well, i'm gonna be honest. it wasn't top 5. as sad as that is for me to say, it wasn't. but to be fair, top 5 currently includes: daft punk at coachella, the first radiohead show i ever saw, beck from last night, and 2 arcade fire shows. so i mean it's a tight tight batch i'm working with. don't get me wrong. last night's show was really fucking good. but not top 5. and there is one and only one reason for that. setlist...too much kid a and not enough bends and ok computer. here is the setlist:

01. you and whose army?
02. the national anthem
03. 2+2=5
04. 15 step*
05. morning bell
06. arpeggi*
07. videotape*
08. kid a
09. dollars and cents
10. street spirit
11. all i need*
12. nude*
13. paranoid android
14. bangers 'n mash*
15. the gloaming
16. idioteque
17. follow me around*
18. everything in its right place

encore 1
19. there there
20. down is the new up*
21. the bends
22. how to disappear completely

encore 2
23. house of cards*
24. lucky

*new songs

look at that. i mean good, but not amazing. they didn't play "fake plastic trees" which is my favorite song. i looked at other setlists and they totally could have played some older stuff. because they did at some other shows. but there is a rumor going around that they have selected around 40 or so songs and every show just randomly choose 25 or so. and then arrange them accordingly. i dunno if that's true but it sorta seems like it. because looking at various setlists for this tour they are all similar but no two seem to be alike. so who knows. anyway, thom was so cute. johnny was so shy. ed was so hot. and the music was fucking awesome. they sounded so good. the light show was so good. we had amazing seats. fucking 3rd row thanks to michael's hook up. around us were rene russo, toby maguire, lucas haas, joaquin phoenix, tom hanks' son, giovanni ribisi, and i swear to god beck walked by. and now that i found out he's married to giovanni's sister, "hell yes" it had to be him! and believe me, i was flipping out for a second when i saw him walk by. it was right during the first song of the second encore which was new anyway. so i couldn't focus on radiohead. all i could think was, "omg. that was beck. i was 5 ft away from beck. omg. omg."

anyway, i'll post pictures and maybe a video or two tonight or tomorrow. i have to get them off my cam. we were so close that i hope they came out well. out of all the ones i took, some must be amazing. i know i got thom dancing all cute and funny a few times. so if anything, i've got that. haha

so final assessment is...awesome show. really, really solid performance. wished the setlist was better. but at least i could see them clear as a bell. and i wish i was going tonight. oh yes. that would be amazing....

ticket to beck at the wiltern last night: $50.90
jack-in-the-box southwest chicken pita i ate before the show: $3.78
memories from one of the most amazing concerts ever: PRICELESS

my friends and i bitched about the steep ticket price. with ticketmaster rape charges my ticket came to $50.90. that's OBSCENE. but once the show started, i knew exactly where my money went. for this tour, beck decided to enlist the puppeteers from team america and have them make puppets of each member of the band and then mimic the entire performance on a smaller stage set up behind beck and his band. it was, in a word, AMAZING. simply amazing. the puppets were so detailed that when beck would change guitars, so would the puppet. the spaz of the group, ryan, jumps around so often in the show that the puppeteer had to keep moving her puppet. the mini stage in the background even had it's own mini stage. yes, layers upon layers!! it reminded me of the michel gondry video for björk's "bachelorette." the puppets were being videotaped and the footage was shown on the screen behind the stage. the mini stage also had it's own working screen and whenever they played both, it was very trippy looking. it's like a funhouse mirror situation. it goes on into infinity.

below are random photos i found on flckr accounts (all photos are credited to their flckr account owners). they are taken from various beck shows all from this same "puppet show" tour. i didn't bring my camera. so fucking dumb of me!!

at one point in the show one of the puppets had it's own camera! so then we saw the "puppet cam" and it was literally the POV of the puppet. the puppeteer moved the puppet around and you got to see the stage, the band, and the audience all from the perspective of the little puppet. SO CUTE! then the band brought out a table and set it up with forks, knives, cups, etc. all except for beck sat down and ate and drank while beck did some acoustic stuff. beck did this on the last tour. so i knew what was coming next. the band clinked and clanked to the song with their homemade percussion against the glasses, table, etc. it was still cool. and what's better is the puppets had their own table and whatnot. the cameraman shot but the puppets and the real people and the footage was intercut on the big screen. it was awesome to see. you can sorta see it in these photos below.

the show proceeded in it's layered form and the last or second to last song (i cant remember) was "where it's at" and like the last tour, they did the whole boombox schtick. it was cute still. ryan (the spaz) first carried out a small boombox. then gradually brings out bigger and bigger ones. and finally they dropped one from the ceiling. like in the photo below.

then after the show ended, but before the encore, they played a video on screen of the puppets. apparently in each city the puppeteers went out around the city and filmed the puppets doing random shit. for this LA show they filmed the puppets in venice. it was fucking hilarious and cute. i saw a video of the one from dallas and that one was even funnier. god i love beck....for the encore two people came out dressed in bear costumes!!! i fucking love bears. AND to mimic it on the mini stage, the puppeteers had teddy bears. so fucking cute. that was the icing on the cake. you can sorta see the teddy bear on screen in one of the photos below.

so yea. basically one of the best shows i've ever seen. the music was whatever. i can't even remember all the songs he played. he tends to jam a lot and not play full songs. i do know parts of "debra" were in there. "clap hands," "black tambourine," "girl," "devil's haircut." and that's really all i noticed. he also played some new songs from the forthcoming album that will be made of stickers. YES, STICKERS!!! omg i love beck. i don't care if he's a scientologist...

i can't decide just yet where this show lies on the scale. tonight is radiohead and i am declaring right now that i might be seeing two top 5 shows back to back. if so, i'll redo my top 5 concert list tomorrow. but know that this beck show is in there. and that's saying a lot considering i've seen a shitload of concerts over the years. way to go beck, you never cease to amaze me.

beck tonight!!! i can't wait. i'm very excited. i love him. even if he is a scientologist. he should play some new stuff tonight i expect. his new album comes out in the fall and is slated to have STICKERS involved in the artwork. WOO!!!! i can't wait. i hope he has cute merch. i don't have a beck shirt yet. alex is coming and this is the first real concert i'll be going to with a guy i'm dating. with more to come. i'm so excited. i once went with dan to a hey mercedes show. and andrew reluctantly came along with me to one of the h. bowl shows last summer. but that's really about it. i never date men who like concerts it seems. or even the same music really. but alex. oh yes yes. and he's showing me all the ways of the soul/funk era. currently i've got marvin gaye, aretha franklin, the tempations, and sly and the family stone sitting on my desk ready to listen to. so fucking good, this music is.

so i realized that alex is indeed much more of a worrier than me. i mean i worry a bit and i'm paranoid about things but he's way worse than me. it's almost cutely comical. he worries about a lot of varied things but one thing that i'm trying to make him feel more at ease about is his worry over all these ex's of mine floating around my social circle. true ex's or guys i've hooked up with enough. the idea of them all being around bothers him a bit. and he'd be lying is he said he wasn't the least bit worried that andrew and i would get back together. which is totally NOT going to happen. but he worried nevertheless. so it's a process to get him to trust me on this and quell his fears. thankfully i am a bit of a worrier myself or i know i wouldn't be able to handle this. i just find it sort of amusing and odd that i'm in this position. because it's usually everyone else trying to calm me. and this time i'm trying to calm someone else.

i'm going to try and tally approx how much i've spent on concert tickets this year and by year's end come up with a grand total. that and cds. i keep a good record of that because i write them all off on taxes. but shows. i've gotta figure this out. i'm guessing about two grand by years end in total.

man. yesterday was so random. so alex works for the production company affliated with de'fjam records (must fuck with the word so this isn't searchable). ie, the man who owns that label has a production company. i'm sure ya'll know his name. he's famous. that label put out a comedy show many years ago (ie. de'fcomedyja'm). lots of famous comedians came out of it. LOTS. and they haven't done one of these in like 8 or 9 years apparently. and this weekend was the revival. friday, saturday, and sunday. 9 comedy shows in total. the grande finale having davecha'pelle. so i went. and oh man, that shit was crazy. first off, i've never been in a room with so many black people. yes, i'm gonna say that cuz it's fucking true. it's not racist, it's just true. and they all wore anything from thug attire to such ritzy glitzy shit that i thought maybe they were famous people that i just didn't recognize. but they weren't. there were some famous people in attendence though. ty'rabanks, snoooooopdog'g, and war'ren g to name a few. i swear i saw coo'lio as well.

anyway, the host was hilarious. the first comedian was hilarious. racist and all. but then the second one came out and it was a woman and she was even more hilarious. and vulger. her whole thing was basically about sex and men. i loved it. and then the third guy who came out was sooo fucking hilarious. oh my god. and his outfit. holy shit. snakeskin boots. bling up the ass. a fedora. holy shit. last but not least was dave. and he was weird. very weird. i dunno if he's going crazy or this is all one huge act. but his routine was not really standup. it was just....a story? a weird, funny story?

when we left alex had to take his boss' niece home because he's babysitting her basically. she's 17. not 12. but whatever. the boss got really concerned for all the gangsta rappers and insisted we walk quickly and a certain way. i was laughing inside. his boss seems to be high maintenance. yes yes. anyway, that was that. fucking hilariously random night. i had a great time though. i'm so glad i went.

tonight i'm going to dinner with ollie and doing work. i have to figure out where to go to dinner still. that will be a task for this afternoon.

*note to self, don't drink 3 whiskey sours and a lemon drop without eating a proper dinner*

yeeeeah....

last nite a group of us (and like a thousand of our closest los angelean friends) went downtown for the free screening of an inconvenient truth. it was crowded as hell but it was free. so we grin and beared it. al gore made an appearance and i think the highlight of my night is when he belted out with much enthusiasm, "and now, JOHN...BON...JOVI!!!" and then bon jovi and richie sambora came out and played like 5 acoustic songs. wtf? totally random and totally great. haha then the movie started. i have to say, dave said it best. he said, "yea that movie was really good. but i felt like i should have been taking notes the entire time....maybe i should have been." that is sorta how it felt. like a long ass lecture. but it was great. i mean we all know the problem of global warming but al really spells it out with beautiful line graphs and hi res photos to back up his statements. so all in all i enjoyed it and now know that america is once again #1. #1 in pollution and fucking over the world...

after the screening we walked to bar 107 where there were a bunch of drunk ass people fighting, nearly passing out, slipping on alcohol soaked floors, and just being completely and totally random. WHAT was going on? ...a post-wedding celebration. ah yes. that makes so much sense. i have been to bar 107 many times but the rest of the group were virgins. they said they liked the place which i'm glad to hear. they were detered by the aforementioned hijinks of the night. thank god. alex joined us late in the game because he had to work. and byron and his friends showed up as well. it was byron's request for a shot together is what put me over the edge. after that i felt really drunk and on the way home asked alex to get a plastic bag out in case i puked. i didn't, but then when i got home i puked a little. there wasn't much to puke on account i didn't really eat all night. good grief jen. what were you thinking?? alex took care of me and helped me when josh came over to crash. yes, josh was crashing at my place so that we could wake up and talk about band shit and then he would just go to work from here. well it got all botched up with my puking but alex let him in and worked it all out. thank you alex!

and of course, you can't have a bar 107 night without some photobooth action. so here are the 3 sets of photos i took.

1. i think stacey's expressions are priceless.

2. top left is my fave with bottom right in a close second

3. bottom left is hands down the best of this series.

good good times. i can never get enough photoboothing in. never ever. although i'm running out of space on the part of the wall i use for photobooth pix. what the hell am i going to do when i run out of space??!?!?! i'll have to rearrange my whole room just for that. haha

RINGS! i love them! and i wish i could find a new cute one that was affordable.

i used to be really obsessed with the ring on the far right in the photo above . i still love it. and it's only $150. but now i have a new obsession shown below...

i think it's great. so fucking ridiculous. i found it on notcot. i love how much it mocks women and their schmancy, over the top engagement rings. it sells at noisy forest for $345 euros which is sorta pricey for a joke. but hot damn i love it. i would totally wear that shit and mock people silently with it. i mean after all, i do own one of these:

and that also mocks the traditional tiffany setting. as you know, i'm all about modernist wedding rings. like the far left one in the top photo. the nice band attached to the inset diamond band. yes yes. love it. anyway, i couldn't let that double diamond ring go away without blogging. i just had to mention it.

all else aside, i didn't make it to the short stop last nite. was too tired. alex, rick, and i went to swingers for dinner. and i haven't really asked rick what he thinks of alex, but i feel rick's sincere hearty laughter towards alex's amusing ways tells me all i need to know.

so all day yesterday i was itchy. so much so that i got worried. i think i had an allergic reaction to something or it was the heat. i dunno. but i was so itchy. i got little bumps on some parts of my skin. and i panicked thinking it might be adult chicken pox since as far as i know, i've never had it. but now i think it might have been a mild case of the hives. cuz the bumps have stopped forming. i got benedryl. and it seems to be working. i'm not all itchy. i'm drowsy as hell but not itchy. oh good lord!

on another note, yesterday was the summer soltice. ie, the longest day of the year. so that mean it's all downhill from here. BOO. although with this 80+ heat we have been having, it's probably for the best that the sun go down sooner rather than later...

tonight alex and i are going to the short stop for a little photobooth action. i'm going to wear my new jeans and the black pumps for kicks. fun fun!

so i talked to andrew a bit last nite on the phone. didn't get to meet up with him cuz he's so busy. danny and cara's wedding is this weekend and he's gotta get his tux still and prepare his best man's speech. then next sunday he ships off to sweden for a week and then flies directly from there to japan. so he'll be gone for 2 solid weeks. figures. that's andrew for ya. always gone. always....our chat was brief. maybe about 10 min. nothing exciting. random catching up. nothing too in depth. sounds like he's ok. which is good. i didn't tell him about alex. i didn't know how to best phrase it and thought it would be better for when we meet up in person. which could be as soon as thursday or sometime next week. otherwise not til mid-july when he returns from his travels. gah! mr. bear.... it was good to talk to andrew though and feel good about it. last time we spoke which was i think nearly two months ago, i was sort of bitter, angry, and sad all at once. this time i wasn't any of those things. which is fantastic. so progress is definitely being made on my part. thank fucking god.

wtf is going on today? this shit is too much. maybe andrew won't call me and i won't see him. as to reduce the weirdness of today. so i was walking to rite-aid to get some meds for my aching tummy when i hear my name called out. i look over and it's dan and ELLEN in the car. wtf? i haven't seen or talked to ellen in like 3 years. i thought she was in france or something. good grief. i think she looks the same. i couldn't tell. they had to keep driving. but they said they would call me. so who the fuck knows. how fucking random is that? man.

anyway, back on this fucked up guy thing. so i've decided that not only has the 21st century led us to poor communication via email/chatting versus in-person/over the phone, but men seem to have decided that they'd rather passively ask girls out by setting up "hanging out sessions" rather than actually asking girls out on dates. wtf is that? i was thinking about it and i can't remember the last time a guy actually asked me to "go out" with him. it's always like "wanna hang out?" or "let's grab some dinner." never "wanna go out some time?" i mean in essence it's the same fucking thing. but if you ask to "hang out" versus "go out" to me that implies possibilities for you not actually being into me but just wanting to be friends. although apparently that is not the case. wtf? i think this is bullshit and i think this is how i get roped into these pseudo-dates and ultimately roped into being the "bitch" who isn't into you when you thought i was. just because i agreed to "hang out." total bullshit if u ask me. i admit that as a girl i don't have to put my neck on the line a lot because usually men do the asking out, but i have asked guys out before. and i actually say "wanna go out sometime?" ugh whatever. this is just my own personal rant for the day. agree with me if u want or agree to disagree. i'm sticking with the idea that this is total passive aggressive bullshit.

so andrew finally replied to the email i sent him asking if we could chat tonight. he said that he's working late but he'll call after he is done. so i might be going over there to retrieve mr. bear and have a little chat. try and get to that friends zone i want to be at. this would also mean having to tell him i'm dating alex. i dunno if i can do this. twice in one day. breaking this new. good god. what a day. AND i had this espresso shake this morning and it's not settling well with me right now. wtf? ugh. let me go home...

so kyla and i were just talking and i have decided to make a list of places i must go to before i die. places i have never been or wish to return to. below is that list. all places in purple are places i have been before and want to return to...if i make it to all these places i'll be at about 90 by the time i die. WOW.

NORTH AMERICA + ISLANDS
*canada

CENTRAL AMERICA + ISLANDS
*cuba
*jamaica
*haiti
*el salvador
*costa rica
*panama

SOUTH AMERICA
*venezuela
*colombia
*ecuador
*peru
*brazil
*paraguay
*uruguay
*argentina
*chile

EUROPE
*greenland
*iceland
*sweden
*finland
*denmark
*england
*spain
*italy
*greece
*cyprus
*malta
*ukraine
*romania
*lithuania
*croatia

AFRICA
*morocco
*sudan
*ethiopia
*kenya
*uganda
*tanzania
*mozambique
*zimbabwe
*south africa
*madagascar

MIDDLE EAST
*turkey
*lebanon
*jordan
*israel
*iran

ASIA
*russia
*india
*nepal
*japan
*thailand
*taiwan
*cambodia
*malaysia
*philippines
*jakarta
*bali

PACIFIC
*australia
*new zealand
*fiji

so last night i went to the futureheads show. it was good. i was a bit tired but i made it thru the whole thing. i just found out that the new futureheads album was released thru the place i used to intern at many moons ago. so i saw some old faces. no one recognized me which is good...oh and how can i forget? i saw seth from the OC! this is like my 5th siting of him since that show came on. he looked cute as usual. brian has a mancrush on him. i love it. haha

today i am talking with dave and he saw my myspace profile. he must check it somewhat frequently cuz he noticed i changed my status to "in a relationship" which i just changed yesterday. yes i decided to make that leap and change it. alex noticed too. i figured it was high time considering even though alex and i never had "the talk" (we agreed not to do that) we did agree that this would be a monogamous thing. so yea. i mean basically he's my "boyfriend" though i'm still not comfortable with that term. so i never use it. anyway, dave saw my status and asked me if it was true. and i said yes. and he gave me the unhappy face emoticon. and said "i have famously bad timing..." then we went on to talk about it and basically he sorta liked me when i was at the MAG and then again when we went out to sprinkles and more so when we went to auntie 'ems and then the dealbreaker was my birthday where he actually ditched his friends to come back and see me for a couple minutes at the bar. and then we went to sushi that other night and he gave me the gifts! he said he was thinking of trying to kiss me then. oh dear... so all the assumptions were true. i feel bad but i dunno. i mean i wouldn't date him anyway. the whole smoking/dog loving thing. coupled with a bit of emotional baggage. i would never do it. but i didn't tell him that. so yea. that is that. i guess i was right even back at the MAG which i had always suspected but then thought i was wrong because he started dating this other girl. but that was a mess. blah blah blah. oh well. awkward awkward...

so i'm back and work after a glorious weekend with alex in SD and thereabouts. here are a few photos to give a flavor of the weekend.

top to bottom, left to right...

:: apparently jesus presides over the city...in mexico
:: puerto nuevo...where we ate lobster for dinner
:: alex about to dig into his lobster
:: alex and i making funny faces...we do this a lot
:: waiting to cross the mexicali border and encountering NUMREOUS vendors
:: me getting antsy to cross the border
:: i think i look like a cartoon sometimes
:: inadvertant bang! type photo at the ice cream shoppe

anyway, the weekend was great. i think it really helped me get over the whole andrew thing. which is fanastic. alex and i had a great time together. i was worried that being around him 24/7 for two days would get to me. but it didn't. aside from the debacle in mexico, all was well. i realized that alex gets more frustrated than i do sometimes. but about different things. so i guess we balance out. we are both neurotic but about different things. so we can understand each other's neurosis but also can balance each other out. that's good. anyhoo...

saturday we drove to SD in shitty ass traffic. it took forever to get there and i realize i freak out over his driving a LOT. it sucks but its true. i think it's partially a result of being a passenger in rick's car when we got into that accident and realizing as a passenger i'm totally helpless. i don't like that feeling at all. once we got to SD we checked into the westin then drove to this other part of town and looked at vintage shops and ate thai food for lunch. that was fun. we are on a continual search for better jeans for alex since i don't think his aren't tight enough. after that we made our way into mexico. never done that before. the whole crossing the border thing. i gotta say, passing thru TJ, it's a real shithole down there. we passed on thru rosarito. we were gonna stop and walk around but we didn't see anything really and we got stuck on this road and just said fuck it. so then we got to the place where we were gonna eat dinner. ate our lobster dinner. it was decent. cheap as hell. i don't love lobster but it was good. then we drove back towards the border and got lost. and alex got uber frustrated which got me stressed and overall we had a rough 30-40 minutes i'd say. then we found our way back and waited in the long ass line to cross the border. then all was better cuz we were just goofing around and having a good time watching the vendors. once we crossed the border we went back to the hotel and then went out to the gaslamp district which was conveniently right next to the hotel. turns out there are NO decent bars in SD. at least not in that area. that whole area is like old town pas. totally WASPy and not for us. so we settled on the yard house because we figured if we were gonna have drink amongst the ex-greeklifers at least we could have any beer we wanted on tap. so we did that. then went back to the hotel.

then sunday we went to the museum of photographic arts which in balboa park. that was fun to walk around. turns out the photobooths there were BROKEN. boo. so we were sad. then we went looking for fish tacos and couldn't find them. so we walked around a bit. then we called a place and found the tacos. turns out it was next to a nordstrom rack, loehmans, and off 5th. so we went looking some more for his jeans. didn't find any but i got a cute pair of miss sixty's for a good price. i can't wait to wear them with my hooker heels. haha then we drove back towards LA to the OC where we were gonna go mini-golfing and eat banh mi (vietnamese sandwiches). we got the sandwiches which alex had never had but liked. then we went to mini golf but they were closing!!! so sad. no mini golf for us. so that was that. the whole weekend overall. and i had a great great time.

tonight is the futureheads concert with jessica and brian. can't wait for that!

what's with me and the black men...?

there was that incident at walgreens back in oct when a guy tried to pick me up there. then the incident in march at jack in the box with jessica. now last night at chevron. yes, chevron. i was pumping my gas when this man hollered at me. "wow you look good...." and then came over and started talking to me. asking me how i keep fit. amazed that i barely do anything. he found out i was a graphic designer and wanted me to work on some album art for him. i didn't really know what to do. i was trapped. so in the end he gave me his business card and i gave him my home phone number. creepy. his name is vince or "animation." he's a dancer/rapper. good lord. i hope he doesn't call. and if he does, i'll never answer it cuz i never answer the home phone....

i've delved into a huge musical exploration. it's intense. my list of artists to review is crazy. but i'm whittling it down. making selections for purchase. others to purge. etc etc. in the midst i went to the soulwax website to learn more and nearly blinded myself. i mean what the fuck are they doing? jesus christ. anyway, their music isn't exactly what i had hoped for. i heard one remix they did of their song and i loved it. and the rest is just alright. so yea, no soulwax for me. MSTRKRFT though, bring it on. james sent me the leaked album and i really like it. it's sorta daft punky. anyway, back to my music coma. maybe the shortstop tonight. we shall see.

alex really is awesome. i mean we gel so well. and somehow, just somehow, he takes all of my shit. i mean it's playful but still. he takes it well. i remember andrew would fight me back. or just dismiss me. not that either way is better. it's just funny how u interact differently with people over the same sort of things. anyway, i really enjoy being with alex. and i love love love how he's exposing me to all this "new" music. i say "new" because it's not new. all this funk, soul, and hip-hop. it's all been out there for years. and i've been aware of my fair share of it. but now i'm even more aware. and more into it. he just gave the latest two mixes he made for me. one for funk and one for soul. the funk is decent but the soul is just awesome. holy shit. i mean these people -- otis redding, bill withers, glady knight, curtis mayfield, etc -- know how to sing. shit almighty. i'm so into it right now. alex's favorite music is soul so he's got tons. i could dive head first into a whole new world of music. but he also likes shit i like. the more contemporary indie shit. so it's great. i listed off all the shows i'm going to last week i think but i've added more to this list...and i'm going to all of them with alex (and others).

06.19 - the futureheads @ henry fonda
06.28 - beck @ the wiltern
06.29 - radiohead @ the greek
06.30 - band of horses @ the echo
07.17 - the rakes @ the troub
07.19 - camera obscura @ the troub
07.23 - the flaming lips @ h. bowl
07.24 - gnarls barkley @ the avalon

then READING FUCKING FESTIVAL!!! anyway, that's a LOT of shows. i think i said earlier this year i predicted to spend over a grand on music. i think i might have to up that to like two grand. cuz all these shows are costing me a LOT of money. this run of shows alone (except reading) is costing roughly $200. and that's just in a 30 day span. jeez. anyway, i love it! and i love that alex is going with me to all of these. minus reading of course. but yea. good fucking shit.

anyway, i might talk to andrew tonight. he finally messaged me back which is good. but yea. i'm sorta sad about it. seeing him that is. it's just really weird for me. i told alex i might see andrew and get mr. bear back and he was like, "well i hope u two don't realize u miss each other and get back together. i will be very sad." i assured him that wasn't going to happen. because it won't. but i bet i'll be sad when i see andrew. it needs to be done tho. then once it's done it's done. we can move on or be friends or whatever. i have to see how he feels about that. how i feel about it when i see him. etc. gah. relationships are terrible...great but terrible.

anyway, enough of that. i'm having a great time with alex. he's really awesome to me. and we have a lot of ridiculous fun together. drawing with his set of 96 crayola crayons. playing with our various stuffed animals. watching movies. listening to craploads of music. playfull bickering. fawning over shoes. all sorts of randomness. yes yes, we are very random. andrew and i were the skinny couple and alex and i are the quirky couple. at least that's how i see it. this weekend we are going to san diego. we have grand plans of everything from driving on the coast to popping into mexico to taking photobooth photos at this random musuem i found to getting banh mi with a round of mini golf in the OC and everything else in btwn. good good times.

over and out.

there and back just like that.

damn it was a quick trip to SF. so quick i had no time to blog about it. i didn't even say i was heading out and now i'm back. it was fun and quick and great. got to see mel and her fam on saturday. the bridal shower was as i expected. not too exciting but good to see people. makes me feel like i'm finally *in* this wedding. now i have to get my dress altered. man. so much to do and such little time. went to H&M yesterday and got a new jacket, skirt, and necklace. not too much damage. and now i'm back at work and ready for another week. i swear i had so many things to say but i can't thin of anything because basically it was so quick i barely had time to think.

i can't think what i'm doing this week but i'm sure things will come up. this weekend alex and i are going to san diego. i'm excited. i wanna see how this works out for us. taking this short little trip. do we kill each other or have a good time? we shall see.

i wanna call andrew tonight but i'm hanging out with alex and i think might just fuck me in the head. so i think i'll wait to call tomorrow. unless andrew calls me first. but i take it he's not. that fucking bastard. don't say u wanna be friends if u don't.

i just bought tickets to see beck this month. and this summer is definitely shaping up music-wise. i mean let us NEVER forget the phenomenal coachella experience this past april with the best show i've ever seen -- daft punk. but let's move forward and look at what is to come...

· beck w/jamie lidell - june 28 @ the wiltern
· radiofuckinghead - june 29 @ the greek
· the rakes - july 17 @ the troub
· the flaming lips - july 23 @ the bowl
· gnarls barkley - july 24 @ the avalon

and mutherfuckin reading fest - aug 25 - 27. HELL YES.

now i just need to kill ticket_master because they are raping me in the ass.

so i met the sister last nite. she's nice. she wasn't too intense at all. i liked her. but she and alex are TOTALLY different i swear. she's all preppy and straight-laced. wears polos. doesn't look jewish at all. talks fast. really skinny (skinnier than me). meanwhile alex is like the total opposite of all of that. so funny. i told him if they were together at a party or something i'd think they were dating and not siblings. that's how different they look and seem to be. but regardless, she was nice and i had a good time meeting her. we ate at buddha's belly and my spicey peanut noodles were very very tasty. i loved them. i wish i wasn't so full so that i could eat them all! then after that we went to coldstones for some ice cream and then i went home to pack. so that was that. today i'm off to SF. it'll be a really quick whirlwind trip that i'm not looking forward to in terms of dealing with the speed of it all. i'll be there and back far too quickly. bleh.

i emailed andrew yesterday saying i'd like to talk to him. haven't heard back. i hope that's because he's waiting til i return from SF and not because he's feeling weird or being a prick. i really hope he's not being a prick. cuz then i dunno what i'll do. but being angry at someone makes it a lot easier to get over them i think. tho i really don't want that. it's just shitty.

oh! hot off the press. alex's sister really liked me. woo! she had great comments. i passed the test. nice...

so i had dinner with dave last nite. oh dear. i think i need to do some fast sidestepping so to speak. i think i've said before how i feel like dave might be interested in me. well we had dinner last night. sushi. it was good. he paid for the whole thing. i felt weird about that but ok. we chatted a long time about random stuff. then we had to leave cuz the place was closing up shop. so we walked to my car and he gave me my gifts. first was chocolate from the 100% chocolate cafe in japan. they have 56 types of chocolate and yes they come in these colored square boxes. so amazing. he got me orange and strawberry. i love the packaging so much i don't want to eat it! then he got me a notepad and pen from muji (this is the UK site so you can actually read things). those were all nice and pretty obvious gift choices because 1) i told him about the chocolate place and 2) he knows how much i love muji. but the third and final gift was the kicker. and he actually had it in this big bag and he handed it to me and said, "this gift is special." and i held the bag and said, "can i look at it now or do u want me to wait?" and he said i could look at it then. so i did. it was framed. i didn't realize what it was at first but then i saw. it was a framed animation cel. an anime one of a little girl in bed. she looked so cute. she looked the way i imagine my anime self to look. haha i didn't really know what to say cuz i know that it must have been expensive and so i just said thanks and gave him a hug. we parted ways and he walked off looking sorta downtroden as he always does. i showed it to alex who i could tell was sorta like "hmm...yea this guy likes jen. she just can't see it..." but i can. i can see it. and i don't know what to do. i have to do something. but it has to gentle. because dave is so awesome. i don't want to be a bitch. i just don't like him like that. gah. so yea, that was that.

tonight i'm having dinner with alex, his sister, and her friend. his sister is in town visiting. so i get to meet her. i hope we get along. i hear she's a bit intense. and she's very political. i hope not overly so. cuz i HATE talking about politics. even more so than religion. i think we are going to buddha's belly. i like that place. sorta asian fusion if you will. then i have to go home and pack cuz i go home to SF tomorrow for mel's bridal shower. i haven't packed at all and i have a lot of crap to bring home. her wedding programs turned out really nicely. sadly there are spelling errors!!! gah. they are so pretty otherwise. mel has to decide if she wants to redo them or not. i will bring them to her so she can decide. but at least they look really nice.

man i feel really good. i just remodeled stacey's and my trip to spain/reading festival. woo! had to change bookings and whatnot. i was so productive today. on that shit. not real work work. haha i booked our hostels too. i did so much shit that my credit card blocked my card thinking it was fraud. all we have left is to book the trains. ill work on that tomorrow. i'm so excited! so much that it totally negates the fact that i fucked up and didn't get beck tickets. i'll try again on friday for the public sale but if i don't get tickets i won't cry. they are like $53 with charges and i've seen beck 2 times already. so it's not a big deal. i'm going to pick up mel's wedding programs tonight. i can't wait to see! then off to din din with dave. he got me gifties from japan. i can't wait to see what they are! and then to alex's. ah what a great day. i swear, i would make a great travel agent. just great.

wow. i just realized that i have a shitload of money owed to me for freelance work and it's taking fucking forever for me to get it. so much money that i could pay for my entire trip to spain/reading + a couple month's rent i'd say. shit man. where the fuck is this money? ugh!

anyway, for the first time i don't have much work to do so i'm going to plan out more of the spain trip. and surprisingly i am doing my laundry and there is NO one else doing is in the room. so i took 3 washers. good shit.

060606

today marks a day we'll never see again and everything has their panties in a bunch about it. 666. i mean i don't care. sure the devil's sign. or WHATEVER. they even remade the the omen just because they could release it today. isn't that ridiculous? i think so. anyway, i just had to post about it because it'll never happen again this 666 business. so i might as well commemorate it with some sort of half ass post such as this. maybe something crazy will happen today and i'll have more to speak of later. though right now the day is going painfully slow and it's making me sleepy.

ugh get me the fuck out of here. i'm stuck at work WAITING for revisions. ugh ugh ugh. i need to get home. it's late. i want out. it's one thing to be stuck working. it's another to be stuck waiting. i'm just sitting here waiting. ugh.

i think my posting from last night stopped abruptly. it was because i was going at it and then devin came over and we chatted a bunch and then alex came over and then i didn't want him to see it so i just published and yea. though i suspect he's seen it before because i once googled my name and the blog came up somehow. not sure why since i removed my name from it but whatever. although i'm always curious because if alex has seen the blog then he's really fucking ballsy to pursue me when i was all about not pursuing him at first and whatnot. but whatever. it worked out. we sort of discussed all that shit the other night at the bar. it was funny hearing the random occurances and how we each reacted to them. good stuff.

anyway, can i get a "hell yes" for this overcast today? i mean seriously. it was so fucking hot last night i just passed out on top of my bed. no covers. windows all open. fan on. everything. goddamn. and now today it's all overcast. it's fucking brilliant i say.

ugh ok i have decided that it is officially too hot on a regular basis now. i can't stand this heat. it's fucking terrible basically. ugh!! i mean it could be worse but it's essentially HOT all the time now. morning, noon, and night. i have all my windows open and the fan on and i'm still hot. UGH. so sad. i hate this shit. anyway...

the weekend has flashed on by. blah. i wish we always had 3 days weekends...oh well. i'm currently listening to *gasp* my rap/hip-hop/r+b collection of music. this consists of 63 songs. yes, 63. haha maybe i have a few more that aren't organized into my folders correctly but basically that's all i have. i haven't touched this folder of music in ages but with alex around, my musical horizons are trying to expand. he made me a hip hop mix the other day which had 3 songs i really liked, about 7 that were ok, and another 7 or so that i hated. next he's going to make me funk and soul mixes. i don't really agree with all of music tastes, clearly, but at least he's expanding my horizons a bit. i still hate MIA and lady sovereign, but we can't work miracles here now can we? haha

yesterday was the beach bonfire. it was alright. i have to admit it just wasn't that exciting to me. i think it was because not enough of the "key players" were there like the bonfires of last year. i think also i thought a lot about how last year i met andrew at the first bonfire of the summer and now we aren't even speaking it seems. i swear he's back in america and just NOT calling me. and that in itself is making me sad and angry all at once. but i think my slight thoughts of that are also helping me with alex because i saw him a lot this weekend and i had a really awesome time. i dunno. we just have a really good time together. but doesn't every couple when they first start dating? so i hope it doesn't wear off...

neil and tino are here on their annual LA visit. fun fun times. i think we are going to roscoes tomorrow. i can't wait. i love going to roscoes with neil. probably because he loves it so much.

wee! i finally got my haircut last nite. got the guy that i like. who also happens to be the guy amanda went on a few dates with. haha he's nice enough. i can see how she would initially be attracted to him. i asked him the most random questions cuz i felt like it. then i went home and met alex at fedex. then we went to his office to retrieve his blackberry and i got to see where he works. i like my work environ better. that's all i have to say. his is so officey. mine is so factory and so awesome! haha he looked like a kid trying to look old with his fancy dress shirt, cordoroys, and marroon chucks. haha. so cute. i give him shit a lot for what he wears but sometimes he looks cute even if the clothes are just sort of a mishmash.

anyway, i look fwd to seeing him tonight. which is a great thing. i think i'm finally sorta getting into this whole thing. i mean it's gotta be a good sign when i am excited to see him. so that's cool. he's really awesome. fun and funny. creatively cute. sinfully silly. we have good times together indeed. i knew i could get past the attraction thing. people grow on me a lot. and he certainly did. now if only andrew would call me back so we could fucking talk. jesus. i need resolution here. and i won't get it just sitting twirling my thumbs. that's for damned sure. but i called andrew last nite and left him a voicemail so it's his turn to call me. i know marjiolijn is gone now so maybe he and i can meet up at some point and just talk. or maybe that's asking too much. but at least a call back. though if i tried repeatedly to contact him and he didn't ever give me the courtesy of a return call, i'd get really angry and say fuck it and just never see or speak to him again. i'd force myself in the other direction for the sake of my sanity. that would be really sad but true.

i finally have my phone back. woo! altho it was sorta nice having no means of communication other than my home phone. but it was annoying to try and go to alex's. like ridiculously annoying. but all is well now.

tonight i am FINALLY going to get my haircut. once and for fucking all. seriously. if my guy isn't there i'll just have anyone cut it. i don't care. it's so long and needs to a cut. and i can't go tomorrow because i'll be going to bliss for my leg waxing and then to jessica's. so no time. saturday is fashion thing and bonfire. so yea. no time!! so tonight it is.

next weekend is mel's bridal shower. can't wait. good times i hope. or boring times. bridal showers sound like they could be boring. i don't really know. i've never been to one. i can't wait for the wedding. that will be trippy. but fun. and sad. and exciting. all things at once. i hope i don't cry. i don't wanna be one of THOSE people who cries at weddings. but it's melly. i'm so happy for her. yet it's sad in a sense. we are all growing up damnit.

the week after next alex and i are going to san diego and rosarito. we wanted to go to joshua tree and stay at this hotel but it was booked that weekend for a wedding. so we'll go some other time. i really wanna stay at that hotel. it looks soo rad. anyway, alex has a friend who works at the SD zoo and said we could get a behind the scenes tour but i dunno if i can do it. i've only been to SD once and it was with andrew for vday. and my memories of that place are very vivid and i might get upset. i don't know. i really need to talk to andrew i've decided. i have to resolve my internal issues. i find myself thinking about him everyday and it makes me get sad. i miss his presence in my life. and i know that's how it is but i can't healthily date someone else while still thinking about my ex constantly. it's just not right. it's not fair to alex and not good for me.