the dome. i really want to see something in that fucking dome. and it's always shitty action movies...like MI3. only i want to see MI3. yes, i don't care if tom is crazy. i want to see it.

so i have to admit that every time i think about the idea of dating alex i get a sort of sad and guilty feeling. all over andrew of course. it's really weird. and i wish i didn't feel that way. but sometimes i do. like the feeling that yes, it is over with andrew. i mean i KNOW it's over. but i feel somewhat bad for some reason for "moving on." i know that's what i'm supposed to do, yet i can't help but shake this guilty feeling. man, this sucks. although i have to say that when i think about dating joe i don't feel sad or guilty. maybe because i know it's never gonna happen with me and joe whereas i can really see it happening with alex. i dunno. bleh. he's coming soon so we can go see the movie. we'll see how all of this goes....

tinna is in town again for E3. i totally forgot she comes today. cuz she is driving and whatnot so i didn't have to worry about picking her up. and she had rick's extra key from coachella so she just came in and put her stuff down. and voila! i think she's at dinner right now with her boyfriend but i'm not sure. anyway, alex is almost here so i'll be back with a report tomorrow.

the guy at work who people think might like me told me today that i look taller. i wish i was taller. 5'8" to be exact.

alright i'm out of here in a second to get TIRES!! and then do some work. and then see friends with money with alex.

alls i got to say is there best be hot water tomorrow AM....

actually i have more to say than that. but that's the most important thing. HOT FUCKING WATER.

alright. next. the weekend. it was decent. i meant to blog but i forgot. i already explained the horrors of friday night. saturday was spend doing a lot of errands including hemming my pants and getting my dress dry cleaned. woo! (total sarcasm) then i went over to amanda's for her bday party. that was nice and chill. we ate corndogs and mini pizzas and drank mexican beer. then a few of us hopped on over to the broadway bar downtown. i had never been there before. i was supposed to go with loft boy that first night we went out but i never did on account his stupid ass friends were underage. well like 2 of them. they both had fakes but one didn't pass. whatever. i finally got to go and i have to say i have really mixed feelings about this broadway bar. i mean the decor is nice. and i wanna give it credit for trying. but then it's like we encountered two total asswipes. first was when i first got there. this guy like literally grabs my arm as if that is the way to secure speaking to me. fuck that bullshit. i will NOT be grabbed. then later this total moron came over to us (we were 5 girls and one guy) and started talking to us. lauren was the only one willing to talk to him (to get a free drink!) and so he was all over that shit. goddamn. i never seen a man so thirsty. haha he actually said to her "oh so you are african american huh? you speak really good english." WHO, on earth, WHO says that to someone? are u fucking kidding me? we were all appalled....i'm still in shock. just the way i'm still shitting myself over daft punk. these things linger. anyway, at some point alex came. i told him we were there so he showed up. and i think i spied some tighter fitting jeans. i didn't get a good look on account it was dark and he was sitting down. but me'thinks they were more fitted and if so me'likes. man that kid. i could probably write an entire post about that kid. i shant. but i will change paragraphs.

so yea. alex. he's a cool kid. i really like him. we talk for hours it seems. i recall the other week when he first called me for the first time to actually just shoot the shit, i remember flipping out actually. i told byron the next day "we can't be having this shit. talking all the time. i can't do this." and now it's like alex and i talk all the time. and fo long periods of time. it's nuts. it never gets old. i think i might be caving to all of this. i really do. i'm known to let people grow on me. it's so funny cuz i told kyla, if alex and i start dating and people ask where we met, i can actually say, "oh we met while i was on a date with another guy." that's fucking hilarious. and terrible. but hilarious....anyway...i think we're hanging out tomorrow. i dunno. stacey told me about some jimmy eat world possible show thing. so maybe we can all go to that. i dunno. whatever. we'll see.

meanwhile it's countdown til joe leaves. he's out sunday. 3 fucking months without that kid. i dunno what i'm gonna do...

and now for the long overdue (that's because i just got the last batch of photos) coachella photos!

1-2 so you can have can't have coachella without in'n'out at franesquito!!

3-4 you also can't have coachella without some silly posed photos

5-6 and then of course you need the requisite prop that comes in at least 4 photos

7-8 as the day moves on we proceed to have TONS OF FUN

9-10 until we nearly shit ourselves

11-12 but you can never have fun without a little bit of pain

13-14 unless you shower in which case you think u smell like roses

15-16 lawrence is always a good one to ham it up to the camera

17-18 and joe swears he's not gay even if he does look super cute with the boys

19-20 fun during the day means u sometimes need to chill in the amazing heineken oasis

21-22 there are always photos that mean well but don't turn out well

23-24 and then there are photos that are just plain cute

COACHELLA 2006. i miss you already....

UGH...

NO HOT WATER.

what the fuck?

i can't shower this morning. and it's a monday. and i have to go to the dermie to get my medical records released. and and and. i'm tired. ugh.

i'm awake now. about 30 min ago i was asleep on brian's couch. haha tonight was super chill which was just what i needed since i'm so fucking tired from being so fucking busy. it was brian, jessica, dan, stacey, jen and i at brian's house. we were just drinking some beers, chatting, and playing guitar hero. then at one point dan leaves and comes back and who the fuck should walk in the door behind him than his ex-gf/sometimes fuckbuddy-or whatever....julia. oh my fucking god. i suddenly thought "oh fuck me. if i have spend the rest of the night with this girl. oh HELL no." he introed her to us and at first i thought, "doesn't he know i am WELL aware of who she is? and doesn't she know who i am?" but whatever. i just didn't say anything. and i mouthed to jen, "i hate her." and jen mouthed back, "why?" and i said, "later...."

lemme tell u why i hate her, cuz she's nuts. dan dated her for like 6 months and she was nuts. and he admits it. and he will periodically bitch to me about how she's back in his life and won't go away. and then i say "oh dear me dan. oh dear me..." and then she leaves. then returns. etc etc. it's a cycle. and i don't care what he does. that's not the point. cuz it doesn't bother me at all. but i don't want to have to talk to her. that's all. i used to be jealous of her when they were dating (this was before i dated dan). and then one nite i ran into her at a party while dan was in europe studying abroad. she says to me, "do u know dan...dan nies?" and i say "yes." she says, "yeah i've seen pictures of you. dan always says 'yeah jen. i love her.' i'm so jealous." after that i was never jealous again (this was still before dan and i dated). because i knew that dan loved me more than her even if he was fucking her. and i guess that's why when he returned from said studying abroad, he turned to me, rather than her. anyway, the whole point is, i don't like that girl and i'm ok with her being with dan or whatever now that i am over dan. but i am not ok with spending time with her. needless to say, she wasn't at brian's long. probably dan sensed we were all not feeling her presence so they left shortly after she arrived. FINE BY ME!

then a bit later joe came!! he told me earlier this week that i may not get to see him before he leaves but that if he had a spare moment he'd call me and see what i was up to. and sure enough he did! so he came over and hung out. weee! i love joe. (why did i even need to say that?) i'll miss the lil munchkin... =/ anyway after a bit i got really sleepy all of a sudden and just fell asleep on the couch while everyone else continued to chat and hang out. and here i am. about to go to bed. but i had to blog about julia. cuz i swear i haven't seen her in years. maybe that last time was when she put eyeliner on dan at one of my parties with big tattoo-breasted debbie and there was speculation dan and julia made out in the bathroom and this was all while i was dating dan. yea THAT was a fucked up night.

too many shows....all these damned shows happening, none of which i want to see! that's good for me. because i realized something. with coachella costing about $240 for tickets and reading festival costing about $325 for tickets, plus all the other shows i have gone to or will be going to this year, i'll probably be throwing down nearly $800 this year on live music. that's NUTS. then when u factor in how much i spend on cds which is probably about $400-500 a year roughly, that's like $1200-1300 on music!!! goddamn! i mean i love music and i couldn't live without it, but is that excessive? i dunno...

today is friday (any moron knows this) and it's all sunny which is nice. i am stuck in the office for lunch because i ordered in and the rest left. oh well. tis ok. not sure what i am going to do tonight. i have a shitload of stuff to accomplish this weekend. some work-related and some just errands. things like smog check, new tires, hemming pants, dry clean, etc. it's terrible. i need some ME time. i'm not sure i can handle this alex thing on that level. just having someone around a lot. i dunno. being single is sort of fantastic actually. haha unless it was joe...bleh. i'll worry later. we MIGHT hang out tonight. though i might hang out with jen if she wants to. she doesn't wanna be alone in a friday night and i don't blame her.

happy cinco de mayo for all of you who care. i don't but for some reason everyone seems to care this year. meh. maybe i'll have a marguerita.

conundrums....

so i hung out with alex last night. just the two of us. i went to his place. nice little apt he's got there. kitchen is totally wack but the rest of it is solid. i stayed there for probably 2 or so hours. it was late so i couldn't stay forever. and i purposely parked where i had to move my car at 1:30am so that i would have a definite out if i needed one. he made tea and we had cookies. talked about random shit. looked at things online. drew random stuff. oh! he's a lefty! i like that. i don't know what it is about lefties but i like that. anyway, so as we sat it became more apparent that my thoughts of him being interested were completely true. we were sitting so close it was almost like he was going to be sitting ON me. haha anyway, i got the way i always get when i'm unsure of shit. totally defensive. not like bad defensive. but like. deflecting. avoiding any possible chance for kissing. etc. and all because i'm not sure. not sure because he's really rad and if we go down this road and it doesn't work, can we ever get back to the friend's road? i dunno...bleh. i hate this crap. that and he looks like he might be hairy all over. we all know how i feel about hair. haha anyway...i'll figure it out.

meanwhile my friend dave...i used to have an inkling he might like me and then i found out he has this whole gf issue. anyway that was a year+ ordeal and we've discussed our sadness over breakup etc. we get cupcakes together and hangout. he's a very very nice guy. standup. total bf material. anyway i have this inkling again...we are both single. and he's very complimentary. he's in japan right now. he wished i could be there with him. and he found this dress he thought would be awesome for me and said if it wasn't 900 fucking dollars it would have been mine. unless i read that wrong (we were chatting online) i swear that implied he would have bought it for me. anyway, he's really rad but he's a major smoker and dog lover. his dog's bday is mine! anyway, i hope he gets me this chocolate that i saw from this rad store with 56 types of chocolate. man o man. they all look so good. he said he'd get me some! i can't wait til he returns.

so i am realizing that i am starting to think of andrew more and miss him more the further i get from him. like, as i realize that yes we are broken up. yes we are moving on. yes i might actually date someone else. it sort of fucks with my brain and my thoughts about him. where it used to be easier to block him out with distractions from other guys it now seems harder. it's weird. like driving to and from alex's last night i was thinking about andrew. i almost broke and texted him. but then i didn't because i really had nothing particular to say. and i still don't. so it's pretty damn useless to speak to him. i think i'll call him on his bday. that'll do....pig.

i'm falling in love with "ladyflash" at an exponential rate.

anyway....i may not get to see joe before he leaves in less than two weeks!!! =( i won't cry but can i at least say "i think i'm gonna cry"? haha i just had this flashblack recently to one of the first time's i met joe. it was the party at brian's and dan and i got into the worst fight we've ever gotten into and i ended up crying and joe was there comforting me. and i barely knew him. that's what friendships are made of. and that's where our friendship began i think. anyway, he's leaving and i'm sad.

meanwhile i have moments of missing andrew. they come randomly. totally randomly. and they come more so when i am thinking about all these guys i have met recently and my conscious says "what are you doing? you just broke up with your boyfriend. how can you be making out with guys in tents and going on random dates? u should be sad and lamenting." and then i think "i miss andrew...." and then i think "fuck that. i have to move on." its a whole process. bleh.

loft boy hasn't called which is good. R hasn't called or emailed in ages. so that is totally over. thank god. he got the hint. his weirdness does NOT transcend his attractiveness. meanwhile i talk to alex like all the time. it's like we're BFF's or something. haha i think we might hang out tonight. i am still skeptical of my attraction to him. cuz it's just not there. poo poo. and of course this all assumes he's into me. anyway i'll see how it goes when we hang out. but yea. bleh. men. whatever.

i'm so fucking busy anyway. seriously i dunno if i just bring more shit upon myself or what. but i have never been busier than i have in these past couple of months. it's truly insane. but good i guess.

and for your viewing pleasure...some videos from coachella (thanks to my coworker lawrence for compressing and converting them for me!). photos, still forthcoming.

james and rick shitting themselves over daft punk. so cute!

daft punk playing "one more time" and the crowd going NUTS

the BEST light show at a concert i've ever seen

da funk!

MUTHERFUCKING COACHELLA!!!!!

can i get a hell yes?

seriously, where do i begin?

i think this was the best coachella experience i've ever had. and i LOVE radiohead. so the first coachella i went to holds a special place in my heart being that it was my first time and i love radiohead. being pressed up against thousands of people with jessica and not being able to breathe is unforgettable. but nothing can touch the daft punk performance this year. nothing....

so to begin from the start.

we all hopped into our carpools and got on the road between 8-9pm. u know us, we are notorious for being late. i was driving guillermo's car and stacey and joe were riding in the back. on the way i got a phone call from an unknown number which turned out to be loft boy. yes, he called me. and yes i didn't know who it was. ha! so we chatted for a bit. i admitted to thinking he would never call again on account his text message impiled that. anyway, that was that. once we got to the campsite we all got in line. my car was not the first to arrive so we joined the others. while i was standing there this guy waved to me. and i didn't recognize him for a second. then i realized who it was. JAY! the guy who's sweater i gave away to goodwill last year. the sweater i borrowed at coachella in fact. damn the man that was weird seeing him. we hugged and said hi and whatnot. i swear i heard him say the word sweater and laugh. oh dear. i wonder if he thinks i'm a bitch. he said something like, "how funny. i was just talking about u like 5 min ago." i wonder why he was. or if he was. why would u say that otherwise? anyway, i saw him the next day again and he was shirtless and looking hot. oh yes. anyway....

so we all finally got in and set up camp. there were 17 of us...so fucking awesome. once we were all set up, some of us drank. i figured it would be alright to have a couple drinks. it wasn't hot at that point so why the hell not. some people were smoking out and i wasn't going to do that but drinking, sure. at 4am everyone crashed out. i was in the tent with joe and guillermo. and it's as if i have some sort of coachella curse (or blessing). we had a repeat performance from last year in terms of tent action. only this time it was joe instead of will. and it went slightly further. jeez louise. how does this happen? i mean i'm not complaining but yea. the next morning we were both hungover and we haven't spoken of it since. and i doubt we will. there is no point being that he will be gone for 3 months two weeks from now. poo poo.

anyway, so the music. i mean boys aside, we have some fucking music to discuss here folks. this shit was fucking amazing. but first up, two photos. i will post more once i get more from others and compile. but really these are the only two you need to see. the group shot and mutherfucking daft punk!!!

ok so here is my roundup of bands i saw:

:: SATURDAY ::

section quartet
they were what i expected. 4 piece playing covers of stuff from radiohead, muse, yeah yeah yeahs and more. not exciting but a nice way to start off the weekend.

white rose movement
terribly disappointing. i love their album and i wanted to love them but they just weren't that good. all of us chalked it up to a bad setting for them and a poor sound mix. i hope they come around again to some small venue. i think they will be much much better then.

the walkmen
everyone who saw them at sunset junction said they sucked. but i liked them. but everyone also said the lead singer was an asshole. i didn't get that from this performance. who knows. i mean i've been known to hate on bands as well in the same way. bloc party and yeah yeah yeahs are two good examples. anyway, walkmen...solid performance.

animal collective
ok so i knew i wasn't going to like them but i had nothing else to do so i chilled out to it. it's just a bunch of noise to me. i can't handle it. i just can't.

my morning jacket
i wished i didn't have to leave halfway into their set to go to see kanye but i had to. mmj are amazing. they rock out so hard and they geniunely enjoy being on stage. and i love when bands are happy to be rocking out. makes me enjoy watching them so much more. regardless, whenever they come into town again i'm going. cuz they are put on a damned good show.

kanye west
so i just HAD to see kanye. i mean it's kanye. he's the hot ticket right now. and when will i ever get to see him again? he performed a few songs i knew, though mostly it was just this weird performance of him singing, him dancing, him playing old songs like from michael jackson and whatnot. and then him playing "take on me" and declaring his unabashed love for the song. i really enjoyed that part of the show.

sigur ros
moving...yes i got chills watching it. the way i did when i saw arcade fire the first time. i would have loved loved loved sigur ros the most at this coachella but then i saw daft punk and that just blew sigur ros out of the water. but i will not discredit the hopelandic speaking icelanders. they really put on an amazing show. the lead singer looked so pained and sad while he sang. and he played his guitar with a violin bow!! hot damn. i'm not sure i'd ever pay to see them again on account their tickets are like $80+ i hear. but they were really fucking good.

franz ferdinand
fun as hell. i can't believe i've never seen them before. they are soooo fun to watch. the lead singer is so cute. he wore a striped shirt and striped pants and no they did not match. oh but they were fantastic. the lead singer's voice was a bit off but i still enjoyed it. got a bit of dancing in some singalong. even though i consider them a small band, they definitely play big. they really know how to work their crowd.

daft MUTHERFUCKING punk
OH....MY....GOD...i canNOT shut up about how fucking amazing this show was. words (and dancing and screaming) cannot express how fucking blown away i was by their show. when i first saw the lineup to coachella this year i was shitting myself over the fact the french robot duo was on the bill. and then i was shitting myself when i read this was their first US performance in 8 years! so i thought, well fuck, they better do a damned good job because it's unlikely i'll ever see them again. i set the bar really high too. but they just fucking hurdled over it like no one's business. jesus christ. that photo above does NOT do it justice. the lights on the background changed in so many different ways. the crazy spaceship looking pyramid that they were standing in would light up, show images, whatever u wanted i bet that fucking thing could do it. THE BEST light show i've ever seen for a concert. the crowd was so into it. i've never seen a crowd so excited about a band. except maybe at arcade fire. but that is why i'm putting this show in my top 3 lives shows i've ever seen. i think it was when "around the world" came on where i totally lost it and almost pissed myself. yes i am not kidding. i almost pissed myself with joy and excitement. oh man. i think i'm going to stop. i can't explain this in words anymore. (i will post more photos of rick, james, and i shitting ourselves when i do my coachella montage)

:: SUNDAY ::

youth group
humble indie rock group from, i think, australia. they weren't amazing but they were good. a nice, slow start to the second day.

mates of state
so cute. whenever i think of mates of state i always think they are going to be some old couple for some reason. but they totally aren't. the girl is on keys and the guy on drums. and they look so cute when they play and stare at each other. good fun poppy dance time.

the magic numbers
they were sooo excited to be there i loved it. their songs are so catchy u can't help but dance around. even if it is 100 degrees outside and u are dirty as fuck.

phoenix
at first i was like, "is this the phoenix i know of because they don't sound right?" but it turns out their keyboard was broken so they were improvising. that makes more sense. i think they would have been fun if i 1) could see them better and 2) didn't have to leave to start operation: see madonna.

kaskade
so this was the beginning of operation: see madonna. basically guillermo and i had this whole plan. at 4:30 pm (madonna was slated to go on at 8:10pm) we got two pizzas and 4 waters and staked out our spot in the dance tent for madonna. we got there and got a good spot. not right in the front but good enough. we were surrounded by about 20 gay men who were all friends and all shirtless. such nice men. kaskade came on and i danced a lot to his set. he played "steppin out" which is the only kaskade song i know. overall the set was decent. not amazing, but decent.

paul oakenfold
i wasn't that thrilled to have to sit through paul oakenfold just for madonna's sake. but once he came on and got going i really really got into it. and mind you i was sweaty as fuck and my feet were killing me. but hell, i danced my ass off and oakenfold turned out to be much better than i expected. so that was nice.

madonna
mads. good ole mads. ok so operation: see madonna was a total SUCCESS!!! as i said, g and i got there and waited it out. staked our spot. with the help of our new gay friends (who i totally fell in love with) and some others around us, we made sure to not let anyone get in our way. if someone tried to snake thru we stopped them and told them to back the fuck up. we were there far too long to let them just weasle by. it worked out supremely well and come 8:20 (as i said, mads was late) the music started going to "hung up" and the tent went crazy. i think nearly everyone at coachella was at madonna's show. it was a shame she only played like 5 songs but we all think something went wrong because it ended so abruptly and there was an ambulance outside. so who knows. but she fucking won me over. i mean i'd never pay to see her again. never. but i had to see her once in my life. and i had to be super close where i could see her with my own two eyes rather than on the jumbotron. so mission accomplished. she did the whole choreographed dancing and all that. and she even played the guitar! damn. it was well worth the wait. just because if i didn't see her, i'd never let myself forget it.

the go! team
SOOO fun! they win the prize for most fun show at coachella 2006. their album never really caught me the way it did for others but i heard their live show was fantastic so i had to watch. and HELL YES it was awesome. i was really close to the stage too. sadly my feet felt like they were going to fall off from operation: see madonna so i couldn't dance. but hot damn they were so lively. the lead singer is this cute little black girl and she was dancing up a storm. i LOVED it. the entire band seemed like people u'd want to be your friends. cuz they are young and so fun. so so fun. if they come around to LA i'm totally going.

scissor sisters
my last band of coachella 2006 and of any coachella at the polo field (apparently they lost their lease...sad). and damn the sisters put on a great show. they are really fun but not in the same way the go! team is. they are older and seem more "professional" about their fun. it almost feels like it's rehearsed. like the go! team's energy seems spontaneous and the scissor sisters' seems like theirs is planned out. which is totally fine. i'm just saying. it's different. i loved how the lead female singer swore like a sailor and lead guy was so outwardly gay down to his lamé costume. a damn fine way to end coachella 2006.

bands i missed but really wanted to see:

- tv on the radio (up against mmj and kanye)
- ladytron (up against sigur ros)
- the rakes (up against mofo daft punk)
- metric (up against phoenix, the magic numbers, and operation: see madonna)
- gnarls barkley (up against operation: see madonna)
- editors (up against operation: see madonna)
- dungen (up against the go! team)

so that is that. coachella 2006. more photos are forthcoming. i had an amazing time. sadly jessica and stacey got food poisioning from corndogs but i heard they still had a good time despite it all. i got home around 5:30am yesterday and took my double shower. then crashed out for about hours. FANTASTIC!